I've been outed at work!

[Violetgray]

I work in an environment with 45 females, and 3 other males. A few of them have a weekly "Girl's night in," where they all hang out together. One of them discovered my Myspace page through a mutual friend's link, and just last night, showed it to everyone else.. And at a job full of women, such gossip spreads faster than a cheerleader's legs on prom night. So this afternoon, when I go into work at 3:00, I expect life to be very interesting...

I guess I should've seen it coming, what with having a female page on myspace and all, the largest network know to man.. But I was constantly in conflict:

1.) On the one hand, the need for discretion. You all know what a raw deal we get. Many of us are still in the closet because of all the relationships, intimate and otherwise, it might damage. Its even worse in the black community where, on average, gender/sexuality acceptance is still where America was in 1955.

2.) On the other hand, I needed to be out, I needed to feel attractive, had an aspect of myself that I needed to express. Preaching to the choir here, I know, but I have to wonder if I was just careless, or if I was subconsciously sabotaging myself?

Anyway let that be a lesson to you ladies, be carefull, and being descrete is like a chess game.. think 2 or 3 moves ahead...

[MistyCD]

All I can say is.......Good Luck, I wish you the best...

Hugs Misty

[nishababe]

Hope it all goes ok for you Violetgray,
you look so great that I am sure that you will be accepted as one of the ''Girls''
With your looks and figure you will make most women feel plain,few that I know are as stunning as you !!:heehee:

Lots of Love ,

''Nishababe''

[tommi]

Goodluck Violet hopefully this will actually turn out good for you.Being that
you look in your pictures like someone who passes,maybe it will be a step forward. :hugs: We're here to help what little we can.
Tommi

[tammie]

Hi All; What irony; if U were gay they would readily accept U without any discussion. Because U R a crossdresser they will no doubt make all manner of little jokes and snickers. My guess is on a one to one basis U will be fine. They will have to have a period of time where U will no doubt be reffered to as the little sissie, the heshe, the dragqueen etc. If U R gay then it will be easier on U as they will know how wrong it is to malign U for your sexual preference. Maybe U can pretend to be gay. Good Luck anyway dear.

[Brianna Lovely]

Perhaps this is for the best. I do hope you get a warm welcome from the ladies at work. Just be proud of who you are, hold your head high and smile.
Warm Hugs, Brianna

[DeeInGeorgia]

And be sure to wear your favorite skirt and top to work. ;-)

Slap, slap, slap, - Bad Dee, Bad Dee, Bad Dee

Dee

[bgirl]

Hello Violet, If you wanted to be out and you wanted to be/feel attractive, take heart in that you are now both of those. Good Luck, Beth

[Emma England]

Well, maybe you could join them on their girly nights?

[Staci G]

Violet,
I know the feeling I am on my neices Myspace and she is on mine. You are too for that matter :eek: . But my family dont know you lol. Now you have me thinking should I get rid of myspace altogether???????????? Oh the questions!!!! I want to be visable but invisable at the same time

What to do
Good luck at work let us know what happens:hugs:

[Wanda.cd.northern.NH]

Your picture looks pretty good. Hopefully things aren't too bad at work. It won't last forever no matter how bad it is. Just hold you head up high and don't be ashamed of who you are. As mentioned above if you were gay there probably won't anything be said. If they really all do know maybe you could go in to work or to their girly night dressed. No matter what happens please keep us informed. Oh yes, are you married and does your wife know if you are? If you are and she doen's know this could be one wild day! Good luck!

[Kate Simmons]

Just play it cool, Hon. Act like you normally do at work and don't let on unless someone approaches you. Someone may be naturally curious as women are. If it were me, I'd milk this for all it's worth and look at the positive side.;) :battingeyelashes:

[Bev06 GG]

Violet if they really like you they will be Ok. Its right though what someone has already mentioned about if you were gay they'de be Ok. We have a young guy at work whom we all love to bits because he's such a character. I knew he was Gay right from the word go, and then just the other day he shared with me about his partner who is much older than him.
I have to say he isn't secretive about any aspect of his life and we all know about his partner, his social life, etc etc.
All of us without exception, accept him and love him to bits. So maybe just maybe your work mates will feel the same about you. It might be abit of a shock to start with but give it time.
Take care
Bev
BTW if thats your avatar you might just encounter abit of jealousy from the GGs but dont worry that happens all the time in the GG community.

