A Question.....

[Tamara Croft]

Julie pointed out that the same thing gets discussed all the time and to try and come up with something different to talk about... so, I thought about it :D

You all talk about what you love, what you wear... blah...blah...blah... but what we don't discuss is this: -

What is it about crossdressing that you HATE??

Now, please think about this question, don't rush into answering it. I don't want to hear the following: -


Not enough time to dress
Hate taking it all off
I hate not being a real woman
I hate not being able to wear what I want....


Heard all those before ;) I want to hear new things, even things about other CD's that you really hate ok? Oh and don't make this personal about members on this forum.... or you'll get :slap:

[Shelly Preston]

1) I hate myself for not being as honest as I should be sometimes

2) I hate the guilt that goes with crossdressing, No matter how long you have been dressing.

3) I hate the fact that we get treated appallingly by most of the media as they love to sensationalize

I am sure there are more but I try not to think about them

[Kate Simmons]

HMMM- That's a good one Tam. As you probably know, I've been enjoying being Rich lately. The dynamics of the whole thing are nutty. I get in "moods" where I want to remain one or the other. It sometimes takes a "push" by myself to change over. I selfishly guard myself that way. Anyway, here is what I "hate" about dressing:

1. Having to prep by body shaving (much easier to let it grow).

2. Taking the time to get ready(dressing and makeup, etc.).

3. Wearing dresses(Much easier to wear pants).

4. Wearing pantyhose (Much easier to show bare legs, especially in the Summer).

5. Wearing heels (Hardly ever wear them anymore).

All in all, I guess I hate pretty much what most GG's hate. I don't know what that means but if anything I have learned by being here and pretty much agree with 'em. I don't follow anyone else's "standards" of femininity anyway and am pretty much myself as most women are. Hey, who says you can't learn a thing or two, especially when it comes to practicality and being your own person?:happy: Sal

[Alice Torn]

I guess I don't like being called "girl". And, that I have never had a steady gg romance, except once, in the late 80.s, long distance. I hate being poor, unable to afford my own apartment, yet, hiding cding from housemate, who is a gg, who hates men. I wish I had never, ever first had the nagging urge, to dress, and been a normal guy, because there is baggage, with cding, although, Ina way, it helps me to understand what a gg in a dress feels like, goes through. Another thing, is the guilt, and conflict, because it is against what the church, and Bible says.

[kittypw GG]

I hate that when I say "what do you want to do?" he always smiles and implies that crossdressing would be what he would want.

I hate it when he looks at other women. I don't really care that he is "looking at their clothes". Sounds like a cop out to me.

I hate that some cd's can't enjoy life because everything is an intrusion on their chance to crossdress.

I hate the lying and sneeking around.

[Tina Dixon]

I hate the thought that if others did know they would think I'm weird and even gay, that bugs me:mad:

[Samantha Lough]

I think the thing I hate the most and this is true for my self, that is not knowing who I am somedays, not understanding why and the biggest one not knowing where I am going and this does not even mean in the dressing part but it compounds the feeling some morning..... Hope fully this is what you meant

[CharlaineCadence]

Please do not take any offence to what I am saying. I am not saying that transexuals are better then crossdressers. Nor am I saying that this is inreguards to all crossdressers either. Just trying to add another point of view.
.................................................. .................................................. .

I hate the way some crossdressers take over thansgender suport groups.

I hate the way many are selfish to their own wants and needs and not to the ones they love.

I hate being compaired to a crossdresser. Dont get me wrong I do not feel that their is anything wrong with crossdressing. But most transsexual men (ftm) and women (mtf) do not look at themselves as crossdressers.

I hate the way some crossdressers dont care how they present them selves when their in public.

I hate the way some genetic women look ate transwomen as being over the top crossdressers.

I hate the way some crossdressers feel as thought they fully understand what women feel and think about in certain clothing.

I hate that some crossdressers feel that they can use their dressing as a means of exploring their sexuality, or think that other want to do the same.

[Maddie]

The only thing i hate is that i wasted so much time in not having the talk with my wife.
It took away years that could have been so much fun, and because she knew but did not want to know caused a riff between us. That is all better now and although slow we are having fun

Maddie

[robinann]

I hate it when out shopping fully dressed the SA says Thanks Sir come again.It make me feel something is out of place or wrong.


Robin Ann

[Teresa Amina]

I hate it when someone in the MtF forum writes "We're men" Duh! Wouldn't be crossdressing otherwise, would it?

[Rhonda Jean]

I hate that I spend an inordinate amount of time on cding and things related to cding tht take away from my job and my family time.

I hate that I avoid doing things with my wife and kids (like camping and other outdoor things) because of my shaved body and a high maintenance hair that requires a lot of "doing" to look acceptably masculine.

[Dana Carlton]

I guess I love it so much, I never thought about what I hate about it.

But..............

I hate taking 25+ pictures, and only having 2 or 3 come out looking good.

I hate it when it takes over my whole life, and then I get nothing else accomplished.

I hate it when crossdressing is refered to as a disease, or when someone asks can it be cured?

I hate it when chatting online and someone asks "what are you wearing right now"? Or they have to tell you what they are wearing.

Hmmm....Maybe I really hate crossdressing.......NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brianna Lovely]

That being said, I do dislike the vanity sizing of women's clothing. There's a push to introduce -00 sizes, gee girls, fess up, if you're overweight, changing the size on the clothes, dosn't change your size.

According to Wikipedia
"According to evolutionary psychologists, hate is a rational reaction to people whose interests consistently conflict with one's own. Hate is an emotion, hence it serves the protective mode of a person. People whose behavior threatens one's own survival interests are to be hated, while people whose behavior enhances one's survival prospects are to be liked or even loved (as in the case of offspring and other genetic kin).

The passions of hate arise from several features of our thinking process. These include wanting to assign blame to others for our misfortune, protecting our self-esteem, a desire to strengthen our community, alleviating our fears (by destroying the evil others), and several types of errors in reasoning, including cognitive bias. The ability to quickly separate friend from foe is essential to self-defense and safety and provides the origins of hate."

[arleen]

the superficial side of it.

[Lissa Stevens]

Being caught up between two worlds and not really belonging in either one.

[jeniinnylons]

I hate:
Not being able to go out
Not being able to pass
Being afraid
Having to hide

[Jocelyn Quivers]

The things I hate.

1. My femme side gets everything.- There was a time before I came out of the closet that I spent extra money I had on non clothing items. I keep telling myself if I did not dress I could have been had that High Definintion TV by now! Now there is no comparison between buying some dresses or buying a Playstation 3. The Dress wins everytime. :mad:

2. Better use of time. My Saturday nights used to consist of actually going out of the house and doing things, ex eating out etc. Now the consist of frenzied photoshoots where I'm taking a large pictures at a hectic pace, and driving me and my wife crazy.

3. Shaving. I miss the days when I could take a quick shower and be on my way. Nope not now, because of my femme-side I have shave my whole body, chest, legs, arm pits. Showering takes a lot longner now, and my water bill is more costly. Give me more time, I'm sure I can come up with more things I hate.:happy: Jocelyn

[Christine Andrews]

Although I have a lot of dislikes about crossdressing and sometimes wish I was "normal" (whatever that means) I wouldn't stop now because it is a part of my life and like everything in life there must be balance and compromise. Here are my biggest dislikes:

I personally hate the secrecy and guilt that comes with crossdressing.

I hate the way that to some crossdressing is just a big joke and treated like some sideshow amusement and completely disrespected.:Angry3: :Angry3:

I hate the way society stereottypes crossdressers as being gay - whilst this may the case for some it isn't for everyone.

I hate the way people suddenly turn against you or blank you when they find out you crossdress even though it is part of your personality which makes you you in the first place.

I dislike being made to feel embarassed or uncomfortable shopping by unprofessional sales assistants when you are doing nothing wrong (though don't get me wrong - some sales assistants are brilliant, helpful and utterly proffessional) by shopping or browsing in a store.

But thats life and by accepting ourfeminine side and exploring it, we open ourselves up to a wider range of difficulties and situations in the same of reaching a stage of self-actualisation.

[Karren H]

And I am ...... but I really really really hate it when I forget to put a couple straws in my purse and have to drink my diet coke from a bottle.... Always messes up my lipstick.... And try to eat a Frosty (semi frozen desert) with a spoon, while driving, at night, enfemme.... Ekkkkkkk. Talk about lipstick nightmares!!! Hehehe

Ohhhh and I really really hate it when everyone take themselves too seriously..... Lifes too short so lighten up.... A bit ..... Please......

:tongueout

Love Karren

[NatalieGirl]

I used to hate many things about crossdressing, but not any more. I have accepted it as an integral part of my life. Something to be enjoyed on those nights when I become Natalie.

[Daintre]

I hate the guilt that I carry , keeping this dark secret.

I hate that my marriage ended in divorce and that I may have deeply hurt the person I still love so much.

