Past ghosts

[Shelly R]

I may have the life that we all dream of, out, transitioning, full time, and sucessful. I would seem to have it all, and should be happy, I'm not.
This is the other side of transitioning that is rarely talked about. The side that still leaves you feeling empty, devoid of feeling, still alone. This is something I don't talk about, not even with my therapist. I answer her honestly when I say my life goes well, better than I could expect all things considered, considering what I had before was nothing.
I find myself still hurt by what other people, and society has done to me all my life. The your not good enough, your not like us, freak. to be alone, the loss of relaionships, friends, marriages, jokes, nasty coments, "this is only a phase", and lots of other things. We have all been there.
I find myself fighting to educate society about what TS, TG, and CD are. In my own world I guess I have done pretty well. I even get strangers (GG's) that ask me what I am, others that ask about my nails, my hair what I do and where I go, I am always complimented on how I look, and how I dress. People I don't even know ask me if I am transitioning, and congratulate me for what I am doing, and my courage. Everyone that I see stops to say hi and asks how I am doing, I am not unknown.
I don't want the future generations to grow up with what I had to go through. I want the future to not have to know what I have experianced, and I am trying.
I am still haunted by past ghosts, that won't stop!

[Joy Carter]

Shelly, Being transgendered I can understand your feelings to a point. Because I'm not out there every day dealing with the public as you are. But I will tell you things are changing for the better. Just look at how many have supported that city manager who is transitioning in FL. It will get better but it will take time. I told this to Cindi Jones and I do mean it. But you girls who know your selves enough to have the courage to transition are my hero's. Just like the song that Bet Middler sang.


Take Care Joy Carter :hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Shelly

I could tell you a thing or two about ghosts, I've sure had my share. I used to let them bother me, but no more, now I spit in their face because I'm better than them.

As far as dealing with the public and trying to educate them, I do know how frustrating that can be, but at the same time it's something I enjoy. Every now and again I come across someone who is really interested, and that makes it all worthwhile.

Anyways, you hang in there Shelly, don't let it all get you down.

Karen

[Kate Simmons]

I've already told you my feelings on things Shelly. Mostly what happens is that people sell themselves short by putting labels on others. It's much easier to do that than getting to know them as individuals. I appreciate everyone for who they are as PEOPLE and most have the confidence of that when they talk to me. I agree with Karen. Ghosts are just that, ghosts and have no real power over you. Even so, we all need to be re-assured from time to time and that is one of the reasons I am here. I think you are doing just fine Shelly.:happy:

[Calliope]

Shelly,

I was going to say 'geography is destiny,' but, wow, you're right around where I live. (Imagine living in St. Louis county.) I guess geography is probably internal, really - like ghosts. Now, "educating society," that's bigtime thankless work (speaking as a former communist), perhaps give that a rest. The other issue that caught my attention - are "we" women or are we TSs - that's probably way subjective, identifying as the latter seems easier to me. "To live outside the law, you must be honest" (Dylan). Any of this make sense?

[Shelly R]

Shelly,

I was going to say 'geography is destiny,' but, wow, you're right around where I live. (Imagine living in St. Louis county.) I guess geography is probably internal, really - like ghosts. Now, "educating society," that's bigtime thankless work (speaking as a former communist), perhaps give that a rest. The other issue that caught my attention - are "we" women or are we TSs - that's probably way subjective, identifying as the latter seems easier to me. "To live outside the law, you must be honest" (Dylan). Any of this make sense?

Thankless work, you are right! But not now for me, one day I will burn out when I do I will give up on it. Rest assured I will.
I do not identify as a transexual, I use TS because of my HRT and future surgery, that is what I am, I identify as always, a woman first or I would not be making this life change. I am still stuck in the wrong body no matter how I change anything, it's just closer to what I feel I should have been born as. Very subjective, that is an individual choice of labels, and I council people not to give them selves labels! and what do I do to myself? :o
California, hello neighbor!
PM me if you want to talk about anything else.
It does make sense :hugs: