Forum can be depressing

[Roxi Loh]

I have been reading several threads and I must say the outlook is bleak for us girls. We are all purging and splitting and divorcing all because we feel a bit femme at times. I think we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are. Collectively we probably represent the brain trust of a major company. We need to act like the winners that we are.

[michelleupnorth]

HEAR, HEAR, I second that motion.

[Wenda]

Valid point, but I have been on this forum for a couple of years, and the tone of the posts seems to have an ebb and flow. I do believe that there is a relationship beteen dressing and depression, so, alothough I support your point on the benefits of focussing on the positive, I also believe that it is important for us to have a place to share our 'down' thoughts and feelings. This site can offer a safe harbour in a storm. w.

[Trisha]

very true as long as thay stop with pantys this and pantys that :D

[marie354]

Life has it's ups & downs. It's always been that way and it will always be that way. I just deal with it as it comes. Turn lemons into lemonaid.

I've been truely inspired by almost everything that I've read here in the past few months. I guess it's all how you look at things. I'm a pretty optimistic person most of the time and feel good about myself.
Now, like everyone else, there are down times. Right now it's raining very hard outside and I don't particuly like it, but I deal with it. It's part of life.

Read my signature line. Great words from a great man.

[KatrinaAshley]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.

[noname]

I think we are dealing with two seperate issues. To begin, I believe you are correct in that we have many talented people here, and we do need to start being more positive. I know I'm guilty of feeling angery and sorry for myself at the condition of society.

We are also dealing with support. I think this board is great support for those who need it. Unfortunately, SO's are not always accepting and sometimes leave. I believe this forum provides great support from understanding people, many of whom have gone through the same thing.

I believe the key is not be negative, and I know it's someting I've been working on and will continue to work on. What I would really like to see is a list of resouces that can allow one to work in the community on raising awareness of the right to gender expression. It's much much easier to remain positive when you can put that negative energy into action.

[Robin Leigh]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.I don't think you are right, Katrina. How is it a woman's fault if she didn't know her husband was a CDer before marriage?

Sure, there are some SOs that did learn about it before marriage who went ahead & got married anyway, even though they weren't comfortable with the CDing. Some of those did become more comfortable with it over time. Others thought they could change their husbands, or that CDing was a phase he'd grow out of. As if.

:hugs:

Robin

[michelleupnorth]

I think that what Roxy is getting at is Quote (we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are. Collectively we probably represent the brain trust of a major company. We need to act like the winners that we are.)
The fact that we purge and divorce is because we feel that society frowns on us so we keep it a secret and hidden. A marrige is built on trust and honesty and only when people start being totally honest with the person that they want to spend their lives with will the issues of divorcing because someone enjoys dressing in womens clothes be a non issue.

What Roxy is saying is let us celebrate who we are as people and individuals

[Melanie]

Hi Sisters,
gosh it's been months since I was last here.I agree with most of you above,some of us take ourselves much too seriously.Even I have started to lighten up,lol even though I'm far from satisfied with my appearance(like I used to be).At the end of the day I do realize that we are men in dresses and skirts,etc and so am trying not to be too perfectionist or overtly concerned with my vanity.At least I've been told my eyes looks really pretty when I'm made up,lol.

And I've been in about 5 relationships that knew about my CDing.Each woman was fine or at least open to it for a few years,except at the end of the relationship when some threw it back at me.Once they say the 'fag' word,it is over so get ready to move on sisters.

Good Luck and hugs to you all,

Melanie xo :hugs:

[Amiad]

I have been reading several threads and I must say the outlook is bleak for us girls. We are all purging and splitting and divorcing all because we feel a bit femme at times. I think we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are. Collectively we probably represent the brain trust of a major company. We need to act like the winners that we are.

What a thought! The cross section and diversity represented here would make for a GREAT corporation. What better employers and employees could we be when we have no secrets and no shame but yet all with a common bond! We need to collectively find a financeer for this endeavor. I'll sign on..