I hate the fact that because of me, my son has decided to try the same lifestyle.

I hate the fact that I will never become who I believe I should be.

I really hate the fact that there is so much dissension within the CD community, There should be more understanding, knowing that there are a multitude of CD types.

[marie354]

Hate is a pretty strong word to use... How about dislike?

I dislike having to hide my "other self" from most people because they just wouldn't understand.
I dislike buying slacks that are always too long. (I'm too short I guess.)
I dislike guys that think they know everything about women. (And obviously don't.)

I like this thread... It makes the gears turn a bit and makes me realize that maybe I need to have my oil changed or re-greased.

[Sharon]

I hate the two days I can't shave because I need to let the hair grow for my electrolysis session.

I hate having to dress male when visiting my mother, because she is the only one who doesn't, and will never, know about me. Believe me, I have a valid reason for this.

I dislike that people don't think certain articles of clothing don't exemplify crossdressing, such as the wearing of slacks and jeans.

I dislike that some people think their manner of dressing is the only legitimate manner.

[JulieCDorlando]

A very good question to ask Tamara. The things that I hate about CDing;
The lying this life style does to people. (denying your true self to yourself and to the world).
The sneaking around that some CD's have to do. (waiting for the opportunity for a wife or SO to leave the premises to engage in an activity like CDing).
The selfishness some CD's present to thier families. (going overboard in spending family money for CDing. Going outside of the marriage/relationship to "explore" thier sexuality).
The feelings of isolation one MAY have while engaging in this lifestyle. (feeling no one would accept or understand, or even love them because of CDing).
The way some CD's act. (believing that this how women feel/act when dressed).
The way that people think a CD is strictly gay or deviant person. (not having the knowledge to respect people in this and other lifestyles).
The way some CD's are dressed and the way they act out in public (style of dress, makeup etc).
Knowing that some people can not simply walk away from this once and for all.

[Casey Morgan]

I hate having to be careful of what I say around people I'm not out to.

I hate not being able to share some things with people I'm out to who aren't trans.

I hate having to bushwhack my path at times.

I hate that how I wish my body was is often called nasty things, even in the T* community.

I hate having to worry about whether or not I should tell people I love who I really am.

I dislike "either/or" because usually I'm neither.

[Roberta Lynn]

I agree hate is a strong word. I hate using the word hate....but I will

I hate the pain it causes

I hate the relationships, marriages, lives it has turned upside down or destroyed.

I hate the hiding, the fear of discovery by their loved ones many cd's live with. When the thing they want the most is to be recognized and accepted for who they are by the ones they love most.

I hate to see the anguish, confusion and resentment that many So's, wives and girlfriends go through when the CD bomb is dropped on their lives.
I can only imagine the turmoil they go thru trying to rebuild, re-stabilize and redefine the life they didn't ask for but now have.

I hate that I can only offer my support with inadequate words thru an inadequate medium. I can not reach out and touch a hand, offer a shoulder, give a hug, make them feel better.
I hate that

[Peggy55]

Having decided never to "come out" I hate the isolation. I hate the fact that my desire to dress has overtaken other things in my life. I also hate the statement, "Once you have the desire there is NO WAY to ever rid yourself of it". I hate the guilt and fear of being "outted". I hate the fact that at the moment and actually since before I started this 6 months or so ago, I have no girlfriend and don't see how I ever will with my current "situation" of dressing. I hate to read statements like, "I've been divorced twice because of my crossdressing".

But having said all of that and sitting here in breastforms,top, garters and nylons I for some crazy reason love this!

Good question!

[Julie York]

I hate the mental gymnastics involved.

You tell the truth...you lose.
You hide it....you lose.

So you end up just feeling depressed about the whole thing.

[Robin Leigh]

I hate it when I'm too nervous to buy femme items by myself.

I hate it when I'm all dressed up, looking good, but too nervous to go out.

I hate when I have a perfect opportunity to dress and I'm completely shaved, but I just don't feel like dressing up.

I hate it when people believe you have to conform to their standards of CD/TG. Or agree with their gender theories. :D

I hate it when people emotionally torture themselves because they believe that they somehow chose to be a CDer, or that their upbringing made them a CDer. We are born with gender diversity, these events are simply triggers & catalysts. However, that doesn't mean we should let ourselves be overwhelmed by the Pink Fog. It's up to us to learn how to deal with our gender diversity & how we express it.

:hugs:

Robin

[TxKimberly]

OK,

Let's see. I hate the way it made me feel like I was a freak when I was young.
I hate the way it screwed up confidence when I was young.
I hate the way it sometimes makes me ashamed of myself.
I hate knowing that even though she insists its not true, my wife must from time to time feel shame about it also.
Many other things that I note have already been stated by others.
I need to drag one out that you specifically said we couldn't use, because to me the reasons for it are not shallow: I DO hate taking it all off.
I was raised by single and widowed women. They were the strong influence in my life, the ones that struggled to keep it together and worked to raise a family. All of the adult males I met until mid teens, including my Father, sucked and were generally worthless (a feeling reinforced by my grandmothers stating the same at every occasion). For me taking it off is not all about vanity, it is going from something/someone beautiful and admirable back to being something much less - something dirty, something ugly. It must be what superman would feel like going back to being Clark Kent.
Wow - I didn't realize I had all that in me until right this second. I guess I'm more screwed up than I had thought! lol
Kim

[Kate Simmons]

So far, from what I've seen here, whether we love things about it or hate things about it, CDing is indeed a force to be reckoned with. It's how we manage it that makes all the difference, in my opinion.:happy:

[Tamara Segunda]

I hate not knowing -- really knowing -- why.

[Karren H]

I dislike that people don't think certain articles of clothing don't exemplify crossdressing, such as the wearing of slacks and jeans.

I dislike that some people think their manner of dressing is the only legitimate manner.

Ewwwwww.... Ohhhh and I hate people that can't tell when other people are pulling one over on them.... And could care less how they dress.... Hehe

And I hate it when replys and post get deleted for no appearent reason....

:like this one will probably be...

Lol

Love Karren

[ubokvt]

Like Marie I find hate the wrong word maybe I've moved past it I perfer what saddens me about this life

It saddens me when I have to deal with the judments of others.
It sadens me to see friends having to deal with the guilt, shame, and lack of acceptance.
It saddens me when I see what the selfishness, self absorbtion, and lies does to relationships and families.
And it saddens me most none of this will change in my lifetime

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I really don't "hate" anything or anyone, I do have issues with stereotypes and phobias that people have about the cd community. I wish we were more understood, hell I wish I understood me more. This is a great thread it makes us have to think.
Thanks!!!

[Tamera]

The 2 things I hate are;
1. When someone says that CDers need to see a doctor to CORRECT the problem. and
2. When someone says we are going to go to HELL for being this way and we had better change.
Love,
Tamera

[Wendy me]

OK i hate the fact to live and keep the peace that i have to hide a part of who i am , me being Wendy and accepting that this is a huge part of who i am .... it took me way too long to understand that with out Wendy the rest of me is completely impossable..... people that i love that don't know abought or understand the Wendy can't possible understand that it's her vary being inter woven in "HIM" that keeps at lest some stability in my life.....

[MarinaTwelve200]

Julie pointed out that the same thing gets discussed all the time and to try and come up with something different to talk about... so, I thought about it :D

You all talk about what you love, what you wear... blah...blah...blah... but what we don't discuss is this: -

What is it about crossdressing that you HATE??

Now, please think about this question, don't rush into answering it. I don't want to hear the following: -


Not enough time to dress
Hate taking it all off
I hate not being a real woman
I hate not being able to wear what I want....


Heard all those before ;) I want to hear new things, even things about other CD's that you really hate ok? Oh and don't make this personal about members on this forum.... or you'll get :slap:


1.) I hate not being able to "show off" my hobby to others----without being thought of as some kind of freak or "pervert" . But there is nothing one can do about that as it freaks out most people. So I have to stay hidden and do it in private----Unless I want to pay the price of going public--which, to me aint worth it.

2.) I hate ignorance in people who equate CD with homosexuality---Not that I have anything against gays, I just do not like to deal with the prejudices of the SAME jackasses that "bash" gays and dont know the difference between gay and CD---I have enough stuff to worry about without that nonsense.

3. I am irritated by other CDs who assume that ALL CDs want to be real women or that every CD is really a "woman" on the inside. Nonsense! at least Half of us want to be male and ARE male on the inside---we CD to temporally "escape" our real selves---for various reasons, usuall stress releif and relaxation, like a "vacation"
(no offence intended --notice I didnt sat HATE for #3) :D

[ChristineRenee]

I'm just continually bothered by the fact that to a large segment of society, we are not accepted just for being who we are and that we either have to hide that or if we don't we face potential ridicule and derision....or worse. :(

[Kelsy]

What I hate most of all Tamara is posts like these and this is why. Read through all of these posts and you begin to see a pattern of discontent down the scale to outright desperation and deppression! under it all, the platitudes of how this should be accepted and society is is off and should be able to accept this. If Cding is so right and doesn't hurt a soul then explain the pain and the bewiderment and seperation. CDing is not mainstream, It might reach a level of tolerance that might appear as acceptance.

I hate when someone decides to purge and everyone jumps on the bandwagon and decries that persons efforts to escape. It's like saying to the drunk, don't toss that bottle you know you will return to it, keep it around just in case. Or the smoker, or the drug addict. We want to legitimize our own behaviour. The fact is if it is posible to move beyond CDing then what happens to our argument?

I hate that Cding has become a road block. Living without fear that the children you love or the family you love who do not know of your proclivities,
might find out and you will lose them forever!

I hate that CDing can be used as a weapon against you.

I hate the fact that I can see no honor or selfrespect, in the traditional sense ,in this life style

There is a list if what I hate about this thing That has gripped me for 40 years

Now it is time for my Zanax.

Jennifer:sad:

[SherriePall]

Personally, I, too, don't like to use the word hate. It's much too strong a word which I believe should be used sparingly as needed.
That said, Tamara, I dislike the fact that I can't shout from the rooftops that I am a CD. While part of that is my own doing, it is in part due to the misinformation that the general public has about us.
Which is another thing I dislike: that the general public either has no information about us or bad information (thanks to some of our television friends).
Oh, and I really dislike being told I have a problem when I do tell someone that I am a CD.
Enough said.

[TxKimberly]

I hate that when I say "what do you want to do?" he always smiles and implies that crossdressing would be what he would want.

I hate it when he looks at other women. I don't really care that he is "looking at their clothes". Sounds like a cop out to me.

I hate that some cd's can't enjoy life because everything is an intrusion on their chance to crossdress.

I hate the lying and sneeking around.


Other than the sneaking, that one might apply to me. Sigh . . . but then I guess i never claimed to be perfect, or even worth while for that matter.
Kim

[AllyM]

Tamara, I dislike how cd'ing seems to alienate individuals from the public, and worse their families or loved ones. It seems that many CDRs, whether MTF or FTM, are forced to live a life in secrecy. Especially when it means being deceitful to those most important to them!

[Country girl]

You know what I hate? I hate it when questions like these make the CDer's think about things they would rather not and then they get down on themselves:( , wish they were different, didn't have the desires they do, etc. It only serves to add more confusion to an already, often times, misjudged puzzle that just can't seem to be figured out , which in turn causes emotions :mad: to arise that then cause turmoil in the partnership of the CDer and their SO/partner/GF/spouse. This is what I HATE about CDing. That and the sneeking around and secrecy.

[TxKimberly]

. . .and I can see your trying to ease what hurts for some, but it's always a good idea to evaluate yourself and your position every once in a while. It was a thoughtful question and I'd much rather see questions like that than "What kind of panties do you like?" lol
Kim


You know what I hate? I hate it when questions like these make the CDer's think about things they would rather not. . .

[Jacqui]

It's tough going after the "new" Kimberly, and I hope I don't p*ss anybody off, but I had to get this off my breast...er, I mean chest.

I only hate inconsiderate people who put innocent lives in danger.

I do not like the fact that all of the easily obtained information that is now available on the internet concerning cd/tg/ts was not available as recently as 10 years ago.

Because of the above, I do not like the fact that having not known what I know now, I chose a spouse without being totally honest with her, even though I thought at the time, my “condition” would eventually disappear.

Having said that, and knowing about others' lives who have been totally ruined, I do not like other CD/TG/TS or GG's implying that because I am in the Closet, I am being selfish and dishonest, when in fact, although I may be guarding a secret…. I am the opposite of being selfish. I am so much in love with my family that I would sacrifice my own potentialities to prevent anything from tearing us apart. I can and have been dealing with my own mental extravaganza. And as you can see, I am almost perfectly happy!

I do not like when some in this community expect the world to totally accept them for who and what they are while totally ignoring the fact that they are entitled to their own opinions, beliefs, and morals. A liberal mindset should not mean that we respect other people just as long as they are willing to agree with us.

Oh, yeah…. I forgot. I also hate snakes, spiders and high humidity that makes my breast forms stick to my bra!

[Sally24]

I hate the fact that I can see no honor or selfrespect, in the traditional sense ,in this life style



I can't address your life or situation but there are many that don't agree! My wife and I are enjoy our "outings" and I tell her everything about any of the solo outings I take. I have a great many friends in my T-girl social club and we talk to people we meet to help them understand a little about us as a whole. We also have helped raise money for several charities. I live an honest and full life and consider honesty about the holiest trait a person can have. That being said, no, I am not out to my friends or community.

Sally

[btmgrl6]

You said a mouthful... I agree 100%

Steph

[Sweet Jane]

wow..what do I hate about crossdressing????

Psychologically I really dislike the fact that I am a crossdresser. I don't know if hate is the right word, but as much as this IS me, I often despise it.

I hate most peoples attitudes to crossdressing
I hate people assuming my sexuality because I may wear a skirt sometimes
I hate being confused by my CD more often than I am cognisant of it
I hate people thinking that maybe I chose to be a CD rather than born
I hate thinking...maybe they are right
I hate feeling guilty...and embarrassed
I hate hiding some of me from my friends and family.....even if it is there to be seen if only they knew to look
I hate the duality...the mixed emotions, the never ending uncertainty that I will be outed one day
I hate searching for the answers...I'd just rather not be saddled with the question
I hate that I feel maybe the happiest I ever feel when I am fully dressed (obviously I don't hate this when I am dressed!!!!)


oh......and
I hate shaving!!!!!!

I'm sorry tamara, but i didn't put as much thought into this as you asked me to...these are just off the top of my head....yeah, these are my life.

[Sally24]

I too feel that hate is too strong a word so I'll stick with "I don't like...."

I don't like....

When CDs don't try hard enough to look female.

When I feel guilty for dressing in my own home.

When I've made all the plans and preparation, and then get depressed and don't dress at all.

When people reply to a thread with "Oh, not another one asking this question again!" You're not required to read it! Hit "back" and read the next thread. Replying takes enough effort that it proves you are just being a pain in the a** for the fun of it!

Feeling like a show off for posting pictures too much.

And one wierd "I do like"....

I do like the pain of electrolysis! It seems to prove to myself that I'm really not just playing dress-up if I am willing to go thru this pain every other week.


Sally

[Country girl]

Having said that, and knowing about others' lives who have been totally ruined, I do not like other CD/TG/TS or GG's implying that because I am in the Closet, I am being selfish and dishonest, when in fact, although I may be guarding a secret….

To clarify: When the SO/spouse/GF/partner already knows and is accepting but you still hide things, like buying stuff, and you still sneak around, that's what I HATE :Angry3: !!! You were honest enough to tell us and we accepted so why the need to still hide and be sneaky?+?

[Tiffany Tuesday]

Dear Tamara,
I admire your attempts to move the forum forward but you say it is out of boredom? I understand well the exasperation of covering the same old ground time and time again, striving to find new ways of saying the same things. Unfortunately a TG Forum like a TG Magazine is for many but a staging post not a final destination. Like teaching a class at school, each year brings a new eager intake asking the same questions. The teacher must keep the message fresh or drown in tedium. But the questions will always be asked so perhaps the trick is to lead the questionner forward. Q/ What color of panties do i like? A/ Pretty ones that tuck properly and are comfortable! I admire your attempt to move the Forum forward, i believe you do it out of love not boredom. There will always be a new intake and they deserve courtesy until they learn.

To your question:
What is there to hate? If there are things in one's life one hates but cannot change, accept them, manage them, circumvent them, but get on with living otherwise we wallow in self pity. If we can change them, then change them or we remain victims of our own weakness. To hate what one freely chooses to do is self defeating, either the means justifies the end and we must accept the integral parts or the means do not justify the end in which case we must ask why are we doing it in the first place?

Hugz x

[Country girl]

To your question:
What is there to hate? If there are things in one's life one hates but cannot change, accept them, manage them, circumvent them, but get on with living otherwise we wallow in self pity. If we can change them, then change them or we remain victims of our own weakness. To hate what one freely chooses to do is self defeating, either the means justifies the end and we must accept the integral parts or the means do not justify the end in which case we must ask why are we doing it in the first place?

Hugz x

Tiffany, what a fantastic answer! It would be so refreshing to see more of the accepting factor and less of the loathing. Thanks for an insightful and thought provoking answer. :hugs: CG gg

[Rachel Morley]

Tiffany .... you are "the bomb" girl! Great answer. :D

btw.... for me personally, there is nothing I hate about cding, If I wanted to really say something, I'd say I wish it was more accepted in the mainstream, but I don't actually hate that. Hate is too strong a word.

