GID, a pain in the ...

[Maggie Kay]

I am dealing with the effects of gender identity disorder. I have always had it and lately it has been a major pain. I see women in all stages of life and long for their state. Then I think," Women want men as life companions and lovers". Realizing this, I get upset because men are so repugnant to me. I am sorry to say this because I know that it is not normal to feel so negative about half the human race let alone my own physical gender. I find that I want these male parts off of me and for all maleness to disappear from the planet. Now that is just plain crazy isn't it? Sure, I can say that SRS will solve that but inside, I'll know that my genetics are still male.
This issue really kicked into high gear, recently, after I read a post here about another Tgirl who had a date with a guy. I won't go into details but my reaction was "OH no please don't, men are bad". I admire this Tgirl and care about her well being. Now this is really not my place to tell her what to do and she is obviously doing what she likes. She did nothing wrong but it made me think again about what I am doing. I am acting female but wanting a female partner. Last night, I watched a movie with some sex scenes in it and the idea of women having sex with a man again sent me packing. Lesbian relationships are wonderful but I know that compared to a real woman, I'll never make the grade. I am not looking for a new relationship as I am married to a wonderful woman. However, she wants me to be a man. SO I am left in limbo. I cannot find a place to stand. It makes me furious.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Kay

There is no reason why you should be left in limbo.

Yes it will be difficult for you to find the perfect partner for you due to some of the reasons you have stated. Never give up on finding the right person especially with modern communications.

I wish you the best of luck in your search and please dont give up


:hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

I edited my post to clarify that I was not looking but that my state makes me feel so awkward. I suppose that if my wife was pleased at my femininity, I would be much more at peace with it. However, I cannot put the burden of that on her.

[CaptLex]

As Kermit the frog used to say, "it's not that easy being green". It's not that easy being trans either. The relationship/love/sex issue is a big one with us. Some have to deal with current relationships and marriages and some have to deal with finding someone who will want them - and this is true whether we're MtF or FtM and whether we're attracted to males, females or both. I wish I had the answers myself. I think we have to figure out what's most important to us - transitioning or relationships. It's great if we can maintain both, but for some it comes down to choosing one or the other. :straightface:

[RiversideCT]

Kay, you are definitely not alone. I have been going through much the same. Though I have an interest in men I would never spend my life with one.
Choosing is in your own heart. Believe me I have had all the clichés' thrown at me. As useless as they seem at times they are true. I feel in my heart the choosing is taken out of my hands in the light of keeping my sanity. My wish is that my wife will accept Amy but recently after over a year of hoping I have lost hope. It is something that she cannot do, and yes she wants a man.
So my choice is living as I am and always be on the edge or leave and start living and not crying.
Recently we have had calm talks about our future, we both agree that we want to stay together but both are realizing that it's not going to last. Yes there is a lot of guilt, no way around it and it will always be there but the joy of a corrected future helps to lessen the pain. I don't know if I have helped at all, probably not, but to through out a cliché' "You are not alone" (and that is not the title of a horror movie).

[Shellybean]

personnally i have chosen celibacy until i finish my transition(if there really is a finish??!?) but i think this is cutting down on my stress level. there are people out there who do get married after transitioning so there is hope for all of us. Love just happens and has really nothing to do with what u look like or what your jenes say. As far as my preference i seem to be sexually ambiguous right now sort of not really thinking about it at all and focussing my my career. Funny since that thing down there stopped working my IQ has gone up like 300%. I think that i will go invent away to travel faster than light...lol
hang in there sweets
hugz
michelle

[Maggie Kay]

We have had the talks about the future too. We have a lot in our twenty years plus marriage to the plus side and plan on staying together. I am worried that if my GID doesn't get more tolerable, it will be harder on the marriage. I suppose just being able to say "Ouch" helps sometimes. It is not like this is earthshaking news. I mean, lots of posts are about the anguish over being TG. Some days, I am genuinely at peace and think I have it under control. I wish I could bottle what ever got me there and take it today...

[RiversideCT]

Kay, again I have been there. Also married 22 years in May. I have three post op friends that were all married over 30 years.
I don't know if I have chosen celibacy, it just seemed to have happeded. Been almost 2 years. My wife still stays by me. Sometimes I wonder she has given so much, can I ask more? I can't help what I think and how I feel.

[Siobhan Marie]

personnally i have chosen celibacy until i finish my transition(if there really is a finish??!?) but i think this is cutting down on my stress level. there are people out there who do get married after transitioning so there is hope for all of us. Love just happens and has really nothing to do with what u look like or what your jenes say. As far as my preference i seem to be sexually ambiguous right now sort of not really thinking about it at all and focussing my my career. Funny since that thing down there stopped working my IQ has gone up like 300%. I think that i will go invent away to travel faster than light...lol
hang in there sweets
hugz
michelle

Celibacy is the route that I will be taking when I go into transition too. I just can't be doing with a relationship at the moment. I know that I probably seem awfully selfish but I have got to deal with just going day to day without having a relationship as well. It's not that as though I don't want a loving relationship, I do, just not in my present state as I still have to present as a man and have to do so for probably another 2 years. I know that I will find Miss Right, I will find her as Anna and and be with her as Anna and not as who I currently am.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Teresa Amina]

I have a gg friend who happens to be bi. Quite a find! But she still is interested in what she calls my "dangly bits" :D Hmmm.... Well, as many here, I'd be happy for them to be gone and really have no interest in using them for their "intended purpose". So, open as she is to "alternates" there is still a problem. Go figure! Celibacy (actually the proper word is chastity) has been my lifestyle even in marriage so no big deal there, but convincing someone who has been very active sexually that it's a good idea is impossible. More "Life is Tough" stuff. :(

[Katrina]

...I know that I probably seem awfully selfish but I have got to deal with just going day to day without having a relationship as well...

