Passing, Read then dead!

[Sophie Haworth]

Hi all again.

I must continue to sing the praises of everone who posts, especially those who reply to cries of help, what kind people you are.

I was wondering what you thought about being read when out, I have not been out "into town" for a couple of years, It puts me off when read, even by one person, it kills the feeling and all of sudden I feel like a "bloke in a wig", not feminine at all, and I cannot wait to get back home.

I do not have good legs, not bad in the mirror, or on 2D photos, but using video, they are totally the wrong shape, so I do not intend going out in a skirt again unles I have boots on, (great excuse for boots). I would like to post some pictures as the week progresses, tried about 15 different looks today with photos.

I was once read from behind, the legs had to be a give away, as he passed me from behind , he turned and took a good look at me, "to make sure" I suppose. A bit frustrating, I absolutely love legs.

Anyway here is photo no. 1, (all taken in my carport using a video camera.)

[Holly]

Sophie,

Kinda hard to tell about the gams from the pic you posted. I do like your look, however. You look like you're ready to mix right in for a daylight shopping trip! Please try and stop being so hard on yourself.

[Maddie Knight]

Confidence is the key.
If you go out dressed be aware that you may be read, if you reply with confidence they will often back down.
However try to avoid situations where you are intimidated, just think before you go.
You have nothing to de ashamed of, be yourself.

[Sandra H]

Hi Sophie.

You look great I would not read you if you look like that when out. The only thing I would say about us going out, which you cannot see in a photo, is how we walk and act. Women walk different than men and it could be quite easy to fall into man walk style unless you are a good walker in fem mode.

As for your legs we cannot tell from the photo. But not every woman has nice legs; trust me I am a legman when in drab and so I have had lots of experience of looking at legs. So just try and relax about your legs because this will take your mind off walking correct.

Last but not least and this goes for all of us including me. Men do look at sexy women; they always have and always will. The difference between real women and us is the real women are very pleased when a man takes a second look. We are just sure that the only reason they are having a good look is because they know what we know namely we are men in wigs. Panic sets in and had they not read us at first there is a good chance they will at this stage because we start to act more like men, go red and get flustered. We need to have more confidence and if we really believe we are OK before we go out, then we are OK and any second looks are because we are so good they fancy us. Easer said than done, I know.

[Sophie Haworth]

Thanks all for your kind comments.

Very welcome.

Sandra, I agree about how we move about, when out, I must admit, I used to walk, with shoulders forward and head down, almost trying to hide, or look invisible, the use of my video camera has helped a lot there. I do intend to make a trip out shopping again it a couple of weeks time, I will take a day of work.
Holly, I have always been hard on myself when going out, for me there is very little point to it, if I cannot pass.

Please dont think I get down about it, it is just all the effort that goes into making up to go out.

Sophie.

[Merinda]

Well you pass in my book Sophie and your legs look fine ,

the girls are right , men are natrally drawn to women and are going to look at you .
It doesn't mean youv'e been read , the last time I went out to a shopping centre with my daughter she made comment about a few men had looked straight at me , I asked her if any women had starred at me and she said none.

I noticed recently that people stare at me even en-drab so its hard to figure what they're actually thinking .

[Tristen Cox]

Heck I would be looking at your legs too, and that's meant in a good way. ;)

[June]

Sophie:

You look terrific ! Very businesslike. I'm sure you'd pass well during a daytime trip to a shopping mall. You look like you could be popping out from work to pick up a few things from the stores. Just be cheery, keep your head up, and don't look all around like you're trying to be a pick-pocket ! LOL ! I acted "nervous" like that for many years until I realised how conspicuous it made me look. Try not to draw attention to yourself. Walk slowly along with the flow of everyone else in the mall. Stand up straight and keep reminding yourself that 1 out of every 10 guys is a CD ! That'll cheer you up ! Keep us posted on how things go :)

~~ June

P.S. - I'm not sure if they're called shopping malls in the U.K. ?

[Tamara Croft]

Oh my days...... with legs like that..... no wonder he took another look at you... I would take the look as a compliment :D You have great legs..... infact all you girlz here do.... bah..... how about we do a swap... you can have mine :D

Tamara x

[Holly]

Sophie,

Thank you for posting the new pic. I fully agree with Merinda... your legs look just fine. Sophie, in my experience, I have found the we are often our own worst critics. Passing while out is a goal a lot of girls here have. I totally understand it. When I go out, my biggest desire is to just fit in. I want to be able to interact with those around me and not cause myself or those around me any discomfort. Sandra and Maddie are also correct when they speak of carrying yourself with confidence and poise. It takes time to develope the techniques needed to walk like a lady. Give yourself the lattitude to do that and the opportunity to parctice, practice, practice. And take some time to enjoy the journey. Have some fun. I think if you take some of the pressure off yourself and relax a little, the features you want to develope will come easier and you will look forward to your outings. I can't wait to see the rest of the pictures this coming week!