[Jacqui]

To clarify: When the SO/spouse/GF/partner already knows and is accepting but you still hide things, like buying stuff, and you still sneak around, that's what I HATE :Angry3: !!! You were honest enough to tell us and we accepted so why the need to still hide and be sneaky?+?


If I understand you correctly, I agree that once it's out in the open, then the sneaking around, hiding things, etc. would not only be dishonest, it would be a betrayal of trust.

What I object to is those who equate "keeping a secret" with being "dishonest."

[Niki 4U2 Nite]

Crossdressing made me come to terms with my sexuality. I didn't appreciate men until they appreciated me dressed as a woman. Now I don't need to CD to feel like a woman, I just need a man to appreciate me as one, regardless of what I'm wearing. Believe me though , men are much higher maintenence then just a wardrobe and waxing! He doesn't understand my desires any more than my ex-wife. At least with her, we could always shop the same sales and stores!!

Kiss and Dish,
Luvya, Niki :doll:

[Barb Valentine]

I hate not being able to talk about panties
Without annoying someone

[Kitty Sue]

I try not to hate what I do as long as I am not hurting somebody else. Being a CD and being Bi is part of who I am. I would not be me if I were not a bi Cd. So I try to accept who I am. There are so many people out there willing to put me down due to my sexuality etc. that I do not want or need to jump on that band wagon. Definitely an interesting topic T.

[Alice B]

The fear of being caught by someone that would quickly pass judgment and inform others that may be in the same activity circle. For example, my golf buddies and mens club.:mad:

[Sherlyn]

I hated reading 90% of this thread...made me start thinking again about things I thought I had overcome and moved on with... about who I am ...but apparently not :(..

[Satrana]

Seems to me there is already plenty of hate in this world that we do not need to add to it. Since we ourselves are often the center of hate then lets be different. As Tiffany said hating is self defeating, it is a dead end alley. Better to acknowledge an issue, learn to deal with it and move on. So I do not hate anything about crossdressing.

[Kelsy]

I hated reading 90% of this thread...made me start thinking again about things I thought I had overcome and moved on with... about who I am ...but apparently not :(..


Some of my thoughts exactly Sherlyn !:iagree:


Jennifer:straightface:

[Marcie Sexton]

I hate the hate that is directed towards us...I hate the stigma that is attatched to us as being perverts...need I say more.

...BUT I love life and all that come with it, including Marcie.

[Tamara Croft]

I hated reading 90% of this thread...made me start thinking again about things I thought I had overcome and moved on with... about who I am ...but apparently not :(..I had a feeling that this thread 'may' touch a nerve or two and I'm so sorry for that. But, doesn't facing up to things in your life make you a better person inside? I mean, let's face it, we all have things we dislike, but we either learn to live with them, or we face up to these things and deal with them right?

I hate the fact that my Tam looks good in anything, even a black bin liner... but that's because I'm overweight and I have to try so hard to look even half as good as Tam. I get to the point where I think I'm over it, but then something comes up again and I'm back to feeling this hatred for myself.

Now I see why this question hasn't been asked before, I feel like some of you would rather sweep this under the carpet, than face up to things. I have only one thing to say really, you only get to live once, live your life to the full, be happy, face your fears and stop feeling guilty. Life is too short ya know?

:hugs:

[Wendy me]

you know it's not always easy to look at who we are or not only to see who we are and accept who we are and to be OK with our baggage we carry alone in life some of which we have no choose in carrying some that we have no choose and must be carried and some we need to ....

and fear ??? wtf ???? i walk through life fearing no one ready to stand up for what is right and do as i believe is right .... but this little size 3 ...5 foot 2 inch wife of mine stops me dead in my tracks with her accepting my cding.... something i been thinking abought as of late could it be that this place i am at is were i am comfy with??? for lack of better words ... could her unpportive be my fault ???? could i be the real reason that things don't move forward??? ....

[kittypw GG]

you know it's not always easy to look at who we are or not only to see who we are and accept who we are and to be OK with our baggage we carry alone in life some of which we have no choose in carrying some that we have no choose and must be carried and some we need to ....

and fear ??? wtf ???? i walk through life fearing no one ready to stand up for what is right and do as i believe is right .... but this little size 3 ...5 foot 2 inch wife of mine stops me dead in my tracks with her accepting my cding.... something i been thinking abought as of late could it be that this place i am at is were i am comfy with??? for lack of better words ... could her unpportive be my fault ???? could i be the real reason that things don't move forward??? ....

Yes Wendy I think that a lot of times it is the cd himself that stops things from moving forward or getting to a point of comfort and acceptance. I think Tree hit on a point that most partners of cd's really want to know that things in their life will not change as far as lossing a husband or financial support. Maybe the self doubt, lack of self acceptance and maybe fear of where the cdin'g will go if unleashed is what is stopping your relationship from moving forward and keeping your partner in fear of what is to come in the future. That fear is often interpreted as a hate of crossdressing.

My husband went through the gammet of feelings. I accepted his cd'ing without boundries and he went beyond his wildest dreams with it (pink fog to the 10th degree) he sort of went out of control (even for himself but he was powerless to pull in his own reins) and mixed with the craziness of detoxifying himself from a life time of abusing alcohol and a counselor who pushed him to think that he was a transexual, he got very confused about himself. This was a very very dark time for me but something made me stay. As you know this was so intense for me that I had to distance myself from crossdressing all together for a while. This did not make for a happy relationship. We have been on the brink of divorce several times but are making our way to clarity and harmony.

The more confident my husband becomes and the more clear he is about who he truly is the more calm I feel. When he truly accepts himself and is honest about who he is, the more he can assure me that he will stilll be my husband, the more comfort I feel in our relationship and the less I fear his crossdressing and where it is going and what it means to him. You see there will be no more pulling the rug out from under my feet.

I guess that non acceptance is fear based, even for the cd. Too bad it takes some pain to reach a higher understanding of ourseves but then it makes it more worthwhile. :love: Kitty

[Michelia]

I cannot always control my time and expenditures as much as I would like.

I wish I could go out dressed anytime I wanted without social danger.

I wish I could be more passable. Even my wife wants me to go out dressed with her but I will not. When I look at my pictures from the one time we went out all night together, I cannot believe I went out like that! Now I am so scared. Yet I have invested in shoes and clothes I like. But I will not lose hope.

I hate the beard.

I hate the fact there seems to be little unity and political organization across all breeds of the transgendered. We need to underscore our commonality and not our differences.

Michelia

[AllyM]

Tamara, I appreciate you asking. Thank you

[bgirl]

Two things
1) I don't look the way I feel. I feel so feminine but look so.....male

2) Shaving, in femme or in drag. It takes so long that its already growing back before I am done.

3) (I know I said two things but I was wrong) I can't just walk out the door.

[Wendy me]

Kitty you know what you said is so true ... how can i expect my wife to get comfy with something i do not make her comfy with ?? she has said before she was afraid i would "BECOME A WOMAN" and this being her fear or one of them .... i have some chances to help her along in understanding but did not ... as well as thought when things are right i will step things up .... but real life is not always that right time or place ....

lol now the thing is i can see it's me .... yes me that's the problem here ... i don't have a unsouportive wife ..... she has a CD/husband that failed to get out of that safe comfort zone and be more "AVAILABLE " to help her understand me .....lol .... wonders just how many don't know that it's them holding thing back ..... gawd i hate know it's me .... lol.... got to work on that..... lol.....

[KimberlyS]

I agree with others that have said hate is a strong word. I hate using the word hate also. And we do not let our kids use it as we tell them you dislike, do not care for, or other words ....but I will use it here to stick with the thread.

I hate the influence that society norms have over my life as a CD. Most people in society talk of freedom and being individuals. And in the next breath try to put people in neat little boxes they can understand.

I hate how un-christian and narrow minded christian people and especially pastors can be towards TG people.

I hate the struggle between being me and covering up a part of me to protect myself, my job, and protect my kids and wife from un-needed harassment. But this is my life and I am choosing to live it this way.

I hate that someone that beats their wife, is a drunk, and many others that do terrible things are more accepted by society than someone who just wants to wear clothes of their choice.

I hate the pain it has caused in my marriage and continues to cause.

I hate having to either cover up what I wear, choose carefully what I wear, or stay in out of public when I am wearing something too feminine.

I hate having to put on makeup and wig to cover up my identity just so I can get out at times and not feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I hate other CD/TS/TG people that assume we all want to be girls and want act as girly and feminine as possible.

I hate other CD/TS/TG people that assume we all want to pass as female when we do go out. I want to pass as me, I am a guy that likes to wear more feminine clothing at times.

I hate other CD/TS/TG people that can not accept other people that are different from them, including different types of CDs, TG's, TS's, gays and other types of people, yet scream for acceptance for themselves.

But overall I do love my life, my wife and family.

KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt

[marie354]

I'll add one more..........

I dislike having to break up with the one I love. Or her breaking up with me. (Tough to do when it's "real" love.)

