Uneasy with other CD's ???

[rickie121x]

I was at a party last Saturday night, for a heterosexual and quite kinky BDSM group. I do hang out with them on a regular basis - but occasionally other TV's, CD's, Gay males, and some other variations show up.

I love attending these parties, so the balance of my feelings is very good - however I feel a discomfort and uneasiness when one or more of the aforementioned are there too. It seems that as long as I am the only person that is "playing" in this complex role, I seem to be comfortable. I do not think it is envy or jealousy, as I am pretty good at what I do - and I am not aware of that as the source of this uneasiness. Most normal guys and girls seem to be comfortable with me, and I with them - and so it is not a simple shyness or lack of social skills....

I have worked on this problem by steeling myself and making self-introductions to the objects of my problem - but that has not helped at all. I feel the same sort of internal tension at the end of the party as I felt initially.

The generalized result is that I don't hang out with any of "us" at all. Tried it - didn't like it! I am not pleased with going to Tri Ess functions or with the myriad of TV happenings here in Las Vegas. And so I am left with me. And it gets lonely here.

On the other hand, I do love my dressing, and my parties - and could not, would not trade it for anything - I think... today, anyway.

Rickie

[Casey Morgan]

It seems that as long as I am the only person that is "playing" in this complex role, I seem to be comfortable.

This was the only clue I picked up on. Could it be that you're afraid that the others will "find out" or "think" that you're not "playing" the role correctly? I'm assuming the... "regular" people wouldn't really know one way or the other. How do you see who you are compared to how others are?

[amanda barber]

I was at a party last Saturday night, for a heterosexual and quite kinky BDSM group. I do hang out with them on a regular basis - but occasionally other TV's, CD's, Gay males, and some other variations show up.

I love attending these parties, so the balance of my feelings is very good - however I feel a discomfort and uneasiness when one or more of the aforementioned are there too.


Rickie

So your only comfortable around people that are distinctly, openly and well labled as heterosexual.

[RobertaFermina]

So "in some Heterosexual party situations" you are uneasy with "any TV's, CD and Gay males, and other variations".
You have the skills to engage and enjoy anyone's company.
You are not envious or jealous, and you have esteem for who you are and how you are.

My inner-jungian says you have an unconscious emotional charge.

The roots of this emotional charge has roots in some past event(s).

The way I know to bring this charge and its sources to consciousness is through a regression visualization/experience. There may be other means.

The essence of the regression is to get intimately connected to the feelings in your body and mind and spirit that are linked to this issue, and to follow it back to the first time you felt just that way. Once there, notice your surroundings, and what is happening, who is present, where are the cardinal persons in your life, etc. A skilled facilitator can help you take this journey, follow you through it, and assist you in drawing from it how you chose, in that instance(s), to change, or define yourself, others, and the world. These choices persist until we consciously recognize them and act to change them.

Typically, children do this all the time to learn how to cope and thrive, and many of abilities become obsolete, or destructive as we emerge into adolescence and adulthood. They show up as unconscious tendencies that can frustrate and sabotage us. Of course, some of these adjustments are just fine and continue to serve us our whole life long.

Once recognized, a skilled facilitator can assist you in reframing your response to situations where this feeling-set, or emotional charge occurs.

Perhaps just by reading this you will trigger, through your own alchemy, a process of discovery and reframing?

If you are looking for assistance, look for a skilled jungian therapist/facilitator in your area. Other techniques may work, so you may wish to be open to them.

This is also a common facilitation technique that I have experienced in my Men's Work. If you are curious, PM me.


In Love and Service,

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[vbcdgrl]

Could it be you don't like competing for attention?

Vikki

[Karren H]

Same here!!! We are very alike... Ok.... Substitute Ice Hockey for BDSM... Hehe. I'm not at easy around other crossdressers either.. Pretty much a loner.. I fly solo... And I don't seek out others for support cause well I don't need any.

And I think my uneasyness stems from the fact that around women and men I know what to expect... What their expectations are... What they want.. Or maybe what I think they want.. Lol. But around crossdressers I have no clue... Such a mixed bag of wants and needs and expectations.. And I'm put off somewhat by the shear number that want to get together with me... For what?? Lol. Guess since I don't need any support I don't really understand those that do.. .

