Alittle hurt by CDs

[Bev06 GG]

Hi folks.
I have just been out, and for the first time in ages I wore a skirt and top. I had several CD friends and aquaintances comment on my attire and then leap into a conversation about how we women dont usually look feminine. I know that it wasn't a personal Dig because the main culprit is a good friend of mine, but I also know that usually my choice of clothes is more practical and I do rather like to wear a suit or nice pair of jeans.
However, I felt alittle hurt and a tad uncomfortable at the remarks because it crossed my mind that I have never criticised anyone for what they choose to wear.
I have certainly never commented on how many of the men I know dont look masculin any more. I wouldn't dream of being that personal and risking hurting their feelings.
I have also been a very supportive partner of a CD and helped the community with makeup skills, dressing and going out for the first time.
If I can find it in myself to accept others for what they are, why can I not enjoy the same privilidges.
Maybe I am feeling abit sensitive this week because I have lost someone very close to me, but I really do wish that as I accept all of you for who you are and what you like to dress like, that a few of you would consider me and who I am and what I would like to dress like.
Ok folks moan over, but could I please ask you to consider our feelings as you would like us to consider yours. We love you all for who you are and would like to be loved back just the same. As I am sure all of you can appreciate its not very pleasant being judged because of what you choose to wear, there really is alot more to a GG than that.
Love Bev

[TeriAnn]

I know I would feel the same way if I did something that I wouldn't normally do. I feel like you have the right to dress the way you choose and no one should have anything to say about it. I know if I were to go out into public I would get hammered to no end about the way I look. I try my best but somethings aren't meant to be.
If I were friends with you I believe I would encourage your to dress the way you like as you wouldd encourage me to do the same. The way I see it if you can't say something nice about someone you should keep you trap shut. I wouldn't want someone to slam me for the way I chose to dress on a particular day. With that being said I thank you for all you have done to help the cding community.:2c:

[myMichelle]

You make an excellent point, Bev. First of all, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss...loosing a good friend or loved one is never an easy ordeal--whether you're a crossdresser or not.

I know there have been literally hundreds of threads pertaining to the fact that we, as crossdressers, tend to be a very focused group of people. Many among us will freely admit that , as far as people go, we can be a fairly selfish lot. Because of our own self-absorbtion, it is easy for us to become so wrapped up in our own thoughts and feelings that we sometimes loose track of the fact that we may occasionally say (or do) something that a friend might find offensive. I gather from your post that your CD friend did not intentionally upset you...

It is perfectly acceptable--even natural--for all of us to have our own feelings and opinions. Ironically, the trick, as you so aptly pointed out, is for the CD's to become equally as tolerant of others as they would have others be of them. Again, I doubt that the friend in question meant to hurt your feelings--but he did. For whatever it's worth, I think maybe you should tactfully point out to him how his comment(s) made you feel...A good friend would accept some constructive criticism and perhaps be bit more mindful of your feelings in the furure.

I am sorry this happened...I know that I have probably been guilty of such things myself. I wish I could tell you that there were some way to make such things disappear altogether, but I know that would not be a realistic expectation. Thanks for expressing your viewpoint.

[noname]

Good post, you like a great person.

[LisaRose]

First I'd like to say 'nice to hear from you'. I enjoy your posts and haven't seen one for awhile. Also, thank you for your recent post. While unusual, when I see a GG in a dress or skirt I find it quite pleasant. To have some one make a derrogortory comment is just plain immature on their part.

To each their own, enjoy what is enjoyable to you, and let the rest of the world go by. Life is too short to be making negative comments.

[Tina Dixon]

Being a CD and getting to dress a couple times a month I my self will only wear a dress or skirt I mean thats what cross-dressing is, now you being a woman you your self are not going to wear a skirt or a dress every moment, I think some CD's think you should but it just don't work that way, so don't let them get you down.