[Butterfly Bill]

I hate how difficult it is to find shoes that are large enough, and I hate it when all the items on the pantyhose rack are "control top". I hate it when all the slips on display have spaghetti straps. That's about all I can think of. Mostly I bloody love it!

[jenny53]

i hate the guilty feeling i get when i buy femmine things knowing my wife would never spend that on herself. i hate feeling like a fool when i can't make myself look femmy enough. i hate hiding all my things for special days. that about covers it

[DonnaT]

I hate the pain it has caused my wife.

I hate when it gets hot under the wig, and the fact that I can't let my hair grow all the way out so I wouldn't need a wig.

[Cassy11]

Hate, I don't hate crossdressing or anything associated with it. Why? because I am a crossdresser. What is a problem is what other people think a crossdresser is and how do I deal with them.

[myMichelle]

I hate the feelings of guilt. I hate the fear of the unknown that must be overcome in order to step out the front door enfemme. But I especially hate being viewed as some sort of freak, put here for my neighbor's personal entertainment. And I hate intolerant people--the type who walk up to me on the sidewalk and then whip out their cell phone and start taking pictures.

Now, having said all of the above, I still love what I do so much that I can overlook the negatives and focus on the positives.

[Siobhan Marie]

I hate it that I can't be me, who I really am as I'm living a lie.

I hate it that my mum won't even acknowlege that I'm trans or talk about it and it kills me. :sad:

This might sound silly but I hate having to keep my hair short when all I want to do is to let it grow out and have it cut into a nice femme style.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Missy]

the thought of being ables to choose between male dress or female dress what to wear

[sami1952]

The only thing that I hate about CDing is the fact that I don't do it enough to satify my needs to dress up infem.

[Kelsy]

Now that I have purged what it is I hate I have taken stock and have found the thing I hate the most! I hate struggling with accepting the thing in myself which I truely love! If I could toss all of my CDing and my affections for my feminine things and my female self I would be but half a person!
because this tread has been very useful for self examination and has served as a realignment pointing to the things in my life that I need to overcome in order to be able to accept myself as I truely am!

Jennifer:happy:

[Holly]

I wanted to give this a lot of thought before posting to this thread. I'm not a big fan of giving hate a foothold in my life. Dwelling on the negative does little to make one happy, especially if not balanced with positive steps to take to make your life better. Let's face it, things happen to us all the time that throw us a curve, and it's not all related to cross dressing... the water heater goes out, the car breaks down, illness, and so many other issues happen to us daily. Some we can control, some we can't. But dwelling on the bad never has and never will help us move forward. In fact hate, if left unchecked, can and does consume us. Maybe the better question would be what is it about cross dressing that we would like to change? Why would we change it? How would we go about changing it. Now we've identified what it is that is standing in the way of our happiness. We've determined why it is impairing our joy. And we've made a plan to make it better. But why stop with cross dressing? What is it about our relationships with our SO's that we would like to change? What is it about your job that you would like to change? What is it about where you live that you would like to change?

So what do you think? Instead of moping around feeling sorry for ourselves about our lot in life, wouldn't it be better to have a direction to work toward to change those things? The most powerful tool we have to effect change is our minds. Let's get busy!

[NatalieBliss]

I hate that I can't ask girls where they got that cute top/bottom/shoes ect

I hate that people I love don't know

I hate that there is a part of me that makes me feel bad at times

[Country girl]

I wanted to give this a lot of thought before posting to this thread. I'm not a big fan of giving hate a foothold in my life. Dwelling on the negative does little to make one happy, especially if not balanced with positive steps to take to make your life better. Let's face it, things happen to us all the time that throw us a curve, and it's not all related to cross dressing... the water heater goes out, the car breaks down, illness, and so many other issues happen to us daily. Some we can control, some we can't. But dwelling on the bad never has and never will help us move forward. In fact hate, if left unchecked, can and does consume us. Maybe the better question would be what is it about cross dressing that we would like to change? Why would we change it? How would we go about changing it. Now we've identified what it is that is standing in the way of our happiness. We've determined why it is impairing our joy. And we've made a plan to make it better. But why stop with cross dressing? What is it about our relationships with our SO's that we would like to change? What is it about your job that you would like to change? What is it about where you live that you would like to change?

So what do you think? Instead of moping around feeling sorry for ourselves about our lot in life, wouldn't it be better to have a direction to work toward to change those things? The most powerful tool we have to effect change is our minds. Let's get busy!


Holly, you have said, so much more eloquently than I could, exactly how I feel. Now these are some positive thought provoking questions! You should start another thread or two asking some of these things. Bravo to you Holly, for really making us think! :love: CG gg

[Katie Ashe]

One thing I hate alot, is... I'm not taking seriously. Everthing I do or say is disregarded and then I'm disrespected cause I got read. Another thing is CD'ing is only a temp fix to the feelings I have, I never will be a "normal" woman, but from what I have learned reading the encyclopedia is, there is no such thing as "normal".

The societial pressure of feeling guilty for being different. :2c:

[silkycd]

1. i hate the instant fear that runs thru me when im dressed and someone knocks at my door, reminds me of embarrasing moments of childhood when mom caught me after i thought the door was locked
2. i hate that it turns me on to wear womens clothes(why cant i be normal?)
3. i hate that the love of my life couldnt, and didnt want to understand this side of me
4. i hate the fact that this is not what i choose to do, it chose me,and wont let go
5. i hate being a hetro crossdresser, there arent any women who like it
6. i hate spending an hour to shower shave get all femm and wind up sitting on my couch alone too scared to go out
7. i hate that my parents felt i needed to see a shrink because of my dressing

[Roxi Loh]

Sometimes I hate all of it, because of the hassle, planning, expense and lonliness. Most of all the lonliness. At the same time I love it for many of the same reasons. I still struggle with the lonliness but it is my struggle.

[Peggy55]

I wanted to give this a lot of thought before posting to this thread. I'm not a big fan of giving hate a foothold in my life. Dwelling on the negative does little to make one happy, especially if not balanced with positive steps to take to make your life better. Let's face it, things happen to us all the time that throw us a curve, and it's not all related to cross dressing... the water heater goes out, the car breaks down, illness, and so many other issues happen to us daily. Some we can control, some we can't. But dwelling on the bad never has and never will help us move forward. In fact hate, if left unchecked, can and does consume us. Maybe the better question would be what is it about cross dressing that we would like to change? Why would we change it? How would we go about changing it. Now we've identified what it is that is standing in the way of our happiness. We've determined why it is impairing our joy. And we've made a plan to make it better. But why stop with cross dressing? What is it about our relationships with our SO's that we would like to change? What is it about your job that you would like to change? What is it about where you live that you would like to change?

So what do you think? Instead of moping around feeling sorry for ourselves about our lot in life, wouldn't it be better to have a direction to work toward to change those things? The most powerful tool we have to effect change is our minds. Let's get busy!

Good reply but I think this has been a constructive thread. No moping......just good dialog for self examination.

[jessicanataliemonroe]

I wanted to respond to the question with a thoughtful reply, and I think the question will still be rolling around in my head long after I click on the 'submit reply' button, but here's my honest response.

I don't think I would say I 'hate' it, but I think the thing that always concerns me the most deeply about CDing, is how I am very much of an 'in control' person in all other aspects of my life, and the crossdressing has always been so much more about feeling and emotion rather than the usual reason and control. I have referred to it more than once as an 'addiction', and it is the emotional appeal of CD that I also find so discomforting. But if I had to declare that I 'hated' it, I could also say that I 'love' it for the same reasons.

[Wendi {LI NY}]

1# :Angry3: one thing I dis-like is CD or TS that get on T.V . and makes a fool of them selves .It makes us all look like perverts and sexual predators.

2# thing I hate is CD or ts that don't try to act feminine when dress .Talk like truckdrivers ,sit in a skirt with their legs wide open ,:( .or worst of all is not looking in the mirror and going out with a five clock shadow or worst yet is short dresses or skirts in public that are not age appropriate.
3# I hate is if I am near or with them when they are doing any of those things .:o hugs ,Wendi

[Peggy55]

I wanted to respond to the question with a thoughtful reply, and I think the question will still be rolling around in my head long after I click on the 'submit reply' button, but here's my honest response.

I don't think I would say I 'hate' it, but I think the thing that always concerns me the most deeply about CDing, is how I am very much of an 'in control' person in all other aspects of my life, and the crossdressing has always been so much more about feeling and emotion rather than the usual reason and control. I have referred to it more than once as an 'addiction', and it is the emotional appeal of CD that I also find so discomforting. But if I had to declare that I 'hated' it, I could also say that I 'love' it for the same reasons.

:iagree:

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

Hiya Tamara

Since you have bought this radical question up... I will reply to it... cuz till this point ws only thinking in one way, you have just made me realise there are others lol...


