Gonna get a Brethalyzer !

[RobertaFermina]

Friends,

I've just reached a new level of empathy with women!

Last Saturday I was out for the Salsa Dance Night at one of my favorite clubs, and was having a very fabulous time!

A Gentleman (or so it seemed at the time) asked me for a dance and I consented, thinking "what the hell" and "this could be fun!".

WRONG!

The dancing was OK, and he was respectful about it, no wandering hands or anything. I enjoyed it, after all I was in good spirits, what's not to like if I'm treated with respect?

When the dancing was over, I thanked him for the dance and headed back to my table, which I shared with some other CD-Girls.

The fellow asked me to join him at his table, and there was no point, his Spanish was very difficult to understand, and I wasn't interested in anything physical. I simply smiled and said (in spanish) that I wanted to sit with my friends.

HE WOULD NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!

I then explained that I could not understand him, and it would be impossible.

I sat at my table, and he came over again.

So now I'm getting pissed and the night is turning unpleasant.

He presses on, so I figure I have to make a point.

I stand up (being a full foot taller than the man) and rip my wig off and glare him down.

Now he wants to apologise, and still wants me to join him at my table.

It finally hits me - he is drunk and nothing that he does will make any sense, and nothing that I can do will inspire him to act sensibly.

I realize just how a woman in this position might "give-in" and sit with him.

Knowing I could kick his a** if I had to, I refused to back down.

Luckily my wig ripping display brought the door-man, and one of his buddies to grab him and drag him outside.

Now I have to worry whether he will show up on another Salsa Dance Night.

Looks like I'll have to show up as Gentleman Bob for a few Salsa nights, while I make sure the coast is clear.

I'm going to have to learn how to look in men's eyes and tell if they drunk BEFORE I consent to dance or share a table.


Finally, I'm no victim. I created this, and I get to learn the lesson.

Women, you have my deepest and most profound sympathies!!!


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Kate Simmons]

I know the feeling Roberta. A couple of years ago, we had a similar situation at the club. I was sitting with some CD friends and this guy came up to our table determined to get one of my friends alone. We backed each other up and he went away but kept coming back. He was definately drunk. We escorted her back to her room (it was TG/CD weekend at the resort) and things were okay. I was ready to deck this guy myself. I think that is the night that my tomboy self came out openly and has remained to this day.:happy:

[DanaJ]

.
Knowing I could kick his a** if I had to, I refused to back down.
:rose: Roberta :rose:I am sorry that you had a bad experience Roberta, that sucks :(

But you never know you can kick someone's a** - no matter your size or theirs, you never know. Besides, he could be armed with a knife or gun, his friends could jump in, etc etc.

Anyway, I'm glad the situation didn't get worse, and all turned out with ni real harm done. :)

[DawnL]

Roberta,
I'm glad that everything worked out ok for you. That could have been a lot more unpleasant than it was. Well, as you said, a lesson learned. Hopefully by all of us.

[SherriePall]

Roberta -- No, you are a victim and you did not create the situation. You were kind enough to accept the invitation to dance. That was it. You accepted nothing more than that.

This is a situation our GG sisters face all too often.

You were not obligated to anything else. Again, you did not create the situation.

[Carroll]

Samething happened to me Halloween. I didnt dance with the guy but he would not leave me alone, even after some one said on band PA that I "have a dick". He was finailly showed the door because the owner saw what he was doing

[Melinda G]

You might want to avoid Salsa Nights, en femme.:D

[MsJanessa]

I absolutly hate drunk guys----My sympathies are with you darling and all the other Girls, both T and GG who have had to put up with alcoholic idiots in bars--and you are absolutly right---if they came with meters We could avoid them but often they seem fine, even sober, until they get alone with you or somehow "latch" on to you----I've had maybe three encounters with them over the years(I"m usually good at spotting them) including one jerk who actually bit Me on the ass(through a skirt---I was dressed at the time--lol) It earned him a sharp slap across the face and a kick in the shins---he slunk away like the dog the was----Don't let this put you off from going out and socializing----just be more careful---and btw I think you handled it the right way---the only thing I would recommend is that you carry some pepper spray ---why should you have to rip off your wig and engage in a fight that might marr your beauty when you can just give him a squirt in the eyes---I always carry a cannister in My purse. :dom:

[RobertaFermina]

Thank you all for your Sympathy, Empathy, and Suggestions.

