Another BIG step taken.

[Chrissycd]

I was preparing myself to come out to at least some of my family for the past month. Well, one of my two sisters called today, and I just couldn't hold back any longer, so I told her about my true Self. I told her that I cd and that I am considering transitioning.
She's been wrapped up in a million things, so it wasn't surprising that there was a pause at the other end of the line. She had absolutely no idea whatsoever, and she was completely speechless at first, so I did alot of the talking, and explaining.
She was the most likely in my family to be accepting, so I was hoping she'd understand. These things always take some time for others to digest, but she was compassionate about it and, albeit clearly taken aback, very kind. The only thing that disappointed me was that she cautioned me not to tell either of my parents b/c she thought they would see it as a failure in their parenting skills. I said that I'd be cautious about it, but that I'm finished hiding, and that Chrissy is going to live her life. It wasn't an argument in any way, but it was something I didn't expect her to say. All I know is that I've hidden Chrissy for an unforgiveable number of years. I promised myself that will change, and I won't stuff her back into any closet.
I think she was just being protective of them.
Chrissy

[Holly]

Chrissy,

One down. Sounds like it went pretty well, all things considered. You know best but it sounds like sis was trying to protect mom and dad's feelings. I really understand about the not wanting to stuff Chrissy back into the closet and you shouldn't do so if that's how you feel. I'm confident that when you know the time is right to share this part of your self with the parents that you will do so with the tact, dignity, style, and sensitivity of a true lady. Best wishes, Chrissy!

[Maddie Knight]

I came out to my sis many years ago and she has been very supportive.
As for my parents, my mum would bury her head in the sand and hope it goes away. My dad on the other hand is so prejudice that i would no longer be a part of the family.
Be very carful when comming out, don't do it in hast I have lost a couple of good friends that way.

[Tracie Lynn]

Wow Chrissy, thats a major step forward but procede with caution from here, you will know when the time is right and the best way to introduce Chrissy to your parents so don't rush it if it dont feel right and be prepared I will be praying for you.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Chrissy,

Good for you girl. About the parents though, I would advise caution, you will know when the time is right. In my case , my parents are quite elderly and I would hate to be the cause of a major heart attack. :eek: I guess in some instances, ignorance is bliss. Only you can know when to tell and how.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Kate_Uhler]

Chrissy,

I'm proud that you had the courage to tell your first family member. It must have been something that you worried a great deal over and then gave you a sense of relief. Yet now, there are new decisions, and there is some new anxiety about your parents.

I think who we tell has allot to do with what we are. For me being a CD part time.. I tell people on a need to know basis. Not everyone needs to know things about me that are private and personal. Would my siblings need to know my favorite sex positions, obviously not, because its not something they will ever have a need to know. I treat my CD the same way. If theres a conversation that somehow would make it appropriate then I'm not opposed to it. But as general fact its just not necessary nor appropriate information.

Your case is different, I think. To me transitioning is by its very nature a public event and those affected then have a realistic need to know some details and would benefit from some explanation. It’s inevitable that those we love would be high on your list of those we want to include in our 'public press release'.

There's a great Paul Mazursky movie, I’m sure most have seen, called "Down and Out in Beverly Hills". It’s about a dysfunctional family headed by Richard Dreyfuss and Bette Midler who 'adopt' a homeless man, "Nick Nolte" and the effect he has on the dynamic of the family. In the movie their son Max questions his gender role and his sexuality and openly crossdresses. The amazing thing about this in this movie is that the family is openly accepting and in some respects unfazed by his actions. This is mainly because he is so open and uninhibited that they too become open and uninhibited. The family adapts to his openly expressed needs. It really is a beautiful example looking back. There's no shaming or ridicule. Max is....well Max is Maxine... and there is no questioning.

My theory of families, and actually any group dynamic, is that if we establish who we are and are consistent and stand our ground the 'herd' will naturally and somewhat effortlessly move around and past us. But we have to stand still with who we are. I think people see this commitment and take the cue about how to react. If they see us as sincerely committed and centered in our desires and self image they can relax when the old expectations change and our new person is established. People are very uncomfortable when things that were expected don’t happen. If people see us as afraid and unsure and ambiguous they too are then fearful for us and themselves. If we establish a new expectation then we can free them from the anxiety that they need to somehow protect us or insulate others. I really think much of this is about just being open and confident in our decisions like this. And just like Max is in the movie, everyone relaxes, they adapt and come to openly accept this change as the new norm and amazingly what happens is if he DOESN”T wear a dress they’re anxious.

