Outed

[Sharon]

***

[CindyT]

I admire you for making the time to help a friend in need even though it may have meant blowing your secret!


I had a similar incident once when a neighbor got her car stuck in the snow just outside my driveway while I was dressed. I saw her walking toward my door so I quickly grabbed some male garb and ran to the bathroom, tossed my wig, washed my face and threw my jacket, hat and gloves on. I normally don't do my nails, but I had quite a time getting my makeup off fast enough!


When she got to the door I hollered "come on in" as I went into the bathroom, then I helped push her out of the snow, so outside she did not get that close of a look, but it was real close to getting caught!


~~ A good reminder to all of us that when you dress at home you need to have a fast escape plan ready! ~~



CindyT

[Tristen Cox]

Geesus Sharon, I know how you feel right now and when you heard that from your neighbor. Nothing more you can say to him there. Don't worry about editing you did fine in telling that, I can imagine it took alot to even type. You know I'm here when you need to talk. Very sorry about this is happening.


Hang in there ok?

love
T

[Vickie-CD]

Sharon, my heart goes out to you, I know you have to be in an emotional turmoil now. What breaks my heart is for a good careing person to be judged so harshly.
Love Always,
Vickie

[Vallari]

Wow I can't believe they are reacting like that! :( Especially after you helped her out and all. Well I hope things turn out ok for you Sharon. Hopefully this will blow over soon, if you wanna talk like Tristen said, feel free. I wish you only the best here that things turn out well. Keep your head up Sharon!

[Holly]

Sharon,

My heart goes out to you. Kinda sounds like no good deed goes unpunished. :) Please don't the unkind remarks of one person (the guy with the kids) dampen your resolve to do the right thing. Remember that he is reacting from a position of ignorance. And try hard to not let this whole situation be built up unrealistically in your mind. Holly's Theory of Reality states that, "Our minds will concieve a situation at least ten times worse that what the reality will turn out to be."

Sharon, you'll be okay. And we will be here with you all the way. Don't stop being kind to others!

[Vickie-CD]

Sharon, the more I think about it, the more depressed I get(not your fault, been on antidepressents 4ever), I just don't know why people can be so mean spirited. I wish I could do something to help.
Love,
Vickie

[spaskinstyle]

Hello Sharon:

I know that I am a new GG to this board but I can not help but be moved by your story and what has transpired in your life. I can only say to you I'm sorry.

As everyone here will offer you something: kind words, advice, maybe a shoulder to cry on... I would like to take your anger and bitterness off your hands for you. Let me deal with that for you - I'll put it in it's place and your kind and gentle heart will remain as it is - joyfull and full of life.

Don't worry about me, I can handle the load, It's better that your life's energy be positive as you move forward through this. Live life to the fullest and be happy.

Love, Theresa

[JoannaDees]

**** Hug ****

[christine55]

Sharon, that must have really hurt when that guy called demanding you stay away from his kids. I wonder what secrets that jerk is hiding.
The worst thing you could do is slink away in shame. This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You will certainly find out who your friends are. It is easy to think of good things to say later, but if the guy had called me I would have told him that I certainly will stay away from your kids but I feel sorry for them being raised by a f****r like you. If he does anything call the cops.
Hold your head high, remain friendly, try not to isolate (I'm a fine one to say that). Decent people have better things to concern themselves with than other peoples sexual preferences. Those who remain hostile are no loss as friends. When this blows over I bet you will be better off than before the whole thing happened. Best wishes
Hugs, Christine

[Helana]

Sharon

No doubt all your neighbours know by now. I really feel for you and you must imagine that your home has become a prison.

I know this is a big step, but since you are already outed, you may as well try to mend fences with those more tolerant neighbors - starting with the neighbor you helped. Approach them and ask for their assistance and explain your dilema. If you can show to them that you are exactly the same person who has always lived in that house for such a long time and win their trust then they will stand up for you against the intolerant neighbours.

I think the natural thing for anyone would be to hide away behind closed doors and become reclusive. However that will just make you look even more suspicious and threatening in the eyes of others. Now is the time to redouble your efforts to make contact with your neighbors and play a bigger part in your local community. It is important that you counteract the spreading rumours that your are a "pervert" by telling your side of the story.

I know this is a tough thing to do but now that your secret is out, you have to change your mindset and be open and honest about your CDing to others. I think you will be surprised how many people will be sympathetic to your situation and you will probably end up making lots of new friends who support your CDing. Every cloud has a sliver lining.

Hope you take this to heart and find a positive outcome to this unpleasant event.

Love

Helana

[Jan W]

Dear Sharon,

What a tale!

I really have no good advice except to remind you that you have done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

My selfish gene kicked in while reading your post and I put myself in your situation and I did not like it one bit. It is alright to think that as a confident strong person a knuckle dragger like your idiot neighbour would not bother me but I have to admit that the innuendo of child interference could do nothing but make me head for the hills. Why? Because reason has been abandoned. Once an antagonisor becomes unreasonable there is nowhere to go. Mature adult debate does not occur, and in this case popular opinion in the neighbourhood by weak minded people could make things very unpleasant.

I might at this point say that I feel this very line of unreasoning is the reason that we will never be accepted in society. No one except the very brave and cool will publicly exhiibit a friendship with a CD.

Dearest Sharon I feel for you so much and adding the pain of your tragic loss I can only sincerely hope and pray that your life takes a huge turn for the better.

You certainly deserve a break!


All my love.

Jan

[Rikki]

My dear Sharon,

My heart goes out to you and I pray that everything will turn out for the best.Stand tall girl. I can't imagin what you are going through, because I have not been there, but it has to be hard on you. PM me if you want to talk, I don't know too much, but maybe I can offer something. That is what this forum is for, support and hugs with sholders to lean on in time a need like this. There are lots a girls out here that want to help you. Take care girl.


LOL Rikki

[DanaJ]

Sharon - wow, I don't know what to say. I wish I were there to help somehow, but just know you have bigtime moral support a few hours away! If you need anything, or there is any way I can help, just holler :)

Love,
DanaJ

[azncd]

Sharon,
I don't know what else i can add besides what everyone else here has already said, but you at least have people here who accept you for who you are without having to worry that the whole world is against you.
good luck, and i hope you feel better soon
~amy

[Wendy me]

omg sharon i am so sorry to hear that is happening to you after you going to helpe someone in need and i belive that you would do it again. jusy hold you own ...
sell and move well its your home you have the right to be there ....in time remind the nabors that you are still the same person ..........love you sister

huge hugs we are here for you

[ChristineRenee]

Sharon,

I think Helana probably best summed up my feelings here and I don't think that there is much of anything that I can really add to that advice wise. I feel very bad for you that this all happened when all you were trying to do was help a friend in need. Don't let that other jerk with the kids make you feel bad about yourself or who you are. If you ever want to chat just PM me. I will always be here for you sister.

Hang in there and keep your head held high...you are a person of high moral character...you do not need to slink away and hide in the shadows because of anyone's ignorance and intolerance.. ;)

A big hug for you from me.


Love,
Chrissie

[June]

Sharon: I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. People are so confused sometimes about the differences between sexuality, dressing, child molesting and the like. Don't take it personally and just try to write it off as one of life's experiences.

On a happier note, now you don't have to slink around being afraid that someone will find out :) All my best wishes to you << hugs >>

~~ June

[DonnaT]

I'm glad I read through all these post before responding, saves some typing.

Sharon, I agree with Helena :eek: :D

If you can find the courage, which I do believe you have, visit your friendly neighbor enfemme, and have a nice chat. She should be in the know with regard to how the other neighbors feel, and maybe even have a get together with some of the nicer neighbors.

Your out now, you should feel free to come and go dressed as desired. A get together will let everyone know exactly what crossdressing is all about.

Just think, no more having to hide who you are, you can sit around the the house dressed as desired and when a neighbor comes to visit, you don't have to run and hide. Freedom. :)

Just know that your Mr. A**hole will more than likely have his kids turn on you too, and whether enfemme or drab, hurtful comments will probably be hurled your way. Try and let them go in one ear and out the other.

How does Mr. A**hole's wife feel? If possible, she should also be included in the gathering. Maybe she can stop her husband from brainwashing her kids.

Showing your good neighbors your not a perve, by being open and honest with them will ease most everyone tension, if they have any.

Time to educate your little part of the world dear. :)

[Tracie Lynn]

Sharon, it's unfortunate to say the least and their isnt any thing I can say that hasnt already been said but I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on IM me here or on yahoo either one if you need anything.

[sherri]

Sharon, I hope you know by now that I am quite fond of you, and I am certainly upset by your distress. I too wish there was something I could do, but I know I'm only words on a computer screen.

I would not have counseled you to confess to your neighbor, and I think she has repaid your compassion and frankness with a low blow. I hope she realizes the harm she has done. Nor do I agree with the advice to be more open in your neighborhood with your crossdressing beyond the confines of your home, which I think would only worsen your situation. There is very little reason to believe that mainstream suburban America is ready to embrace a crossdresser in their midst. They are not. If anyone in your neighborhood is prepared to accept Sharon, let them take the initiative in demonstrating their tolerance.

I do agree with the advice not to otherwise sequester yourself. To the extent that damage control is possible, it is important to make every effort to demonstrate to your neighbors that you are still you, that you are a good human, and that you are not ashamed of your predilection. It is also crucial that you not allow bigotry to harm your self-esteem. Most importantly, now is the time for friends, whether or not they know about Sharon. Reach out for companionship.

As for moving, time will tell whether that is something you should seriously consider. I understand the sentimental associations you have with your home, but the only constant in life is change, whether we want it or not. If it becomes obvious that you will face ostracism or belligerence in your neighborhood, you don't deserve that and shouldn't subject yourself to it.

xoxo

[paulaN]

Sharon so sorry to hear about your nasty nabor. what a closed minded bas$$$d. just hold your head high and say to your self it will all work out over time. It will I just know it.

[Wendy me]

sister any time you need us just yell......................love you girl

[Julie York]

Good luck Sharon. It's the stupid logic that really p*****es me off. Idiot neighbour's wife wears nail polish, so by some bizarre logic does that make her automatically some social threat? The guy is a moron.


If it makes you feel better you can borrow my shoes.

(But only for five minutes!)

[ChristineRenee]

Sharon we are always gonna be here for you if you need us. You know that...that's what the sisterhood is all about here.

Hang tough...just be who you are and proud of who you are girlfriend. It will all work out ok for you....I know that it will.


Love,
Chrissie:)

[stevie h]

babe

nothing I can add that has not already been said. You have my support and thinking of you.


love


stevie

xx

ps what a w........er

[Priscilla1018]

I'm glad I read through all these post before responding, saves some typing.

Sharon, I agree with Helena :eek: :D

If you can find the courage, which I do believe you have, visit your friendly neighbor enfemme, and have a nice chat. She should be in the know with regard to how the other neighbors feel, and maybe even have a get together with some of the nicer neighbors.

Your out now, you should feel free to come and go dressed as desired. A get together will let everyone know exactly what crossdressing is all about.

Just think, no more having to hide who you are, you can sit around the the house dressed as desired and when a neighbor comes to visit, you don't have to run and hide. Freedom. :)

Just know that your Mr. A**hole will more than likely have his kids turn on you too, and whether enfemme or drab, hurtful comments will probably be hurled your way. Try and let them go in one ear and out the other.

How does Mr. A**hole's wife feel? If possible, she should also be included in the gathering. Maybe she can stop her husband from brainwashing her kids.

Showing your good neighbors your not a perve, by being open and honest with them will ease most everyone tension, if they have any.

Time to educate your little part of the world dear. :)

Sharon,

I am so sorry that you have to go through such a S....y experiance. You are such a kind and wonderful person. Do'nt let the ignorance of one turn you away from others. I am still learning about the ignorance and misconceptions society holds for us. I cannot imagine what I would feel like in a situation like this. Please remmember that we are ALL with you and want only the best for you. You did nothing wrong, you helped another in their time of need.

Love and BIG HUGS,
Priscilla

[Stephanie Brooks]

:`(

Sharon, I don't know what to say, other than I'm so sorry!

*BIG HUGGLES*

You've some good advice in this thread. Think about what would work for you and then do it.

You're a good person Sharon!!!!!!!! You've done nothing wrong. You're not a pervert for being a crossdresser. You know those things, but it certainly doesn't hurt to be reminded of such things.

*BIG HUGGLES*

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Okay, first of all Sharon, I'm going to kick your ass for not PMing me about this! Geeesh! G/F I'm going to order a case of whoop ass and come to your neighborhood! Some ppl are just mean and others are assholes. And others are worse cuz they're both! They don't want me to contend with. Are there any TG groups in your area? You could use their support right now. Also, take Dana up on offer of support and any other grrlz your way, okay? And damn you, don't do this to me again please. PM me if I miss a post like this, k? And that goes for all of you!

hugs
kew

[Tamara Croft]

Gawd I missed this one too..... your neighbour sounds like a right tosspot... I can't believe he phoned you to stay away from his children........ wtf does he think you're going to do with them FFS!!!! You do a good deed for someone and that's the thanks you get for it... There's not much else I can say that everyone else hasn't said already. Hopefully it will all blow over, if not... then you can work at it. Just don't let it eat you up too much....

*Hugs*

Tamara x

[Amelie]

Sharon, sorry that I am late in responding. I feel sorry for the situation you are in, it sounds frightening.
I have to agree with Sherri, while you might have been outed, it doesn't mean it will be safe for you to wander around town dressed in fem. Right now it seems like one neighbor is acting nasty, but this will increase if you decide to walk around the neighborhood dressed. In the area that you live, it might be best to keep your dressing away from neighbors eyes. Don't give them a reason to do damage to you or your property.
Moving might be an option, but you will still run into these types if you are ever outed again.
I hope all turns out for the better for you.
Love Amelie

[NylonMan]

It amazes me how ignorant some people are.

NylonMan

[derminator]

It just goes to show, despite how far more tolerant the world has become, there are still a whole bunch of red-necked, ignorant f***heads like that 'over-protective' father..... i wonder what secrets he is hiding??????

[Stephanie Brooks]

It just goes to show, despite how far more tolerant the world has become, there are still a whole bunch of red-necked, ignorant f***heads like that 'over-protective' father..... i wonder what secrets he is hiding??????
There always will be. Humanity has always had them, and it always will.

I think people are good overall, but there are some bad people in the world. It's a matter of how we deal with them.

[Chrissycd]

if you don't let it get to you. I would almost bet that even the dork might reconsider if you just go about life as per normal. No need to suddenly come out and make a show of cding, but no need to make your own home a bunker, either.
The fact that you helped your neighbor who was hurt speaks much louder than what you were wearing at the time.
I often listen to Garrison Keillor spinning his tales on the radio about the silly shenanigans of his small town characters in Lake Wobegon, Minnesota. This sounds like something he'd use in one of his books. Seeing the humor in it all, and how little it means in the grand scheme takes the edge off of these troubles many times for me. I hope your neighbors can do so as well, and put it in perspective. Those who can't aren't worth your worry, nor your time. Hang in there, babe. We got yer back!
Hugs,
Chrissy

[Marlene4a]

Hi Sharon:

One day at a time.

Time heals.


Let's Talk.

[Helana]

I agree with Sherri - this is not the time to crossdress in public. My advice is to be open and honest in discussing your CDing with others. You have to engage them and explain how you are.