Actually, I think that is quite un-selfish. You are not going to cause any distress to a significant other with transition issues. I think that if I wasn't in a committed relationship with a woman who wants a man, I would be on hormones right now. Being in the relationship with her, while fantastic otherwise, is not so good with the TG issues.

[MarieTS]

One point I didn't see made by anyone elses post to Kay is that Gender Identification and Gender Orientation are two separate issues.

Kay, the disprepancy you feel between what you want to be (or believe you are), and who you feel attracted to is not all that unusual. Many trans identify with a gender different than what they were born into. Yet, they are oriented (attracted) to that same sex. For example, you feel you are or want to be female; but you also feel more of a sexual attraction for women than men.

If you haven't been to a gender therapist yet you may wish to see one. They can help you understand a lot of the conflicting feelings you have. At the same time it could be therapeutic for your wife as well, and helpful to deciding the best direction for your future as a couple.

[Shelly R]

I believe in what "MarieTG" has to say And she says it far less confrontational than I am. The therapist is a good deal for you and your wife if you decide to go that way, it can't hurt either. It might help with how you and your wife cope with your future together.
I am a bad example. My wife (soon ex) wants me to turn back the clock when she wants, I am too far down the path hrt/srs to do that to myself, for this I am sorry. I personally don't like men either, long story.
Hopefully I have gotten this right from what you have written
(GID) You do feel different inside, SRS would take care of the dangly bits, but to say genetically you would still be a male, true but only natally. You say you are different on the inside, and of female disposition. Genetics only determines what our body will look like, and not how we think of our selves.
(Sexual orientation)If you are sexually attracted to females, and not considered yourself a Lesbian? (not all women want men either) LGBTQ encompasses most all variant gender rolls, and sexual types. It is all good, and acceptable. Remember those letters, they carry a wide latitude as for meanings, and acceptance. Where does it say that as a woman you have to want men? Remember the "L" in LGBTQ, that's all right too.

[Siobhan Marie]

Actually, I think that is quite un-selfish. You are not going to cause any distress to a significant other with transition issues. I think that if I wasn't in a committed relationship with a woman who wants a man, I would be on hormones right now. Being in the relationship with her, while fantastic otherwise, is not so good with the TG issues.

Katrina, thank you so much for your kind words. You have just made me feel so much better. I always thought that I was being selfish wanting to be alone while going through my transition and now I know otherwise. Thank you.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[AmberTG]

Transition is hard enough without the destruction it can cause to a relationship. As I've said on several other posts, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. There is no easy way, unless you don't currently have a SO, or that most rare of things, a fully supportive SO.

[Colleentg]

I have suffered with GID for years and when I had the chance, not long ago, I finally found a psychologist to talk to about it. It's a good thing, because I was at wit's end, like wanting to pull your hair out! I was married myself, to a woman who also wanted a 'complete' man. But I couldn't be that, I couldn't do that. The more I fought it, the more it fought back. A high five to those who have SOs who are very understanding and supportive. My condolences to those who still have to live in a closet. I know many CDs don't want to be complete women, like I do. It's just that I'm not dealing with a fetish. Dressing doesn't give me all the comfort I need. Even if I had a SO who was understanding of crossdressing, it wouldn't be enough for me. I lost my sex drive years ago, mostly because I don't want to use what I have, it doesn't fit my brain. I have gone several years celibate. I probably will never use 'it' again, because I'd rather have a GG body/genitals. My only regret (if that) is that I don't have any biological children.

[MarieTS]

Colleen--great minds not only think, but they hurt alike. I feel your pain. So much of what you said rings far too loud and clear. I'm with you in spirit :hugs:

[Calliope]

I think we have to figure out what's most important to us - transitioning or relationships. It's great if we can maintain both, but for some it comes down to choosing one or the other.

I do believe that's the "bottom line" - accept a trans life alone and, then who knows, "everything else" that might come along will be a bonus. Recently, I was of the opinion "men are icky," but all my relationships with women sure the hell haven't done much for me. My turning point was getting to appreciate my gay roommate, he's kinda shown the possibility for a decent guy. From there, it's either go on dates with men who like TSs - or just staying home with a bottle of wine on the weekend.

[Shelly R]

Sometimes it will be, just a bottle of wine, a good friend, and the computer, or maybe not the computer. :love:

[joanlynn28]

I am in agreement with Colleentg, with me it is also more than just putting on the clothes. To be able to be myself and live as I must I am transition, anything short of that will just end it for me. And yes I would rather live my live alone as my true self than to be forced to live a lie for a significant other just to please normal society. Yeah, I got GID as bad as you can have it and there is no cure nor if there was one I don't think that I would want to have it. I am happy as the caring loving person that I have become.:iagree: