Explaining c/d

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Do you find it very hard to actualy tell people you c/d ?? for instance maybe when you joined this forum, was it difficult to actualy admit you c/d ?? :o OR when you confided in somebody about your c/d , how did you approach the subject ? i remeber when my SO told me , he started dropping hints about the "Rocky Horror Show " , and some of the songs init !! me been me didnt twig, then he suddenly blurted it out !! :eek:
so..... ( sorry yes must be extremley hard to tell someone ), was it one of the hardest things you have had to tell someone ???? :straightface:

[Lissa Stevens]

It is hard. Here I had no problem because most here are CDs the same as me. I joined myspace and there it has been harder. There I am trying to educate others so I have to admit it but I am still a little scared. I have never admitted my CDing to anyone. I am afraid of their reactions. Most people I know make fun of CDs so I am fairly sure if I told them the reaction would not be good.

[tealannette]

i have never told a man, but i have told a few women. it is hard. i chose these few girls carefully. they were very understanding. i have friend now that wants to help in anyway she can. at times i wish she were my SO.

[Staci G]

I have tried for years to tell my wife the plain and simple truth just blurt it right out but thats not near as easy as it sounds. I finally did it and it turned out just as I expected it would. AWFULL!!!! I am living under that ultimatum we hear so much about, stop or get out. No understanding whatsosver..

So yeah it is hard when you know what the outcome might be. I think if they might be a little open minded it would be a litle less scary. at any rate i still think I did the right thing and told her no matter the result..

Angie I hope for my sake there are more like you in the world that make telling a little easier

Love yas

[Leasa Wells]

when i had relationships with women i told them at some point. I dont have a gf now so i guess telling them didnt help. Living in the closet has been a life long struggle, a lonley one in fact. Society hasnt help, sterotyping what a man or women should be is all part of it. I once read on this forum that women have a life dream, in that dream its tell them what life would be with their partner. Such a ridged yet complex dream, was how i felt after reading it.

I guess my dream is to find someone who understand both sides of me. :brokenheart:

[MsEva]

It was easy in here.....preaching to the chior. But to tell my SO or be found out and confront my own feelings that was harder.

[Daintre]

It was easy here, it is anonymous and the environment is friendly. I have told 2 men, it was very hard, I felt humiliated, small, and less of a man. I have told several woman, in that situation I felt accepted and on equal footing.

[tartshelly]

I am a female and my boyfriend wanted me to help him dress as a woman for Halloween, I laid out one of my few dresses, a gawdy one, thinking he wanted to do it as a joke. He did't like my choice and said he wanted to go out of town to a party dressed life a female. I agreed to help, putting some stipulations on the help. He had to wear everything, he had to dressup a couple of weekends before Halloween to learn how to walk and sit, and go out in public at least once with me. I thought that would scare him off. That is just what he wanted. I laid all the clothing out, were much the same size, I'm a little taller, I like foundation garmets, and work at a hosp. I had a friend get me a couple of larger breast forms, and put it all on the bed and told him have at er. I thought I would get the laugh of my life when he started, but he pulled the panty hose on better than I have ever done it. So I asked him if there wasen't something he wanted to talk about. So he told me everything, I had seen guys underdressed that came in by ambulance to our ED, no one made a big deal of it. Anyway, he dressed up that Halloween as a very convincing female, he enjoys dressing up and finds it relaxing, he likes the risky side of it all, he dresses up pretty often, almost always wears panties. He say's they fit him better, I am her to be open and learn mort about cross dressers, and enjoy what others have to say.
Michelle:Angry3:

[noname]

Do I accept the CD label? No more than any GG in town. Sure people can say I CD, but it really doesn't matter what they think. If GG can wear a skirts and pants than so can I. Now if I was trying to pass myself off as a GG, I would accept that label, but that is not the case for me.

[Karren H]

Hardest thing I ever did.... Admitting it to my wife....

"Who's skirts are those in your closet??"

"Mine, I like to crossdress"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Sigh

Karren

[j9113]

I found telling my wife the hardest thing I ever have done I dont think I could ever have the nerve to tell anybody else.
Yes it was hard to say it on here even though nobody can see me :D

[Casey Morgan]

It's very hard to tell people that I CD and I'm TG. I came out as both to my parents and one sister, and those were the two most difficult conversations I've ever had in my life. It's even been somewhat hard to tell my therapist and the two leaders of my transgender support group, just knowing that sooner or later everything will come out.