[slamddoger]

am sorry about that prson remarks . i hope you have a good day

[KimberlyS]

Bev, It just goes to show you that many within the TG community scream for acceptance, yet do not accept others. Acceptance starts at home, first with personal acceptance, and then with acceptance of others within the TG community. If we want acceptance as CD's, TG's, TS's, Gay's,..... we first need to accept others. And one does not have to understand or like someone to accept them, but you must accept that they are a person also, and have the right to be accepted, to live, and have rights the same as yourself.

If we want the right to wear the clothes of our choice, others should have the same right without being belittled or put down about it. While clothes can make a difference in how we feel, they do not completely dictate making us feel masculine or feminine in my opinion. Those feelings come from within and can be enhanced with clothes, actions, tasks, and other things, but the feeling comes from within.

KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt

[marie354]

Hi Bev! You probably know a lot more about me that I do you from the posts I've replied to... So... I'm truely sorry that some people could make such a comment about the way that you chose to dress.
It's been a cold winter and if I were out and about, I wouldn't be wearing a skirt either. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I do find it nice to see women wearing them again. A woman will always look so much nicer then I ever could in a dress or skirt, but all the same, I wouldn't complain to you whether you chose to wear a skirt of pants. After all, whatever you feel comfortable wearing that day is entirely up to you.
I've always believed that it's what's inside that counts. Even a person's body is just a container for who they are... Male or female... Man or woman... Dog or butterfly.

So again, I'm sorry for the way some people express themselves and their feelings over someone elses sometimes.

[Eugenie]

Thank you Bev for being so open minded, Don't let some stupit people make you feel bad. There are always some people who must feel so superior as to make abusive comments.

While some of the CD here look really feminine, most of us, including me are pale imitations of women, trying to use every bit of artifice to look like real women and very often not too well...

If it wasn't for the advice of some friendly GGs, I wouldn't even have made these modest steps towards my "femme" side.

So again, thank you for supporting us, even when you aren't paid back for your great understanding.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[janelle]

Hi Bev,
I truely am sorry for your loss & would be willing to chat if you need someone.

I can not believe people could or would be that rude. We all are people with different tastes so whats good for one may not be for another. I am sorry that people are that way. As for me, you are one of the very special LADIES(GG) here that make things wonderful for us so maybe its time we tryed to help you. I will do what i can if you just let me know. You are a gem, THANK YOU for being here.
Hugs & Love,
Janelle

[Wendy me]

Bev... sad some people that don't want to be judged on what they wear do the same to others .... after all if we want freedom of choose it should be the same for all..... wear what you want when you want....:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Brianna Lovely]

This really isn't directed at you, personally, but rather at people's perceptions.


Hi folks.
I have just been out, and for the first time in ages I wore a skirt and top. I had several CD friends and aquaintances comment on my attire and then leap into a conversation about how we women don't usually look feminine.

Well, since the generaly accepted "norm" for women today is, jeans. pants, sweats, tees, and sneakers, this reaction does not surprise me at all.

Suddenly, you have stepped into the "you're not normal" realm, just like most CDs on this forum.




I also know that usually my choice of clothes is more practical and I do rather like to wear a suit or nice pair of jeans.




However, I felt a little hurt and a tad uncomfortable at the remarks because it crossed my mind that I have never criticised anyone for what they choose to wear..

Although I'm sorry that your feelings where hurt, I know the feeling.
Because every day a TG person goes throught the pain and fear of loosing their job, their SO, their family. Or being set upon by some bully, because of the clothes they wear.



I have also been a very supportive partner of a CD and helped the community with makeup skills, dressing and going out for the first time.

And I think you are a wonderful person, for being who you are, and giving your time and support to those in need.



If I can find it in myself to accept others for what they are, why can I not enjoy the same privilidges.

Because, in society, women have been accepted. Unfortunately, you've been accepted wearing jeans and sweat shirts, because that's what they expect to see. Just like they expect to see a man in jeans and sweats.