Amiad:thumbsup:

[sandra-leigh]

I do believe that there is a relationship beteen dressing and depression

Possibly literally so. My doctor tells me that there is a continuim between of health problems that includes panic disorders, some kinds of agoraphobia, depression, all the way to some kinds of schizophrenia, and including several obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD) -- all from causes so closely related that the differences are better viewed as matters of degree. I fit somewhere on that continuim. I've never noticed any obsessive-compulsive behaviour in myself, but possibly dressing impulses are related to that. (My dressing doesn't seem compulsive to me... though I might feel differently if I had to get rid of my panties!)

[sandra-leigh]

What a thought! The cross section and diversity represented here would make for a GREAT corporation.

Yeah, but what product or service??

I worry, though, that we'd get bogged down in arguments about how... skimpy... we were allowed on "Casual Friday". :(

[michelleupnorth]

What a thought! The cross section and diversity represented here would make for a GREAT corporation. What better employers and employees could we be when we have no secrets and no shame but yet all with a common bond! We need to collectively find a financeer for this endeavor. I'll sign on..

Amiad:thumbsup:

I'm game for it as well. just think of the block buster movie to follow our story!

[Lisa Golightly]

I remember a phrase used by a fellow businessman once that carrying a certain person within his company was akin to 'carrying a dead wildebeest on your shoulders through a desert'. I'm often struck by how so many of my kin try to live someone else's life and view being trans as a beast of burden... Me, I buried the wildebeest years ago.

[Satrana]

The depressing thing for me about cd forums is the underlying assumption that crossdressing is a negative thing, a bad thing, a thing to be ashamed of, a thing to be contolled and kept in check etc. I don't believe any of the above, society's view about us is just plain wrong and they are at fault, not us. So yes, it would be great if we could all celebrate who we are and value our gift for delighting and experiencing both genders.

If you approach this subject in a positive light then many so-called problems melt away. They are only problems because we listen to the prejudices of society. We have the right to our own dignity and respect. Others need to listen to our needs and not always us having to accommodate them all the time. The key is self-esteem. Society will not accept us until we take what is rightfully ours. This is the fight that all minority groups have to take on, to make their voices heard and to be granted equal staus in society. And through our actions society will learn a thing or two and be better for it.

Sound the bugle!

[Kate Simmons]

Satrana has a good point. I, personally, have learned to take it all with a grain of salt. Also, as Melanie has said, one of the keys is to not take ourselves that seriously and just enjoy the "ride". I learned that a while back and am much better for it. My personal "evolution" seems to be proceeding in any case. I've realized I have so much more to offer to society and life in general by virtue of being who I am and have a different perspective.
As anything else, the "key" seems to be being able to turn any perceived "disadvantage" into an advantage and having a positive outlook. It seems to be working for me anyway.:happy:

[Marianna Julianna]

You see, not all doom and gloom. I have always stressed to my wife that being a t girl is what makes me who I am, without it I would be a very different person and not the one she fell in love with and who she says she loves more everyday, despite all (by which I mean not the TG in me but the fact that I still find it hard to talk about to her).

[noname]

We have the right to our own dignity and respect. Others need to listen to our needs and not always us having to accommodate them all the time. The key is self-esteem. Society will not accept us until we take what is rightfully ours. This is the fight that all minority groups have to take on, to make their voices heard and to be granted equal staus in society. And through our actions society will learn a thing or two and be better for it.

Sound the bugle!

Good points. If I'm reading this correct, it means we need to be who we are. ( though not nessarly in people faces ) We need to hold our head high, keep our chin up. Because really, if we can't respect ourselves, how can we expect others to?

[Kristen Kelly]

I remember a phrase used by a fellow businessman once that carrying a certain person within his company was akin to 'carrying a dead wildebeest on your shoulders through a desert'. I'm often struck by how so many of my kin try to live someone else's life and view being trans as a beast of burden... Me, I buried the wildebeest years ago.

Lisa you hit on the true difference in the outlook of most of us, until I accepted just who I am and that is not going to change, my life was filled with my "own" termoil. Now I have told my GF and a few friends, made a very close friend of the girl I hang with. My only problem now is I want to shout it out accept me for me.