Chrissy, I think you are doing great! I’m a firm believer in taking an action, accepting and adapting to the result. Rinse and repeat. For me there are no mistakes just indecisions. We are not perfect beings and we never get it right the first time and yet our lives are filled with first times. And so, we keep trying and we do the best we can at that moment and without a doubt we will be called on to do our best again with these results. For me things will change anyway and I’ll have to react and adapt and as such I would prefer to have some influence on which directions they follow.


Big Hug and Kiss,
kate.

[Sharon]

Chrissy:
Congratulations on taking this huge step forward! I'm sure you must have been very frightened beforehand, but now the adrenalin for telling others is pumping vigorously through your veins.
I too disclosed my secret to my two sisters a few months ago. But it was my decision not to tell my parents because of their age and the feeling on my part that there was no point in it. They are both in their eighties now and it will not serve my or their interests. Besides, my mother is a blabbermouth. :)
I wish you all the best in your emergence, and I hope every step you make is as successful as this one was. Just keep in mind the best interests of the person you tell as well as your own.

Sharon

[Melissa A.]

Chrissie,

Congratulations on taking what must have been a difficult step. The thing with cd/ts is you never know how people will react. Being a cd, I have the luxury of sharing with those I want to know. However I have been found out in the past,It was very traumatizing at the time, but today, well, I just don't care anymore.

What cd in Montreal said was very true. We hit a point in our lives where we simply must be who we are. All the old fears and inhibitions just seem to be so unimportant. I don't shove cd in anyone's face, but no one will ever again make me feel uncomfortable about me. It helps that I have found an understanding, even enthusiastic woman. That, I attribute to some perseverence, and some luck.

I must say though, as a cd who also loves his male life and self, that I so admire you ts's. It takes a special sort of bravery to do what you must as a ts. Not that you really have alot of choice, ultimately, if you are to be true to who you are. Still I understand that it is much harder, physically, emotionally, and financially for those of you who choose to transition. We have different motivation, and different challenges. But I think it is beautiful that we can call eachother sisters and be there for one another in a place such as this.

I have alot of respect for what you are embarking on, Chrissie, and wish you all the strength and luck in the world.

Hugs

Melissa :)

[Melissa A.]

Oops. Sorry I misspelled your name, Chrissy.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Tristen Cox]

Good for you on telling your sister, but I think she may have a point with the rest of your folks. That's for you to decide. Remember those insightful words: baby steps. *hugs* Chrissy



Love
Tristen

[Sweet Susan]

Wonderful that you felt you could tell your sister. I'd like to tell one of my sisters, but I doubt if I ever will. Not sure I want to come out that far. The wife knows, and for how that is enough for me.

[Chrissycd]

My sis barely got off the phone, and she told her hubby about me. This is a VERY big deal to me because I really care about him a great deal, but he is pretty opinionated and isn't afraid to express himself at all. About a half hour later, he called. :eek:
He didn't say a word about it, though. (I found out later from her that he already knew when he called me.) In fact, he d/n want to talk about that at all. He wanted to talk religion b/c he seems to have alot of respect for me when it comes to social issues. So, we talked religion, and then we hung up.
Too funny!!! :D
I think my so called big problem, to him, is nothing. He's suffered discrimination his entire life, being black, so I think he must have sympathy for me, and not even feel the need to bring it up.

A few notes since my last post: I think you girls are right. I do need to really think hard about telling my parents. Neither one of them are healthy, and they've had a very difficult year. I don't think I will tell either one of them until it is absolutely unavoidable due to the physical changes I'll undergo. It does add a great deal of weight to the stress of the change, though. I don't want to hurt them. I love them very much.

I was going to address all of your responses because I thought there were so many thoughtful and kind perspectives shared, but I don't want to go on and on here, so THANK YOU ALL GIRLS!!!!! I am so thrilled to have such caring friends here. :D
Hugs,
Chrissy