Might be time for me to quit

[Jill]

I know what everyones first thought is upon reading the title. I'm not going to be able to quit and it's foolish for me to even try. I understand the reasoning and thinking behind it all, it's not something you just quit.

The thing is though, I have had little or no desire to dress for several weeks now. I have dressed a few times but always just feel like I'm going through the motions and even feeling kind of stupid about doing it. Reality seems to be in control and I just think, "I'm just a dude in a dress and I look stupid." Quitting is a long term goal of mine. I've seen a lot of people who have lost marriages, friends, jobs and love of family members because they insist on being loyal to their dressing because it's part of their identity. Those prices are a little to high for me to pay and I don't want to be that person, I don't want to face those things.

I really want to quit and I believe this is the ideal time to do it but there's only one thing standing in my way. Heaps and heaps of clothes that represent hundreds and hundreds of dollars. As much as I have struggled with money over the course of my life, I can't just throw all that money away. It would take me forever to sell it all. I'm just not ready to throw it all away. Any thoughts?

[Annaliese]

[QUOTE=

I really want to quit and I believe this is the ideal time to do it but there's only one thing standing in my way. Heaps and heaps of clothes that represent hundreds and hundreds of dollars. As much as I have struggled with money over the course of my life, I can't just throw all that money away. It would take me forever to sell it all. I'm just not ready to throw it all away. Any thoughts?[/QUOTE]

Jill just put it in a bag because it will come back.

Anna

[Andrea Nicole]

A few hundred isn't that much. And you'll never get even close to what you paid for them. So be realistic. Donate the clothes to a local charity. You will even get a tax credit amount.

Andi ...

[Jill]

Well, I say a few hundred but in reality I'm sure it has amounted to a few thousand, I just hate admitting to how much I have actually spent.

[Kieron Andrew]

just because you havent dressed in several weeks doesnt mean the urge wont return and believe me it will!.....for pete sake dont throw your clothes out cos the urge WILL return....it might not for weeks or months or maybe years but it will....you are a CD and that doesnt go away.....the fact you say you are not ready to throw the clothes away shows me that there is a nagging doubt there....put the clothes in storage

[hotbobbie]

Jill do not get rid of your clothes. I agree with the other girls here just put them away because you will need them later. We have all gone thru what you are going thru now so we do know where you are comming from. By the way you have a great pair of legs.

[marie354]

Over the years I've thrown out all my stuff, or purged, saying to myself... "I gotta stop this stuff" It never does a thing except cost me more money.
In a couple of days, or weeks, maybe even years, the "urge to dress" will be back and stronger than it was before.
I realize now that it is a part of who I am and nothing can change that.

Maybe it's just a phase that you are going through and it is the best thing for you. I can't speak for anyone but myself and my own experiences.

[SandyR]

A year and a half ago I got pulled over in Drag. Seems I matched the description of would be robber. Freaked me out! I threw everything away. Lasted almost a year, then it all came back. For me its about balance, I have only dressed twice this year, but both times have been awesome. So, go with the flow, put your cloths away for a bit and enjoy life!

SandyR

[Dee Model]

Another emphatic plea over here...please don't throw out you clothes! One day your femme self will hate your male self for doing it. Lock them away...rejoice in your new found freedeom etc.

For me thou, my femme self is freedom...I love being two people! Maybe your inner girl is just asleep or something, like sleeping beauty. As for 'just a dude in a dress'...when i go out as Dee I look better than most of the GGs out there! I feel and act the part. 'Babe in a dress' more like!

Hugs etc.:hugs:

[RobertaFermina]

In a word.....eBay!


Some businesses take your items and do all the work for you: photographing, listing, handling the transaction, and then pay you a portion of the auction price.

Begin by selling the clothes you are less attached to.

As you sell more and more, notice if your urge to dress remains low, or changes....

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Jill]

I have never really purged nor have I had a problem with purging in the past. I had a feeling that people would tell me to just pack them away but that's not quitting is it? I understand that the urge will return but I just feel that if I'm every going to actually quit, this is my best chance.

