Painted birds (warning - long)

[kay2]

In Jerzy Kosiński's book The Painted Bird, the author describes a bird catcher who, as a cruel prank, occassionally would paint a bird and set it free. The bird would attempt to join a flock, and be pecked to death because the birds in the flock saw it as an outsider.

I did some errands today, wearing a denim skirt and black tights. My nails were painted a dark red. That's it. No makeup nor wig. I'm not interested in passing, or even appearing female. I just like clothing that, in the here and now, is identified as feminine. I don't even like terms such as "feminine" and "masculine;" they reinforce false dichotomies more than they illuminate true distinctions.

On my trip I stopped at a mall. As I walked through it I left a trail of laughter and derisive comments. "Ewww, that is just WRONG!!" "Do you believe that?" The comments and laughter came exclusively from college-aged kids (it was mid-day, so high school students would still have been in school). Several adults glowered, or had what I can only describe as a look of concern. Now, in fairness, many people didn't notice, or showed no reaction.

When I got to VS, I thought about not wanting to be seen entering. But I went in, knowing that if anything it would be a haven. Indeed, as soon as I entered a SA walked up to me and was extremely helpful and direct (as has always been my experience in VS). I actually felt comfortable there.

I walked back through the mall - more laughter behind me - and stopped at a department store cosmetics counter (I know - expensive but good quality). The SA talked to me very openly about what I was looking for, made good suggestions, and took the time to show me alternatives. She also said she liked my nail color.

I stopped at a coffee shop for lunch. Though it was crowded, there was no reaction from anyone.

No, it's not in my head. I often see "concerned" looks from people when I wear a skirt in public. Maybe, because I don't go "all the way," I am in essence screaming "I AM A MAN IN A SKIRT." Is it in our nature, the nature of every species, to reject deviation? Look at Yahoo Answers - there are many questions about CD issues, and the bulk of the answers are rude and homophobic; though there are sometimes excellent answers. As a culture we laud the outsiders in films in books; in real life we squash them. Oh, this is certainly a broad generality. There is this group of course; there are all the ordinary people who don't care; there is my SO who's main concern is that I will be wearing the skirt she wants to borrow.

I don't want to put off anyone from venturing out; on the contrary, the more we are out there, the less remarkable it will be.

Thank you all for your support and the space to express myself.
Hugs.

[Talon DeRojo]

Kay - It wasn't that long and, in any case, it was worth reading. You are one brave soul. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this "man-in-a-skirt" experience.
Talon:happy:

[cindychan]

Ya mostly people are to concerned about themselves to notice others. Those college kids were probably to chicken to talk to you and resorted to talking and glaring like that to their group because they were cowards.

[jjjjohanne]

I'm sorry people were rude to you. Malls are hit or miss, aren't they? You were brave to go out in such obvious clothes. Most people are too polite to express their dislike for our way. I think people, like birds, follow the lead of the masses. So in a "mob" of strangers in the mall, no one says or does anything, so no one else does. But in a "mob" of young friends, the giggles, and silly comments start the snowball and you got to hear the end of it.

Some have said that how you hold yourself has a big impact on how people respond to you. I was talking to a very tall woman in the mall one time (to find out where she bought her pants) and she told me about a CD that came in their one time. She said that the CD was beautiful. However, she said the CD was afraid and his body language didn't work well for him. She said you need to own it if you are going to dress that way. I have no idea how to do that.

Joe

[JC]

i feel secure here and at home. this is good.

but go out in the world and you may or not be accepted. many will not accept us. mant will not be vocal, but a man in skirt is not normally accepted. look at teh percentages of spouses that will not accept us. think about the acceptance levels of strangers.

go to MSN.com - look under the lifestyles section and under relationships - the questions about crossdressing are mostly met with a barrage of negative thoughts. this is a place where people express their thoughts.

we shock the people's minds if we do not meet their concepts of the norm. last Sunday, i went out the garage door for the paper. i wore a lane bryant solid green robe over the night gown and the shoes were green unisex. a car drove by and the lady passenger bent around to keep watching - she was staring... her face said it all - that is not right!

not all are negative - bit enough to make me limit my exposure for the present. also to be very thankfull for great wife.

[Lilith Moon]

Kay2, I feel for you cos I've been there. When I had my day job I would often use the opportunity to get out and about dressed, just like the fabulous Karren Hutton :D My confidence was increasing by leaps and bounds and I could handle the occasional second glances until one day I was spotted by a gang of teenage girls who followed me down the high street screaming "its a guy" at the top of their voices. My confidence did eventually return and I have been out since then but that was heck of a traumatic event for me especially as I did not have the support of a place like this.

[Rikkicn]

Way to GO!
The world seems to think that you have to a masculine man or a feminine woman . They get so confused when the see people out side of these two gender norms the do silly things. It's amazing how invested we are in gender