Old honey needs advice.

[Jeri Kay]

Hi Girls. I've waited a lot of years to say that. I have been dressing on the
sly for more years than I care to remember.
Mostly just wearing panties, and whatever else I can scrounge up, when I
am home alone.
I have never talked to anyone about it.
I have been the care giver for my wife for the past five years and, since she
has been in the hospital a lot, I have had a little more privacy, but still have
to limit myself when I'm not alone.
She's seen me in panties and a nightgown a couple of times, and didn't say
much. I told her it was the stess.
I'm tired of not being me for so long.
All my life I have wanted to just be, and dress like the lady I fell inside me.
How do I come out without ruining my relationship with my wife and three
grown sons?

[Tristen Cox]

Firstly, Welcome to the forum :) It's not going to be easy to just out yourself, so you may want to look around at some of the threads here from the other ladies who have done so themselves, and the results of which they went through in the process. I'm sure some others will also respond here as well. Hope you find the right answers here, keep asking anything you like. That's what we're here for.



Love
Tristen

[carolynhcd]

if these relationships you speak of are not with the real you, then who are they with? Let the chips fall where they may. You already know all the answers. You know who can accept Jeri and who can't. Dress when you want and stop being such a nervous Nelly. Ask yourself the really hard questions, the things that make you *** and then you push them out of your head immediately and pretend they never happened. You know who and what you are. Time flies.

[Tiffany Tuesday]

Jeri honey,

i think it could be a dress/stress scenario. And I think we all have experienced that.

Thing is babe, if it is stress and not gender dysphoria ( ie/ you do not want, or do not yet know that you need to live full time as a woman), why let anyone in the family know at this stage. All you may need is time to explore your femininity, relax in a dress and see how you feel. It may satsify and alleviate your stress and urges or it may identify you need to go further.

So please, hang on in there girl and do nothing rash. Before you take the plunge and potentially blow the family apart, find a way to have a few hours each week dressed, or a weekend away a month? it might help to make contacts with other girls here in your area?

Many guys take time out from familial duties to go golfing, fishing, hunting whatever ... all you need is your time and space to explore your feminine self.

However, if it is that you feel you need to live as a woman, then please seek proper counselling honey, because it is a really big step and there could be tears before you can smile again.
Big hugz sis xxx

[Holly]

Jeri,

Welcome home! I'm so happy you found us. Okay, here's my $.02... first and foremost, be true to you.. but be honest with yourself at the same time. I know that you said that you have been dressing for a good number of years but the real question is where do you want to go? And who, if anyone, is going to be there to help you? Oh, we will be here for you, no doubt whatsoever about that! Will you have support from your wife, kids, others? What do you hope to achieve by coming out? Relief from the hiding and the secrets? Fulfillment of your own desires? Exploration of new relationships as Jeri? Incorporating Jeri's personality more into your everyday life? Passing in public? Living fulltime as a woman? A physical change of your sex? As you can see, there is a lot going on here.

Listen, honey, your going through the same things that we all are going through or have gone through. We can (and will) share our experience with you. We can give you things to look for and be aware of. We can show you the pitfalls and suggest alternate routes to take to the destination you seek. But all that said, ultimately you will have to decide for yourself the road you will take. Just know that we will be here to walk along side and talk with you along the way. By the way, isn't it great just being one of the girls?

[Ashleigh]

I have been the care giver for my wife for the past five years and, since she
has been in the hospital a lot,


How do I come out without ruining my relationship with my wife and three grown sons?

Hi Jeri and welcome. It sounds as though your wife is cronically ill. I'm sorry to hear that. That takes it's toll all by itself.

In reference to your post, I have some thoughts and hope you will indulge with me on this.

Would talking with her about your deep feelings help or hinder her situation?

Would her knowing of your desires to crossdress (I am making the assumption this is what you want to do rather than go with hormones, surgery, etc.) accentuate her health situation?

I submit to you that if these questions do not affect her condition in a positive way, then keep her out of it and do not tell your children. I don't know her condition, whether she is in pain or not, and whether the condition is curable, getting worse or steady. Either way, you, and only you have the responsibility to help and comfort her no matter what condition she may be in. This was a promise you made to her when you married her. This means you put her before yourself - always.

I know this sounds brash and hard to some people, and I am not meaning to be hard here. I understand what you are going through. You may find that she will be okay with a certain amount of dressing. She has already seen you in some items and didn't make a big deal out of it. Being stressed is not normally why we dress is not why you need to from what I gather. People all over the world are stressed and don't dress. Many of us dress because we like the clothes, the feel, the expression of inner self, and to some it is a sexual thing. What ever your reason, consider her before yourself. This is a charge that we have been given - to think of and be of service to others.

You need to take care of yourself, this is true, so you can take care of her. Weigh out in your mind what you want to say and how you think she might react, and then hone the way you tell herso that she knows she is not going to be replaced by "Jeri" or that you are not gay (I assume you are not) or whatever other concerns you think she might come up with.

There is a fantastic article that actually helped my wife accept my CDing to the extent that she does. She is not all accepting yet, but at least is still working on it. I am now able to dress as much or as little as I want as often as I want as long as she is the only one who knows. No problem. How we accomplished that is in two words: COMMUNICATION - STUDY.

The article I mentioned is Jung's Anima Theory and How it Related to Crossdressing. The site is at www.ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm. Have your wife read this with you and then honestly answer her questions. The other gals on this forum can provide other links I'm sure, but this one seemed to have a "both sides" attitude to it rather than a one sided "why don't they accept us?" article.

Whatever happens, I hope you take your time, study all espects out, and then compassionately discuss this with your wife and only your wife at this point.

Remember, we are here for you to provide advice and support.

Take care.

[Maria2004]

There is a fantastic article that actually helped my wife accept my CDing to the extent that she does. She is not all accepting yet, but at least is still working on it. I am now able to dress as much or as little as I want as often as I want as long as she is the only one who knows. No problem. How we accomplished that is in two words: COMMUNICATION - STUDY.

The article I mentioned is Jung's Anima Theory and How it Related to Crossdressing. The site is at www.ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm (http://www.ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm). Have your wife read this with you and then honestly answer her questions. The other gals on this forum can provide other links I'm sure, but this one seemed to have a "both sides" attitude to it rather than a one sided "why don't they accept us?" article.

Whatever happens, I hope you take your time, study all espects out, and then compassionately discuss this with your wife and only your wife at this point.

Remember, we are here for you to provide advice and support.

Take care.Just posted the same link not 5 minutes ago in another thread, I'm in total agreement with Ashleigh here. Do check it out Jeri. And welcome, thank goodness you found this place, and hope you can break free from the private hell, that I know in my case was entirely of my own making, not the worlds. Refer to this post http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4877 for a little on my backstory if you are interested.

Sincerely

Maria