What's the best way to start going out enfemme?

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hey all. I have not gone out enfemme yet and was wondering what the best way to start would be. Where should I go? Should I wear make-up? Should I shave my body hair (it's extreme but I've thought of it)? I have so many questions and so little experience! Girls, HELP!!!! I want to go out!

[Karren H]

Well Yes to the makeup and depends on what your going to wear as far as shaving!! But go ahead and shave everything anyway!! Just for the pure joy of it!! Hehe. And a lot just take a drive the first time, maybe stop and get fuel.. Or a drive thru window somewhere.. To get you used to it....

Then build from that and add places, the mall, stores, bars, what ever you feel comphy with... I wouldn't go straight to the fully enfemme, to the mall.. First time!! You'd probably experience sensory overload real quick. Hehe

Karren

[Kate Simmons]

A lot of it has to do with what your goal is. Do you want to pass as a woman? Then I'd say you have to go the whole nine yards with a wig, makeup, etc., etc. If you simply want to experience the feelings, then I'd say it's entirely up to you. You'll get no shortage of advice here for sure.:happy:

[Nicole]

Then build from that and add places, the mall, stores, bars, what ever you feel comphy with... I wouldn't go straight to the fully enfemme, to the mall.. First time!! You'd probably experience sensory overload real quick. Hehe

Karren

Totally agreed. It was stressful enough shopping at the mall while NOT en femme! Take baby steps if you can possibly manage.

[AllieSF]

Good Question. I am still a homebody. Living in the San Francisco area though makes it a lot easier because there are so many places to go that are cd/tg friendly, plus all teh local support groups. I would say, take it at the speed that you are comfortable with and dressed as much or as little as you want. No shaving required with long sleeve blouse, top or jacket and slacks or opaque tights. I would probably skip the heels and use some comfortable low shoes. Definitely would recommend light or woman next door makeup. Maybe some colors that don't show much but do cover up what needs covering or softening. Try easy places to go where you will have casual and quick confrontations with others, so you do not feel trapped in a place where you can not exit quickly, like on a bus, train, restaurant. Any gay friendly bars in town or in a nearby big city are also safe havens for a quick and quiet drink. Check online to see if there are any local CD groups that have outings. Maybe someone on this site lives close enough to meet and explore the outside world together. See, I can give good ideas to others, now I need to walk the talk! Hehe

[JoAnnDallas]

Try taking a drive in the car all dressed up. It acts like a coccon sorta. Mst cars have tinited windows, so outsiders will not get a good look at you anyway. Then when you get compy doing that, try stopping at a gas station and filling up the car. As you build up comfidence, you might try walking out to the mail box and either get the mail or put the mail out or both.

[noname]

Just go put on a pair of womens jeans and go about your day. No one will care.

[susie evans]

karren hutton is rightand it varies from person to person just start slow and see were it takes you :hugs:

karren i love your new sun glasses

susie

[vbcdgrl]

Personally, Natasha, I would not think of going out en femme unless I went all the way. To me, that means body shaving, make-up, nails, wig, some jewelry. As far as outer dress, make sure you're dressed appropriately for the occasion. If you wear fishnets and a mini-skirt to the market, you're gonna get unwelcomed attention. People are in their own little world and probably won't notice you if you keep a low profile. Enjoy!

Vikki

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I really appreciate it. I kinda took the plunge today before I even got a chance to read these posts. I went out, like 5/8 dressed today. I wore a bra, panties, knee socks, women's jeans, and a woman's watch. The only 'guy stuff' I wore was a white t-shirt, black hoody, and my shoes - but that stuff is kinda androgynous anyhow. Still, I really don't think of myself as having gone out until I've gone out completely enfemme.

I guess I really don't know what my goals are yet. I really would like to pass as a woman at least once but I don't know if I'm too keen on shaving everything, as Karren so enthusiastically mentioned. So who knows... I just might go the whole nine-yards yet. But I'll probably take it slower, not so much for myself as much as for my fiance - but that's a whole 'nother issure right there.

[Billijo49504]

I too agree with Karen. Start with a late night drive thru, then maybe to a stop and rob for a slurpe or smokes. then if things are going well, try the late nite self check out at Wal Mart. But have fun and try to look as passable as the other women at the places you are at.
But the real BEST way to start going out, grab the door knob, turn open door and walk out. Crossing the threshold is the hardest part.....BJ

[NatalieGirl]

I started by going to places where I knew my wardrobe would not be a problem. D/s clubs and most gay bars are safe. Then when I got the nerve, I started going to straight places.

[Sally24]

If you're not comfortable with the shaving try this trick that some performers use; wear 3 layers of panty hose over your legs and hip pads (if you use any). In most cases that will cover any hair you have and still look like skin. If that is not enough than a pair of tights as the bottom layer should do it. This is the best time of year to use that trick as it can get a little hot under all that hose.

