Obsession?

[Kate Simmons]

I often wonder exactly what is behind all of this effort to look like a woman. Why do we go to such lengths, do so much planning and spend so much money? We quickly decry our male selves but without our male self and his livelyhood, none or very little of this would be possible for most of us. My wife used to point out that all the money I "blew away" for feminine things could have been put to better use to buy a new vehicle or down payment on a nice house. I suppose many professionals here who have yearly "three figure" jobs don't worry about it that much but what if something happened to the economy tomorrow and they wound up on the "street" wearing an empty barrel? Would they still have that driving passion of looking like a woman or be more interested in just surviving?
So, what is behind spending so much time, money and effort on clothes, makeovers, photo shoots and things of such nature? It would seem from an outside observer's view that we are attempting to become a woman but in most cases, we simply revert to our male job, male responsibilities and our security which is made possible by virtue of the fact that we are male to begin with when our "femme time" is over.
What is the purpose really? Is it just to look "nice" and have the ability to express ourselves in a feminine way in order to escape from our male reality or is it indeed a hopeless obsession that never has the possibility of becoming true? How do we account for the endless amount of time and resources we have expended to reach our goal and is the final product really worth it?
For myself, I have realized that my purpose is simply to express myself and look nice. While I have the satisfaction of being able to be myself, I sometimes question whether it was worth the loss of my family to accomplish this and expending all of those resources. I suppose it's a question we each have to ask and answer ourselves.:happy:

[Lisa Golightly]

I often wonder exactly what is behind all of this effort to look like a woman.

A woman here :)

[Suzie S.]

Well for me, it's the opportunity to let my 'cover' match my 'book'. Even if it's just for a little while. It makes me feel whole. Sure the clothes feel nice, but it goes deeper than that. :D

[Joy Carter]

Well for me, it's the opportunity to let my 'cover' match my 'book'. Even if it's just for a little while. It makes me feel whole. Sure the clothes feel nice, but it goes deeper than that. :D

Agree with Suzie totaly.:love:

[Tina Dixon]

Heck I just like skirt and dresses, if it was OK for a man to wear a skirt may be I wouldn't crossdress at all, I don't know, but it is fun going all the way, and I don't have hole lot invested in Tina, well a whole lot to me I should say.

[Wendy me]

thats interesting i think that who i am is always going to be there ....i have gone through times were i did not have money to buy things nor the chance to dress ... and i have come to the point were if i see it i want it it's mine and time to dress and do as i want are more now than ever before...

so as much shopping and dressing or not that what ever life throws my way i believe that this side of me will always be there ....just sometimes better dressed than other times....

[Marcie Sexton]

...well put suzie...took the words out of my mouth...

[Teresa Amina]

We quickly decry our male selves but without our male self and his livelyhood, none or very little of this would be possible for most of us

I really doubt that male self of mine makes more than my Teresa-ness unchained would. Being down here in the lower income levels the money arguments have always seen a bit odd.

[Tree GG]

... While I have the satisfaction of being able to be myself, I sometimes question whether it was worth the loss of my family to accomplish this and expending all of those resources. I suppose it's a question we each have to ask and answer ourselves.:happy:

I think you're absolutely correct in that it's an individual priority call. And as life circumstances change, so do the priorities. If livelihoods disappeared, you would think that food & shelter would outweigh the need for self-expression (be it art, CDing or recreation). I'm thinking the stress of that situation may have the opposite effect on CDers as CDing is so often described as a release from the "male provider" role. Perhaps I'd find my husband hunting for food in heels & a wig? :devil:

But in reality, survival is not an issue for most. So now what was a want, a desire, is felt to be a vital necessity. Is it worth the costs? How much are you willing to pay? Nothing is worth more than someone is willing to pay for it. :love: One man's trash is another man's treasure.

[Daintre]

Salandra that is a great question, I have spent so much money over the years improving my feminine wardrobe. That money if saved could have bought me a car or a down payment on a house. I have this"obsession" and that is to buy women's clothing, it has been so hard to stop.

Tree, oh my goodness you are so right. I am now on a disability pension and every cent I spend is recorded, rent, food and essentials are the most important. I budget right down to the penny, every month and without fail. I am crushed that I can no longer splurge and treat Jenni, but I have to look after the whole person, survival comes first.

