TRI-ESS What Good is it?

[CharleneCD]

Joanie
unfortunately Triess wont get into it, its not their fight. sad hard fact. they dont see it as something to do with them, she is TS they support straight CDs. to me and this is only my feelings here Triess as a whole has no back bone. there has been many cases where they ignore it instead of doing something. Triess is a lost cause for the fight for trans rights. they seem to be just alittle bigger closet for "straight" CDs. ok Im going to bed before I say something bad.

Debbie raises an interesting point in the "What happened in Largo tonight thread". Rather than take that thread off topic I am starting this one.

Does Tri-Ess need to take a stand in the fights for Trans rights?

I am of two minds on this. On the one side there is no doubt that the trans community needs its own individul voice to go along with the GLBT push. We need to have a visible face rather than just having the GLBT lobby speak for us. Tri-ess is in the best position to fo this. It is the largest and moist visible trans orginization. Their argument that this is a TS rather than CD issue is out of touch with alot of their members. I have attended meetings with two different groups in separate states. Both groups had a good number of members that were pushing the TS boundries. So I dont buy that argument.

On the other side, I think Tri-ess needs to stick with what it is doing. Being a first step in a Cd's journey out of the closet. Yes it is a bigger closet like Debbie says, but it is our first chance to be with other like ourselves in person. First I think we must realise our foray into the whole rights movement will be different from gays and lesbians. We are different. We can do this alone and all by ourselves. Gays and lesbians need partners. ( yes having friends and partners is great, but not a necessity) We have wives and children who we risk losing by coming out. So we are much deeper in the closet than the gay population was. Forums like this give us our first taste of the sisterhood we share and let us know we are not alone, Tri-ess gives many their first experience outside of their homes. Just look at how many members wont show their faces here. These meeting gives them a place to feel comfortable showing themselves to others and learning in person how to improve themselves. Activist groups tend to push boundries in ways that make the more closeted skittish. In my opinion one of the gay rights movement biggest mistake was forced outings. With our lower needs and greater risks this could kill us. Imagine someone using this forum to gain information and then outing all that they could. This place would be emty with deleted accounts within days. We need the extra safety till we as a group become more comfortable with ourselves. Again I say Tri-Ess provides a componant of this.

This is my opinion on this. I am curioius what the rest of you have to think.

[Jenny Beth]

I was once a member of a support group but it wasn't affiliated with Tri Ess. Had it not been for that group I doubt I would have ever gained the courage to step out in public in broad daylight. Prior to my joining my only outings were for walks after dark close to the motels I stayed at. Meeting others like myself was the springboard I needed to eventually feel comfortable being dressed as a woman in public settings such as shopping and going to restaurants. Whether or not Tri Ess gets involved in pushing for our rights to dress as we please I have to agree that it is a huge stepping stone for many of us. I do think though that if Tri Ess was to somehow be militant so to speak to gain acceptance for us, it's actions could possibly keep others in their closets. Just my two cents!

[MJ]

Steve/Susan is a ts but we all start by wearing woman's cloths , sooner or later we make the choice to transition all the way, and there are some who don't, i feel the bottom line is we all cross dress
and so my label is transsexual but if i found that wonderful gg and things work out i could stay just as i am , i was born a boy I wear woman's cloths what does that make me ???
Triess should get in to this 100%

[Tina B.]

(TRI-ESS What Good is it?)
I don't have a TRI-ESS chapter near me, so I have never belonged to them, and I don't think I would even if they where in my town. But just what does there charter say they are there for? Are they there as a place for CD'ers to gather, or are they there to advance the cause publicly?
If the former, then they are doing the right thing, if the latter, then they should join the fight, but then, that should be up to the members of that group.
As a non member it is not my place to tell them which battles they have to take on. As I understand it, they have a very narrow misson, the excludes Gay and Bi as well as bearded CD'ers. So if that is the case, why would they get into that fight for a TS, that is not a member of their group, and does not fit into the group they are promoting?
Just my thoughts on it!
Tina B.