[ChristineRenee]

Honestly Sophie, I think you look great. Nothing wrong with those legs from my view. You are prolly just a little too self-conscious...which is understandable. I'm sure I will be too the first time I'm out. Just listen to Holly mom and the rest of
the girls...their advice is spot on. We tend to be our own worse critic for sure.
Just be yourself, hold your head high, and project an air of confidence. You will do fine hon!;)


Love,
Chrissie:)

[Rikki]

Sophie,

I don't think that you were read, I think that he was just taking in the look, you look very professional and the legs are very nice looking. I would have taken a couple looks had I seen you, for I like looking at legs and yours are sexy looking. I can't say enough about them, Oh yeah!


Rikki

[Trinity_cat]

Hi Sophie.

If I saw you in the street, I'd take a second look.

Call me old fashioned, but I like looking at beautiful women.

[Sharon]

I think you look wonderful Sophie! If you were GG, I would say your legs were above average. Men almost always do a double-take whenever they see a skirt, they're such a rare sight sometimes. Hell -- I do it! (although I try to be subtle about it :) ).
As far as being read when out on the town, I'm sure your reaction is normal. I've only progressed to where I'm making "baby-steps" in public, unlike your own "big girl" excursions, so I'm quite envious of your wonderful confidence. I try to keep in mind as to how to react if I'm ever discovered. By instinct I think that I would either freeze in horror or run away, but it would be better to just walk away as if I don't realize anything is amiss. It's easier said than done, but I think I should always be prepared for the worse just to lessen the possibility of over-reacting.
So congrats on being as confident as you are and give yourself credit enough to see how good you really look.

[crispy]

........keep reminding yourself that 1 out of every 10 guys is a CD !


interesting statistic. I wouldn't argue with it but when we tried to estimate it before the evidence seemed to point to less than 5%.

does that mean that for every nine guys you meet on the street there is another one en femme, or for every eleven ladies you meet on the street one is probably a bloke? I wish. :cool:

[Sophie Haworth]

Thank you for all your wonderful kind replies to my post, your encouragement almost sent me out the door now.

I will just harp on a little more about the legs, in photos and mirrors they look fine, but it is when walking, the calf muscles at the back of the leg really stand proud, the higer the heels the bigger the muscle, I do play sports, and tennis is my game, so I am bound to have strong leg muscles.

The thing about boots though, they do hide them well.

I have found it difficult over the years to find a pair of boots that fit well up the leg, usually there is a lot of space around the top of the boot(not the gab between boot and skirt) , but I think I have finally got a good pair.

[Anne Charlotte]

WHERE YOU GET THEM BOOTS HUN ? :o

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Sophie,

You are most definately HOT, Take it from an old leg man, there is nothing wrong with your legs. It's just that woman and men put on muscle in different ways. I have very large muscular calf muscles, my thighs are also very large but, since I am into bodybuilding, they look great, no fat. I see women at the club doing some of the same excersises as I do but their legs look nothing like mine, lucky for them.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Ava Mouse]

Sophie,

You look great! Seriously. Good choice of clothing for going out, you've got good taste and poise.

A few suggestions... Take out the shoulder pads, we guys don't need them. Add more padding to your hips. And a darker shade of lipstick will draw men's eyes to the lips more. :)

Interesting that women wear shoulder pads to give a more manly appearance, isn't it..?

[christine55]

Sophie, I know what you mean. Being read ruins the feeling of being a girl.Everyone here says I can pass anywhere but when going out in the real world we need alot of practice. I went out yesterday wearing a very casual long skirt and clunky but cute heels. I looked about as much like a girl as I can. I dont think I got read until I got to the cash register. I don't think its how we dress and make up as much as our movements and demeanor. I know when dealing with a cashier I get very self conscious and it shows. GG's have had many years to walk, talk, and move and dress the way they do. I have noticed the more I go out the less I seem to get noticed. Practice makes perfect.
Hugs, Christine

[Sophie Haworth]

Thank you again for your kind comments.

Ava, I will have a go without shoulder pads, but I do have quite round shoulders, my handbag keeps slipping off, thats how round they are, or is this normal?, this jacket, thoug must be from late 80s, guess who does not like to bin things.

I am not too sure about a darker lipstick, I hear what you are saying about men and red lips, but I am never very content with a darker colour, I do prefer a soft colour.

