Approaching other CDs

[annecwesley]

Every now and then when I'm shopping at one of the local thrift stores I'll see another CD, or at least someone who I am certain is a CD. I dress in drab, in fact I have a beard, so I can't even try to pass. I have considered saying something, introducing myself in some way, as I'd like to meet and get to know some gurls around here. How would you, as a CD, feel about a bearded guy approaching you like this? How could I, in spite of my appearance, let another CD trying to pass know that I am an "Anne" not an "Andy"?

[Peka TG]

I know what you mean!!
We need a code of some sort. I know I'd like to meet some other local CD's, I know their out there!! Somewhere!!
I woudn't mind being approched, even buy a guy in a beard. I shop in drab and I'm sure alot of gurls do,but approching someone does come with some risk.

:love:
Paula

[MsJanessa]

well since we both live in Maine I could well be that other CD you run into and I would expect you to approach me and introduce yourself by your femme name and mention that you post on crossdressers.com and urnotalone.com(yes I've seen you there too darling) and then we can go have coffee.

[Chris St Pete]

I shop in drab and wouldn't mind someone approaching me. It has happened while I was shopping at a thrift store. The peson was a closet cd and we would get together from time to time until moved out of state and we lost touch.

[Angie G]

How about a sign like rubing you earlob between your forefinger and thumb
and then returned by the other person as a yes answer:hugs:
Angie

[Stephenie S]

How do you aproach ANY other human being on this planet that you would like to get to know? A smile and a compliment go a long way. Or some mention of mutual interest. Assuming that someone is a crossdresser is dangerous and unnecessary.

How about, "Oh, that's a nice top, It goes well with your color." Or maybe, "I have that model snowmobile. How fast does yours go?"

Starting off with the CD thing could get you a black eye or worse if you are wrong. Just be friendly and outgoing and let things take their course. Secret signals and codes is just too fancifull an idea to work in the real world.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Sharon]

Just smile and say "hi," and I'll do the same. Then one of us makes some innocuous comment about the clothing selection, the weather, or whatever, and then a conversation is begun. Whether you are dressed in feminine clothing and whether you have facial hair is unimportant.

Isn't that how it works? :happy:

Seriously, you won't have difficulty determining that I'm a genetic male, so feel free to approach me in public. But if you aren't one hundred percent sure about someone, it's best to err on the side of caution. But it's still nice to smile and say hi.

[NatalieGirl]

We are no threat to anyone. So, by all means introduce yourself and tell the CD that you are a CD.

[marie354]

Hi... I haven't seen you for a while. How have you been lately? Know any good CD's? (Could mean music or even a bank account.)

Oh I'm Sandy... Don't you work at ...____________..?

Well if it was one of the people here, you'd probably guess immediately who I was. (I'm drab outside of the house.) I look almost the same as a Sam... Just prettier as Sandy. I would hope introducing myself as Sandy might give that right spark to make their mind "click". After all, Sandy can be a guy's name as well, so if it doesn't "click", then no harm done.

I say hi to a lot of people when I'm out. I guess I'm just a friendly kind of person. Sometimes I just smile at them though and get a smile back.
But a lot of us here haven't done a 'before & after' kind of thing, so it could be kind of hard to guess someone was a CD if they were drab... I'm sure that a lot here look sooo much different drab.

Now if I were to see someone that resembles someone in the pictures here...

[Kristen Marie]

I was in a women's specialty shop which is very TG friendly and someone came in dressed. She was very nervous and I was in drab, had just come from the electrolysist so my face and beard was all red and splotchy and was wearing glasses, not contact lenses. (Kind of scary). I started talking about buying a wig and clothes out loud to make the person feel at ease. Slowly she came over and I said hi, then we chatted.

My experience is that CD's dressed tend to stay away from guys in stores, so a kind word or compliment might be the way to break the ice.

[JoAnnDallas]

Last year wife and I went to Orlando for vacation. It was Halloween Week. While at one of the parks, I spotted a CD. Wife had to go to the rest room, which allow me a chance to go over and say hello. She was looking at a gift shop and I walked up besider and while looking at an item, I said "Hello". She seemed a little nervious as she smiled, but didn't say anything. I then said "I like your outfit, very sheck". This seam to make her more nervious and she lefted the gift shop. Never said a word to me. I was hoping she would have talked to me but, then wife came out of the restroom and that was the last time I saw her.

[AllyM]

I would not be offended by being approached. Like Natalie mentioned, I do not believe we are a threat to anyone. I imagine a quick hello might be all that it would take.

[Michelle (Oz)]

It sure would be good to talk to a kindred spirit. Shopping alone en femme, while still a great time, can be a bit lonely. You would have to get the introduction right for me as I'm very reluctant to talk to men in case of misinterpretation. A man with a beard would make it harder as there are indicators I look for in others when checking for CDers ... and beards isn't one of them.
Michelle (Oz)

[vbcdgrl]

You're liable to get slapped, if the "CD" you approach isn't.