[Kate Simmons]

The only problem I see with Orgs. (any Org.) is that "one size never fits all".I was previously in a TG Org. which got me started and I am grateful for that. After a couple of years though, it was apparent that most of the members were content to simply have a social gathering "tea party" once a month and do very little else. While this was okay for some, I wanted more and wanted to grow. I quickly realized I needed to take ownership of myself and have my own agenda. I realize the value of these Orgs. getting people started and understanding some issues but any real progress has to be accomplished individually. Like anything else, whatever effort is put in is gotten out. That's just a fact of life.:happy:

[KimberlyS]

My first experience with Tri-Ess was about two years ago. My wife and I attended a SPICE conference. I had heard many places that they were very CDer focused and anti-TG/TS. What I learned was something completely different. And since then I have meet with Tri-Ess people several times and on outings.

Yes Tri-Ess is very CDer and Spouse focused in their support. Much like many gay and lesbian groups are focused on their specific group. In fact most groups focus there support on different people or causes. Did you know that the American Cancer Society focuses their support on "People with Cancer" and Cancer research. Wow maybe we should look down on them.

I also found that while Tri-Ess focuses on CDers and spouses, they did allow other TG and TS people to come to meetings. General TG and TS just are not the focus.

And then what really made me take notice was the outreach that Tri-Ess members do. They go out and talk with other groups, and college classes. And while yes they are CDers there doing the outreach they also talk about the whole TG spectrum, CD / TG / TS.... Talk about grass roots education and spreading of information.

There is another thing that I think Tri-Ess is doing very right. While they give members a closed safe environment to get out in with the meetings they also give a way for members to get out into the general public. I hear so many CD/TG/TS people talk about going to the TG friendly clubs and bars. IMHO they are just a different closet able to hold a few more people. It is a step beyond going to a private meeting. To me being in the general public is truly being out. Out into the "Society" that we so often talk about in a bad way. Tri-Ess groups have activities that go out in the general public and interact with the people in general society. Talk about hands on and exposed. I consider being the the general public a chance to give the general public a different look of who a CD/TG /TS person is. I am not the person who did something bad on the news. I am me just doing things like they are.

And lastly I do agree that Tri-Ess should be involved in some way with the FL Steve/Susan issues. Or at least show support for it and all TG issues. We should be supporting TS people like TS people should be supporting CD people. We are all TG's lets quit trying to show people are differences and instead show they how we are alike and work together to gain acceptance.

Note: not all Tri-Ess groups may be the same as the ones I have been exposed to. I just see these as general trends that have the support of the national organization.

[Sharon]

Tri-Ess is what they are, and nothing more. Unless you are a heterosexual, married(or with a female SO) crossdresser(and just a crossdresser), then Tri-Ess is not the place for you, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[sandra-leigh]

Tri-Ess is what they are, and nothing more. Unless you are a heterosexual, married(or with a female SO) crossdresser(and just a crossdresser), then Tri-Ess is not the place for you, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I just find the official Tri-Ess stance so foreign. I'm in Canada, so there's no Tri-Ess here (and no substantial national organization); we have a local organization that accepts members from anywhere. The club ("Masquerade") stance is that it isn't a place to pick someone up, but that what you do outside the organization is none of its business. At least three of the active members are in transition, and relationships between club members come and go; they aren't important to the club. In my opinion, the club would lose a lot if the members in transition or in non-hetro relationships didn't feel welcome: these are active and lively club members, several of whom have served on the board at various times, and have really helped to keep the club together.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Not true regarding Tri-ess. I am a member at Chi Triess which is the largest chapter and we accept anyone that is willing to come. We do cater mostly to the hetero crossdresser with spouse but thats not all of it. We also do many outreach sessions at local colleges and we go to legislative days in springfield to discuss rights for all trans gendered people.
We have many members that are there alone and not in any relationship, we have several trans people that attend regularly and several others that are members of multiple gender groups.
We do a lot of things for the gender community and are active in as much as we can be.
I hope that you re-evaluate your oppinion on the Tri-ess organization as we are all in this together whatever level we find ourselves at. I am not out to family and friends but would talk freely about my feelings on acceptance and my opinions on the Florida issue, she should retain her job, my wife feels the same as I do on this issue.
I just had a visit from one of my best friends and his father from Florida was with him. The dad asked me if I had heard about the issue and I said I had just been reading about it. He asked what the outcome was so I told him and both he and my friend said that they should have fired the !!!!. I semi stuck up for her but was not very convincing in my retort, I couldn't without giving away my situation. We all do what we can when we can and it will never be entirely fair but what can anyone expect! I only hope for the best for her in florida and anyone else in need of support.