Ok.. what I hate about some Crossdressers is:

1) Those who make a less than average effort to look the part.
2) Those that like to show their genitals under their skirt or dress.
3) Those that use obscene language to get their points across
4) Those who behave irresponsibly when out (Causing troubles!!!!)

There are probably others, though cannot think of them right now.. but will add at a later date, should any dawn on me



Those who make a less than average effort to look the part.

Crossdressing is the need to project or express your feminine side... how much you dress and how well you dress is surely down to how committed you are to who you are. While I am totally aware that some no matter what they do still cannot pass, i truelly sympathise with them... I guess if your a builder, or weight lifter then your extreme build might give you away... or some other very male attributes... In that case i guess it cannot be helped!, but dressing can be... trying to make an effort will reflect how committed you are and how much your crossdressing means to you in your life. Well thats what I think there.... those that pose in obscene pictures online, or showing only pictures of a skirt with genetalia under, what does that prove...lol... that they got one lol, hey so have i and it's bigger lol... so. It's so sad some get their kicks from doing that... so sad.... I cannot be annoyed about them, I used to... I guess I gave up and look at things in a more positive light now, so pity them instead.... ahhhhhh pity .....:straightface:


Obcene language users.... Obscene language, this really gets into my guts, it really does. We are all adults here, so behaving like it surely cannot be that hard, or can it. Surely there are always alternative words that are more suitable.. the use of vocabulary reflects the true inner personality, though some really don't care about language and would meet yah anyway... you could be losing potential friends and contacts if they feel the same as I do. so now is the time to really give that matter some enhanced thought!

Behaving badly out dressed...

If you find yourself in a spot of bother, then adding fuel to the fire really ain't the best way to address an already awkward situation, these situations could have been avoided, and can be avoided... but should you find your self in the situation and they have a go at you, then only use force with discretion, otherwise you'll be the one done by the police. Remeber all the time you behave properly, the police will support your needs, you throw the first punch and then you are the one breaking the law, regardless of what the other party said to provoke your actions... try to behave in a respectable manner and be a true decent ambassadour to our Transgender society, as thats what you are when you are out dressed. being any less throws Crossdressing into issues and some ain't good. Crossdressing in UK ain't illegal, so let's not give cause for the powers that be to change it..ok...
believe me they can change anything at a drop of a hat.....

well I will now get of my soap box lol, now i have aired my thoughts...about things.... I know there will be replies on both sides of this... please bring them on lol... as I said it's only my views!!!!!!!!!

[PatyR]

I hated when I took my time to dress up and all of the sudden somebody arrived and I had to take off all what I had done, which BTW, was the best dressing I had ever done.

[Peggy55]

Those who make a less than average effort to look the part.

Crossdressing is the need to project or express your feminine side... how much you dress and how well you dress is surely down to how committed you are to who you are. While I am totally aware that some no matter what they do still cannot pass, i truelly sympathise with them... I guess if your a builder, or weight lifter then your extreme build might give you away... or some other very male attributes... In that case i guess it cannot be helped!, but dressing can be... trying to make an effort will reflect how committed you are and how much your crossdressing means to you in your life. Well thats what I think there...

Less than an average effort???? Isn't that pinning YOUR idea of what average is on everyone else? Isn't that what we all dislike in society as a whole. That they want us to fit their average?

[linnea]

There's not much about CDing that I hate, but I don't like waiting for my nails to dry. I don't like wearing heels for long periods of time (I would hate to have to wear them all day on the job); I hate make-up that doesn't last long enough (though I enjoy applying lipstick). I hate feeling that I have to be so careful of my behavior (not because of being a CD as much as being a woman: as a woman, I think that people scrutinize a person's behavior and appearance much more closely and critically than they do a man's behavior and appearance.
I sometime dislike the limitations imposed on movement and behavior by a woman's clothing, make-up, and jewelry.
Even though I hate these things, I don't hate them enough no to do them, and in acknowledging my dislike of them, I realize and appreciate and empathize much more with the things that GGs face every day.

[Audrey34]

What I dislike is the paranoia I feel after I'm done crossdressing. I imagine somebody might have seen me through my windowshades or heard the sound of my pumps walking across the floor even though I have a carpeted floor. I also dislike the fact that i'm overweight (yeah, I'm still working on that one) and sometime feel like an outsider even when I'm posting on this forum. I even joined Tri-Ess and have gotten very little response from them. I also dislike those moments when I dress up and then promptly remove my outfit and switch back to guy mode because I don't feel comfortable at that moment.
I've got a long way to go....
-Audrey

[Khriss]

..,,,,,, those misconceptions that abound about "US" perhaps..
then ... same stuff .. that pisses real Girls off ?
... why such a reach ??..oh well,,,"mascara" OK ?:eek: :( "K"

[Cheyenne Skye]

Things I "hate" about crossdressing:

Biggest one being that I really don't know why I do this. Is it just about the clothes, some kind of fetish, or should I have been born female?
Not feeling accepted by anyone including the LGBT community. On the rare occasions that I have frequented a supposed "alternative lifestyle" friendly establishment, I have still been made to feel like some kind of freak. That I'm pretending to be something I'm not or that I'm really hiding being gay by dressing the way I do. (I'm not gay, been with my wife and only my wife for over ten years.)
Having to hide this side of me from everyone I know. My sister took me aside one day after noticing that I was wearing girls jeans. She said that if I wanted to come over and spend time with my niece and nephew, I couldn't dress this way.
And the crass comments from my co-workers. They always try to live up to the macho stereotypes. They talk about guns and sports and make rude comments about anything that doesn't fit into their narrow world view (like crossdressing and transexualism). And I have to stand there and listen too it as if it doesn't bother me. I've thought about what would happen if I decided to transition and I don't think it would be pretty. My company has a strong policy against sexual harassment but I don't think it would help me much as they get away with saying some pretty offensive things already because it's often said in a joking manner.
When I do go out in femme drab (girls jeans, t-shirt and shoes), always having to be on my guard because my wife says she's always scared that something bad will happen to us because of the narrow minded people in our town. (Which reminds me of something Vince Neil once said in an old Motley Crue interview:"Just cause we're wearing makeup and heels doesn't mean we can't kick your a@@.":heehee: )
Not having anyone to talk to. Sure there is this forum, but it is still very impersonal. I mean a real person that I could meet for lunch and discuss how we handle different situations that involve crossdressing. I've always been quite shy and I would be even less likely to divulge this secret to anyone that I don't trust implicitly. Even when I told my wife, she went behind my back and told her parents about me without telling me until after the fact. So how am I supposed to trust anyone else not to tell my friends or coworkers?
And last but not least is the the self loathing. When I think about how obsessed I am with my dressing, I hate that I let it control my life the way it does. When they say that men think about sex all the time, I think about how I can come to terms with my dressing. How I can make it a regular part of my life that I can even do when I leave the safety of my house. And then I wonder what it is like for a "normal" guy who doesn't have these feelings to complicate every aspect of his life.

Sorry for the long rant, I know some of you feel the same way. I just needed to get this off my chest.

[Melissa Ryan]

I just hate the fact that I cant explain it all to myself, let alone to others... :straightface:

[Tamara Croft]

I'll add a few things that I hate: -

1. I hate the fact that I have to hide a lifestyle from people, just because society has yet to get it through their thick skulls that cd'ing isn't some weird fetish, or perverted etc.

2. I hate the fact CD'ing is blamed for marriage/couples issues, when most of the time CD'ing isn't the problem, the person is just a jerk in general.

3. I hate that fact that just because you're a CD, this does NOT mean you can go having sex with other men, WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, it ISN'T ok!!!! (oh I've seen a lot of this lately on this board).

4. I hate the fact that the constant lying, keeping secrets, hiding things continues, even though the wife/SO is totally accepting.

You know, being a CD does not make you any different to anyone else, it doesn't give you a free pass to do what you like, to hide things, to keep secrets, to have affairs etc.... It doesn't give you the right to be hurtful, say spiteful things, treat your wife/SO like crap because they aren't accepting.

These are the things I see on a daily basis, these are the things I hate so much, it makes me sick :(

Sorry if I've ranted, these things aren't projected to any person in particular, just general observations from this board and others.

[Amanduhrob]

The only thing about dressing I really hate is the depression I go into when I don't dress.

I wish my emotional stability didn't center on the need to wear feminine clothes and makeup.

On a lesser note, I hate that women can have beautiful long manicured nails, and I can't:Angry3: , without some serious explaining to the in-laws & coworkers that is.

[arani5879]

Hmmm well I dont like that I haven't told everyone yet but I am working on it. Ok now since It makes me happy I cant really hate it now can I? So on to much more superficial stuff. I hate that my skin is sensative so I cant shave all the time so my skin isn't always smooth. I hate that I still need help with makeup because when I do it it doesn't look as good as when I have help. I hate going to the mall because I have problems leaving the mall empty handed. I hate that the things I like always end up being the most expensive why cant the things I like cost $5? I think thats about it and I dont really hate any of it well excpet the sensative skin part but that is just kinda irritating.