So, unless women in general. start wearing skirts and dresses, the few that do, will be considered odd.

You remember, CD equals, freak, weirdo, pervert, etc., because they wear a skirt.



Maybe I am feeling abit sensitive this week because I have lost someone very close to me

I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.



Ok folks moan over, but could I please ask you to consider our feelings as you would like us to consider yours. We love you all for who you are and would like to be loved back just the same. As I am sure all of you can appreciate its not very pleasant being judged because of what you choose to wear, there really is alot more to a GG than that.
Love Bev

Yes, something felt by all of us on this forum and yes, there really is a lot more to a "person" than that.

[Casey Morgan]

I hear you Bev. Unfortunately it seems that the "bigger" the rules the Transgendered community breaks, the more... dogmatic we are about following the rest of the rules, or following what we think the rules should be.

All that's needed when somebody wears something different than they normally do is a kind remark about their outfit, just to let them know that you've noticed. It's too bad your friends couldn't leave it at that.

[Kitty Sue]

I am always left scratching my head when some CD makes a snide comment reguarding GGs. Seems to me a GG knows a whole lot more about being a woman than the most knowledgeable TG out there.

[TxKimberly]

Well,
My guess is that as they liked what you were wearing and had complimented you on it, they thought they had excluded you from that infamous group "They" that they then proceeded to slam for not being feminine. Thoughtless, but I doubt they realized that they were offending you.
Kim

[Kate Simmons]

Urk, I don't understand that Bev. I have nothing but the highest regard for you gals and all of my friends whether female, male or otherwise. A remark like that is totally needless and pointless as far as I'm concerned. After all, I'm interested in the person, not necessarily what they look like. Shallow comments like you experienced get my dander up. Obviously some need to learn the finer points of interpersonal relationships and think about what they are saying sometimes. Those are my feelings anyway.:straightface:

[SandyR]

My wife always asked me "is it ok if I don't do my hair today or put on Makeup", I always respond "of course" and I mean it. It really bugs me when guys expect there ladies to always dress the dress, walk the walk. I know how much time it takes to get dressed up, and I love it, but you can't do it every day. I know I can't, so why would I expect the same from her.

Big hugg........

SandyR

[Rene]

Bev, great post. I too have heard members of our community say the very same thing, and have been amazed by it. Only goes to show there can be insensitivity in every group. Sorry..I agree, everyone should be able to express themselves how ever they wish. Also, so very sorry for your loss.

[NatalieGirl]

Bev, I am really sorry you were hurt.

I think I know what motivated that CD to say that. Girls like us are so enamored by the thought of wearing pretty, feminine clothes that we like to think that we would be dressed to the nines every day, had we been born GGs. The realities of daily life on earth would not make that possible. But we like to dream. And of course, the grass is always greener on the other side of the gender street.

[Alice Torn]

As one, who has never been married, lost one gg friend, to drugs, another, to cancer, others, to other suitors, I can empathize with your loss. I have lost my whole family, am alone in the world. I empathize. I heard a respected radio talk show host, Denis Prager, give a topic, on the death of the skirt, that overwhelmingly, women, and girls, are abandoning dresses, and skirts, for pants, sweats, jeans especially, and, it is gettin to be a RARITY, to see a lady, in a dress, or skirt. Look at old photos, or drawings, from anytime, before the 1970's, and the women, will likely be in dresses, long ones, in the horse and buggy days. This is a NEW thing, in the history of the west, and personally, I think it is sad. I have a right to my opinion, too, especially as a veteran. My housemate, is 48, has not worn ANYTHING but jeans, since about age nine! I don't criticize her, because she is SET, in her ways, would NEVER try to look nice, for a man, or for ladies. I think pants are practical, and warmer for women, in cool, or cold weather, and I don't condemn them wearing them. What Mr. Prager, and so many of us , find sad, is the extreme rarity, of dress, or skirt wearing, today, compared, to past decades, like the 40's, and 50's, and 60's. It makes the world, less beautiful, and colorful. Reminds me of Red China, when they all had to wear communist uniforms, like all guys, and gals, wearing blue jeans. Neal Diamond--"Forever in blue jeans." On the other hand, I don;t like the way so many men, have forgotten how to dress, are looking like morons, and buffoons. Maybe out whole society, has lost, the art of dressing nice!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Bev