Christine, thanks for the encouragement about going out, it is very interesting how different all we CDs are, far more than I ever reallised before joining this comunity, and what we are prepared to accept about ourselves.

I will add more later, It is time for bed here in the UK, up for work early.

Just another pic, and it was blowing a gale.

[MistyCD]

Hi Sophie........Before I go any further...Let me pick up my jaw off the floor, LOL, but you look fabulous.....Don't change a thing!!!!

maybe you can send us a few shots of you wearing heels...

Luv Misty :p

[NylonMan]

Hi Sophie,
Your legs are great, what are you talking about?

NylonMan

[christine55]

Just a snip here and there and......
http://myweb.cableone.net/rjoh2/sophie1.jpg
Hugs, Christine

[Jan W]

You are worrying about nothing Sophie.

You look great and who really cares what you are up to anyway? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone! Everyone has something they would prefer to remain hidden.

Go out and enjoy being Sophie, be as femme as you can and have a ball.

(Just re read that sin bit and quite liked it. Could be signature material!)

LOL,

Jan Wilson

[LindaTS]

Sophie, if I ever saw you out somewhere I would think GG. I would have no doubt about you being a female.

[Candy024]

Hi Sophie,

Sometimes how we see ourselves is not how people see us. We are our own worst critics. To be honest with you I thought you looked great. Your legs looked fine !!! Cute outfit, and nice boots. Happy Valentines Day to the lady in red !!!
Smooches, Candy

[Sophie Haworth]

What can I say but keep saying thanks for everyones input.

I feel a bit self consious now, about making a post that is "all about me", I was looking for thoughts and feelings about passing in public, I did say earlier that if I am read, it does kill the fantasy, it is not what others think or say about me, is is the fact that I have failed to achieve the goal of just going out and about and not being read.

But we are all so different for me it is the look of femininity, and not necessarily the feeling, although that does come hand in hand with how I look.

I did say I tried on many outfits this weekend here is another "look", what is your opinoin about the longer skirt?

[Sophie Haworth]

I think the long one makes me look as though I am waiting for the Russian Dance music to start! :D :D

[sherri]

Sophie, first let me say that you look great. I really mean that, you do. And to me, that's the whole point — looking good.

I am of the opinion — not a very popular opinion here, I'm sure — that very few of us are truly passable. Maybe 1% of us. There's just too many physiological giveaways, and I have no trouble clocking crossdressers, even those with very refined looks. The reason I think it's important to make this point is because it helps us be realistic about going places or doing things where the possibility of being read could be problematic, even dangerous.

I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I just personally don't see not passing as a barrier to dressing. If your objective is simply to be attractive and make a good impression — something most of us are capable of doing — it is quite possible to effectively express your femininity and have a good time doing it.

Judging by your photos, if I met you at a club, I can assure you of three things about your appearance — I would know that you are a crossdresser, I would find you quite attractive (downright sexy, in fact), and I would perceive you as being feminine and interact with you accordingly. In my eyes, that makes you a successful crossdresser.

PS — I agree with the others. What I can see of your legs looks great.

[christine55]

As far as passing goes the jacket really helps as well. Something that buttonsat the waist and flares really helps us with that hourglass figure
Hugs, Christine

[windycissy]

Your legs are great, but if you're self conscious about them, try wearing a long flowing skirt that hits your calves right where your legs start to taper down towards your ankles. This gives the illusion of slim legs, and once you get used to it a longer skirt is kinda fun to wear, like when you tug it up towards your knees when you sit down. But really, you've not no reason not to show those legs, I think they're great. Windy

[June]

interesting statistic. I wouldn't argue with it but when we tried to estimate it before the evidence seemed to point to less than 5%.

LOL Crispy, I knew after I made that "1 in 10" statement that I might be asked to back it up! I'm afraid I'm not sure where I heard that, and of course it probably varies a lot from town to town. I think I may have heard it back on an old Phil Donahue show, I think there was more CD's running around back then :) At any rate, when I'm out in public I try to think of the "1 in 10" thing....it helps keep me from worrying about who's looking at me ! :)

Sophie: all of your pictures are great! As was suggested by others a little hip padding (see Classic Curves) would help a bit with the figure. But you really do look very professional. A+ on your choice of style girl !

~~ June

[Sophie Haworth]

sherribicd

Thanks for the great words of wisdom. I have to fully agree, it is strange why passing in public shoud be such a big issue with me, it has been all my life and can turn me off dressing for many months.

It is getting a bit late now here in the UK, I am up at 6.15.

I will post some images with legs and arms (i don`t like them either) later.

By the way, I am not feeling down or anything, it just nice to be airing some thoughts and listening to the kind replies.