Imagine a neighbor told you that Joe Bloggs in No.17 was an ex-con and had done life for murder. You would be forever suspicious of him, that he was a potential danger to you and your neighborhood and your suspicion of him would not decrease over time. However one day Joe Bloggs approaches you in a friendly manner and he explains his side of the story ie. it was manslaughter when he killed somebody in a car accident and that he was truly repentant and he was in touch with the other family helping them out etc - then all of a sudden this "monster" becomes a real person and you realise that you have nothing to fear from him after all. In fact Joe Bloggs is a friendly, helpful guy and you become good mates.

If you wish to stay in your home than you have to face up to the fact that you will need to approach everybody individually and explain yourself and reassure them that you are just a regular guy. Keep your crossdressing private though, if someone wants to see you crossdressesed then do so inside your house.

[NoraT]

Sharon, you did the right thing. That's all the advice I can give. We all know that some people will never understand who we are. I am so proud of you for what you did and the risks that you took.

You are my heroine. I only hope that someday I can be half the person that you are.

[Kassandra]

Sharon:

Let me be another who chimes in with my support of you.

You did a good thing and now you are being punished for it. I am so sorry for you and so BLODDY ANGRY at that inconciderate, ingnorant, insensitive, P.O.S. father! It's a good thing there are word filters on this board because, lady or not, I would really let go!

I read your post a few days ago and I apologize for not replying earlier, I thought that if I gave it a little time I would come back with a more supportive reply to you. But everytime I read your post, the anger just rises up in me!

All the things I would love to do would only escalate the tension and not really help, but I'm having a ball thinking about them!

I am so sorry this happened to you. And if there was anything we could do I'm sure most of us would be there in a minute!

Please, Shar, keep us posted. Please take care. You're in my thoughts and prayers. And we're all here for you.

Love and lots of hugs for you!

Tris

[wilma]

Dont let the misguided views of one person make you hide and be a different person. Your kindness to others will payoff. Good deeds do reap there own rewards and I dont think this situation is any different. Your neighborhood will know you as the concerned toughful person you are. If you hadn't helped your neighbor how would you have felt then? your post would have been "neighbor in trouble but I didn't do anything". You did the right thing and the only choice a good person as yourself could have done. Your neighbors will see you that way. The ass from down the street is in the minority and I wonder what he hides in his closet. LOL Wilma

[Ava Mouse]

Sharon!

I agree with Helana and the other gals here. Your neighbor is nursing a fractured ankle now. It's a good time to do some food shopping for her and helping her about. And it'd be a good time to help her realize what happened as a result of her gossip... in a nice way. Work with the neighbors that are OK with you and build stronger friendships there... You'll find your close minded neighbor shutting himself out from those neighbors who see the true you.

Not that you should try and polarize your neighborhood, but you do at least need some people who will know you're not a child molester, ya know? Invite the friendly people over for a barbecue or whatever... But also play it down, you've been doing it for years and it's no big deal...

Just my 2c. But I've not been in your situation, so I don't know what really works...

Still, I admire you for doing the right thing in BOTH situations, the fall and the phone call.

Egads, why do people fear us so? We're some of the most gentle men on the planet... sigh...

[sherri]

It's a good time to do some food shopping for her and helping her about. And it'd be a good time to help her realize what happened as a result of her gossip... in a nice way.
This neighbor's tactless betrayal has really been bothering me. The cynic in me has even fretted that her behavior was intentionally malicious. But I think Ava has come up with the perfect way to deal with it. Very elegant. Be a good samaritan, repay ingratitude with kindness, but don't gush.

[Fallen Angel]

sharon god works in many ways and i belive that this will work out for you, stand your ground and never give up if things are out in the open you will truely know who your friends are i think the world of you just as many here do. il suport you all the way you were one of the reasons i joined this forum take on day at a time luv ya xx

[Rikki]

Sharon,
thanks for the up date. I hope that life will get back to normal soon for you. My heart goes out to you. You must feel very trapped, you must get out though. LOL.


Rikki

[racquel]

Sharon all I can offer, Huggs.

[jjjjohanne]

Wow. Your neighbor really blew it. My first reaction is, you must have a very close nit neighborhood! I have never known very many of my neighbors that well.