You know, you are so right. It always amazes me how CDers have a problem with how a GG presents herself when she goes out. I mean, what do they expect, a cocktail dress to go to the grocery store in? It really gets me shaking my head. I don't go out in skirts to much anymore myself, I'm happier in a cute pair of jeans and my tennies.

I'd also like to know what they mean by looking feminine. It's not about the clothes or the make-up. Kat can be painting the walls, but when she gives me one of her mischievous cat grins, she looks plenty feminine to me...good thread!

Karen

[Joy Carter]

Hi folks.
I have just been out, and for the first time in ages I wore a skirt and top. I had several CD friends and aquaintances comment on my attire and then leap into a conversation about how we women dont usually look feminine. I know that it wasn't a personal Dig because the main culprit is a good friend of mine, but I also know that usually my choice of clothes is more practical and I do rather like to wear a suit or nice pair of jeans.
However, I felt alittle hurt and a tad uncomfortable at the remarks because it crossed my mind that I have never criticised anyone for what they choose to wear.
I have certainly never commented on how many of the men I know dont look masculin any more. I wouldn't dream of being that personal and risking hurting their feelings.
I have also been a very supportive partner of a CD and helped the community with makeup skills, dressing and going out for the first time.
If I can find it in myself to accept others for what they are, why can I not enjoy the same privilidges.
Maybe I am feeling abit sensitive this week because I have lost someone very close to me, but I really do wish that as I accept all of you for who you are and what you like to dress like, that a few of you would consider me and who I am and what I would like to dress like.
Ok folks moan over, but could I please ask you to consider our feelings as you would like us to consider yours. We love you all for who you are and would like to be loved back just the same. As I am sure all of you can appreciate its not very pleasant being judged because of what you choose to wear, there really is alot more to a GG than that.
Love Bev


It's all about respect Bev. :hugs:

[Kerrie Sifton]

crit·i·cism noun
1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.
2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding
Critique
1. an article or essay criticizing a literary or other work; detailed evaluation; review
4. to review or analyze critically.

What Bev appears to be very sensitive to is the apparent judgemental/ faultfinding of the issue of women apparently spending less time to make themselves attractive, in a way that we think or dreamed of them being ages ago. I think that we as a society are very quick to pass judgement but not spend the necessary time to critique or evaluate what we see and how others percieve the issue.
My reminiscence of women as I went through high school was mostly of skirts, short dresses and some pants. Yes it was a wonderful time, but the girls were also in their teens. It was great. And they looked great.
Today when I look through your normal store, be it a walmart, a grocery store, most people, male and female. young and old, are in very casual clothing. Comfortable, less sexy, somewhat drab. Downtown during business hours is much different, fewer skirts and dresses than days gone by, but more attention to detail. Skirt suits, men in better looking suits, all of them looking more upscale.
Less attention goes into making one appealing to the world at large.
Thus when I am in future shop and marvelous 6ft 3" woman walks in in a silk blouse, chic black and white knee length skirt, black pumps, shoulder length hair, and vivid lipstick. She caught most of the place by suprise. Was she a cd? Could have been, don't know, but would have been fun to introduce myself to her. She was incredibly attractive. I thought she was marvelous.
But she too was faced with criticism by some of the other clients. As they whispered behind her back.

