Read this morning wanted to know your thoughts

[Samantha Lough]

Ok I read something from a favorite website of mine and well I wanted topost it and agian no I did not write it this is from Renee Reys web site http://www.reneereyes.com/ and I just want other thoughts on it

transgenderism...is not a four-letter word 03-01-07

I recently attended an important business meeting where our conversation sadly veered from matters at hand and became immersed with "transgenderism" due to the shenanigans of a ridiculous talk show.

I quelled my little rebellion by quipping: "Every culture has its trailer-trash. If tomorrow's episode is about mother's who date their daughter's boyfriends, am I to assume every mother in this room is a card-carrying member of that same class?" Everyone quieted down momentarily & recognized the fallacy of their thoughts until another person espoused content from a web site by a recognized tranz-leader who didn't identify with being transgender because they were some sort of super-transsexual. The conversation only got worse & eventually my meeting lay in ruins.

Upon returning home I visited the web site in question & found myself disgusted by both the direct & indirect overtones of its author. I was pissed. The nature of my new company is forcing potential partners to answer the question: "How will customers perceive our involvement and/or endorsement of your enterprise?" That question was once challenging. Now? It's almost impossible to resolve due to the never-ending lack of acceptance of who we are - amongst ourselves.

After surpassing my aggravation, I found myself re-reading sections of reneereyes.com & realized that a layperson could find my own musings equally confusing.

The bottom line?

If ever a culture was totally consumed with being anything except what it is...we're "it".

This revelation caused me to reflect upon earlier years of being "gay". I knew lots of people that hid this fact - many that still do. However, I don't know any that classify themselves into more than a couple of varied forms. Can you imagine how stupid it would sound today if they tried to divide themselves up into gay, kind-of gay, sort-of-gay, certified-gay, gay self-centered, gay-sexual only, etc...and expected the world to properly address their circumstances for each instance?

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

This...is exactly what we're doing in the transgender community. At almost every turn, you'll find members of our small minority obsessing to differentiate & distance themselves from others. I understand why it happens because I've been guilty myself. After you spend days, months, weeks - even years crossing difficult chasms in your evolution, it's natural to want to proclaim your accomplishments. Since the band rarely stirs for Queer-central, our simplest notion is often to create some fresh accolade of differentiation from our brethren. In that process? We win a battle...and start losing a war.

To be birthed transgendered is to be born in a cage. If & when you find the courage and strength to escape this slavery - you'll subsequently do almost anything to steer clear of attitudes that directly or indirectly reconnect your shackles. This includes separating yourself from others in our community that are not yet as stealthy or healthy.

Is this right?

No - it isn't. I think we'd all agree that just because another gal has better genetics for transition, better financial resources, less facial hair, a smaller frame, a higher IQ, or more confidence...doesn't make her a better woman. Rather, it just makes her appear to be a better woman. Being better is about helping others...not self-serving differentiation. The women most of us admired & emulated never took that latter path.

I'm very proud to be a transgender female. Every single day, I'm forced to deal with the implications of other transgender women's means of expression. It's sometimes thrown in my face & can cost me dearly. At times, I differentiated myself from others in my community based upon either frustration or a need to feel special.

Not anymore...

From this day forward...any person facing gender identity issues that shows enough courage to apply make-up, don a wig & stroll outside the safety of their own home in a dire need to express their alternative persona? I could care less what scale of transsexualism they're subsequently rated. I'm gonna' stand beside you no matter how well or poorly you "pass". I might privately remind you that by now facing a public world, you're now an ambassador to everyone's transgender cause. However, if you walk out that door...I'll remain proud to claim you as my "own". I'd like to challenge all my sisters to do likewise.

Come to think of it...there was once another group of people facing similar troubles in this great land. While our plights are different, the solution remains the same. Our commonalities far exceed our differences: transgendered...join, or die.

Until we all get that?

We're going no place in a hurry. Or as John Paul Jones put it most eloquently: "You can't sink half a ship".

Get it?

Keep the faith...

[Kahlan51]

I agree for the most part. I don't really feel transgendered just like to dress up in woman's clothes. I see the point about acceptance. We seem to cry out for acceptance from others (especially SO's) and struggle with self acceptance and seem to practise a level of non acceptance in the TG community and outside of it that is inconsistent. We don't seem to be very good at walking the talk. The more I practise CD activities the more I develop a tolerance for other points of veiw and life styles. Thanks for your post it has prompted me to examine newly my attitudes. Kahlan

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks Samantha,
I love what you wrote and I agree. I have a distaste for all the classyifying and sub categories. No two people are alike, so the exercise in itself seems futile to me. Everyone of us brings something different. Yes, we may have a common core and many similar qualities but we have that with non-transgendered folk too.
I believe in support and loving our sisters at all stages. I don't know many who see things like me either. For instance, I am hoping the day of passing does not matter anymore and I can be seen as a, hopefully and not that I am yet but someday maybe, a pretty man? Crazy, well maybe just a little, but that is my dream.

I feel very strongly about feeling good about who I am today and I am also happy to say that when I receive a message that in someway reminds me of the guilt and self loathing, I respond strongly. It took me too long to really love who I am today. It took me too long to get healthy.

Sorry if I went off point a little. Thanks for letting me share.

[Casey Morgan]

Renee seems to be looking at just transsexuals, but it applies to the whole of the Transgender community. Truly, this community is poised to rip itself to shreds. If we can't all get along, frankly I don't see splintering as a bad thing.

This happened to the Gay and Lesbian communities. Groups formed and splintered and reformed in a "yo-yo techtonics"-esque fashion a few times over the last half century. If that's what it takes to make us stronger in the end, it's unfortunate but I'll be there on the other side of reunification. I would much rather see us work it out without splintering though.

Part of the problem is the labels and what they "entitle" us to. Androgyne, genderqueer, and TG are simply adjectives that let me honor this part of me (as opposed to the political, social, whatever else sides of me) by naming it. It also gives others a place to begin to understand me. But I transcend my label, no matter how well it describes me. Because although it describes me, it does not define me. I am bounded by who I am, not what I identify as.

Being an androgyne entitles me to be a person, no more, no less. That's all any of us are entitled to be: people. We aren't entitled to special treatment, priviledge, or respect because of what we identify as. Quite frankly, parts of the Transgender community (and this transcends labels) become pity parties. "Ooh, look at what I've been through, doesn't that just totally suck?" Yes, what we've been through is or can be really rough.

But this community really needs to be more of a support party. "This is what I'm going through, and I need help getting through it." We've got that to some degree. But as long as we're sure that such-and-such a group can't POSSIBLY understand what we're going through, or that we can't POSSIBLY understand what such-and-such a group is going through, we're going to tend to divide ourselves into like-minded groups and stay there.

Sure, I can talk to other androgynes and they'll know exactly what I'm going through. But we're all thinking in the same box. Somebody outside that box who has been through the same sort of thing can give me a different perspective. That may be all I really need to get through it.

Trannier-than-thou is really "have it worse than thou". And that's a very dangerous game to play. "I have it worse than you, so you shouldn't be complaining. You have it worse than me, so I shouldn't be complaining." We're each going through what we're going through, and that's what we have to deal with. We have things worse than and better than THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE. Which doesn't make it better or worse, just different. I don't know about you, but I'm sick to death of different. I've been different almost my whole life. I'd rather know and celebrate what makes us the same.