[Kieron Andrew]

but I just feel that if I'm every going to actually quit, this is my best chance.
its never gonna happen sorry.....being a CD is part of who you were born.....purging/quiting means the same thing

[Casey Morgan]

it's not something you just quit

No, but I believe it's something that some people can stop doing if they take it one day at a time. If you're looking to get rid of all your clothes quickly but still get some money for them, you might want to consider a consignment store. Here's one article (http://www.pioneerthinking.com/chconsignment1.html) about it, and I'm sure there's more info out there.

If quitting is right for you, you have my support.

[Bobbi Lynn]

My guess is you will want to dress again at some point. As others have said, a week a month a year whatever. If you are serious about getting rid of your clothes, what about the "Classifieds" on this form?

[Wendy me]

its never gonna happen sorry.....being a CD is part of who you were born.....purging/quiting means the same thing

very true you can't just quite it's never going to happen ...... once a cd always a cd...

[Kelsy]

Jill,

Kind of reminds me of another Eagles song "Hotel California" "You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave"
Just consider yourself a collector and store your collection untill you wish to admire it again!:D

Jennifer:happy:

[Angie G]

Jill just put the things away for now and if it comes back you will be all set :hugs:
Angie

[christiecd]

My two cents...

While I don't think this is something you "quit" (it's not like someday we decided "hmm... i think i should put on a dress") , I for one have gone major periods without any desire to dress so I can totally understand why someone doesn't feel the need to dress. I also know there are negative social connotations with crossdressing, so I can totally understand why you'd WANT to quit. But I think that if it is indeed part of you, it's bound to happen t hat you will want to dress again. Perhaps just keep a couple outfits around, and that way if you ever get the "urge" again, you have a couple of things to wear.

[Raychel]

I once that that I could quit. And after I got married I did for almost 15 years. then it came back with a vengence. I would recommend packing all your nice things up in a suitcase or something and storing them away for a while just to be sure that you are in a longer period of your life that you will not be dressing. It sure would be aweful to have to replace all thos enice things.

[Wenda]

I never considered myself a crossdresser when I was younger, I just liked trying on women's things. I didn't really "dress" for years. It came back like a dam bursting in 2004, for no apparent reason. Since then, it has gone from ebb to flow. In September, I started to feel less interested, then I had a negative exchange with a friend on this forum, and just became uninterested, repulsed almost, with some of my posts. I deleted my info here, and packed all but a very few items into suitcases, and stored them in the basement.
Although my GF was quite nervous in 2004 when I shared Wenda's emergence with her, she had come to regard her as a buddy, so, when I told her that Wenda was going away for a while, she was, i believe, genuinely sad to hear that. She still asks when Wenda is coming back.
I didn't check this forum for weeks. Then, one time I had a PM from a member asking about femme voice, from an old posting I had made. That opened the door a crack.
I have come back with increasing frequency over the past month, and have been wearing breast forms almost daily. I was inspired to change my avatar.
My advice, for what it is worth, don't make this a bigger deal than it has to be. If you aren't into it right now, no big thing. Pack your stuff away. If 6 months from now, or a year or even two, you don't feel the need to use those things, follow the advice given earlier. Post your things on eBay, take the cash, and invest it in something more pertinent for you at that time. All the best! Follow your heart. Wenda.

[NatalieGirl]

I have never really purged nor have I had a problem with purging in the past. I had a feeling that people would tell me to just pack them away but that's not quitting is it? I understand that the urge will return but I just feel that if I'm every going to actually quit, this is my best chance.

Jill, you may be able to quit. But that is unlikely that you will be able to do so without incurring much unhappiness.

The key to your problem is to find a way to incorporate crossdressing into your lifestyle without harming your main role on this earth as a man.

You can purge. Throw away your clothes or sell them. But you will be back.

Face it girl, you're one of us.