[Sally24]

The only problem I see with Orgs. (any Org.) is that "one size never fits all".

Quite right! A group can't be everything to everyone or it can't be effective. They have chosen a narrow focus to make themselves a goal they think they can accomplish. I don't know that they bar "bearded" CDers but I do know that they inform transexuals that the group "might not serve their specific needs". You can't help everyone. You have to choose a group that is small enough that your resources can do some good for them. I think it is entirely appropriate for them to focus on CD issues and leave the transexual support to someone else. There are quite different needs for the two groups.

Sally

[Kate Simmons]

Good point Sally. I just want to say that I wasn't downplaying the good these Orgs. do for many folks. In my personal circumstances, I have CHOSEN to go it alone and seek my own path. It just seems to work better for me and what I am trying to accomplish.:happy:

[Rachel Morley]

My own personal opinion of Tri-Ess is a (fairly) good one. Our group tends to try to take the emphasis away from being associated with Tri-Ess at the national level, as we are not totally comfortable with all it's by-laws and we call ourselves The Sacramento Delta Girls (http://www.geocities.com/sigma_delta_gamma/). Our Sacramento Tri-Ess group is more focused on being an accepting place to socialize out in public en femme.

I honestly don't think Tri-Ess as an organization, is likely to get involved in this one as it's more TS related and that's not "where they are coming from". As a group to help crossdressers get themselves "out of the closet" and meet other people who like to wear women's clothes they are a great place to start.

Here's a link to our website - a site I created.
http://geocities.com/sigma_delta_gamma/

[sterling12]

OK, I got this started by posting a synopsis of what I believe happened last night in Largo. I will repeat my opinion that my home Tri-Ess Group, Tri-Beta needed to make at least some type of "gesture" of support, and that I was going to push for that at the next meeting.

For everyone's information, we have already had involved discussion about The Stanton Situation, in both The Orlando and Tampa Groups. My Tampa President has already made an inquiry with National about our getting a bit more involved and was informed that a contribution would not be inappropriate. She was further advised that individual's had a right to do as they pleased and could show support or not, depending on their feelings about the matter.

Everyone please understand, I think that National is very aware of this situation and they are watching it closely. What they choose to do in the future is anyone's guess.

The focus of Tri-Ess has always been The Heterosexual Crossdresser, and a large part of the overall mission is for spouse's to gain understanding, and perhaps make relationships better.

However, single CD's are certainly welcome, and I think that the rules about transitioning gurl's have certainly been loosened over the years. At least that's my understanding. I know of several large groups who have more than a few pre-op members. ALL members are expected to act with decorum and be appropriately dressed at meetings. No partial dressing, no beards or mustache's. I think this has to do with the fact that many groups meet in public places, (maybe it's a bigger closet than some folks think), and the expectation is for us to create a "positive image" of the CD community. Like it or not, it does seem to make sense. By the way, you can show up at a meeting in male clothes also, many gals attend the first few times that way, till' they get comfortable.

Anyway, wanted to try and make it clear about my intentions and my thoughts. I still think that everyone who is "marginalized" in the LGBT Spectrum, and that includes The CD Community, needs to be involved with these situations.

Heck ladies, The LGBT Community might just be making history! This Stanton Case just possibly might end up in The Supreme Court, I just don't want us to get left behind and not do our share.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[kymmieLorain]

I don't like the feelings of the tri-ess chapter in Denver. They seem to push prospective members faster or farther than they want. You are required to dress for at least one meeting. While that may be fine for others but right now I am not ready to go out dressed. I am happy with my current CDing.

Kymmie

[Eva Diva]

"I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member".