[MJ]

so now you have the chance to come clean so to speak. just tell the truth it will set you free, and if you do then this will open up your cding to a whole new level. i wish you well good luck please let us know how it goes
all the best
hugs marissa

[Sam-antha]

You have it now.. Make the most of it and make it a fun thing too
~Samm

[SherriePall]

Violet -- I wish you the best of luck. From the female to male ratio you quoted, I think you are lucky it's not the other way around -- mostly guys. I think you would have a much tougher time then.
Just take care.
And let us know what happens.

[Kitty Sue]

You'll be okay. We have no control over what others think or say. All you can do is keep your side of the street clean. By the way I think you look great.

[Julie York]

How did you get from "mutual friend" to work place? And why did you put yourself in that position?
I would not swap "friend" contacts en-femme with anyone who knew any other people I might know in my normal life.

[TxKimberly]

BTW if thats your avatar you might just encounter abit of jealousy from the GGs.

Terrific look lady! I've got to tell you though, working with 45 females - I don't know if I envy you or feel sorry for you. What I DO know is it must be hard to work in that environment when you must badly want to dress, act, and be treated as they do. Sometimes that drives ME nuts and I only work with five women.
Kim

[paulaN]

yes, with the female to male ratio. I think you may have a chance. remember, be proud of yourself, there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser and a good looking one at that. that's my opinion and I'm sticken to it.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

Some will be fine with it, and some won't. Keep a light attitude, and have some fun with it. The hard liners will loosen up a bit. With your looks and sense of style, maybe you could give them a few tips!

By all means, let up know how you make out.....

[Jodie_Lynn]

Firstly, let me say that I sincerely hope that all goes well in your place of employment, with no negative repurcussions.


And.......

No offense to anyone, but I am constantly surprised at the things people do, and then express concern when they are "caught".

One posts on a MySpace and a co-worker finds it.

Another goes to their place of employment after normal hours and dresses up.

So many claim that they are concerned about their secret being discovered, but then act most indiscreetly.

Some of us are out and about and happy with themselves. They are not the ones this is directed at. Its aimed at the number of us who are still ( to whatever degree), still in the closet.

Is this fascination with being found out some sort of thrill? Is it a cry for help? or what?


To me, being in the closet, I would be very hesitant to try many of the things discussed on these boards for the reason that someone might find out and expose me.


I just cannot fathom the reason so many take so many chances, and only THEN, it seems, are concerned about possible fallout.




Sorry for the tirade, but it does confuse me so.

[Mona]

Violet,
First believe that it takes courage to do what you do (explore gender identity) and if anyone questions you let them know that, second, if anyone shows any form of mistreatment it is against the law and your employer could face legal penalties for not provideing a safe work enviorment.
Good luck and do let us know how it all goes!

[MJ]

Jodie-Lynn
i think it's in our nature, i was the same way for years until i got outed , then and only then did i do something about it ...

if you read some of the threads were some of us came out we found that it was not as bad as we thought it would be... yes some of us lost the one's we love over this and some did not..
i also found that people are too busy with there lives or just don't care ?

as for going to work dressed well that takes guts but that's there choice and if they get caught well it's there problem. sooner or later we start to take chances and we have to deal with the fall out

[Lori SC]

Violet,

I hope everything goes well for you at work. If you admit to the CDing, and ask the ladies what they thought of your page, I think you'll be OK - after the first days buzz. It may even be liberating in the end.

Obviously, the lesson here is that if you don't want it connected to you, don't post it on the internet!

Hopefully you work for a company with a human rights statement that includes respect for all genders.

Really, what you have to worry about is your boss. Regardless of any company policies or anything else. If your boss is fine with it, no matter what the others at work think, it won't jepordize your employment. If your boss hates gays, lesbians, etc. etc. .... well, you could have a problem.

My advice, if this has hit the rumor mill at work, is to meet with your boss for 10 minutes. Point out that the "rumor" is out, admit it's true, and then point out that you are performing the same today as you did yesterday. And the same next week as last week. This knowledge that you are a CD is not going to affect your job performance. Pointing this out to the boss is a good idea. Bosses care about performance, not what dress you wear on saturday night.

Good luck,

Lori

[GinaVegas]

Wow Violet, I hope that everything turns out OK!

[Maija]

I too, hope things turn out well.

[Amy Hepker]

This is the only website I am on so if someone finds me here, then they are more than they are showing.

[JessicaHunt]

Yes, we do have to be really careful about websites when in the closet. I hope all goes well. Keep us posted.

[Violetgray]

Well, the first day after, and so far..

The one who outed me acts normal towards me, because she doesn t know that I know.

the other one acts normal toward me, for the same reason. She said hi first today, she never does that.