I am sorry this has exploded like this for you. Everything you tell us makes me think, yeah, I can see how I would feel that way too.

The uncomfortable neighbor, he doesn't understand. Heck, my wife knows a CD very well and she still doesn't understand! I imagine he is just trying to be a good dad and not a social bigot.

Bad things that can come out of this:
- I guess this guy has warned other parents in the neighborhood.
- I would imagine that he warned his kid. If so, then the other kids know.

Good things that can come of this:
- You may now have someone (your fallen neighbor) you can possibly have a girls' night in (or out) with.
- Any other CDs in the neighborhood know you exist. You might get some support from a unknown friend.

My dad said one time that he thought he saw his neighbor outside dressed as a woman. That was the end of it. (He doesn't know about me). I don't think dad did anything differently concerning his neighbor.

Do you have kids?

CDing or no CDing, if you speed *too* much time around the kids in your neighborhood, you can cause suspicion that would cause people to warn their kids about being with you. Be careful not to inspire such worries.

Most things blow over nicely with time. During the event, they drive us nuts. You probably don't need to sell your house! However, if you do, sell it to one of us. That will be wonderful irony!

[Merinda]

Sharon ,

I feel total anger after reading about this F***head neighbour of yours .
I would threaten him by saying " I'm thinking of hitting you with a defamation lawsuit since you have got the neighbourhood believing that I am a danger to the kids" .
I would tell him to keep his mouth permanently shut or face court on a defamation of character charge.

[Tristen Cox]

Hey Sharon, glad you decided to do an update(pokes Sharon in the side). Just happy you aren't letting anyone get the best of you. Thanks for chatting to me and getting your mind off things for awhile. I look forward to more. Hope the job is working out for you as well. It could help if you went to bed at a proper hour :rolleyes: Oh yeah that's my fault. Uh hu blame it on me :p *hugs*


Love
Tristen

[sherri]

Sharon, you know I'm very fond of you, but right now I'm tapping my foot at you, so get ready for a scolding. Don't you let these misanthropes intimidate you. It peeves me to think about you hiding behind your curtains, afraid of the wagging tongues. It's important that your neighbors see a "normal" you going about his life unashamed; otherwise, they'll have this mental image of the perv no one ever sees. But more importantly, sequestering yourself isn't good for you and is liable to lead to bouts of depression and stress. So cut it out.

I'm glad your female neighbor is making conciliatory overtures, but I would take what she says with a grain of salt. She's the one who started all this s**t, and I'm still not convinced her motives were innocent.

As for the neighborhood kids, as parents you and I know that is a supercharged situation. Best to tread lightly. As warm weather and outdoor chores approach, you may see them avoiding you, and that's going to hurt your feelings. I hate that for you, but there it is. If a ball lands in your yard, just toss it back nonchalantly and let things take their course.

And if that hyper-reactive dad confronts you again, remember that you haven't done anything illegal. He has a right to warn you away from his premises, but beyond that, what you do and where you do it is none of his %#@*! business. Do the Ghandi, but remember, Ghandi never backed down.

[SilkenPrincess]

Sharon,
I hope you will forgive me not responding sooner, I just found and read this thread. I'm so sorry at your dilemna. I don't have any magic words for you, if I did I'd bet that someone else would have beat me to them. You are a good person, everyone here knows that. Good people don't have to run from the bad. Your neighbors should be happy to have a concerned neighbor as you. Your life is your own, it doesn't belong to the neighbors. Don't let them run it for you.
Love,
SilkenPrincess

[Trinity_cat]

Hi Sharon,

I hope you are over the worst of this. My heart goes out to you ((hug)).

There is nothing I can add, but to echo the posts of all your friends here.
Always remember, you are never alone when you have such friends as the members here. We all feel your pain, and some of us are dreading the same fate as yourself. Being outed seems to be more and more common these days. Must be something in the air.
Take care when you venture out. Hold your head high and give the impression of total confidence, although you maybe trembling inside.

Good luck Sharon x