[Sandra]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.


Why mostly the SO's fault???????

[loki_uk]

I do believe that there is a relationship beteen dressing and depression, so, alothough I support your point on the benefits of focussing on the positive, I also believe that it is important for us to have a place to share our 'down' thoughts and feelings. This site can offer a safe harbour in a storm. w.

I never thought of the correlation between dressing and depression till I got the chance to dress more often and go out

I suffer depression rarely now and it's more controllable when it happens and I don't get quite the same mood swings so I think dressing can have a positive effect if you can do it in the right circumstances

[Karren H]

Heyy!!!!!! Your' not reading my thread's then, Roxi!!! hehehe Except for large delemas like whether to wear slacks or not.....

I was thinking of divorcing fem jeans once!!! hehehe

And I'd purge all the fem jeans I have except I don't have any.... lol

Love Karren

[MJ]

I have been reading several threads and I must say the outlook is bleak for us girls. We are all purging and splitting and divorcing all because we feel a bit femme at times. I think we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are. Collectively we probably represent the brain trust of a major company. We need to act like the winners that we are.

Roxi
i agree with you, i think i am a smart happy go lucky type of girl, i think i am attractive i pass somewhat , and i have my moments, up's and Downs but i feel happy about myself . and intelligent i have a meeting with my pastor today he wants to setup streaming video so church services can been see on everyones computer around the world. and he wants me to make it so...


very true as long as thay stop with pantys this and pantys that :D
Trisha
many here love pantys " it's there thing " any how you are not fully dresses without pantys , going commando is out so pantys are a must


Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.

KatrinaAshley
why blame the SO's, think about this some have known all there lives and when they get the nerve to tell there other half, we expect full and total acceptance. and they just found out there Knight in shining Armour wears girly things ... why don't you just hit her with a 2 by 4 right between the eyes
with all the SO's here why can't they write a column on how to tell for dummies

[Carroll]

Well, for me, I am almost as happy as a clam. My wife could careless if I go out dressed (I'm a bit chicken at this time). Both kids (5y girl and 8y boy) know about the dressing and dont seen phased by it(ok, the girl sometimes tells me not to dress, in which I do comply). My medical issue with my family jewels is improving. I'm still employed and get to work with the bras and panties at times. And the prozac is used due to cronic depression I have had for years.

[Teresa Amina]

Life is tough enough for those "normal" people. Take all their problems and add in a long hidden, suddenly revealed, cd/tg/whatever and some lives implode. Depressing? How could it not be? But here all can talk about it, give council and support where possible, and in general be here for each other. Most postings seem positive in spite of this underlying current, and sometimes they're just silly :D

[Karren H]

No Jeans! You Fashion Snob!

Well someone has to keep femininity alive!!! Else we all drown in a sea of rough blue cloth!!! Yoni yoni yoni!!

Hey Emily Ann!! Can't believe I just said that!! Hehe

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

Hey Karren, What's wrong with denim? It's the lifeblood for tomboys like me and of course my GG friends. Still, I do like dressing up once in a while. Gives everyone else a thrill, ya know.;) :heehee:

[Marcie Sexton]

Leave it to our resident fashion guru to lighten the mood...

Some really legit questions, and serious matters to think over, but when the final toll is taken it all ends up in each indivisuals lap...sure we can discuss and fuss over it and there are simularties in every case, but it is something that has to be dealt with by each couple in their own way not matter the out come...or price willing to be paid...

[Karren H]

Hey Karren, What's wrong with denim? It's the lifeblood for tomboys like me and of course my GG friends. Still, I do like dressing up once in a while. Gives everyone else a thrill, ya know.;) :heehee:

Talk like that will get you kicked out of the club!!! Its in the rule book... Chaper 3, Paragraph 2... under blasphemy with a crossreference to sacreligeous....... You don't even want to know what the punishment is for that!! Hehe

:D

Karren

[Alice B]

While I am new to CDing and new to the forum I can't help but look at things as positive. Sure we all get lemons at times, but that is a basic part of life. You can't have highs without lows. Otherwise there is nothing to compair the highs to and they would have no meaning. This forum is a very positive approach to a difficult subject and for me has been a godsend in understanding myself and presenting myself and my feelings to my wife.For example, making me see and understand the compulsive/obsessive nature I think we all share and dealing with it.