[sandyohio]

just put your thing away for a while if you still feel that way later send me all your dresse{what ever you do dont leave us,stay in touch}

[melissacd]

Jill,

The fact that you are posting this message and then following up with replies suggests that you have doubts about your conviction to quit. That is the real thing that you need to dig into. If you really want to quit you will just quit. Now I know that that is easier than I am making it sound, however, the truth of the matter is that you don't come to a cross dressing board and announce you are going to quit. Think about it.

I suggest that you pack your clothes away for now and start digging into why it is that you say you want to quit, what is the root cause of this feeling. While there are some CDs who do quit, I suspect that the data would show that most don't, even when it has high cost in terms of relationships. Cross dressing is a fundamental part of many cross dresser's operating fabric. That is a very tough thing to throw away. It is like cutting off an arm or a leg, it is a part of what defines who you are.

for much of my life I was very embarrassed and guilty about my dressing and yet it took a great toll on my health to deny it. What you resist persists. Then a couple of years back I started to dig deep into my soul to try and understand this and low and behold I found that not only was there nothing wrong with it, but in fact as I opened up to that part of me I found that it was a wonderful place. I now embrace that part of me and in spite of all of the earthly challenges that I have I would not give it up for anything.

Huggs
Melissa

[michellebesweet]

Jill,

You need to do what makes you happy, not what others think. If you come back to CDing, so be it, if not, that is fine also.

[Glenda58]

Jill if you want to quit there are 12 step programs that could be helpful. They work for some but you to go at least 4 times a week. Plus you need to get a counselor that works with CDers. And the desire to dress will come back. Thats when to need a mentor to help you get though it. And after a while you think you are not as bad as some of the others in the group because you only dress up once in awhile so you quit and start dressing all over again right where you left off. I know been there do that.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

From age 4 to 46 nobody knew I crossdressed. I didn't have a lot of access at home or in college. When I moved out on my own for 12 years, I had a collection, but still didn't pursue "everything" (Makeup, breastforms, jewelry). I believe "infrequent" dressing is common.

Only in the last few years, since my wife knows, have I had some time and access to really come to put the whole package together. This forum has allowed me to be more comfortable with myself, so I have let Kathleen come out more. That has been fun, but still self-stressing in many ways.

I've purged the few things I'd bought many times and have ALWAYS come to regret it. So my suggestion is to pack her away.

That is not to say you cannot "quit". To me that only means you won't act on your desires. You will have them. But if you choose not to dress, that can be done. Eventually, it will become something you think about, but just don't do anymore. If you do have a "relapse", don't kick yourself. When trying to quit a behavior, that is common. You just have to renew your commitment to try.

I wish the best for you.
Kathleen

[MJ]

you can't quit it's impossible. this is a part of you instilled from within the womb you are pre programed to do this , your dressing will come back with a vengeance believe me it will!..... just put everything away until you get the urge or the itch ,

[michelleliz]

Pack it up and put it away. Trust me you will need it again . This NEVER go's away

Michelle liz

[Alice Torn]

We are constantly changing, ever learning, complex beings. Maybe you are ready to go into a new phase in life, and without cding. Every person, is different. I went 4 months without dressing. I put the clothes, etc, into a big dufflebag. Not a bad idea, to store them away, so that whether you ever cd again or not, they are stored away.

[linnea]

I'm sure that most CDs have purged a few times; I've purged MANY times. Every time I've purged, I have thought that it was the right time to do it and that I would be done with crossdressing forever. I have always come back. I have struggled with the "waste of money" and the idea that time and energy also were wasted.
You may be done. It may be the right time. However, I would say that you should wait. Keep your clothes for awhile. As others have said, just because you haven't dressed for awhile, doesn't mean that you won't dress ever again. I've gone for months and even a couple of years at various times in my life. I've always been drawn back to crossdressing.
I know that it's hard to be sure that you're right, but you're obviously having doubts (I see that in your reluctance to dispose of your clothes). Let dressing go for the time being and don't worry about it being temporary or permanent, the right or the wrong time. It will work itself out.
Best wishes.