[Bobbie4]

do not like not being honest to myself. Even though I dress I fight it at the end of the day. I am conficted.

[tommi]

I hate that my SO doesn't accept it and thinks horribly of me for doing it.

[kenasbarbie]

I hate that I have to hide in closet when I do it. No one in my friend/family/work circles would accept it if they knew.

[Michelle 51]

Tamara I know that your probaly looking for something deep but all i can say is allthough i'm not happy sometime's about being a cd'er i can't really say that i hate it or the thing's about it.I wish that a lot of thing's were different sometime's but i don't hate it.I try to keep an even balance and not let it control my life. Justabit

[Kristen Kelly]

Excellent question and here is MY HATE list

I hate the way some crossdressers don’t care how they present them selves when they’re in public.

I hate that some crossdressers feel that they can use their dressing as a means of exploring their sexuality, or think that other want to do the same. This is not a sexual thing for me.

I hate the fact that many girls make promises to meet and then at the last minute don’t show and never a call or IM, only when confronted will say something came up.

All the time it takes to shave.

I hate it when crossdressing is referred to as a disease, or when someone asks can it be cured?

I hate the secrecy that goes with crossdressing.

I hate the way society stereotypes crossdressers as being gay - this may the case for some it isn't for everyone.

The way that many Post-OP girls want to have little to do with the community just disappear as they feel they are now women

I hate how difficult it is to find shoes that are large enough in the shoes I love when out shopping.

The labels we put on others and ourselves

That I spent to much time here saying things I dislike without a means to change things.

[EricaCD]

There is only one part of crossdressing that I actually hate. (Lots and lots of stuff that I dislike, but that's another thread. Really, that's another forum.)

I hate that what I seek to emulate in a woman is equated to my opinion of women. The two could not be more different. The things that Erica likes--looking pretty, shopping, flirting, reading Cosmo, worrying whether a skirt makes me look fat, etc.-- pretty much represent the apex of shallowness and narcissism. Sure, I think about feminine manner, deportment, presentation, etc. But my feminine personality--the part of me that is Erica--is about two millimeters deep.

That's unflattering enough. However, it gets worse if people assume that this is how I *really* think of women - or that my fantasies correspond to the traits I find desirable in women. Most CDs do not seek to hold our fem selves out as role models for women. Still, I know that we manage to offend many by essentially turning ourselves into a crude female caricature. The fact that I inadvertently, but inevitably, create that impression is the only thing I truly hate about crossdressing.

[Dapple]

I don't like to use the word hate, but I really dislike it when someone puts on all his baggage and then trys to cover it up with a dress. Then complain that their SOs or others dislike what they become. Hiding all that "junk in the trunk" behind a set of high heels hurts us all. Most of us put on a dress and are proud of ourselves. Showing your true self to the world without looking for sympathy is like letting a ray of sun shine into a very dark closet. We have to look ahead with a positive outlook and realize that what each of us do by ourself reflects on us all

[Glamourgirl GG]

I hate:

That my husband is different just because of the clothing he is wearing. Why can't he still be emotionally connected to me when he is wearing boxers?

I hate that I try very hard to show him respect with his CD'ing, yet he won't respect my wish for him to stop looking at porn.

I sometimes hate how good he looks while I look like a sea cow at 8 months pregnant. It makes me feel ugly.

I hate not being able to talk to anyone about how I feel because there is no one I can talk to about this secret. It makes me feel isolated.

[Melanie R]

I dislike that most in society believe that there are only two boxes for everyone in the world. You are either in the Female - pink box or you are in the Male - blue box. Society has difficulty with those who cross gender lines.

I dislike that most people do not know the difference between sex and gender. If a man is crossdressed he most be gay and only interested in men.

I dislike that most of the conservative, fundamental religions/denominations have their minds made up that being a crossdresser is immoral and sinful behavior. They do not want to be educated.

I dislike that so many in our TG communities do not attempt to communicate and work together. So frequently TS's do not understand that a crossdresser can be satisfied with crossing gender lines infrequently and do not want to live 24/7.

This list could go on and on but this is enough for now.

I do love being "gender gifted".

[CandyDarling]

I hate not knowing -- really knowing -- why.

me too. god i wish it would stop.

[byrony]

Lets see... I hate the prep work, which a lot of other girls have mentioned...

I hate that it is so hard to cover up my beard shadow.

That I am still uncomfortable with my family and friends knowing.

That even though I am getting better with my dressing, I'm even more self-conscious than when I started; the idea of going out is terrifying right now.

But enough complaining; I love that my s/o is so accepting (we go shopping together, she taught me how to do my makeup, we do each others nails. She really encourages and supports me, and I love her for it.

-Audrey

[clubinc]

ms. Lucille,
where does it say in the Bible about men can not crossdress or men sould not put on women garments. I think it talks about men laying with other men.

[Eva Diva]

No hatin' here. If I had negative feelings like that, I wouldn't do it. I certainly don't hate having to rush around and clean up when I finish - it's just a bother. It's all luv for me! :love:

[Alice Torn]

Clubinc, Deuteronomy 22:5 "A woman shall not wear that which pertains to a man; neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all who do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." 1 corinthians 14:33-"for God is not the author of confusion." 1 Cor 6:19,20. I realize, that the ten commandments forbid adultery, and I have been taught, that this includes all inidelity, and sex outside of marriage. I would much rather be married to a beautiful wife, than have spent my whole life, a low income, lonely bachelor, though, I go to singles dances. I also know, that God is very merciful, MUST understand some of the insane dynamics, of the crazy times we live in, and personal set-ups. A lot of guys have been set-up, by crazy dynamics, from birth. King David, the man after God's owm heart", stole a man's beautiful wife, and set it up, so the husband would die, in battle! I am not condoning adultery, or other vices, and I am not sure how He will judge each person. Personally, I don't believe, that God, or Jesus, are calling, and holding everyone responsible, now. I think this life, is free, for all, to do as they please. I believe in keeping the ten commandments, with His help, but, I have sinned millions of times, been a fool, too many times too count.Jesus also said, "Condemn not, lest you be condemned, for with the judgment you measure out, the same shall be measured unto you." I have a fear of God, but also, know, that I can confess my sins, look for mercy, and work, to be more tolerant, merciful, to others, unless, there is a person, who is absolutely evil, and violent, etc. Then, tough love, has to kick in. Sorry for the preaching. Crossdressing is surely not the worst thing on earth to do.. I think a lot of it is a void in our lives, unmet needs.

[Kendra Irene]

I, like others, do have some dislikes, but the dressing more than makes up for it.
My only HATE is the expense of maintaining two sets of clothes.

Kendra

[Bernice]

Wow, what a thread. I guess when I was attracted to this thread by Tamara GG’s name, I should have expected a lot of heady philosophy. I empathize and sympathize with much of what has already been said.

I hate that I have hatred and bitterness, and that I seem to have so much to hate. I envy those that have nothing to hate.

I hate that we can put a human on the moon and effectively fight cancer, but we can’t find an affordable safe and effective remedy for unwanted body hair.

I hate the irreversible effects of testosterone.

I hate the way people are so quick to stereotype and pigeon-hole other people on superficial criteria.

I hate that religion teaches people to think that only people identical in every way are worthy of living in peace and harmony. I hate the misguided behavior of Fred Phelps and all his followers.

I hate the perpetuated myth of the duality of gender.

I hate the isolation – that the only people I can openly talk to about crossdressing (with the exception of my loving wife) are too afraid to actually meet me in person.

I hate that a friend who managed to stop crossdressing is now reluctant to remain a friend – because I haven’t managed to stop.

My wife says she accepts this part of me (unenthusiastically but honestly). Still, I hide my dressing from her. She resents the hiding, but she forgets how uncomfortable she clearly was, when I once did not hide my dressing from her. It seems that breast forms and a wig are OK as long as they stay in the closet, but are never hidden? I hate the divisiveness this issue has caused.

I hate (this will seem unrelated, but it really isn’t) that the US two-party political system is all about taking freedoms away from citizens, eliminating choice, blaming scapegoats, and avoiding responsibility. (The democrats want to take away the ability to profit or to make a living or to defend one’s self with firearms– the republicans want to take away the right to harmless personal expression or consensual activity not specifically allowed in the old testament, while allowing big corporations like credit card companies or airlines to inflict wholesale misery without recourse). Why do people hate/ignore/dismiss Libertarians?

I hate that in humans, the quest for power and control over other people’s lives seems so much stronger than the desire to love and learn and accept.

Depressing thread, but hopefully it is worth the effort.

[Danigyrl29]

I hate that I am always seeking perfection.

I hate having the need to pass.

I hate that I can never get a photo to look how I think I look. The mirror always seems to do a better job.

[Khriss]

The only thing about dressing I really hate is the depression I go into when I don't dress.