For some there will not be acceptance by others, but there are usually other underlying reasons that may be the real issue. The admission of CDing, or lack of it only provides an excuse for those who do not understand, or are not willing to try. This forum will not remove the negative individuals thoughts on the subject, but that is not the forums goal, in my opinion. The forum does allow us to express our feeling:hugs: s, wants and needs in a free and open manner, without worry of unacceptance or ridicule. A very positive thing at a time when the world as a whole is expressing a lot of negative vibes. When things seem bad and are negative, just hang in there. Things will get better and there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm.

[EmmaB GG]

From MJ - "why blame the SO's, think about this some have known all there lives and when they get the nerve to tell there other half, we expect full and total acceptance. and they just found out there Knight in shining Armour wears girly things ... why don't you just hit her with a 2 by 4 right between the eyes
with all the SO's here why can't they write a column on how to tell for dummies"


A bit unfair - some of us SO's are trying to understand/empathise/support/get on with an everyday life etc a huge amount. Unfortunately some get it thrown right back in their faces, which is demoralising and demeaning. Maybe we're not doing it right, but it takes two to tango and and it can be either party that gets the steps wrong! Or, indeed, both.

And everyone is different, so we should write a column?!? Nice simplistic idea, but what works for me might well not work for others. That's life, I'm afraid, we all have to deal with the rough and the smooth!

[Tree GG]

I don't think you are right, Katrina. How is it a woman's fault if she didn't know her husband was a CDer before marriage?
Robin

Thank you! :hugs:


...some of us take ourselves much too seriously....At the end of the day I do realize that we are men in dresses and skirts,etc and so am trying not to be too perfectionist or overtly concerned with my vanity...


:iagree:


... society's view about us is just plain wrong and they are at fault, not us. So yes, it would be great if we could all celebrate who we are and value our gift for delighting and experiencing both genders.



"Everyone is crazy, except me" attitude? :eek: IMO you can celebrate, enjoy and express your gender duality without being so judgemental of those that have no experience or education of the subject.

Roxy has a valid point. There are individuals here with some really serious, heart-breaking situations. But CDers are no more exempt from life's catastrophes as any other segment of the population.

I must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque on that road to Eden. :D

[Tamara Croft]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.NO, you are NOT right... and this statement is unbelievable. Why you would think that is just share ignorance. How the hell can it be the SO's fault, it's not us that's transgendered IS IT..... it's not our fault that some of us CAN'T ACCEPT IT... grrrrr...... what a lame assed thing to say :loser:

[Di]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.

I take it you are single......well I hope so after reading the above...how lovely.

[Kate Simmons]

Talk like that will get you kicked out of the club!!! Its in the rule book... Chaper 3, Paragraph 2... under blasphemy with a crossreference to sacreligeous....... You don't even want to know what the punishment is for that!! Hehe

:D

KarrenYeah, Almost as bad as breaking a chain E-Mail right? Bad luck for 66 years and being burnt in oil. That's okay Dear. A hot steak is better than a cold chop. Where is that lighter anyway?:heehee: Anyway, I don't find things depressing but rather re-assuring. Where else can I find honest people who will tell me what is in their thoughts and heart? Not in church, I fear and no where else but here.:thumbsup:

[Daintre]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.

I cannot believe this statement....What a load of hooey. To have the gaul to blame others for your own situation. How easy it is to blame others...oh poor me.... Stand up and take ownership of the way you are.

There are many GGs and SOs who are not able to accept cross dressing, to them they wanted a man and there is no compromise. Yet there are others who have bent over backward Trying to accept the dressing and Trying to get a handle on the whole thing.

I commend the GGs who have had the tolerance and wisdom to find their way here, to see them slammed is upsetting.

