I have a question about passing

[Di]

Passing ......Time after time we go out and about but Sherlyn has a hard time believing it. Events from last night and today might have got her to turn the corner some . Has anyone else felt this way.....feeling insecure? We came out to staff prob 8 months ago ...Sherlyn wanted me to say something at that time.... Last night the first thing that happened .....the bar owner Patricia told me ....she thought we were two girls till she was told by other staffers ( I was talking to her about our tg club here in town....putting a link about the club) ....then later another girl was chatting us up and kept telling Sher how beautiful she was......and the topper was...(.the door man that just got hired prob 2 months ago)...he makes a huge fuss over us every weekend...I was asking him about Pride week here at the university this next week....we swapped yahoo addys...and chatted this afternoon....he was asking how we as two girls got along in the city....and so on.....he said he would go with us to some of the events if we wanted......I said I was interested in the tg party.......he was...why? I said Sher is tg...he said.....WHAT?I don't understand.....we went back and forth.....he said he did not have a clue that Sher was not female.......I had Sher read this at the time it was going on.....Sher wanted me to ask him if it made any difference..he said no way...we still are his two fav ladies. I am just curious is this a common problem...being so insecure?She shows attitude when she is out.... I feel that is a must ..acting confident ...but she is never really sure .

[Bobbie cd]

Are you kidding us, Di hon?

If anybody should not be insecure about passing,
it's Sherlyn. If I were not on this forum and happened to run into you two girls out and about, I doubt that I would have any clue that you were anything but a pair of GG's out on the town.

What can I say, besides I'm extremely jealous 1) that she looks that hot, and 2) that she has a great S.O. like you to share her life with.

So she should just thank her lucky stars and give you a big hug! :D

[Jennaie]

I don't dress anymore, but it is very understandable that Sher continues to doubt herself. She is male and she knows it, even if nobody else does. It is the kind of things that have happened to you recently that will build confidence in her so that she can reach a point at which she will feel 95 percent sure that she is undetectable. But there will always be that little bit of doubt and that is not a bad thing because someone, somewhere will clock her and she always needs to be prepared to deal with that at any time.

[Di]

Thanks Bobbie...but I am very serious...she is not confident at all.......there is a drag queen we know at the club...( a star around this area) ...we have gotten to know her quite well.....Sher had me ask her...where did she suggest we go out to eat ect...she has repeatly told me...Sher can go anywhere...but Sher doubts herself.Thanks for the sweet words hon.

[Sharon]

Okay, that's it -- shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!!! :Angry3:

Okay, I have that out of my system now. :o

Just tell Sherlyn that insecurity in our appearance and our ability to pass is normal, but that she needs to start believing the compliments she receives. (I mean, seriously now!) I still deal with this myself and I present as a female practically 100% of the time, but I'm hoping that somewhere along the way, I stop worrying about it altogether and I hope Sherlyn does also.

Sheesh, why won't she ever believe me? :strugglin

[Kieron Andrew]

i tell ya Sher WILL go anywhere if im gonna be visiting! i mean it......i want to visit places and i want it to be sher that experiences it with me not 'him'......i will sulk so much if she doesnt too! :straightface:

The sooner she gets it in her head that she is beautiful and unbelieveably passable the extra enjoyment she will gain out of life!

geez id love people to genuinely think i was a genetic man, she doesnt know how lucky she is to pass like that with her friends!

[marie354]

Di, please reassure her that she passes very well.
If I saw the two of you somewhere and not know what I have learned and seen about the both of you, I would have never known that she wasn't a GG.
She's cute, witty, and every bit of a woman as far as I'm concerned.
I've never met either one of you in person, but I'd love it if I could.
I wish there was something more I could say to reassure both of you.

If I looked as good as she does, even close, I'd probably be out in public already.

[Karren H]

I'm the same way.... Seems like every time I go out I have the same gut wrenching feeling ...... That I Do not look good enough... So in I walk to where ever I'm going .... Waiting for everyone to turn and look and point but no one does.... Which still amazes me.. So I just keep going... This store and that.. Through the mall.. And still... No one payes the the slightest bit of undue attention!! I do maintain my fem attitude the whole time... Like I own the place and belong here dressed as I am.....

So after the fact I feel pretty good that I either passed or if I didn't no one asulted me!! Lol.

I plan to drive 3 hours enfemme Tuesday and do some shopping and dine out enfemme, spend all day and night enfemme and already today I'm getting those "I'm not going to pass" feelings...

Sigh.....

Karren

[Katie Ashe]

Insecure, yep that's me. Go easy on her, it's not as easy as it should be. Those whom die to pass, don't. Those whom do, shouldn't. Those whom do, aren't ready yet. etc... The mental part vs the psyhical part, one is always a step or two behind the other. I like my look and will ask dawn 10 times, before she tells me to shut up already... I quess things just come with time. Depression generally sets me back one step :o

[GypsyKaren]

Hiya Di

I used to worry about it constantly when I first started going out, but something funny kinda happened the first time I knew I'd been read. It was a pleasant experience and such, but it spooked me so much I didn't go out again for three weeks. Then I asked myself, "What are you after with this? To try to fool people into thinking you're something you're not, a GG, or do you just want to be yourself?