On the other hand maybe its as simple as crossdressers are wierd!! And of coarse I'm not!! Hehehe

Love Karren

[Andrea Nicole]

Rickie,
OK, so what's your point...???
Andi ...

[Sierra Evon]

Nope not me ! , I'm not uneasy around anyone , but have sensed uneasy tension by other around me tho , its just how some people are , no big thing !!!

[Kali]

It's a funny thing. I'll show up at local BDSM fetish events completely dressed and no one assumes I am a crossdresser. I am well know as a hard-core top/sadist/dom in that community and everyone simply makes the assumption that I'm dressing to make a statement, not that I'm a CD happy to be able to go out dressed.

My girlfriend has, more than once, actually had people tell her how brave I was to come out to these events dressed and to make a statement about gender roles, acceptance, whatever that persons perception of it was. No one has ever asked if I was a CD, as the CDs that do show up are almost always submissives or men who like forced feminization play.

But perhaps that's why I don't have issues around other CDs or TG people in general. I know how hard it is to be accepted for what you are.

[Julie York]

You're CD phobic.
Don't blame you. They're all raging perverts.





Hope that helps.


:D

[susie evans]

karren
i think you are right as i have been solo for so long that i don't even give it a second thought i just go and do what i want and on an ocasion i will see another C/D out shopping some times we might have a short conversation but most of the time it's just out and about :hugs:

susie

[Sally24]

I felt some of the same unease until last summer. I decided to visit a CD group in Boston (GNO) just once to address the problem some. What I found was a great bunch of gurls! I made friends with several of them that night. Now I go out with the same girls on a monthly basis in the Sisters of Boston group. I am so glad that I met them and faced my own problems. I feel much better about myself and all CDs in general. I still prefer gurls who can look fairly passable, but that is just a matter of taste. It makes being treated as a lady much easier and makes everyone concerned a little more comfortable.

Sally

[Alice Torn]

Loner here, too. We have this forum, as support, but, I choose to be a loner, at least, for the time being. CD, or nnt, it takes character, to walk alone, and once, in a while, character, to seek help, but, we each have to walk in our own shoes, captain our own ship.

[rickie121x]

Thanks to all for the notions you have offered. :hugs:

Thanks Casey, for the suggestion. But I truly don’t think that I am worried about what the “others” in similar complex roles would think.

And Amanda, you, too, are right. I am indeed more comfortable around heterosexual folks.

RobertaFermina: As you have correctly said, I am certain that some sort of therapy would alleviate my loneliness to some extent. At my age, I am so f----- set in my ways, that therapy would have to be atom bomb strength. Right now, I am not willing to begin that process again – it would not be the first time.

Karren Hutton: I would be more like you, not caring so much about other’s notions....

Andrea Nicole: Good point. My notion is that I would prefer to be less lonely in my life and in my CD roles. I was looking for forum member's experience, sharing and suggestions…..

Sierra Evon: Cool. You say “no big thing”. I like that.

Kali: Thanks for the understanding. I appreciate that. In this forum, I seem to appreciate the companionships.... And you have lovely legs! ...would love to see you in action if I ever get out East.

Julie York: Great sense of humor! So, all I need to do, is just to admit that I am a CD phobic – and my life will be simpler. There is some value in that suggestion.

Suzie Evans: That is a delightful solution, just accepting it all the way it is.

Sally24: I am glad that you steeled and then transcended the loner notion. I appreciate your strength and willingness.

Lucille Tall: I agree with you about Karren. She is one of the folks here who seems face life cleanly - and with wonderful energy. I love that! So, you think that being a “loner” is a choice. You are right on that too! As soon as I am done with being a loner, then it will begin to be over. All I have to do is make that choice!