[marie354]

My income has changed dramatically since I retired. going from 35K to 12K took some getting used to. If it wasn't for the computer repairs I do on the sly, I'd be broke most of the time.
I used to just buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Now, since I have a lot already, it's mostly upkeep... Replenishing makeup, lotions, etc. But when I see a dress or skirt I want, if it's within my budget, I go ahead and get it. Other wist save what I have till next month.

I would imagine, Salandra, that you are making some changes as well since you retired.

I also would think that people used to a higher income, say 100K or more would have a much harder time trying to re-organize their budget for a 12K level. If their home & autos were paid for, that would help a lot as they don't count as actual assets to social security.

I made a modest living and rented an apartment before I retired, but I always had money in my pocket to get the things I wanted or required. Now I've learned how to budget my money to do the same thing most of the time.

[DawnL]

Salandra, Is it worth it? I used to play golf. I couldn't tell you how much money I have thrown away trying to get better to be able to "pass" as a golfer. I have never gotten any good at it and I did it for years. It didn't make me happy but as a guy I thought I ought to be able to play. I enjoy crossdressing and am better at it than I ever was at golf. It makes me feel good which is what golf is supposed to do. I guess we all decide where to spend our "expendible" income.

[Kate Simmons]

Thank you, my friends. This is exactly what I was looking for, some good honest answers. I realize we all have our own parameters to deal with. What I cannot seem to understand sometimes is the seeming "excessiveness" we tend to put on CDing. Continuing to build a wardrobe for instance to do basically what? In my mind, it simply doesn't make any sense, especially if we are in the closet.
I really like doing things and expressing myself as Salandra (my combination persona). My needs are simple, however, and I make the best of what I have. Since retiring, it seems I'm more in demand from my former company than ever (training new people, refining production procedures and making sure GMP requirements are met) as a consultant but really this has given me even more freedom of expression to be myself since I'm no longer "locked in" to the 40 hour scenerio. I've expanded both my Erica and Richard sides thereby giving me me more "bang for my buck" and working smarter instead of harder.
All things considered, I've realized just how important and critical people are to the success of anything. That includes all of you, my good friends. My understanding of myself and CDing in general has increased exponentially since being a member here. You have all given me re-assurance that your priorities are right and given me new faith in the human condition. After all, it's all about people and people who are willing to share their hearts and feelings are those I hold very dearly.:happy:

[Billijo49504]

Dressing makes me happy. Really feeling good, and satisfied with me. And bras and panties might not be cheaper than drugs, but they have less long lasting and harmfull effect on my body....BJ

[Gina_darling]

Is it that much more expensive than any other activity? I've added up what I have spent and it is still less than a good set of golf clubs for example. But to attempt to answer your question of why sink in resources to what appears to be an unobtainable goal I'd have to say that that's half the fun! If it didn't take any effort and we could instantly pass as women by just putting a dress on then would you still do it? Isn't the effort all part of the fun? the challenge? Put it into another context, if you always won a particular game and there was no chance of losing, would you still play?

On another level, those of us who fell like women on the inside no amount of time or money is too much to align our outside appearance with our inside selves.

Gina xx

[JoAnnDallas]

Salandra.....you could just about say this about any endevor that one may get into. Example, I am current working on my pilot instrunment rating. So far in the last year, I have spent somewhere around $2,000 on flying alone. I just spent $300 to take a ground school course, $200 for a DVD ground school course material, $100 for maps, E6B, charts, and etc. If you add in the thousands of dollars I have spent on Amateur Radio equitment and supples and the thousands of dollars I have spent on Model Railroading, it all adds up. To what purpose did I spend all for. Pure pleasure. Same for all the items I have bought for my fem self, JoAnn. It is all for pure pleasure to being able to look and feel like a woman.

[JeanneF]

I have to agree with Suzie as well.

It's not about the clothes (well, not totally about the clothes ;) ). I've gone through tough times in the past as well, and I've curbed my shopping as a result. But I haven't ever totally curbed the desire to be feminine.

Lately, business has been a little tough for me, and I'm exploring a few options in that regard that will hopefully get me back on my feet financially. As a result, I haven't really done a full-scale mall invasion like I would have done a year ago. However, it hasn't been so bad that I can't occasionally get out and go shopping or clubbing and be able to feel girly.


so as much shopping and dressing or not that what ever life throws my way i believe that this side of me will always be there ....just sometimes better dressed than other times....

Well said.

[Karren H]

Well, "Because I'm Worth It"..... and that L'oreal comercial is dead on.....