Di, I spent my entire life trying to fool people into thinking that I was a guy, and I didn't want to go down that road again, no more lies. So I started going out again, and I've never looked back. I get read all the time, it doesn't bother me the least, and I've never had any problems. People are seeing me, that's all I'm after. See me as a person, nothing more, but equally important, nothing less.

I've been pretty much full time since last May, and this is how I choose to live my life...works for me.

Karen

[Jenna1561]

Di, as others have said, I believe it's only natural for us to be insecure when dressed and out. Deep inside we know we were not born girls and that we are presenting as women and as such there is a chance that someone may see through our presentation. That we may make a mistake that gives us away, when what we want is simply to be treated as any other woman.

Well, in Sherlyn's case, maybe not just any other woman, but one hot lady on the town. I've not met Sherlyn, but her pics and videos are very convincing.

When I put myself together and dress appropriately, I believe I blend in and casually pass as a woman about 95% of the time. But I still have those nagging doubts. I always wonder whether I'm passing or people are just treating me respectfully and politely as I present, yet they somehow know that I am a man dressed as a woman. I will probably always have the doubts and will always look over my shoulder. Maybe someday they'll vanish.

Sherlyn, You are an amazing person, and while you will probably always have little doubts, rest assured, you are woman and from what Di says, that's how most people perceive you.


Jenna

[kerrianna]

i tell ya Sher WILL go anywhere if im gonna be visiting! i mean it......i want to visit places and i want it to be sher that experiences it with me not 'him'......i will sulk so much if she doesnt too! :straightface:


I don't think Canada will be the same after you hook up with Sher and Di, Kieron. :p I can't wait for the pictures. :D

From what I've seen Sherlyn is a lucky girl. She's got a great, attractive look. Of course it's natural for her to be uncertain at the core - but I like what Gypsy Karen said about just being you. It takes practise letting go of what you think others are thinking. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

I think Sher looks great. Tell her not to worry about passing. I'm just the opposite, I want people to know I'm a guy. I want to make them aware that guys can make good looking women if they choose to do so and can have fun doing it. No "guilt trip" here for sure.In fact, I get a little annoyed when folks mistake me for a GG sometimes(although the attention is nice) but then again, I'm weird like that. Anyway, Sher looks just fine whether she believes it or not.:happy:

[Satrana]

I agree with Karen. The problem of Sher's insecurity is that she knows she is trying to pass as something she is not - she will never be a true gg so she knows ultimately she is a fake.

The way to get around this insecurity is to stop thinking you have to pass and be accepted as a gg. Instead she needs to just be herself and not worry in the slightest if she passes or not. Once she learns the mentality " I am just being me, a genetic male who happens to love looking feminine", then the insecurities will disappear as she is no longer faking anything.

When I go out I make no attempt to disguise my voice for example, I am not trying to fool anyone. I actually like people knowing I am a guy, the fact that I can get acceptance and compliments from people who are aware that I am male makes the whole experience more pleasurable and more relaxing. Years ago when I did try to pass as a gg, I found that I spent the whole time tense and on edge, constantly worrying how well I was doing. I have learned this completely ruins the experience of going out in an outfit you like and enjoying yourself as the real you and forgeting all about passing.

[Joy Carter]

OMG is she kidding? I was jealous of her from the first time I saw her. She really needs to wake up and smell the roses. She's gurl enough that people don't notice otherwise then accept and be proud of the gift.
Me, I like a bulldozer. I'm out in the public like me or not. I generally don't give a flip what people say or think.:D

[Sally24]

Nice to know that even Sher feels this way. For the most part, all of us do. She will eventually get feeling more relaxed with it all. It sounds like she has the whole outside attitude and confidence thing down pat, but isn't feeling that so much on the inside. Sort of a performance, like being on stage. I don't know your regular venues but I would guess it is mostly clubs. Try getting her out to regular places in the daytime and just doing girly things. Go out to eat, do some shopping, maybe get your nails done together. If she can relax into the "role" it might get a little more real to her. I know interacting with regular, non-tg club, people gives me much more confidence. Every "mam" and "ladies" is a real recharger for my confidence.

Went to a TG wedding this weekend and then we just went out to eat. 2 in the party were dressed for the occasion and blended in anywhere we went. It was great, and such a family event.

[Angie G]

If anyone can pass 100% it's Sherlyn I think I could pass if I had 10% of her looks in fact I wish I had 10% of her looks I'd have no doubt of passing.
one of you biggest fans :hugs:
Angie

[Carroll]

ummmm....yeah....she insecure....well, I have heard everything in this forum now...guess I can leave. no more to learn.