Thus I think we all need to review our critical skills, and our criticism skills.
It's true I would love to see more skirts and girls/women looking more lovely. But what does that say about me, if I want that then I should also be that.
So starting tomorrow, I am going to start.
As they say if you want a friend, be one.
Critique with care, criticize not.
All the best Bev, my thoughts and prayers will be with you.:happy:

[Bev06 GG]

I have to say I didn't expect to get quite so many replies so that makes it difficult to reply to you all in person. (I have read them all) However, a big thank you to all of you, you have restored my faith.
I am feeling rather fragile lately as the loss I was talking of was my mum just over a week ago. To say I am devastated is an understatement as she was only 67 and I expected to have her around for a few more years yet. We lost my dad just two years ago so I am feeling abit raw.
Hence maybe I am more sensitive than I would normally be.
I have to say though that the fact you actually took time to read my thread and not just gloss over it has encouraged me. I didn't expect anyone to notice the sentence about my loss. You have all actually responded in a much more positive way than a Christian forum that I belong to. Just goes to show that minority groups who have to endure discrimination, know how to love and support one another.
Thanks again.
Love Bev

[Suzie S.]

Bev, just wanted to say I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mom. I know it must be bery difficult for you. Sending you :hugs: :hugs:

As for those comments you had to endure, just keep being yourself and be proud of it! :D Don't let those few comments leave a bad impression of CG/TG folks.

[Raychel]

Sorry for your loss Bev. This is a very hard time that you are going thru. :hugs: :love: :hugs: :love:

[Alice Torn]

You are in a vulnerable time. My mom is 84, has severe Alzheimer's, for five years. Like Nancy Reagan, who said she had]nt had Ronald, for ten years, I feel, I have not had her for years. But, those who sleep in the dust of the earth, will awake, in a resurrection, and it will seem to them, that they were just napping.

[Deborah]

However, I felt alittle hurt and a tad uncomfortable at the remarks because it crossed my mind that I have never criticised anyone for what they choose to wear.
Love Bev

Not to worry hun. That was them with the claws out. MEOW!!! :D

[Tina B.]

Bev, glad you are feeling a little better, sorry about your mother, I lost my dad when he was way to young to lose, so I know how hard that can be.
But you have to remember, men (including those CD'ers) show up most places anymore, with nothing more than a pair of jeans, and a wrinkled T-shirt, that does not really qualify the most of us to be the fashion police.
Dressing should always be a thing of personal choice, and should reflect your feelings and what you plan to do, it is not the job of any woman, to dress in a way that attracts men, unless that is what she whanted to do in the first place.
And from your avatar, I would say you would have a hard time not looking femmine!
Tina B.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Bev, not sure if its ok for another GG to comment on ur post hun :rolleyes: but sometimes peoples remarks ( where-ever be c/d or not ) , do hurt you. ive had comments made because i dont wear dresses or a skirt very often ( this was made by a family memeber ) !! :mad: it annoys me too , you should be allowed to wear whatever you want, when you want :D as long as YOU feel good init thats what matters :happy:

[ashlee chiffon]

goes to show that rudeness and insensitivity can pop up anywhere and by anybody of any of the sexes...

just kick 'em in the butt and set them straight next time!
we all love Ya!

[Shelly R]

I am sorry that what other CD's had to say upset you. Sometimes we all can be a little insensitive at times especially when things do not meet our own expectations or views. Another issue might have been jealousy, and envy. This effects everyone not just our groups but GM's and GF's as well. Even I have been on the receiving end and it did not make for a good evening, to listen to her B#?*h and whine all night long about what I do for myself beauty wise. I am sorry that they had to be rude enough to to say this in front of you, and their lack of consideration directed at you. This should all blow over in time, don't let what they said bother you for long.
I am sorry for your loss, and my heart goes with you.
You look great, have fun!

[Lovely Rita]

I agree and everyone should be considerate of others PERIOD

[Lisa Golightly]

I like trousers :)

[Toyah]

Bev you are who you are and should not expect others to make personal comments like that. I like you as a person and a friend and for your help with makeup. I am sure whoever made the comment did not mean it but I think you should let them know it hurt you