Groucho Marx

[Helen in OK]

As both a transsexual and a member of TriEss, I realize that this organization was created for the hetro cross dresser. I am lucky in that my chapter is a more inclusive chapter and that we even have a member who went from pre op to post op.

One of the strong points of this organization, is that it provides for a safe venue to go out en femme IF YOU WANT TO. That made me feel safe the first time I went out in pubic to a non tg event.

Helen in OK

[Butterfly Bill]

They don't like "bearded ladies", insist that you try to pass, and in my opinion they just try to perpetuate the rigid sex roles that have oppressed us all.

[sandra-leigh]

They don't like "bearded ladies", insist that you try to pass, and in my opinion they just try to perpetuate the rigid sex roles that have oppressed us all.

I'd probably have to get my eyebrows reshaped and get contact lens to have a chance of "passing" -- and my wife would surely notice that.

The strange thing about "passing" is that (at least around here), most of the time it really doesn't matter. I was out again today, looking mostly drab, but with a loose stretchy blouse that drapped around my modest forms; I was not being "blatant" but anyone who looked would have interpreted the result as "breasts". No-one cared about seeing a guy with modest boobs. No-one cared a few nights ago either when I went out in a white pinstripe blouse (decidedly femme) over modest forms, again wearning no wig nor noticable makeup. No-one cared about seeing the feet of my auburn tights (an odd colour and material for a man, but not obviously pantyhose).
I went to my doctor a couple of days ago, wearing womens's jeans, women's blouse, and wearing violet panties underneath. Result? The doctor said that I'm looking much happier these days.

I have successfully "passed" a small number of times (e.g., doors held with a smile, passers-by complimenting my be-skirted legs or behind), but the great majority of the time, no matter whether I'm fully femme or gender-bending or subtly cross-dressing, to most people I simply do not register! It isn't that people are looking at me, seeing unexpected femininity, mentally double-taking and choosing to ignore me: they look right through me, their brain doesn't register any danger or surprise, and I probably don't even make it to their short-term memory.
Yes, I've made bad fashion mistakes on occasion (those attract more attention), but I've never yet embarrassed anyone by being seen beside them.

Insistance on passing is restrictive and unnecessarily presuring, in my opinion. Is it an organization to allow people to express their inner gender, or is it an organization more men to disguise themselves as women?

[sterling12]

Every time I come back to this post and read the responses, I keep wondering if we are talking about the same Tri-ess.

NOBODY that I have ever met in Tri-Ess expects anyone to "pass." All of the time, some of the time, maybe not ever. The Groups are about supporting one another and trying to find self-acceptance for self and spouse's. I repeat what I have said before, it is preferred, and hoped that you will present a POSITIVE image to the rest of The World about what we generally are about. Transgendered persons who are not trying to offend anyone and we want to get treated with respect!

Bill is right, they are not tolerant of beards and mustaches. I have seen chapter rules written that specifically prohibit members from appearing that way at Tri-Ess Events. I think the theory is that even for GGs that suffer from hirsuitism, (i.e. The Bearded Lady in The Carnival Show), the usual norm is to try and conceal or remove their facial hair. Thus, the same is expected of members. Otherwise, I think pretty much of anything is accepted at meetings within the bounds of descent taste. However, If you want to dress up like "teeny-bop ****", do so at home. It probably will not be perceived as reflecting well upon other's in The Group, (and you are part of a group).

Anyway, I guess I'm asking folks to restrain from casting out negatives, unless they are bona fide members and can actually prove what they claim. A lot of the claims made, just aren't true. At least not in my chapters. Maybe it's so in Denver, but We have members who show up all the time in male clothes, they are not compelled to dress up each time or any time, if they aren't comfortable with it. But, if you don't come to a Meeting dressed en femme,for months and months, you can expect individuals to try and talk you into dressing. Naturally, they want you to "move forward", and they figure it's a safe environment. I don't think your going to find a lot of bad-mouthing from people involved in Tri-Ess and it's strictly up to an individual to decide if they want to join or not....and live by some simple rules.

Now, go back to your discussion! Sorry, I get P.O.'d periodically.