Vigilance, Pepper Spray and good relations with the local bouncer are my new choices!

:hugs: Roberta :hugs:

[Paulacder]

Roberta, you will probably look back on this incident as one of the memorable moments of your crossdressing. I had 2 similar situtations, one took place in a club, the other in a clubs parking lot. The incident in the club was handled by the clubs bouncer, the other in the parking lot was taken care of by the security guard who actually was a off duty police officer. In both cases I could have handled it myself however I decided to handle it in a lady like fashon by reporting it to Club Management. I would encourage everyone to do the same, there is nothing to be gained by getting into a confritation. Be Careful...........

[Amy Hepker]

Something like that gets scary and like you said women go through this all the time. They always have guys hitting on them. This is one reason I wouldn't want to be female, guys gross me out. Sorry everyone, I mean no offence to anyone here. I like being around other crossdressers when I am dressed, but still do not want physical contact. I like dressing and acting female, but when I am dressed I am a lesbian.

[Tree GG]

Roberta -- No, you are a victim and you did not create the situation. You were kind enough to accept the invitation to dance. That was it. You accepted nothing more than that.

This is a situation our GG sisters face all too often.

You were not obligated to anything else. Again, you did not create the situation.

Consent for any physical contact with a stranger (or new friend) in a club setting is encouragement of their advances. There is no agreement for the dance and the dance only. Once you accept - a drink, a dance, a seat - you are saying, "Yes, you may pursue me." Now that doesn't give anyone license to proceed at will, but it does give the green light to play the game further.

Now was it Roberta's making that this guy wouldn't take "No more" for an answer? Absolutely not - like she said, he was beyond the point of reasonability. Had he not been out of it, most guys will take the NO, thanks answer and move on - but as you've all said, not always. Unfortunately, you have to be suspicious.

[RobertaFermina]

This is a situation our GG sisters face all too often.

You were not obligated to anything else. Again, you did not create the situation.
__________________
Sherrie Lynn Pall

Dear Sherrie,

Thank you for speaking up for me as 'vicitimized'. I see your point in a world of propriety, fairness, and laws.

However....

In a world where the murder rate for Transgender persons is 8 times higher, I accept enhanced risks of domination and aggression when I step out of my own bedroom and into the world EnFemme. NOBODY makes me do this, or assume this risk. Pragmatically speaking, I am taking it on.



Tree GG Said...
Consent for any physical contact with a stranger (or new friend) in a club setting is encouragement of their advances. There is no agreement for the dance and the dance only. Once you accept - a drink, a dance, a seat - you are saying, "Yes, you may pursue me." Now that doesn't give anyone license to proceed at will, but it does give the green light to play the game further.

That is what I was thinking, Tree!


SHUSHU said....
Instead of feeling like a "leaf in the wind" she claims that she is the creator of her life (every single moment of it). What's happening in it, is the result of her actions and intentions, in one or another way. This way instead of feeling as a victim of something she has no control over, she choses to use her time and effort on something more productive, like for example learning the new behavior that will not let the same events repeat themselves.
At least that's my take on it.

Yes ShuShu! Being Powerful requires that I take responsibility for the intended and unintended consequences of my actions. I stepped into the "field of play", exposing myself to the full spectrum of human (mis)behavior within the game. I know the rules, and am learning the cheats, and have access to the resources (including SHU-SHUs?) to enhance my level of play, protection against poor sports, and liklihood of playing another day....


Oh ShuShu, maybe they should call them Shoos, instead of SHUs? Like "Shoo, you Cad!, take that! psshoooo! psshhoooo !"

:rose: Fiesty and Peppery :rose:

[Lovely Rita]

Roberta,
I must say that I am impressed. You are one tough cookie and pretty too.

My kind of gal.