I wish my emotional stability didn't center on the need to wear feminine clothes and makeup.

On a lesser note, I hate that women can have beautiful long manicured nails, and I can't:Angry3: , without some serious explaining to the in-laws & coworkers that is.

I'm fullfilled in ways...when I dress ..
so when I ca'nt or do'nt.. I feel a kind of regret or want .. that remains ..unresolved...an emptyness..:(

[Mistybtm]

I hate that I spend an inordinate amount of time on cding and things related to cding that it takes away from my social life and keeps me home all the time.
instead of going out and enjoying life.

[GACountrygal]

Clubinc, Deuteronomy 22:5 "A woman shall not wear that which pertains to a man; neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all who do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." 1 corinthians 14:33-"for God is not the author of confusion." 1 Cor 6:19,20. I realize, that the ten commandments forbid adultery, and I have been taught, that this includes all inidelity, and sex outside of marriage. I would much rather be married to a beautiful wife, than have spent my whole life, a low income, lonely bachelor, though, I go to singles dances. I also know, that God is very merciful, MUST understand some of the insane dynamics, of the crazy times we live in, and personal set-ups. A lot of guys have been set-up, by crazy dynamics, from birth. King David, the man after God's owm heart", stole a man's beautiful wife, and set it up, so the husband would die, in battle! I am not condoning adultery, or other vices, and I am not sure how He will judge each person. Personally, I don't believe, that God, or Jesus, are calling, and holding everyone responsible, now. I think this life, is free, for all, to do as they please. I believe in keeping the ten commandments, with His help, but, I have sinned millions of times, been a fool, too many times too count.Jesus also said, "Condemn not, lest you be condemned, for with the judgment you measure out, the same shall be measured unto you." I have a fear of God, but also, know, that I can confess my sins, look for mercy, and work, to be more tolerant, merciful, to others, unless, there is a person, who is absolutely evil, and violent, etc. Then, tough love, has to kick in. Sorry for the preaching. Crossdressing is surely not the worst thing on earth to do.. I think a lot of it is a void in our lives, unmet needs.

very very well put Ms Lucille!!! :hugs:
I feel the same way about it as you do, and your post here helped me clarify a lot of confusion in my mind about religion and view on things (Im recently saved actually).


In keeping with the thread,

I hate having to worry about my so getting caught

I hate the fact my mood is so volitile when he dresses (sometimes terrific, sometimes very bad)

I hate the fact that I cant be a better help sometimes.

I hate my so can walk in heels, when I put on a pair, stand up and fall on my butt!!! :heehee:

Nic

[Victoria Anne]

I never really thought about it before,that said...I hat that we (cd'rs)are looked upon as sexual deviants,perverts. I hate that I have to hide who I am in fear of violent reprisal from some pathetic bigotry. I hate the confusion that comes with Cding and I supose the guilt,knowing who I am and what I want and being frightened of it,then perhaps its not knowing but rather a certain sence of uncertainty(refering to the depth of my trnsgenderedness)the fear that I may someday find that I am not just TG but TS,NO offense ladies theres nothing wrong with being TS its just I'm uncertain how that would work with my wife who I love dearly.I love who I am and hate that I/we cannot be accepted for who we are rather than judged for what we wear,how we present ourselves.

[jessieblake521]

what i hate hate living different lives i thing I'm up to a bout 4 now. I have the true life with my dearest wife that i cant say enough about who loves me no matter what theirs the life with my kids 18 and 21 thats kind messed up from tying to hide what i am and to be a love father but its hard to sort through the feelings so you fall short. then theirs the work life were you have to be the manly man and I'm in construction. Then try to have friends in male mode which is even harder and then theirs family were do you fit in and it does not end every relation ship is a problem all in it self dressing is easy i love it all it keeps us from true life and joy i wish i was a man or a women being stuck in the middle is tough thanks for letting me vent.
Jessie

[Lovely Rita]

I dislike that it is so taboo. Why we just can't be pretty men and not have to worry about "Passing." The whole deception thing that is forced upon us because of societies unacceptance. In order to go out dressed many of us have to appear the woman or face the consequences. I dislike the whole cloak and dagger aspect of cding. Hopefully with time and the great heroes we have out there plugging along this will change.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

10. My 40 something belly.

9. Hiding my clothes, shoes, & make-up.

8. Window shopping with peripheral vision.

7. Sore feet from wrong size heels and shoes because I buy them without trying them on in the store.

6. Not contacting fellow cross dressers to share our life.

5. Five o'clock shadows.

4. Not being able to shave my girly areas.

3. Not having perfect hair (or wig).

2. Being a scourge to society and a disappointment to my wife.

1. Enjoying my time on this forum and having to hit the "boss key" because someone is coming.

Kathleen

[vbcdgrl]

I'm with Karren....I'm having too much fun CDing to "hate" any aspect of it. But, I have to admit it's annoying when a phony nail falls off and I can't find it.... ARRRRRG. And, I've gotten so used to sneaking around, it's sort of become part of the fun.
I do empathize with those of you whose CDing has caused a rift in your relationship or broken up a family...that has to be the thing to hate the most about CDing.

Vikki

[Carin's Wife GG]

is the learning curve for both the CDer and their partner can be so painful. The jouney toward self acceptance and mutual support can be a long bumpy road to travel.


Louise (GG)

[Karen Johnson]

What I hate about crossdressing is that:

I have to hide it and sometimes feel ashamed of it;

Sometimes it causes problems with the wife. I think because she is afraid I'll get caught and that she doesn't really know how far I might get into it and where that might take me; and,

I hate that I have to hide it.


Dressing makes me feel good, makes me feel whole.

[loki_uk]

I hate feeling guilty about wanting to wear girly clothes when I do the world no harm

I hate the fact that even some other CDs judge you on how well you pass, when sometimes I don't care and just want to wear a dress , tights and heels etc

Sometimes I do want to pass, but not all the time and I hate having to be what other people expect me to be, I just want to relax and be whoever I feel like at the time

I hate going out dressed and having to worry about other peoples reactions and having to be extra vigilent incase someone wants to beat me up because they feel threated by me

I hate hiding this part of myself from my wife, even though I know she has very strong suspicions and know deep inside, I also know she doesn't want to know and would in an ideal world like to be able to share things more.

I hate people assuming I'm gay just because I can be a little camp and yes I like wearing womens clothes

I hate the double standards where women have 'boy cut' jeans and 'boy pants', but for a man to anything remotely unmasculine and you're either gay or a freak

Arrrrrgh I'll stop now before I go off on a rant

[Joanne f]

If you don`t mine i will change my wording to dislike as i have the word hate reserved for a few special people,
i dislike my self for not doing it when i was younger as i think that i would have looked more girlie then and got away with going out dressed as a girl,
i dislike myself for not having the guts to go to a club or some where c/d friendly,
i dislike it when some one starts chatting to you and all they are thinking about is meeting you for sex,
i dislike it that society will not accept people for what they are because they are a bit different to some ,
but most of all i dislike my self for all the hard times that i have put my children through as i know they have suffered because of my c/d,ing.
joanne f

[pedebra]

I the fear of disclosure and the hurt that my wife would suffer if she discovered my secret. I the fear that I would lose my wife. I the lost time that is spent hiding my clothes. Since I can't dress when I please, I the mental effort that could be spent on other concerns instead of planning my next dressing session. I the feeling that there is some flaw in me that makes me do this.
Debra

[Stephanie H]

I hate, the fact that I could lose my job because of it.

I hate, that if I am ever successful for doing good deeds I could face the real defacement of all good deeds done by me just because of my history of liking to wear womens clothing.

I hate, the looks of going thru a womens clothing store or area of a store for women like the cosmetics or clothing areas and you get looks as if you are some type of criminal or dangerous person as it gets every womens attention on some level like I have crossed an unwelcome boundry.

I hate, how I have to hide my things if friends come over.

I hate, I only feel comfortable wearing clothing outside under the cover of darkness in an automobile.

I hate, the fact that I feel more like a woman inside than a man and I can't freely express that and still be respected as an intelligent human being instead I am treated with suspicion and disgust and share a similar kind of treatment a child molester would get by society and I wonder if we did a national study what would the general populace feel more uncomfortable with; a crossdresser or a child molester.
I bet it would be closer than I care for even though one is totally harmless and probably a more nurturing individual who wants to protect children more so than most and desires to be positive to society than the average person is to their fellow brother's and sister's and the later of the two is a proven individual who is actually opposite by being destructive and disrespectful to others

[Dena]

I don't like that it can be such a "big deal" with some people, when most
people don't care.

What I dislike the most is having outgrown my teenage body, not the
youth so much as the size and having peach fuzz for body hair.

[AERIN]

I won't say the word hate, but sometimes it is such a bother getting ready and all the necessary preperation required. In the end it is all worth it and Cinderella's night comes to a quick end.