[Jill]

I really don't know how to be anything but honest, this thread is actually pulling up some fairly serious issues for me.

What people really need is support. Granted, some people have really given it to me and it is appreciated. But others have just told me that it is a part of me and that I can't ever give it up and so there's no point in trying. I want to be very straight forward about this. Just because some of you may feel that it is part of your identity and part of who you are does NOT mean that I feel the same way and it also does NOT mean that I should feel that way. Dressing for me is and always has been a source of pleasure to me, a thrill, a breaking of social molds and that's about it. I don't have a female alter-ego. I use a female name here because a) I want to preserve my anonymity and b) it's the thing to do, you know, "when in Rome." I do it and have always done it for pleasure.

A lot of people say, "if it feels good, do it" or "it's not hurting anyone." Well, frankly, I don't agree with that either. Dressing brings me pleasure but pleasure is not satisfaction. I am not willing to sacrifice love or a marriage or whatever in the name of what I find pleasurable. Someone sent me a private message and I will not give that persons name but they said it very well when they said "people are willing to give up a marriage for a pair of panties. What the hell is that?" I couldn't agree more, the thought of doing that very thing scares me to death. Love and relationships are what I find satisfying in life, not clothing. If I ever gave up satisfaction for pleasure, I will have truly become everything I hate. Because you know what? It does hurt people, just because we think it shouldn't hurt people, doesn't mean it doesn't. I work in the social services and I see the same blatant, selfish denial amongst those who struggle with addiction. "It's my life, I can do what I want." I'm sorry but that's a load of S&*t. I truly believe that our society is going down the moral sewer because people believe the right thing to do is to do whatever makes you happy as an individual. People just want to make themselves happy no matter the cost to other people. I refuse to be that person, I hate myself enough already I don't need to be that person. I've seen it time and time again, families endure horrific things with their loved ones but we can just say it's ok as long as we got our own individual gratification. That's not ok by me.

As a final note, I want to say that my happiness is not your happiness. If quitting will help me feel better about myself and ultimately help me be happy, I truly hope that people will support me in that. I know I've been a little harsh here, but this is how I honestly feel so if it offends you, sorry. I am torn in how I feel about this, I will admit it. I appreciate everyones thoughts on this even if I do disagree with you, it has helped me process things out in head a little better.

There I said it all! Can I get an Amen from the choir?!

(seriously though, thanks for putting up with me and hearing me out.)

[guruatbol]

Is just packing your stuff up like an alcoholic just putting that case of whiskey in the garage when he wants to quit?

I am an alcoholic and haven't had a drink in 21 years. I no longer even want it. I smell it and it does nothing for me. You will always be a crossdresser and the urge will come back how you deal with it is up to you. It has returned for me many times and I always give in and buy an outfit and then dress. Then I do it more and more and one day I look in the mirror and see a dude in a dress and stop. Then I purge all my things....Stupid isn't it? I need to be me and find myself and learn to live with my other self. If I ever stop I will have to do it like I did my alcohol....I stopped and took it one day at a time.

I really do not want to offend anyone, but I want you to understand that this is a very complex issue and you should think it through. You will need to be absolutely sure that this is what you want not only now, but later too.

All these other people are absolutely correct as am I, there is no seemingly right answer. The answer comes from your heart and is carried out by your brain with support from your spirit. You need balance in your life. And you are correct, Families are the most important thing there is.

I too am in the social work side of things and a former Law Enforcement official. I see what you speak of all the time. If you are interested in further discussion, you are free to email me and I will give you all my support. Heavens knows that I too need support, lots of it.

I hope this helps....I really hope that I articulated this correctly.

[Miss Petra]

Jill,

I dress because I enjoy it & when I don't it is bad for me physically, mentally, & spirtually. Saying that if you do not want to dress you maybe able to overcome the urge & temptation by going to a 12 step program like sex addicts anonymous.