[mylitta]

Thank you Jenni. To be honest, when I first saw this post, I thought it Katrina was being sarcatic/ tongue in cheek. Oh well...glad some appreciate us.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If you think of ot as depressing than it will become that for you, as for me and my "sisters" we shall go forward with a positive outlook and a smile on our made up faces. Who hear thinks it's any fault of our SO's?

[Jenny Beth]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.



I can't believe you had the nerve to post such a lame ass excuse... shame on you...:Angry3:

My guess is you're single, if not you soon will be.

[Tiffany Tuesday]

Meanwhile back to ...


I think we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are.

... without men who like to be women life would be desperately dull. We are the pert nipple on the breast of existence :)

[EmmaB GG]

Be careful what you say Tiffany, there's another name for a "pert nipple"!!!

[Deborah]

Well someone has to keep femininity alive!!! Else we all drown in a sea of rough blue cloth!!!

Love Karren

As long as they're jean skirts. :)

[Ellie C]

no , the prob is we can get very selfish and shut out the ppl we love , the best thin to do is talk to SO , or partner about how you both feel , it cant be easy for a partner to take all of c/d on , so please talk :)

[Alice Torn]

The "Death of the Skirt", continues. I was out, and about, for the past week and a half. and, other than at church, and even there, lots of pants on ladies, I did not notice one gg, in a dress, or skirt, in phblic, for 9 DAYS!!!!!!!! WE better keep wearing those dresses, and skirts, or they may go obsolete! This is a unique place, for all types of cders, including those wanting to stop, to tell, and listen. Saves money, on counselling!

[amanda barber]

KatrinaAshley is taking quite a beating on this but think about it.
Transgenderism isn't a "fault" don't judge the person, because they are something that they had no choice in. Judge the person that has a choice of how to react to that person and chooses to be not accepting.

[Sandra]

KatrinaAshley is taking quite a beating on this but think about it.
Transgenderism isn't a "fault" don't judge the person, because they are something that they had no choice in. Judge the person that has a choice of how to react to that person and chooses to be not accepting.

I don't think anyone is saying that Tgism is a fault, but just because someone has the choice doesn't mean they have to be accpeting. Yes it would great if all SO's but it's not their fault if they don't.

[Sierra Evon]

thank you !!!!!, you are soo right on !!!!, very well put !!!!!!!!, accentuate the positive , tottaly !!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

[amanda barber]

I don't think anyone is saying that Tgism is a fault, but just because someone has the choice doesn't mean they have to be accpeting. Yes it would great if all SO's but it's not their fault if they don't.

It is their fault if they choose not to accept, but your right they can't be forced, they don't have to be accepting. Thats where KatrinaAshley's second comment comes in, "comfortably cutting them out of the picture"
Simple adult parting of the ways, the consequences of choosing to not
accept, without drama and a long hard fought hatefull divorce.

[Tiffany Tuesday]

Be careful what you say Tiffany, there's another name for a "pert nipple"!!!


Hi Emma,

i'm intrigued now. Do you mean mastitis? Corks? Or is it another more private pink part?

Okay soo ... i need a new slogan to make those hard of happying, smile ...
we should be happy we want to be girls because ... we have better legs and tighter buns :heehee:

love x

[AngGG]

Hi Emma,
we should be happy we want to be girls because ... we have better legs and tighter buns :heehee:

love x


Did you really have the cahounahs to just say that? Holy crap where is that couch cause the doo doo is probably gonna fly:hiding:

I could say more but I would not want to offend some of the really NICE gurls that are here.

[Satrana]

"Everyone is crazy, except me" attitude? :eek: IMO you can celebrate, enjoy and express your gender duality without being so judgemental of those that have no experience or education of the subject.


Tree

Like any group who faces discrimination, we can look at ourselves and wonder what all the fuss is about. Would you call a black person crazy for concluding that the color of his skin is not his problem, it the the racist attitudes of others that is the problem.

I realise little progress will be made on this issue until society at large recognizes transgenderism is not the fault of the person and that transphobia is essentially sexism and not something which should be defended or accommodated. This may sound idealist but I believe it is the goal the crossdressing community should be aiming for.