As you know all too well, this is something that can/will change a relationship (friend, family, SO, etc.) forever. You hope that it won't go over too horribly (I don't know about anyone else but I don't expect that most people are going to take it in stride) but you know that not only could it end the relationship, you could in that split second become someone they no longer wish to know. It's that fear of the wholesale rejection of who you are that makes it so difficult to come out to people.

That's why I weigh so carefully whether it's worth coming out to people. I know, if your friend stops being your friend over this then they weren't really your friend to begin with. But all I can think of is what K told J in Men In Black when J "reminded" him that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all: "try it some time". That cold comfort is pretty chilly and not much comfort after all.

So I sit here weighing the pros and cons of coming out. Am I ready to face rejection from this person? Am I willing to let them walk away over this? Is what I get out of my relationship with this person worth taking the risk of coming out?

And unless you're also coming out to the whole world, you have to realize that in sharing this with that person you entrust them with your secret. It's not really coming out as much as it is letting them in on the secret. It's like telling them how the magic trick works and expecting them on their honor to keep it a secret. They didn't ask to be let in on it. So is it fair to them?

There aren't any easy answers. All you can do is hope to god you make the right decision. You're putting all your money down on one spin of the wheel and hoping you don't lose everything. And even as that wheel is spinning you are second guessing yourself.

The day I told my parents (or as I like to call it, the day from the 39th level of H---) I told them that I needed to tell them something. I knew they knew I crossdressed so I admitted that and told them there was more to it than that. I started with feeling different when I was younger, moved on to figuring myself out a few years later, and told them what I'd discovered since joining this site. The conversation with my sister was similar but she was driving at the time.

[Lisa Golightly]

I tended to wander around in a dress which kind of gave the game away... :)

[Joy Carter]

When I came here and tried to post, I was so nervous that nothing made much sense. It still don't. But that's another matter. I'm not planing to tell anyone I know. I have been out in public and I just feel at home being ME ! :D

[susie evans]

probaly one of the hardset things i ever did telling my wife BEFORE we got married i was sure it was over but the commitmentfrom both of us has made life great and would not change a thing and that was trirty six years ago and still going

:love: susie

[hotbobbie]

The funny thing is i never told anyone about my cding. I just let it go with the flow and i now dress full time and i have never had a problem. I do believe that i was lucky to live in the northwest and this has helped alot.

[Lawren]

It has always been hard to find the courage to tell someone but when I make up my mind to do so, I just say it.

[fun4metoo2004]

I have not told anyone. I have not had anyone special in my life for far too long, and not really considered telling anyone. I guess if I ever find a woman that likes me enough, then I will consider it from the start.

Just not sure how I would go about it for now.


Do you find it very hard to actualy tell people you c/d ?? for instance maybe when you joined this forum, was it difficult to actualy admit you c/d ?? :o OR when you confided in somebody about your c/d , how did you approach the subject ? i remeber when my SO told me , he started dropping hints about the "Rocky Horror Show " , and some of the songs init !! me been me didnt twig, then he suddenly blurted it out !! :eek:
so..... ( sorry yes must be extremley hard to tell someone ), was it one of the hardest things you have had to tell someone ???? :straightface:

[Alice Torn]

I told four friends, about a year or so, ago, on the phone. No, three by phone, one in person. I have only appeared dressed up, to one person I know, a former landlady, who rents rooms, and had one other renter, who dressed. I saw thatt person, years ago, dressed, and thought, "this is strange". I only said, nice weather today, good for working on the car", which I was. My former landlady, was a bit shocked, but not overly. I think she was jealous, after that, because I looked so good. She treated me meanly, after that, so I never did it again. I did send e-mail pics of Lucille, to her, though. One widow, in the church, i told, over the phone, and she does not like it, and said, though, she won't tell the church. If she does spread it, I will be talked to, maybe suspended, until I forsake it. I don't dress up, often, at all, maybe once a month, and, sometimes, just seeing those nice dresses hanging in my closet, is all I need, to do, for a thrill.

[marie354]

The first girl I told was very hard. Over the years it has become a bit easier, but I only told a few of the women I dated. Some left me immediately and some delt with it for a while and then left.

My SO knew on the third date but so far, since I've joined this forum and begun feeling better about myself, I've told my 2 younger brothers, my 2 best friends, and everyone here of course. A lady from our church walked in on me one night. Not sure where that's going. It might be a good thing though.

It's always a difficult thing to bring up no matter who you want to tell. I mean, how does one lead the conversation into the subject of crossdressing? I usually just blurt it out... "I don't know how to say this any plainer, but.... I like to wear dresses."... "WHAT!" is the usual reaction even if they don't vocalize it. It's then waiting for the questions. The waiting game... I hate that part.