Even though this may not be a sex addiction for you the principals of recovery is the same. I have just completed six months of sobriety of my addiction when I thought I could never stop. PM if you want the details.

If the desire is there you can stop. Regarding your clothing is this is something you really want to stop you should donate your clothes to a local charity D.I. in Utah comes to mind. Do not keep your clothes if you are going to stop. Keeping them is a sign that you are not ready to stop. Would a drug addict or alcoholic put his drug of choice in a suitcase just in case?

Good luck in anything you do.

This will not be an easy road by anymeans the desire & the urges will never go away. You will learn techniques to overcome these urges. One technique I have used is carry a picture of three things that are most important to me & I will lose those things if I continue my addictive behavior. Looking at this picture helps me rationalize the consequences before I act upon my urges.


Just my two cents.



Hugz,

Petra

[Miss Petra]

Is just packing your stuff up like an alcoholic just putting that case of whiskey in the garage when he wants to quit?

I am an alcoholic and haven't had a drink in 21 years. .

I couldnt agree more & congrats on 21 years.


Hugz


Petra

[Sheri 4242]

Only you know what is in your soul and spirit. I think your profile said you are 28?!!? If that's the case, maybe you need to evaluate where you've been before really considering where you are going. I mean, when did you first have the desire to wear any type of female clothing? With me, this desire dates back to my earliest of memories. When I was a mere child I used to play with a neighborhood gg and we'd exchange clothes. I'd put on her skirt and she'd put n my pants. I knew then that this was part of me, although I didn't know what it meant. In my 20's and 30's I hid my cd'ing in a major way -- and went through many purges. My first wife never knew -- but I know she would have been at great odds with it. When I met my second "wife-to-be" I decided I coldn't live a lie -- not with her and not with myself!!! So, I told her. Guess what? She was accepting and willing to learn about cd'ing. She was tolerant, then tolerance turned to encouragement as she learned that in reality many of the qualities she found attractive in me were directly related to my second self. That's the key and it begins within ourselves: if we are truly a cd, we have to learn to accept our personal dichotomy.

ONLY you can define what you are. If you are a cd, then the purges and guilt are natural at your age. I would encourage you to seek balance in your life as yo seek inner happiness and inner peace. IF you are a cd, it will come as you explore your past feelings and as you educate yourself as to what you are. Hope this helps.

[Marianna Julianna]

Jill, as many have said chances are it won't have gone away for good. (I would not discount the possibility, I never discount any possibility, but the probability is the feeling will come back) I've been where you are, my desire to dress went away for years, with the odd flash back but no chance of doing anything about it. Then came back, then I got so unwell I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to, then I started to get better and since then it's been here stronger than ever. My advice, put everything away (unless there's something you really never liked) forget the money, it'll cost you more when it all comes back if you have to start again. Just hope you don't grow out of everything, like I did.

[Casey Morgan]

As a final note, I want to say that my happiness is not your happiness. If quitting will help me feel better about myself and ultimately help me be happy, I truly hope that people will support me in that. I know I've been a little harsh here, but this is how I honestly feel so if it offends you, sorry. I am torn in how I feel about this, I will admit it. I appreciate everyones thoughts on this even if I do disagree with you, it has helped me process things out in head a little better.

There I said it all! Can I get an Amen from the choir?!

AMEN!! (said the Atheist) :clap: :clap:

You have to do the right thing for YOU to do in YOUR situation. (Semantically that sounds like the selfish outlook you were talking about but it's not the same thing at all.) It sounds like you know what the right thing is. Give 'em h--- Jill. (Not the people but the... um... oh heck, you know what I mean.)

[Robin Leigh]

That's the key and it begins within ourselves: if we are truly a cd, we have to learn to accept our personal dichotomy.

ONLY you can define what you are. Very beautifully put, Barbara. :happy:

Every CDer is different, but we were all born with some kind of gender variation. I suppose that it is possible to deal with that without dressing up. But it will never go away, and dressing is much healthier than repressing. I do speak from experience...