I am very much aware of the strength, love and resolve an SO must exhibit to fully back her crossdressing partner and so fly in the face of society. I commend those who do, as they expose themselves to the same discrimination and ridicule as crossdressers. I thank my wife for standing beside me. Her understanding and acceptance gives me the strength to fight for our rights and dignity.:hugs:

[Sejd]

Dear Roxi, this is not a religion you are watching. We are all different and all have their own stuff to deal with. I am very pleased that there is not a common denominator that we all have to follow. Everyone here is different and have right to fall appart, getting divorced, doing what ever we want to do. Please, let us not fall into some moralizing club with a bunch of "yes" sayers who don't have the slightest idea of who they are. Falling appart is OK and breaking new ground is a healthy undertaking.
hugs
Sejd

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

sorry but its laughable !! easy to blame the SO's isnt it eh ?? :rolleyes: wonder if that was my ex husbands excuse whilst he was beating me up eh ???? sorry no m ore to say or il get banned !! :mad:

[Tiffany Tuesday]

Did you really have the cahounahs to just say that? Holy crap where is that couch cause the doo doo is probably gonna fly:hiding:

I could say more but I would not want to offend some of the really NICE gurls that are here.


Bingo ... she shoots she scores ;) 1-0 to Tiffany

Not sure if you are giggling or growling but as i see no need for you to growl unless overly insecure about such things, relax and smile, it is a tease based on what many women say to many tgirls in realtime :)

Sadly i sure do have the cahounahs but hey we each have our cross to bear .. so better to laugh at life's little foibles and get on with it :)

Love x

[kassi]

Those troubles aren't the result of your faults, mostly a SO's faults, am I right? It's a shame some of us have such a tough time changing their mind or comfortably cutting them out of the picture.

you have had your whole life to go through all the "troubles" that go with being transgendered. most of the SO's and GG's have only had a short amount of time to deal with it. is it our fault that you have troubles? no absolutely not. it's not our fault. i for one accept my spouses cross dressing. part of this is because if i tell him it's too much right now then he cuts back a little and eases into it. maybe you don't ease into it with your SO. maybe you expect her mind to change overnight. well that won't happen. she will need plenty of time to get used to it. it really makes me upset for you to say this, and i'm not gonna continue because i don't want to get in trouble. know this though IT IS NOT ABSOULETLY NOT OUR FAULT!!!!!!!

[Kimberley]

No Jeans! You Fashion Snob!

Well then, keel haul her and feed her to the cabin boys... That'll change her pretentious toffee-nosed ways. She'll be glad for a pair of tight fitting jeans after that lot... :tongueout

[Joy Carter]

I have been reading several threads and I must say the outlook is bleak for us girls. We are all purging and splitting and divorcing all because we feel a bit femme at times. I think we need to start celebrating how intelligent, attractive, savvy, gifted and most of all pretty that we all are. Collectively we probably represent the brain trust of a major company. We need to act like the winners that we are.

Thanks Roxi ! I didn't know I was a winner. But your right. My SO and I are both winners in the game of life.:hugs:

[amanda barber]

sorry but its laughable !! easy to blame the SO's isnt it eh ?? :rolleyes: wonder if that was my ex husbands excuse whilst he was beating me up eh ???? sorry no m ore to say or il get banned !! :mad:

Your being a victim of domestic abuse is unfortunate, but as it relates to this discussion, Non sequitur.

[claireswife-gg]

When people say they pity women for having a spouse in transition (ala Stanton debates), I like to say that they are right. I could so easily have chosen someone abusive, philandering, addicted to substances, or just a plain out self-centered jerk.

In my case, I got lucky and found the love of my life, I just got a girl in disguise. She's just as sweet as the man I married, but a lot happier and a lot more fun. ;)

[Glamourgirl GG]

Roxi,

I agree with you. I get sad to read this forum sometimes. I was just telling my husband the other day that I wish the guy's would just be more encouraging (in a positive way) to each other.

[Julie York]

Your being a victim of domestic abuse is unfortunate, but as it relates to this discussion, Non sequitur.