As the other girls have said, start slow and stay low key at first. Conservative clothing and make-up for the venue you will be seen at. The jeans are a good starting point. That's what I wore my first time out. Go out for a drive, stop at a take-out window, buy something at a convienience store. Get a little exposure and interaction, but not too much to start. Also, I would reccomend being at least a 30-60 minute drive from your home so you will be a little safer. I wouldn't go out at night and I would stay away from deserted areas. Those are 2 of the mistakes some girls make to feel comfortable but it puts you at risk.

Good Luck!

Sally

[Charleen]

As been said on other threads, dress to fit in. On my days of everything I wear is fem. Blouse, jeans, socks, sneaks,ect. I also wear mascara, and a little eye shadow, hoop earrings, my nails long and polished, hair down and curled, you get the idea. Now the thing is is that I also have a goatee at the moment! Yeah I get looks, but I am comfortable because I am who I am and gotten to the point that I don't care. At work where I have to be Charlie, I still have the earrings, nails, and mascara and nada is said.
Going out for the first time is an adrenaline rush! I was even nervous after I shaved for the first time even though nobody could notice as I wore long pants and sleeves!
Best of luck! Love and xxxx, Lily

[paulaN]

Yes start slow. You will not feel comfy at first. It takes time. Also depending on what you do you may want to go out on a Sunday night there seems to be much less traffic, people ect. The real big city's that never stop Sunday may not make a difference. A Sunday drive perhaps.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Nobody has mentioned this but it was a tip given to me years ago and I still do it for peace of mind. Have a pair of sweatpants, a bulky sweater, and a pair of loafers in the vehicle with you along with a towel and makeup remover. Always gives me peace of mind knowing if something horrible happens I can revert back quickly. Amazing the confidence that gives me.


Emily Ann


Haven't used it once!

[marie354]

Karren has given some good advise there.

I have only taken a few baby steps so far... And I want more already.
I've stepped out my door 3x now...
1. A walk around the block late at night. Not recomended if you're in a rough neighborhood.
2. Went into the back yard to help my SO with her wheelchair... About 10-15 secs in daytime.
3. Went out on front porch to get the mail. Took about 6-8 seconds. 2 cars went by too.

Each time it was exciting and I was a bit nervous as well. I still have that *fear* that a lot of us have and I'm trying to "get over it" and just go for it. Everyone here that has gone out says that it gets easier the more you go out, but that first time to a store or a club can be a bit scarry.

[MsJanessa]

really depends on your desires and your situation---if you can get a full night to yourself and you are in or can get to a place where there are T-Friendly bars/clubs, then your first outing should be to get fully dressed and made up and go to one of those places, rather than a mall or a straight bar or restaurant----not that either one of the latter are bad places to go but you will find it more comfortable the first time to be in a T-Club---or gay bar---usually much more accepting---makes you feel less like being judged or "read"---after a few outings in those kind of places then try the Malls etc. My advice is to also get some help with dressing and make up---there are commercial services but they can be expensive---your best bet would be either to go to a T-Freindly beautician or maybe find some local T-Girls in your area who would be willing to help you. Good luck

[Lovely Rita]

I would plan it out. Maybe a cd friendly club etc.

[Sam-antha]

This really is one that I have not replied to... yet...
It is a personal thing but I am inclined to go for it. But in a place that you are familiar with and not too late at night for the place that you choose.
I say go for it early on simply because if you take yourself out for a drive, get petrol or whatever in a drive thru', you will feel as cocooned in the car as you feel in your home.
Getting out of the car will be hard, possibly as hard as going out of the front or back door...(Getting out of a car, for the first time, in a skirt for the first time can be tricky).
Then there will be the question of where will I stop and lots of other putting off reasons.
Get comfy with the clothes and the outside and go the whole nine yards, except perhaps for the full facial make-up works, unless you are really comfy with that too.
Happy walking
~Samm

[Ronnie]

I want to thank all of you for your answers. Nathan-Natasha asked the very question that I wanted to ask. I live in NYC so I know that the are CD Friendly places around and there are a few clubs to go to. I hope to got out Enfemme soon myself.

[Sam-antha]

The post before this also produced the thought in my mind that if one can feel cocooned in a car, then surely it is also possible to feel too safe cocooned in a tv group...? that has also to be got out of into the wide world.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I would plan it out. Maybe a cd friendly club etc.

Well, there is a CD club type place in Minneapolis called the 'Gay '90s' - though it's not a gay club from my understanding, oddly enough... I think I might go there for my first enfemme excursion...maybe even this weekend if I have the chance.
Otherwise a drive around the neighboring suburbs and a stop at a gas station or a Wal-Mart at like 10:00 p.m. may be another option because I wouldn't worry about being recognized like I would if I went out around here.

I also really like your survival kit idea, Emily Ann, because that would give me 'an out' as my mom has said over and over again - 'always have an out'. So I'd have an out in my outing if things go out the window and I have to bail out (outstanding use of the word 'out' there...) - which I hope would not have to happen. I'm not very good at crisis control if I'm facing a disaster, I tend to panic. But having a survival kit may keep me cool.

