Lost opportunity or setting the stage?

[insearchofme]

I've debated on if I should post this or not. I think i know how most of you will respond but what the heck.

I was filling out a questionnare and was asked to pick three words that best describe me. I feel uncomfortable describing myself so I asked my wife. One of the words she used was loveable. I waved my hand at her and said "Oh sure I'm really loveable", she said something to the effect "don't wave your hand like that you look gay". I replied that she knew I wasn't gay so how I waved my hand shouldn't make you say that. I then hesitated and said that if I were gay she'd still love me. She said of course, we've been married over 30 years. Here was an opportunity to tell her I'm a CD. I just looked at her and came over and gave her a kiss.

I was thinking of telling her but I didn't feel the moment was right. I also felt that this might be a way to "set the stage" for later. She accepts that I wear panties almost 24/7 but has made it very clear to me that she doesn't want to see me wear anything else. She laughed when I dressed for Halloween but wasn't thrilled when I seemed to enjoy it so much.

Another thing you must know is that I am working away from home (I'm home for a few days) and have a condo so I can dress all I want when I'm there. I know that honesty is the best thing but I don't want to ruin what I've got.

So what do you think, missed opportunity or seting the stage?

[Gina_darling]

I think the fact she knows you wear panties 24/7 is the big stage setter! :p Next step would be to say you wear more sometimes. Sounds like you have an understanding wife who will love you anyway but if she doesn't want to see you in full then don't force it. :happy:

[Shelly Preston]

You may have missed the opportunity but be careful

Its one thing for her to say she would accept you as gay ( or a cd)
but that does not mean she would do it when confronted by the situation

If you have to say someting mention you have tried something else when away from home. something like pantyhose just try not to make things worse

[Karren H]

Well if the time wasn't right then the time wasn't right, Dana... Don't know if there ever is a "right time" or not... Of coarse as time goes on and potential "right times" slip by, telling her after she says "Who's skirts are these" probably wouldn't be the right "right time"". Lol

Love Karren

[Lovely Rita]

I don't think anyone can advise you on such an important and potentially disastrous one.

sorry

[DonnaT]

She accepts that I wear panties almost 24/7 but has made it very clear to me that she doesn't want to see me wear anything else.
She may be able to accept the fact that you like wearing other fem attire besides panties, but it seems doubtfull she'd want to see it.

[VTDresser]

It was so hard for me to talk to my wife after she found out that I liked to wear panties. She knew that I liked nylon/satin/polyester over cotton underwear (I had a small collection of mens undies in those fabrics) but when she found my panties in the sock drawer, I felt uncomfortable. The panties she found could never be mistaken for men's.

About two months numerous sleepless nights, I told her that was more than just a panty wearer. I told her about the lingeire, the gowns, slacks, blouses, and showed her where my collection was hidden.

That was four years ago. We now have a child in the third year of college and she hasnt thrown me out.

Which leads to how you think of it...am I still here because she loves me or is it because she couldn't afford this life, this house, this comfort without my economical contribution to her safey and security?

My advice is to think about what you see in your future and how any admission might impact that vision. I will say that in my case,, our physical and emotional connection has a great deal of flaws and I sense that after our child is off the payroll, I will be relocated. But not by my choice.

[melissacd]

After being together for such a long time without telling her, be prepared for the storm that will most surely happen. Unless she is extremely open minded you will find that she will feel extremely betrayed and regardless of what you say or do you will have a lot of struggle ahead of you. You may be one of the lucky ones and she will eventually come around because she loves, supports and accepts you regardless. On the other hand you may fall a victim to the same thing that a few of us have run into which is years of pain, anti-depressants, an unwillingness to open up and discuss and eventually the death of the marriage.

If I knew ten years ago what I know now I would have ended things then and saved both of us a lot of pain. If I knew 25 years ago what I know now I would not have become a partner with my current spouse and accepted that that was a journey that would never have worked. I did not know and I did not do so here I am picking up the pieces of a devastating process.

I love my wife, however, having tried my hardest to see things through her point of view I can accept that not everyone, regardless of how much they love someone else, can accept everything about heir spouse. Some people have limits they cannot/will not transcend. We have to respect and accept that they have those limits. It does not make them a bad person, my wife in every other respect, is a wonderful woman, it just makes them the wrong person for you.

[susie evans]

i don't on if there is ever a right time but you will no when it's rigth for you :hugs:

susie