Seriously, I thing most of us here are insecure at times, no matter how secure we think we are. And thats either in dress or not

[Di]

Thank You...each and everyone of you for your kind words and insights. It is like having close family to talk things over with......means alot:hugs: Di

[Lovely Rita]

I used to worry about it constantly when I first started going out, but something funny kinda happened the first time I knew I'd been read. It was a pleasant experience and such, but it spooked me so much I didn't go out again for three weeks. Then I asked myself, "What are you after with this? To try to fool people into thinking you're something you're not, a GG, or do you just want to be yourself?

I am with GypsyKaren on this one. I hope some day passing will not matter. I just want to some day be a pretty man.:heehee: :D :happy:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Sher is the TG ????????? Dang ! I would have sworn she was the GG and you were the TG (ROFLOL).

All kidding aside......give me a break Sherlyn. I'd take you out as my date anywhere and have no fear of anything other than some guy hitting on you and I'd have to clobber him.


Emily Ann

[insearchofme]

I'm sure everyone here would be proud to have Sher grace his arm when we are in guy mode, heck even in girl mode! lol

[Deidra Cowen]

Honestly Sherlyn is that rare Tgirl that really looks passable. We have a couple of them in Atlanta like that. They can go to straight bars and no one knows. She will get more confident as time goes on...if I remember correctly it was not too long ago and she was still just dressing at the house. She has come a long way. But yes she is lucky in her apperance. Nice femmy looking facial structure and a nice little skinny body. Even her shoulders and arms don't look that big.

I personally don't pass....but do a damn good job of blending in!!! LOL But as time has gone on I have gotten more confident about going out and it does not bother me when people read me. I was at the mall one night last week a couple of people read me I thought. One little teenager girl was really staring at me...I just did a goofy face kinda thing and smiled...an kept on movin!

Anyway Sher will get more confident, besides the bars take her to the grocery or other regular spot. After you do those and it goes well your confidense really goes up.

By the way you are super sweet and she is lucky to have ya! I had a GG GF for a while and she too really pushed me in my CDing and made me better at it. Think you are helping Sher a lot too!

[Gisele]

I can't believe what I am reading and here I am trying to be more like Sherlyn!:heehee:

I know she will always have the doubts (as I do) but, she should not because she is a thing of beauty.

Beth

[ChristineRenee]

Di hon....trust us. Sherlyn is "the goods". She passes with flying colors. The number of cd's that truly can "pass" is very small...a very select few. Sherlyn does...I have always felt that way. I think I told Sher this once...maybe not...but Sher transforms better than anyone I have seen in this community. By that I mean, when you see a pic of Sherlyn next to one of her in man mode, it looks like two totally different people. THAT'S transforming yourself...and subsequently..."passing" as a woman. Would that all of us cd's here could do it as well hon. ;)

[Sally2005]

I agree with most of the comments from my own limited experience. It is very difficult to be confident even though you get a lot of positive comments from people. You always are thinking, are they saying it because they are being nice? Are the ones with negative comments just keeping quiet? etc. etc.

I find that depending on my mood and the lighting when I look in the mirror I see my male self. I know I'm doing good job with my image when I look in the mirror and see a female.

I think Sherlyn looks great and her photos and videos always show a beautiful looking woman. Probably with time confidence will get better, but I suspect there will always be an element of amasement.

[Julie York]

She's a man!??




Can I have my obscene photos back please.

Thank you.












:D

[Sherlyn]

She's a man!??




Can I have my obscene photos back please.

Thank you.












:D
Lol Julie thats the prob ....:heehee: 'spose I need to forget that part ..and the photo's !!!! that was you :devil: WOW !!!!

[Toyah]

Tricky one for me this as far as I can tell passing is a form of invisability if no one notices you then you pass, guess thats why Toyah does not come out to play an stays at home.

[Glenda58]

Sherlyn you are the most passable of all of us. But confidence comes from doing things over and over and getting better each time. My first time out I knew everyone could read me. Now I go out by myself to stores, restaurants and bars and get treated like a lady. You just have to do normal things that all people do while you are dress not just going out at night or to clubs.

[Sherlyn]

Thanx Glenda thats sweet :) ..I do do normal things when dressed :) been grocery shopping ..been in the malls shopping ...hung out with the general public at ice skating events ...bout the only thing I have not done is gone out for dinner..I do love the club scene the most ...done that all my life as a musician ... its part of me ,,,and its cool now Im doing it as Sher (that part of me )..I'll get over this ..its just natural born male genetics and instincts that interfere with me at times ...

[Country girl]

Di and Sher, you both look so great. Sher you definately do a great job of passing and you need to go out to dinner. :thumbsup: As far as someone saying you are a fake, well that's a load of horse dookey:tongueout . You are whatever you want to be, and you, Sher, look like a girl.:D There is no question in the minds of the participants on this forum, you girl, pass! :thumbsup: :hugs: CG gg