still married!!!!

[sparks]

OK. I'm still married and we had the big discussion. The crossdressing is still an ongoing battle. She doesn't get it nver will and thinks the worst of it all.
All she can picture is me flitting around in a dress. But really who cares we are still together and the discussion was good for both of us.
We decided to take our relationship back to the beginning and start dating. Maybe it will help us.
My actions on the most part that surned the big fight didn't even involve dressing but that still came into play. I will change my ways for sure on the aspects that didn't involve dressing. I was wrong. The dressing issues I told her I didn't think I could stop.
She doesn't hate me for it but resents the fact that i didn't give her a chance to back out of the relationship if she wanted to. To late once the kids were about. She even said that if I had been honest and upfront in the beginning she may have even been supportive to an extent. My advice girls be honest early in the relationship cause it may be worth all the risks instead of being like me closing in on twenty years and still fighting with the cd issues.
She told that she even visited this site a few times and found it a just pat on the back CD club. "Like my new shoes?" Kinda thing. I told her it's what you make it. If you want depth here start a new thread and make it meaningful. I tried to get her to join the GG section and told her of some the great wives I have met. Some supportive and some not.
At the end of the day we are still together and even though she destroyed my very small stash(with my fave skirt) I still love her whole heartedly.
We just have barriers to cross especially in the talking department.

[Janelle Young]

I love to hear good news, and this is indeed good news. Congratulations on still being married! I think in any relationship the communication is the hardest part. Good luck and thank you for the update.

[Lovely Rita]

I am glad the dialogue goes on. It seems like she wants to make it work. I wish you the best.

[crusadergirl]

I wish you all the best sparks. I know its not easy trying to stop crossdressing. I hope you and your wife stay together for along time your a good guy and a good friend of mine.

[SherriePall]

Sparks -- Glad to hear the good news. Just take it slowly and continually reassure her that you love her.

[CandyDarling]

Its so hard - I'm glad she is still with you. I wonder what is worse - living with the fear tha now she knows she will leave me sooner or later or the guilt and fear of the closet ?

[Miss Petra]

Sparks,

Great you have a chance.

Let her see your fem side but always in drab.

Tell her you love her every day
Tell her you thought of her all day
Mandatory date night once a week no exceptions. Just you & her.
When she asks for something do it.
Help with her day to day chores if you can.
Be a good listener.
Never yell no matter what.
Express how you feel without blaming each other.

Im no expert this is just what our counselor advised us to do when the D-word cameup last year.

I went from no way Im not accepting to at all, to ok in the house only then no wig or nails, then ok with full dress, then no social activities on line to allowing me to reach out to the community on line, To no public exposure to OK if Tri-ess is what you have to do then just be careful.

I gained her confidence & she realizes I am a better husband & person by dressing.

Also going to 12 step program for transsexual pornography and being clean from that for 7 months didnt hurt either.


I hope it all works out for you in the end. Take it slow let it expand on their time not yours.




Hugz,

Petra

[Sarah Rabbit]

Hi sparks

Long time no see. I hope you work things out to both of your satisfaction. At least you have the dialogue happening.


Sarah R. :bunny:

[Siobhan Marie]

I'm so pleased for you. Hope everything works out for you.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Carroll]

...and my dear...your keynote in your post was:


She even said that if I had been honest and upfront in the beginning she may have even been supportive to an extent. My advice girls be honest early in the relationship cause it may be worth all the risks instead of being like me closing in on twenty years and still fighting with the cd issues.


This is so important in a relationship...honesty at the first date

[Di]

Fantastic News!!!!!!

[Angie G]

Well Sparks keep leting her know you love her and good luck hun :hugs:
Angie

[Wenda]

You are talking, very important. She is becoming more comfortable and widening her range of acceptance, exceptionally good news. Good advice from especially Petra's points. Try to avoid the "Oh poor me" syndrome. The Willy Nelson song, "the little things I could have said or done..but you were always on my mind." Although some may dispute it, not all SOs can read our minds. all the best, w.

[kittypw GG]

Great new! Glad to hear that you are working things out. :D
Kitty

[Casey Morgan]

I'm so glad to hear you two are still together. I'm sending the both of you good thoughts. :hugs:

[Marcie Sexton]

Its a foot in the right direction, now to do your part in making it work...talking is half the battle...Good Luck & God bless

[sparks]

Thank you all for your postive thoughts I'm going to hold on to the dearly.
I have a ways to go through it all but I'm sure we will make it. Our luv is strong and we willwork on the things keeping us apart.

[JoAnnDallas]

I hope and pray everthing will work out to suite both of you.

[Brandi1865]

My wife found my "things" last year. Its been tough since then but we are still together. There are the occasssional comments after one too many wines, but that is okay.

I hate being in the closet, but I love my wife and family (and they love me as Tom)......so I will cope.

But I do know that Brandi is a part of me.

Thanks.

[dancinginthedark]

:gh: I'm happy for you both Sparks. Baby steps hun, baby steps.

dancin

[Daintre]

I am very happy for you sparks, anytime a marriage can withstand upheaval like this is bound to be stronger in the long run. Your attitude is right on, I wish you and your SO all the best.

[malissa0311]

yes that is good that you are still married my wife and i are going threw the same thing she does not want me to do it around the kids but she will let me paint my toe nails and wear panties she will also let me were a bra to every now and then still working on the skirt and dress thow