[Alicia_lynn419]

This has been the quandary I've been in for quite a while now... being single again, hoping someday to have a healthy relationship... How do you do it? I still have a hard time knowing that my CDing played such a big part in the demise of my marriage.... :sad:

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Yeah, it was hard for me too. Here it was a cinch! I mean, I think I set some sort of speed record compared to the time's I've told other people, who have been very, very few.
It was...well, not easy telling my SO, but easier than it could have been as I wasn't actively cross-dressing at the time. I told her that was something that I had struggled with in the past and still wanted to do, but would try not to. You gotta love it, after I told her the first words out of her mouth were "I love you."
I think it was by far harder telling her that I wanted to start cross-dressing again. It was like a one-two punch, I guess. She told me that a friend came out about being a cross-dresser and told him she knew someone who'd dealt with the same thing. Well, in talking to him (he stopped, ironically) I really learned how much it meant to me and how much I did identify with women to a degree and decided I wanted to explore it more. I warned my SO that I probably would buy an outfit soon - then, lo and behold, I did. She was sad but I wouldn't say she was devestated. I think the first thing she probably said was "I love you" again. Man, I'm so blessed.

I don't know how it will be telling others though. I'd hate to think about what would happen if her parents found out... I know it wouldn't be pretty. Thankfully my 'secret' (I really don't like thinking of it as such) is safe with her. At this point I think I'll only tell people on a need to know basis. My siblings are probably next on the list...

[Rachel Morley]

Do you find it very hard to actualy tell people you c/d ??Outside of this community, I never tell anyone I'm a crossdresser. My wife on the other hand has "volunteered all sorts of information" to her sister, her GG friends etc LOL! She knows what she's doing, and I trust her to know what's best for me....but me... no, I never tell anyone.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

How do you do it?

I can think of doing it two ways. Lay it all on the table in the beginning with a devil may care attitude and if they don't like it, tough. This is risky but it gets it out there and prevents nasty surprises later.
The other, probably safer way of telling someone is let them get to know about the rest of you first. Taper off the dressing up for a while, espeically if there's a risk that your potential SO could run into you at the mall or wherever. Once she's fallen in love with the rest of you (and believe me, I think love is necessary, nothing less would keep most from running off right there) tell her about your cross-dressing. If she loves you, I mean REALLY loves you she should be able to accept this part of you too, especially if she sees how much it really means to you.

I don't know what you did in the past, Alicia, but I am sorry to hear that it was a factor that ended your marriage. That's a major bummer. I'm sure you'll find a healthy relationship sometime. I'd like to say it's as easy as finding the right girl, but I know that's anything but easy...

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I've jokingly thought about making a t-shirt that reads 'I'M A CROSS-DRESSER!' or something like that. That might help let people know. I mean, there'd be no room for doubt, unless they thought I was kidding. I would NEVER actually do this mind you. Like I said before, it's on a need to know basis and most people just don't need to know.

[Victoria Anne]

I thought being a Marine was tough...NOT,this was a far tougher gig.To just admit it to myself was hard and that only took 45 years! I told my wife ,and this was rough or so I thought, we were sitting in a truck stop! anyway I told her after our first date,she married me anyway. I have told two male friends and got the same reaction from both " yea and so what,I've never seen you dressed like a girl" I of course left it at that. Telling family....now this was another kettle of fish, it was rougher but it was worht it in the end or so iy seems,there have been no bad reprocusions as of yet and hopefully never.
I have only come to terms with myself in the last year and find I love who I am.I am still learning with much help from all of you,thank you. Outing ones self is by far the toughest thing i have ever done,did I say it was/is hard to do?

[crusadergirl]

It was really hard for me to tell my mom which was the first person i told. I was scared to tell ppl on here i was a cd, at first and i don't know why. I have told about 6 are 7 ppl that i'm friends with. There all cool with it. I have yet to tell my best friend that i have known for 15 years, i just don't how to say it. Its not easy i don't know why.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

yes, its not the sort of thing you can just "drop" in a conversation really !! :straightface: & ( has so many times been said ) the way alot of people perceive it , it often as not gets alot of "bad" reactions !!
But , i also think its pretty brave when you do admit you c/d !! :rolleyes:

[carolinebrookes]

I still get nervous when posting anything on websites. I am "out" to other cd'ers but would not dream of telling my closest friends.
For me, this is not a lifestyle choice, it's something I enjoy doing and so is maybe more a hobby......... but a hobby I'm compelled to do, if you know what I mean.

So, no I don't feel the need to explain or tell anyone I don't choose to tell about my other side.