And if I didn't sepnd it on me, who would?? Plus I make too much money anyway.... lol But tell my wife I said that....

Karren

[Cassy11]

I don't really have a goal or desire to reach a final product. Dressing is something that makes me feel wonderful. Today there are millions of people who are in search of that one thing that makes them feel good. If it's golf, fishing, hockey, photography thats all fine; each to their own. There is enough stress out there to fill the oceans, anything you can do to refresh yourself is worth it.

[JoAnnDallas]

Karen.......



And if I didn't spend it on me, who would?? Plus I make too much money anyway.... lol But tell my wife I said that....

You sure you want me tell your wife that you make TOO much money???

[Nicole]

I would continue to CD but it would be less due to working more hours in guy mode. Ugh, too much of that and I would feel trapped and unhappy again.

I wish I knew why I did it. It is for pleasure as JoAnnDallas said but also because a lot of who I am is femme whether in guy mode or not.

[noname]

Myself I keep spending to the minimum. But part of the reason I do dress, is because I have something to say. That being equality. People complain about equal rights, well guess what, here is my right to wear what I want. You don't like it??? Gee... should have thought about that before you went campaining for equal rights.

[Bev06 GG]

Salandra, Is it worth it? I used to play golf. I couldn't tell you how much money I have thrown away trying to get better to be able to "pass" as a golfer. I have never gotten any good at it and I did it for years. It didn't make me happy but as a guy I thought I ought to be able to play. I enjoy crossdressing and am better at it than I ever was at golf. It makes me feel good which is what golf is supposed to do. I guess we all decide where to spend our "expendible" income.

My thoughts exactly. Most people have a hobby and they cost lots. If yours is dressing, (not that I like to refer to it as a hobby), whats the harm in spending your hard earnt cash on something that you get such alot of enjoyment out of. Its actually been proven that having a hobby is quite theraputic and people who have one live longer.
But then I suppose thats dependent whether or not the wife knows or finds out if she doesn't. I expect the stress levels would go through the roof then and prob bring on a heart attack.
Take care
Bev

[Brianna Lovely]

That's what I consider myself.
Since I'm rather new to accepting who I am, I decided to go out into the world, as me. However that may be at the moment.

I try to only by clothing that I could wear any day and most any place. Mostly skirts, tops and comfy shoes make up my wardrobe.

So, I'm just expressing the inner me, to the best of my ability, at the moment.

[Sally24]

I do it to experience being a woman for whatever time I am able to. I am not so driven that I can't accept being a man, but if I could have chosen I probably would have been a woman.

I enjoy the clothes and the makeup and playing with the hair, but they are all side notes to the main event. I could be shopping, or going to a restaurant, or just going for a drive en femme. Getting into my female frame of mind and feeling like I belong is what it is all about. I pass well enough that so far I have been able to do anything that I decided I wanted to do. I feel very lucky in this and I try to enjoy every minute as if it was my last one!

Sally

[NatalieBliss]

I must agree with others. Golf equipment, rebuilding a car, video games, building models... name a "hobby" and you could say any money spent on it is a waste. Money may not be able to buy love, but spent right it can buy a whole lot of happiness. :D

[Lovely Rita]

For me it is about letting a very important part of me surface. I need to be me. As far as the money and spending. There are many people who spend far more than I do on their "hobbies."

[Kate Simmons]

The point of all of your answers was well taken on this. Still, I do sometimes question in my own mind whether expending the resources was worth the outcome. I do agree it's an individual decision however.:happy:

[btmgrl6]

Tg,girly girl here...I don't do photo shoots,or make overs,although I have had my make-up done at the cosmetics counter twice. Spending a bunch? Guilty, as charged. A girl needs clothes right? Work clothes,dress clothes,play and casual clothes....shoes to match. Then there are the accessories....purses, a little jewelery,purfume, creams and lotions,make-up.
That reminds me.... I have to go shopping!

Steph

[suzy]

Good question. Some really good answers too!

I don't hunt, or golf.....I don't go out to the bars and waste money on other non-essentials....so I figure cding is my hobby and if I spend a few bucks....ok a lot of bucks, then so be it. When it comes to a time where I can't afford to, I won't. It's that simple. My wife and I wear the same size clothes excepting shoes, so it's not going to be wasted anyway.... She just gets a lot more clothes!!:D

[Kenix]

It all depends on how much you enjoy your particualar hobby. I have spent quite a lot on cloths, wig and photoshoos. I happy right now so it's time and money well spent.