The other one, who I've chatted with here and there before hand, almost never says anything to me to begin with, and didn't today. But she did look over in my direction and smile when she thought I wasn't looking. Was it ridicule? Acceptance? I don't know...

So far I've seen a point of view on here, a legitimate one, about how one could take such heavy risks, and then be concerned when something like this happens. But please understand that I never implied that my actions where logical, instead, they were completely conflicting emotions. My fear of being discovered was simply at war with my need to be out and accepted. Just a case of immovable object vs. unstoppable force. Rationale doesn't even enter into it.

Anway, its still too early to see I guess... time will tell... perhaps I'll post again when I know more..

[Delila]

The only thing that I can recommend is that you not be overly concerned about what they think. What you need to ask yourself is... If they don't say anything and it doesn't affect your work why should you care what they think?

[AllieSF]

Take a deep breath and enter that office as if nothing happened. Your privat elife is just that. I think if you hold your head high, be non-confrintive you may be surprised at the support and maybe even positive curiosity that you may encounter. You have received a lot of good advice here. Good luck and come back here tomorrow for more support. :love:

[JessicaHunt]

The only thing that I can recommend is that you not be overly concerned about what they think.

Megan hit the nail on the head. The only power they have over you is what you give them. Surely a tough predicament, but under your control.

Violet, you're a brave girl. Keep it up.

[kerrianna]

:hugs: good luck, girl. :love:

As far as risking discovery, I find I do it quite a bit now and I'm SURE it's because I want to be legit but don't know any other way to do it. And part of me knows it would not be worth the hassle and pain. But when I put myself in danger of discovery I am aware that I am doing it. It's like you said Violet, we want to be able to express ourselves freely. And once you've been outed you are free, feeling there's nothing left to lose (hmmm, like the song).

Maybe that's where this will lead you to. :happy:

[kathly]

well Violet just go on with your everyday work and don't let your co workers get to you. just ignore it becuase if you let it et to your not going to be productive at work.

[RobertaFermina]

Voilet,

I'm with you (or at least part of you)....I chafe at having to keep my joys and passions a secret and feel relieved when such secrets are revealed.

It isn't always pretty - as some of the reactions I get are problematic. Still, I can hold my head up high and be as I am.

Hope it doesn't cost you too much. Good Luck!


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I agree with you completely on statement #1. My mother absoulutely hated the comedy show Martin, all because she found it completely disgusting that he dressed as a woman for some of his characters. Jocelyn

[Violetgray]

How did you get from "mutual friend" to work place? And why did you put yourself in that position?
I would not swap "friend" contacts en-femme with anyone who knew any other people I might know in my normal life.

Sorry for not answering this sooner, as I must have missed it, but let me clarify:

There is a gothic club that I go to, and I'm out to all the people there, they know me in both genders. Most of those I know on myspace are from there. My co-worker, previously showing no inclination to do so, suddenly started going to goth clubs, and met some of the same people. They exchanged web pages, and she saw me on there. I do try to take a measure of care, but I confess, I got blind-sided by that one!

I have to say thank you to all of you. I knew that people on this message board supported each other, but I was surprised by the positive feedback I got, and I'm happy that it was less of the "Aww poor you" variety and more of the "Hold your head up high, you'll get through this" sentiment. Well, today is day 2. I go back into work at 3, we'll see how it goes..

[MJ]

Violet
i am sure nothing will happen and if it does it will just be silly comments, i have found that people just don't care or don't mind i hold two jobs my main job i came out two years ago as i have to do the real life test, but my second job i did not come out for another six months and i had no problems there in fact the girls wanted me to go out clubbing lol , please don't read too much in to this so your work mates know just act " normal " you will be OK
take care
hugs marissa

[AmberTG]

Another thing, if any of the co-workers are actually into the goth experience, instead of just being curious about it, they may be more accepting of your lifestyle then so-called "normal" people might be. Goth includes a lot of things, cross-dressing isn't that unusual with goth, look at how androgenous much of the clothing styles are, for instance, with goth.

[CandyDarling]

You are so well spoken and clear in your expression of your thoughts.
Please keep us posted. I so hope this turns out well for you.

I have come out a bit or at least cracked the door in the past few months and I feel so much better as an integrated person. Really I do. Can you imagine how great for you it would be if this issue is acknowlegded and you had no more fear either at work or at play? Fantastic. I do not mean to advocate blindly sharing this part of us as I believe that it is private human conduct. That beeing said the more you clear away the more truly authentic you can be and the my friend is a very good thing.
xx

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks for sharing. Is the job still yours. This does not put you at risk does it?