Counselling for wives and SO's

[CandyDarling]

I read today a fabulous paper - the only one of its kind I think - listing the few studies done on "Wives of crossdressers" and their emotional responses and needs. It was facsinationg and important I think.

I am concerned for my own wife that this revelation is beeing kept inside but - I dare not push at all. Too soon too new. I love her so much.

here's a link to this article

http://www.helen-hill.com/pdf/xdress/counselingpartners.pdf

[JoAnnDallas]

I only read a little bit of it, but did save it for later study. What I did read was very well written and very imformitive. A must read even by the CDer.

[marie354]

I only skimmed through it, but thankfully it was in pdf format so it easy to save a copy. It will take me a while to read it all as it's 11 pages long.

[Marcie Sexton]

The article is well written, with lots of studies cited. In addition is the wife/S.O. bill of rights. That in and of its self is good, they should know even if they don't accept it, however I think there is one thing missing...The CD's bill of rights. :2c:

I am lucky, my wife knows and accepts Marcie and we have shared, learned, and grown by leaps and bounds since we now know the "real" person we are married to. :hugs:

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I found the article to be fairly typical sighting older studies and cursory examples of current internet sites.

But, the thing that struck me most was the near the end:

"A final suggestion based on my own practice is that these women (who recently found out about their husbands) should probably not be asked to visit support groups to meet other women who are married to cross-dressers until they are near the end of treatment. Attendance at these groups is often biased in favour of women who are realtively accepting of the behaviour. A woman who is early in the process of adjustment may find that this kind of exposure only makes matters worse by emphasizing the long distance she has to go, and setting an outcome standard that may be very different from what she desires or sees as possible for herself or for her marriage."

True or not, I'm not sure, but I like the concern for the SO and not every one is going to have or want the same result in learning about a cross-dressing spouse.

Kathleen

[Jasmine Ellis]

theres a lot to read and very much for [food for thought ]

[amanda barber]

1: "we have the right to know about our husbands crossdressing."
Yes definatly

2: "we have the right to open and honest comunication with our husbands."
Yes definatly

3: "we have the right not to be pushed to "accept" things before we have had time to learn about them and get comfortable with them."
Here it is starting to go downhill. Read fast and its not about your comfort level. Sorry, you can't drag your feet learning until you are comfortable.

4: "We have a right to our husbands as men, the men we married".
Um, no.

5: "We have a right to our husbands masculine bodies."
This is so far out of line its hard to even start. You have "rights" to anothers human beings body?

6: "we have the right to support groups for ourselves that support our own well being."
Nothing wrong with that

7: "we have the right to support groups for our husbannds that encourage their feminine development without denigrating healthy masculinity."
Define denigrating, define healthy and their had better be lisenced mental health professionals and or councelors making those definitions.

8: "we have the right to not be mocked and demeaned by sexually explicit or otherwise offencive conversation, dress and behaviour at group meetings."
Absolutly, until any feminine clothing is deamed offencive, then its a issue.

9: "we have the right to not be pressured to attend group gathering at public places, nightclubs or other places that pose security risks."
The fact is that you have the right not to pressured to attend public gatherings without the additional modifiers.

10: #10 shouldn't even be needed. don't be a sneak theif.

11: "we have the right to our own personal time to get in touch with our own feminity, personal growth and persue creative projects."
Yup.

12: "we have the right to expect local, regional and national gender orginizations and conventions to fully support and promote these rights
in their programs and policies."
Um, no. Not until they are reexamined and rewritten.

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Amanda,

I haven't looked at the article yet; I'm just responding to these quotes.


4: "We have a right to our husbands as men, the men we married".
Um, no.In general I agree with you, but in the context of wives who found out about their husband being a CDer after they were already married, I have to disagree. If a man misrepresents his masculinity before marriage, then his wife is entitled to some form of compensation, IMHO. Nobody deserves to be deceived by a "bait & switch".


5: "We have a right to our husbands masculine bodies."
This is so far out of line its hard to even start. You have "rights" to anothers human beings body?
Agreed. Whatever happened to mutual consent?

Robin