Sophie

[racquel]

Quote.By the way, I am not feeling down or anything, it just nice to be airing some thoughts and listening to the kind replies.

Here is another for you.You look great.very professional.

[Holly]

Sophie,

I said it before and I'll say it again... you look great, hon. There is absolutely NO REASON you can't go out and enjoy yourself. The only eyebrows you'll raise will be the gg's asking, "Who's the hottie competition?" Face it Sophie, you look great!

[Ava Mouse]

Sophie,

Hey, I understand how you feel. I've imperfections that give me away, too. When I last went out a few people did double takes and I probably got more 'read' attention than I wanted. But you know what? Since I presented myself respectfully, I received respect.

You dress very respectfully, and that will affect how people think of you. Imagine if you went out looking tarty? Think you'd get respect from that? I think that most people that read us will say, yes that's a guy in a dress, but he did a fantastic job.

If you focus on your features you don't like, you'll never get out. It's your overall presentation, confidence and attitude that determines what people think of you!

It won't come right away. It takes practice and quite a few outings. Practice in a friendly CD/TG group setting, get feedback and work from there. You can't just jump in the water and expect to swim a mile!

Hey, when I told my wife, she imagined horrible taste in clothes, style, etc. Like Mardi Gras kinda stuff, but when she saw me dressed up for the first time, she understood. Now she wears my clothes sometimes!

In other words, you may be read, BUT you can greatly improve their perception of crossdressers!


-------------------------
Well, I just wanted to put passing in perspective. I've been seen by maybe 100 people when I was last out. Of those 100, who did what? Let's put this in statistical perspective...

OK, I'll start off with some estimates:

Location: Capitol Hill, Seattle
Demographics: All genders, races, rich, poor, etc. Mostly college students and retired folk.
Fashion: Some punk/goth, mostly drabby jeans and t-shirts.
What I wore: Gray tweed suit with pink camisole blouse.

People who saw me: 100
People who didn't seem to notice/care: 86

=================================
People who noticed me: 10

- obviously read me: 2
-- laughed: 2

- probably read me: 8
-- acted normal: 8

=================================
People I HAD to interact with: 4

- obviously read me: 3
-- laughed: 0
-- acted normal: 3

- couldn't tell: 1
(parking gal)

[Marlene4a]

I saw a gal come out of a bookstore while walking down the sidewalk in Seattle, around lunchtime, that looked as pretty as you Sophie.

Trouble is, while I was looking, I was not paying any attention as to where I was going, and ( She was in an above the knee skirt - I am a sucker for skirts !) I walked and smashed headlong right into the light pole on the sidewalk.
Some designs just do not need improvement.

She saw all this going on, continued down the sidewalk, with a sort of bouncy walk, and looked back and smiled. "course I felt like a fool, but what the h.... she was in a skirt.

The moral of the story is, that is about as far as I got.......just about 4" above her knee...could'nt tell you too much about the rest of her though.

You are passable.

[Sophie Haworth]

Ava, I may just use the `Ava Mous 100` next time out.

I did say I would post legs and arms images.

I have included short hair, I used to think I looked good with short hair, wrong!

Thank you all for your help, assistance and advice.

PS Marlene, I decided to wear this so I could attend to your bump. :D

Sophie

[June]

That's a very nice look ! You look like a medical professional :)

[LindaTS]

Ava, I may just use the `Ava Mous 100` next time out.

I did say I would post legs and arms images.

I have included short hair, I used to think I looked good with short hair, wrong!

Thank you all for your help, assistance and advice.

PS Marlene, I decided to wear this so I could attend to your bump. :D

Sophie

I think the long hair suits you much better Sophie. And the color is also a very good choice.

[danielle_bc]

Thank you again for your kind comments.
It is time for bed here in the UK, up for work early.

Well Sophie, I have taken a good look and as far as I can see you're looking at yourself far too critically. I think that a secret to less pronounced calves while wearing Higher heels is the overall posture and being comfortable walking in them. I have watched many women for hints and clues to the way they carry themselves and how they present they're overall look in public. You seem to have the right idea by using a mirror to observe yourself while you move and how you carry. Remembber that this is, although helpful, the hardest way of teaching yourself to being a presentable woman, regarding motion. I might suggest you locate a fellow cd'er(s) and get together to practice your moves and be very open to critique. Try walking with a book balanced on your head, sounds funny and looks even goofy but it works to get the body balance going. Remember, head up, shoulders back, chest out. You want to imagine that as you walk, visualize that you are floating over the ground and be it !!!
I don't pretend to know it all and there are likely those that think I don't know anything but there yah go. Practice practice, practice and use a video recorder too. Good Luck :)