Caught (well almost)...

[CDLauraNJ]

My wife has known about my crossdressing since before we were married. She does not accept and I would say that she's been in a state of denial since the day I told her (over five years ago). I have a closet with my femme clothes and often wear panties and a chemise to bed under my boxers and t-shirt. I even wear a bra under my clothes after I get home from work. Every now and then my dressing gets to the point where it causes a fight, but eventually we have a dialog afterwards which is usually productive. During the last such dialog I told her that although she doesn't accept, I still need to express myself. We agreed that I could dress when I knew she would be away and that she would call when she is coming home. Well, guess who forgot to call? She caught me totally off guard. Luckily, I was upstairs and cracked the door and asked her to go out side for a few minutes. She asked me why and I told her that I had to change. When she asked me "Change into what?". I told her that I had to change into my regular clothes. I think that is when she realized what was going on and was upset afterwards. I got mad too since I felt like I was playing by the rules. Sooner or later she has to see me dressed. She doesn't think that's such a great idea and says that she may not ever feel the same about me. I've tried not to shove my dressing in her face (well, at least not too much). Anyway, sorry for the rant. I wonder if any of you go through similar situations?

Laura

[Maureen]

I think you're walking through a mine field here. Your wife appears to have made it very clear to you that she does not wish to see you dressed. She has told you that it may change the way she feels about you, yet you appear to ( in my opinion ) push the limits of what she can tolerate. With her feelings being what they are, I doubt that she intentionally failed to call in order to catch you. If you love your wife, you need to reign in the behavior that she objects to. Probably not what you want to hear...

[Eugenie]

Hi Laura,

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you... :o

My wife has known just right after we got married but never approved that I wear women underwear and clothes. Next November we will have been maried 38 years... And unfortunately, there has been only very little progress in her acceptance of my X-dressing. She still doesnt approve of it.

However, in all fairness, she lets me have my own wardrobe for my "femme" stuff, and she knows that I meet X-dresser sisters occasionaly. The rule being that I shoudn't let my wife see me "en femme" and not go out "en femme" in my region.

We've been through several cises over that subject, the most severe one just a few weeks ago. But it had a positive effect, now my wife accepts that we talk about the subject of X-dressing without getting mad about it...

But she still dyslikes it even though she understands very well that I can't change myself.

I hope for you that you will find a balanced equilibrium between her feelings and your needs... You are still very young... So there are many years ahead of you... I sincerely hope that they will be more enjoyable than mine...
:hugs:
Eugenie

[CDLauraNJ]

Maureen,

I agree with your assessment. I often feel that my lack of impulse control often gets in the way of common sense. With that being said, there will be times when I need to express myself. I know that my wife doesn't want to be a part of my crossdressing so I always feel like I'm being dishonest or keeping things from her. I'm hoping that someday we can reach a happy medium.

[heelme]

Maybe there is still some definition needed for your arrangement. You both agreed that when you knew she would be away, you could dress, but maybe she is not thinking that going out certain times means the same as you think it does. I think the arrangement could work between you for the time being but you both should take a moment and agree on what "away" means. Best of luck!

[CDLauraNJ]

By the way, I know that she definately doesn't want to "catch me".

[CDLauraNJ]

She is taking classes at night now and that's what "away" meant. She would usually call when leaving in case I was dressed. I think she just forgot since she has been under a lot of stress lately (work and other unrelated family issues)

[Eugenie]

She is taking classes at night now and that's what "away" meant. She would usually call when leaving in case I was dressed. I think she just forgot since she has been under a lot of stress lately (work and other unrelated family issues)

Laura,

Your post here reminds me that in my first answer I forgot to say that my wife accepts that I dress when she is away. And that means that I can dress "en femme" only when she is really away for a few days. I wouldn't risk dressing when she is only going out for the evening. I'm very lucky that she does go away for business trips quite often. But I'm also glad when she comes back home... However when she's home for too long I find it hard not to be able to dress... :o

My wife also accepts that I get dressed when I am away ( I hinted that in my previous answer but was not clear enough). Since I also travel a lot, I get many opportunities to dress "en femme".

One important thing is that you should try to discuss the matter with your wife and establish as clear as possible rules... My wife untill a few wekks ago didn't want to talk about that subject. I knew that she knew, I didn't speak about it in order to avoid hurting her feelings. That wasn't a good thing. It ended up in a severe crisis...

I came to realise that eventhough she didn't want to have anything to do with my X-dressing she knew a lot more than I thought she knew and that it really did hurt her feelings.

Fortunately that crisis got us to speak more clearly about each other's feelings and we have come to a better balance and clear understanding of the limits.

I hope things will work smoother for you than they did for me...
:hugs:
Eugenie