Vikki

[JeanneF]

You're liable to get slapped, if the "CD" you approach isn't.

Lol...that would be my concern. There are some rather, uh, "homely" women out there, the last thing I would want to do is mistake a GG for a CDer. That would be a rather awkward situation to say the least.

I had a conversation about a year ago at my local Barnes and Noble with a girl that I was 99.9% certain was TS. I was en drab, she was en femme, and we were both looking through the makeup/beauty books. We got into a conversation about Kevyn Aucoin's books and discussed some makeup tips, but I didn't openly say anything about either of us being trans.

I have of course struck up conversations with TG/TSs in some "mixed crowd" bars that I've gone to while in drab. Once I was at a local bar and there was a really cute girl wearing a URNotAlone t-shirt...I figured that it was appropriate to comment to her that I liked her shirt... :)

[Princess29]

As I mentioned on one of my other posts, when I was out and about in Vegas while dressed, someone came up to me and kind of tapped me on the inside of my elbow and kept going without me even seeing who did it (I was looking straight ahead minding my own business). It was definately not an accidental brushing of the arm or anything like that, it was quite deliberate. Maybe that was kind of a secret sign from a fellow member of this forum

[Mitzi]

Here's something I posted awhile back...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=450149&postcount=20

Mitzi

[Joy Carter]

GM1: Oh hi there ! I see your looking at the new spring collection. GM2: Yes, aren't they just lovely ? I love white undies with little lavender flowers. GM1: You know, I'm only into solid colors my self. Flowers to me are just too sissy. GM2: Oh Hun, you gotta let go of that macho attitude. GM1: I know, but I only like a demi bra and thongs in solid black satin. GN2: I know what your saying, but if your going to be really fem you need a little "flair in your under ware" (LoL). GM1: I know but I'm afraid the guys in the locker room will laugh at me. Gm2: Oh pay them no mind. Look Hun he's a nice matching set with little yellow daisies. Go try it on Hun. GM1: Oh all right.

As the curtain falls not a dry eye in the house. :rolleyes:

[noname]

Perhaps the person would not want to be approached? Just a thought.

[RobynM]

The basic rule, unfortunately, is that you don't directly approach others. If you want to make contact then restrict yourself to a smile or a "hi" - these being simply an invitation to make contact rather than an intrusion. If you find yourself next to another girl at a rack in a shop ( you could always put yourself in that position) you could perhaps make a bland non direct comment such as " they never have my size", again this is an invitation rather than a request for a response
Like others above I would be quite happy to make contact with sisters in public but many are not. Some are so nervous that anything that draws attention to them will send them into a panic and probably scuttling off home, especially if you are in drab. Your well intentioned approach could seriously damage another's self confidence. Even more upset would be those poor deluded souls who don't pass but have convinced themselves that they do or those lucky girls who do generally pass but you've spotted because you know the little signs.
It would be great if we could approach other girls in a normal human manner but we have to respect other girl's privacy.

[jjjjohanne]

We kind of already have a code:
Person A is at the rack. Person B walks too close to person A (Person B can potentially say or do something). Person A becomes nervous and attempts to escape.

I have thought about this. I decided that if I see another CD or a potential CD, that I (if I feel comfortable about it) will say "Hi. ... Me too." I suppose an alternate could be, "You too. Huh?"

Once I saw a CD in a book store. I took a second look and verified that it was what I saw. No one else seemed to be paying the CD any attention. Not a person who passed easily, either. Tall, not too broad or too manly, but obviously not a girl. I went around the end of a row of book shelves to get onto the same aisle as the CD. I got within two book shelves of the CD and started browsing. I think we were both so very nervous. The CD walked away and went straight to the restrooms. I guess that was the end of the day's adventures.

I suppose there is another "code" I have observed:
When I have been out in obvious femme wear (whether drab or not,) I have noticed that most people either don't notice, or see and try to avoid staring or being rude. There have been two guys, and maybe a third, who seemed interested. One spent a lot of time around me at work the Halloween I dressed up. Another came to the aisle in the shoe store I was in and kept looking at my legs while pretending to browse. He did that for several minutes until I finished talking to the clerk and left. He made me uncomfortable. He was a friend of the clerk. On a different Halloween, a guy working in a Blockbuster kept glancing at my legs (he's my "maybe" person.)

[Marcie Sexton]

At least you see what appears to be a CD'er...around here I have yet to see any one who even resembles one...

I know I have mentioned this before, but there is an org that provides you with a way to recognized...its called the Pinky Pals...I am and have been a member for years...you may want to check it out...

www.pinkypals.com