Only a few months ago a member here (also from Utah) related their tale of trying to control their urges. They struggled successfully for some time, until one day they found themselves doing things that they later found extremely embarrassing.

To Jill, and anyone else who does want to stop, please seek competent qualified counselling & support. Don't try to go it alone.

:hugs:

Robin

[Charleen]

Hi girlfriend, I stayed in the closet for my 30 years of marriage as she was the dearest and best thing that ever happened to me, and I did not want to jeopardize that. Dressed when I could, felt guilty alot(not knowing why I HAD to dress), purged alot, regreted that alot, fell into depressions et al. Do I regret hiding? No! In any relationship there are compromises and sacrifices that have to be made. Hiding was my sacrifice. I loved that woman 'till the day she died! She was more important to me than anything else in this world and I tried to not hurt her in any way, and if that meant hiding Lily, so be it.
Truth be told, I went through hell but for the reason that I cound not understand my compulsion to CD. I didn't find this site until after she passed, so you're ahead there.
I am a CDer. Always will be. I learned that through my own experience. From what the other girls have written that seems to be true for all of us. I have not only accepted that, but embrace it now. If I knew then what I know now, would it have changed my feelings when my wife was alive? I can't say. I only know that doing what I did did not hurt her, and that was the most important thing.
Good luck dear, no matter what you decide. We're here for you.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Michelle 51]

Make sure you can quit first.I think we all wish you the best but it would be a shame if you threw them out only to want them back in several month's.Put them away and wait awhile. Justabit

[JulieC]

I know what everyones first thought is upon reading the title. I'm not going to be able to quit and it's foolish for me to even try. I understand the reasoning and thinking behind it all, it's not something you just quit.

The thing is though, I have had little or no desire to dress for several weeks now. I have dressed a few times but always just feel like I'm going through the motions and even feeling kind of stupid about doing it. Reality seems to be in control and I just think, "I'm just a dude in a dress and I look stupid." Quitting is a long term goal of mine. I've seen a lot of people who have lost marriages, friends, jobs and love of family members because they insist on being loyal to their dressing because it's part of their identity. Those prices are a little to high for me to pay and I don't want to be that person, I don't want to face those things.

I really want to quit and I believe this is the ideal time to do it but there's only one thing standing in my way. Heaps and heaps of clothes that represent hundreds and hundreds of dollars. As much as I have struggled with money over the course of my life, I can't just throw all that money away. It would take me forever to sell it all. I'm just not ready to throw it all away. Any thoughts?

Short on time, too short to read all of what is above, but wanted to respond to this. Lost the desire for a few weeks and think it's a good time to quit?

Uh, wow.

A few weeks is nothing. We've got a new recent thread by Samantha who hadn't dressed in near 10 months, and it came back with a vengeance. Don't go throwing things out. Bag it up, stick it somewhere, make sure it's in a cool dry place, and leave it. Eventually, some time, some day, you'll go running madly to that place and swear you were completely stupid for ever stopping.

It's the way it goes. You're not alone. I think we've *all* done this at one point or another.

[Alice Torn]

Jill, I am in a church, which I believe is part of the true church of God, and agree with the whole Bible, BUT, it does condemn ann sex outside of marriage, and homosexuality, and cding. They don't condemn the sinner, but the sins. So, I have only told one widow, that I had cd'ed. I also, wish, I had never , ever had an urge to put on my sisters, and mom's clothes decades ago. I also would like to stop, for good, and I went 4 months abstainant, recently. What you say, about the "me fist, what feels good to me, is what matters" attitude, I also believe is destroying western society. I have never had a sexual relationship, and marriage, and at 52, Lucille, seems to be my LADY". How, I would love to date, and marry, a beautiful inside, and out lady, but have been denied, and dressing up, has filled that bois some, BUT, like you, I would rather not have an addiction, which isolates, as all do.