[arani5879]

Telling people is by far the hardest thing I've done. I try to gauge reactions well in advanced but its still hard to tell them even when I am fairly certain it will go over well.

[gabriella]

It is one the hardest things I've done coming out to my SO at the beginning of our relationship.I was sick and tired of lying . The demise of my 1st marriage was because of my crossdressing and other things.My SO was my high school sweetheart and when we started seeing each other after 20 some odd years I knew that I had to tell her and start the relationship honestly.She was great and she accepted me with open arms and told me she loved for who I was and wanted to see for herself what i looked like dressed and came up with my name Gabriella and encourages my cding in some form everyday. I was very blessed with a very loving and understanding SO.

[Gina_darling]

It is hard to tell someone because of the fear of not being accepted, maybe even getting a really negative reaction from someone. However the hardest thig I think is trying to answer the question "Why?" The truth is there isn't a good reason why other than it is who I am and what I like to do, which for most people is not a satisfactory answer. I argue that I'm still the same person and I'm not hurting anyone by doing so. Even so, still tough to do.

[Samantha B L]

In my life so far,I've told at least 25 people that I CD and I turn 51 next month. I've had 3 relationships with GG's who were "best freind/girlfreinds" and I told all of them at the outset of the relationship that I CD and they all 3 accepted it.One of them accepted it but thought it was "Strange that I did it,but don't worry,it's OK",Another accepted it completely but brushed it aside and ignored it,I had a long term relationship that I've talked about ad infinitum in the forum that was incredible.She accepted my CD'ing and went out of her way to assist me all she could.So it was timely that I let her know about me.I live with my Sister,Nephew and my Mom.A family freind who works as a counselar told me on more than one ocaision years ago that it would be of no use to come out to my Mom.She would never accept it.She'd never disown me or deny that I'm her son,but she'd find the dressing to be wierd and freakish no matter how palatable I tried to make things seem.I plan to tell my Sister and Nephew later on down the road.Maybe.they are very 2007 modern and just might accept it.And I have some gay and lesbian cousins that would probably accept it.It's better to tell GG freinds early on.

[Danigyrl29]

We were married for 2 years, but together for 7 years. It was close to Halloween and we were discussing costumes for a friend's party. We talked about what we could go as for a week or so. Then one night she was downstairs and I had time alone upstairs to get "dressed to the nines". I came downstairs in my little black dress, thigh highs, black pumps, wig, nails, makeup and all. I shouted to her that I had fouind a perfect costume and then I made the long, scary walk into the other room. She was shocked, laughed a little and then basically said, "are you serious?" She then questioned me about why I had done such a "good job" and I explained to her that I had about 20 years of practice.

The greatest news is that she is ok with it and we can have fun together buying things and playing "dress up". I got lucky!

[Lovely Rita]

It can be very difficult for me to talk about it.

[Tina B.]

No it's not hard, I just don't do it!
I told the wife, at a time we where ahving problems, and thinking about breaking up, and I figured if I wanted a happy life That was the time to let her know if we where going to stay together, she needed to know the whole me. out side of her I just don't tell anyone. As the old song goes, "ain't nobody's bussiness but my own"!
Tina B.

[Michelle 51]

You're such a great bunch on here that it was easy to share thing's that in my case anyway i've never told anyone and it has done wonder's about how i view this thing i've kept secret since a child because i know now that i'm ok or nearly ok depending on how you view a guy in a dress.Now off this forum i'm not ready to come clean.Right or wrong that's how it is for now Justabit

[MJ]

I tended to wander around in a dress which kind of gave the game away... :)

lol Lisa don't make me laugh i am still in pain form my piercing..

as for me it was very hard my wife found out, so i had to come clean and when she said she was going to tell everyone i had to come out to all my family it was the day i dreaded for 20 years ,at the time i was so ashamed and felt dirty worthless, but now that everybody knows i found that i was proud of who i am and what i am

[Jocelyn Quivers]

The first person I ever told was a family member. It was extremely difficult for me to admit to anyone let alone a family member that I am a crossdresser. Thinking back it was kind of funny how I brought up the topic.

I gave a 20 minute introductory speach saying about how difficult it is to hold on to a secret for my whole life, and that I need to share it with someone. When I finally told her, her reaction was that she supported me but in the future to not sound so serious when coming out of the closet. She basically thought I was going to tell her that I was dying of a terminal disease the way I started the conversation. Jocelyn

[Roxi Loh]

I started by telling my wife (before we were married) during sex that I liked ****ty make up and such. We played around on her and she finally asked me if she could put some on me. I acted coy but of course said yes. We had an incredible time. From then on it escalated.