I also really wish I had a few cross-dressing friends I could go out with so I wouldn't have to feel so alone. But I'll do what I can!

Thanks again ladies! If you think of any other tips, then by all means let me know!

[Marcie Sexton]

I took the plunge in one step...dolled up and went out with my most trusted friend who provided so much moral support...

Now we are working to another public appearance of Marcie...Most likely in
Norfolk on the beach...

[Cindi Johnson]

My thoughts: if you want to feel like a woman and be accepted by others as a female or at least as a close approximation, you probably do not want to go out at night or go to bars -gay or straight. No, you really should go out during the day. Face it, at least in the USA, women do not go out alone at night. They think it's not safe. So you'll get lots of unwanted scrutiny if you do it.

During the day, preferably a weekday, things are much more relaxed. And the closer you are to passing, the better, since even if you don't 100% pass, women you encounter will see that your heart is truly feminine, even if your groin isn't, and thus will mostly accept you, even if grudgingly. So I'd suggest shaving all over and even, if you intend to go out often, get some laser or electrolysis to thin it out.

Where to go? Shopping, Starbucks, fast food, etc. Today I even bought bathroom floor tile at Home Depot and no one gave me a second look (thank God for self-checkout lanes).

Lastly, if you're out dressed you are representing the entire transgender community. So be nice. Don't act uneasy, as this scares everyone around you. And tip - generously!

Cindi Johnson

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hey girls! I went out 3/4 enfemme yesterday for the whole day and loved it! To make the affair even better, my fiance was with me! It ROCKED! I got my first collection of beauty supplies (makeup, etc.) and am psyched to put them to good use when I go out fully enfemme in this upcoming week. I just need to get some breastforms first...

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

...So you'll get lots of unwanted scrutiny if you do it...

...During the day, preferably a weekday, things are much more relaxed...
Where to go? Shopping, Starbucks, fast food, etc. Today I even bought bathroom floor tile at Home Depot and no one gave me a second look (thank God for self-checkout lanes).

Lastly, if you're out dressed you are representing the entire transgender community...
Cindi Johnson

I never really thought about getting unwanted scrutiny at night...that's a good point you bring up, Cindi. I have to disagree with you though because I'm more of a night-owl anyhow and do most everything after dark - and as such I'll probably go out enfemme my first time at night because that's just who I am. Why change?
I mean, I'll still go out in the daylight, but I'll be as femme as I can be either way. I'm a tough girl, I can take scrutiny and I can take care of myself. I have pepper spray! And a purse! WEAPONS!
Don't get me wrong though, I think you do give great advice about going out in the day. What do the rest of you think though?

Even though I don't think of myself as TG...well, that is depending on how you define being a TG...I would be very contientious about everything I do and say, how I act, and obviously how I look. My goal would be to pass. I may not get electralysis but I would shave all visible hair and do all I can to disguise my masculine traits. I would be an emisarry of the cross-dressing community and would want to act properly.

Thanks for the advice!

[Diana West]

The two pieces of advice I received that I found to be invaluable are:
1) Always carry identification with you
2) Know the route you're taking.

I've gone out at night only, but it was a thrill each time.

[gerdaberlin]

Nobody has mentioned this but it was a tip given to me years ago and I still do it for peace of mind. Have a pair of sweatpants, a bulky sweater, and a pair of loafers in the vehicle with you along with a towel and makeup remover. Always gives me peace of mind knowing if something horrible happens I can revert back quickly. Amazing the confidence that gives me.


Emily Ann


Haven't used it once!

absolutely true and mind calming, necessary for any run longer than 10 min...

[Rita Knight]

Hi Natasha,
Evidently, you live near the Minneapolis-St.Paul area. Have you ever considered joining Tri-Ess? There is a chapter in your area and its website can be found here: http://www.triessmn.com/ You can get dressed at a Tri-Ess meeting if that is a concern. It is a safe way to make crossdressing friends.

[sandcastle]

Sally, when you say be "a 30-60 minute drive from your home", is that so you're unlikely to see anyone you know?

Sandra

[27th Jennifer]

If you can, maybe stop by First Ave. in Mpls. for Danceteria. I don't know anyone who hasn't stood at the trough in the men's room next to a guy in a skirt....

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hi Natasha,
Evidently, you live near the Minneapolis-St.Paul area. Have you ever considered joining Tri-Ess? There is a chapter in your area and its website can be found here: http://www.triessmn.com/ You can get dressed at a Tri-Ess meeting if that is a concern. It is a safe way to make crossdressing friends.

Hey, I've heard of Tri-Ess - I think it may be worth checking out. Thanks for the advice, Rita! I'll look into them for sure. Are they for all cross-dressers in general or more focused towards the transgender/transexual community?

[Rita Knight]

Hi Natasha,
Every Tri-Ess chapter is different in their adherence to national's policies. Outwardly, the organization is for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives. However, many chapters have gay and transsexual members. However, do not go to a meeting for pickups. That will get you thrown out very quickly.