Thanks to all, Rickie :heehee:

[Billijo49504]

I too am like Karen, I have my own support system, this forum and the ppl here and my wife. I guess I've never been a socialite. I guess it goes back to being heavy most of my life.....BJ

[JoAnnDallas]

I meet others like us for the first time at HEF2006 last year. I had been emailing with on of the officers that put on the event for months. So when I walked up to the registration table, I asked for her. They found her and she got my registered and then took me around and introduced me to many of the ladies there. Since then she and I have become good friends and I have now atteneded 2 Tri-Ess meetings. For me I feel very at ease around other CDer's. I for one do not espcially like going out solo. Each time I do, I at first get that scary feeling, but soon relax and enjoy the outing. I guess being out with another CDer, we can relate to each other, talk freely, enjoy each other's company and I feel at ease. I also have this Theory that if your out solo, that you have a much greater chance of being read, than if your out with another or more CDer's. This may be why CDers that have supporting SO's, that go out with them, have an easier time while out.

[Marcie Sexton]

I think Karren is right most all of us solo, and have for more time than we care to say...

Perhaps the attention factor is the problem...deep down in the personna of your ego you desire to be the one and only and resent competition...

Just a thought...:2c:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

If I were out dressed en-femme at an event where I was the only CDand I saw another CD I don't think I would have any problems. Now if she shows up wearing the same dress as me. Then I would have a very big problem. Jocelyn

[Karren H]

I think Karren is right most all of us solo, and have for more time than we care to say...

Perhaps the attention factor is the problem...deep down in the personna of your ego you desire to be the one and only and resent competition...

Just a thought...:2c:

And all this time I though you flew solo because you are the only crossdresser in WV???? hehe

Love Karren

[Sherlyn]

The cd's I have met seem very uneasy with me ....they avoid eye contact ...I try my best to get to know them ...but they slowly move away ..avoid me the rest of the night :(...... theres 1 girl Jenny that sits with us now ...who seems ok :) and of course the drag queen I know shes just a hoot ..now that girl makes me feel uneasy ...lol

[Karren H]

The cd's I have met seem very uneasy with me ....they avoid eye contact ...I try my best to get to know them ...but they slowly move away ..avoid me the rest of the night :(...... theres 1 girl Jenny that sits with us now ...who seems ok :) and of course the drag queen I know shes just a hoot ..now that girl makes me feel uneasy ...lol

Well that's because they are in aww of your beauty.....

ohhh and the fact that you really a woman probably scares them a bit too!!!

:D

Karren

[Carroll]

think about this. You are a crossdresser hanging with other crossdresser. It is actaully very simple. You, like a lot of us feel that all the "others" are staring at you, judging you. Maybe they're are thinking, "what a crappy looking chick that is", who did that make-up". Thats what happens to me on the few times I have been with others. I then realize that I am doing the same to them...eyeing...maybe saying to myself...gez, know I am better looking than "her"
Its a fear of being judged by you peers.

[Alice Torn]

I think you hit on pay dirt.

[Sheri 4242]

What a remarkably significant issue you have raised!!!! I think you are touching on a deeply psychological aspect of CDing -- at least for a number of us. It seems that many CDs, if they will dress in front of others at all, are (a) most comfortable dressing in front of members of the opposite sex, or (b) only comfortable dressing in front of a select person or persons (like their SO and perhaps one or two others). I don't know why this is true -- don't think it has anything to do with certain phobias, but who knows?!! I do know that, at least for me and my opinion on this topic, I am a combination of the two. Someone was posting on another thread about not wanting to check into a hotel b/c when they drove up the two hotel desk people were young girls. If I remember correctly, this person drove on until they came to a hotel with older check-in desk help -- and male help at that, I think. Wow was that the antithesis of my mindset!!! I would feel much more at ease (and, in fact, have felt much more at ease) dealing with gg's, and especially ones in their 20's. While some gg's in that age group are not accepting, I have found that, as a whole, they are a very accepting age/gender group in re dealing with heterosexual male CDs.

A few years ago I went home for my 30th high school reunion. Nobody knew I was a CD when we were in high school, but in helping with the planning for our 30th, I actually felt comfortable with, and motivated to, reveal my CD side to a few of the gg's from my high school. I would have never felt comfortable revealing this side of me to any of the males I went to high school with. In fact, the ONLY time I have ever felt at ease about being revealed as CD to other men has been when a Domme has insisted on it!

I guess we are all different, but I truly think you have touched on an area that is key to many of us and one that deserves further study.