Bravo.

[Country girl]

It is the SO's fault???
To any one else who shares this view. Have you gone completely off the deep end???? I am an accepting SO, but then that is just me. To balme anyone who can't or won't accepte your desire to CD is ludicris, ridiculous, amazingly unbelievably ignorant :mad: . Is it our fault you deciced to CD and in all likelyhood LIE to us about it? NOT hardly. You are the one who has been lying, cheating and stealing, and we are just supposeed to sit back, smile and say " that's ok dear, no problem". Get a clue. :Angry3: NO IT'S NOT OK and I'm willing to lay odds that if the roles were reversed you would want it your way then too. jeez, some people. :Angry3: :thumbsdn: :thumbsdn: :thumbsdn:
__________________

[Kelsy]

When people say they pity women for having a spouse in transition (ala Stanton debates), I like to say that they are right. I could so easily have chosen someone abusive, philandering, addicted to substances, or just a plain out self-centered jerk.

In my case, I got lucky and found the love of my life, I just got a girl in disguise. She's just as sweet as the man I married, but a lot happier and a lot more fun. ;)

It so nice to see the Three of you getting on so well!:D

Jennifer:thumbsup:

[Robin Leigh]

Your being a victim of domestic abuse is unfortunate, but as it relates to this discussion, Non sequitur.
Not necessarily a non sequitur. They may both be examples of projection.


It is their fault if they choose not to accept, but your right they can't be forced, they don't have to be accepting. Thats where KatrinaAshley's second comment comes in, "comfortably cutting them out of the picture"
Simple adult parting of the ways, the consequences of choosing to not
accept, without drama and a long hard fought hatefull divorce.
Wouldn't it be a lot easier if the CDing is revealed prior to marriage?

People really don't have a lot of choice about things that turn them on or off. It's unrealistic to expect a wife to learn to like her husband CDing if she has a strong negative response to it.

A wife doesn't really have free choice about how she reacts to the revelation that her husband is a CDer. It's not her choice to be dragged into the closet & to be burdened with her husband's secret. She can't choose how she feels about it sexually. She can't help it if she feels that she's been tricked & deceived, because she has. :(

If a CDer doesn't tell their SO before the relationship becomes significant, then they ought to expect some form of negative reaction when the CDing is revealed. True, telling a woman that you CD may scare them off, but it's much better to be with someone who knowingly accepts you as a CD than to live with someone who was tricked into accepting a man with a feminine side that was not revealed to her until she was well & truly committed to the relationship.

:hugs:

Robin

[Casey Morgan]

A wife doesn't really have free choice about how she reacts to the revelation that her husband is a CDer. It's not her choice to be dragged into the closet & to be burdened with her husband's secret. She can't choose how she feels about it sexually. She can't help it if she feels that she's been tricked & deceived, because she has. :(

If a CDer doesn't tell their SO before the relationship becomes significant, then they ought to expect some form of negative reaction when the CDing is revealed. True, telling a woman that you CD may scare them off, but it's much better to be with someone who knowingly accepts you as a CD than to live with someone who was tricked into accepting a man with a feminine side that was not revealed to her until she was well & truly committed to the relationship.

:iagree:

This may be off-topic, but this is why I have never dated. (OK, I had one date, but I was 9.) I tried to hide my soft side, and I knew even back in junior high and high school that it wouldn't be fair to my girlfriend to pretend it wasn't there. And if I couldn't accept it, why would she? When I realized I wasn't a man and I'm not a woman, it kicked things up quite a few notches.

I realize that what I have to give is not what a lot of people are looking for. There is no "my man"; I can't give her that. But I can give her me. I have my needs and she has hers. Both are equally valid. If they mesh, great. If they don't, how can it be wrong for us to recognize that and keep looking? If one of us isn't being honest about our needs, I don't think that can be called respect. Letting her decide if what I can give her meets her needs, that's respect.

[Lovely Rita]

Roxi
You have my vote, forget Hillary, Obama, McCain

Let's vote for Roxi!!!!!!