Peace and love, Joanie

[Kate Simmons]

From what I'm reading here, it seems that different chapters have different expectations and different "ground rules" and possibly even different goals. It's true what Joanie said about joining and knowing what the goals and expectations of a group are. It bothers me though that sub culture groups have standards like this as it tends to make them no bettter than the society that rejected them as Bill pointed out. This is one reason I have decided to go it alone. My friends are my friends regardless of how they choose to express themselves. If they choose to dress up as a bunny rabbit or Martian, I could care less. It's the person I value and care about not what they look like. Individuality is a rare find nowadays and I greatly admire a person's courage for being themself. I can do or expect nothing less. It is all about choice, however, it depends on what you are looking for and what your goal is. I respect that as well.:happy:

[JenniferR771]

Search for Tri-Ess and read a few paragraphs of their information. Take a look at their list of local chapters--in most big cities.

It is my understanding that the founder was Virginia Prince, (who originally started it as the "Hose and Heels Club"). Eventually she discovered that they had to make the wives feel comfortable--or they would not come to meetings. Likewise the shy newcomers had to feel comfortable. So a few rules were necessary. In my experience in mid-Michigan, about one-third of the wives come to meetings. The rules have flexibility, but trolling for sex partners is discouraged. Otherwise it is a warm friendly group.

[CharleneCD]

Thanks girls for all your comments. I think it shows what I think. Tri-ess is great for doing what its role is. But it doesnt go beyond that.

I guess my real question is, Do we now need someting more? Is it time we had a group to give a voice and a face of our own? With what I am seeing happening to our sisters ( and when I say sisters I mean all of u from paty wearers to transitioning TS's) it is time for us to band together for strength.

[Sharon]

Anyway, I guess I'm asking folks to restrain from casting out negatives, unless they are bona fide members and can actually prove what they claim.

Now, go back to your discussion! Sorry, I get P.O.'d periodically.

Peace and love, Joanie

It ain't your thread to dictate who can and who can not post what they wish. I suggest you start your own thread and lay down the groundrules.

[Melanie R]

As an active member of Tri-Ess for 26 years, co-founder of the Houston chapter and former board member of Tri-Ess, I hope I can speak with some knowledge. Tri-Ess and the chapters are expected to serve the crossdresser and their significant others. Chapters may have their own individual requirements concerning the bearded CD, and TS's. In the Houston chapter we have had two members who attended meetings with beards. They shaved them when they were able. We require no one to attend enfemme. Our chapter has several pre and post op TS's who are affiliate members of the chapter. 3 of the past President/Facilitators of the chapter are now pre or post op TS and are still active supporters of the chapter. In Houston we have six TG organizations including Tri-Ess and all groups work together. On April 14 we will have our 15th annual TG Unity Banquet where we expect over 200 from all the area TG groups to attend. Speaking of Tri-Ess participation in supporting Steve/Susan Stanton, I talked with Jane Ellen Fairfax, the Tri-Ess chairperson about this on Thursday night. She said that she would love for someone in Tri-Ess to spearhead national efforts to represent Tri-Ess in cases like Stanton both with funds and people. In Tri-Ess national there are only several persons who have all the responsibilty of keeping up with publication of the quarterly Mirror (what other TG organization publishes a 75+ page magazine on a regular quarterly basis?), membership and new chapter development. More people in Tri-Ess both locally and nationally need to step to the plate for the contnued success of the organization. I often ask what happens to Tri-Ess when Jane Ellen and Frances retire from Tri-Ess. Who will take their places.

Just my thoughts.

Melanie

[sandra-leigh]

Our chapter has several pre and post op TS's who are affiliate members of the chapter.

For clarification: what is the distinction between "affiliate member" and full member? Could the pre and post op TS's have maintained the regular member status, or is regular member status not available to such people?

I think if we were to apply Tri-Ess norms at our local (non- Tri-Ess) club, we'd lose half the active members; by our very nature, we each tend to slop over the edges of any categories.

[Melanie R]

For clarification: what is the distinction between "affiliate member" and full member? Could the pre and post op TS's have maintained the regular member status, or is regular member status not available to such people?

I think if we were to apply Tri-Ess norms at our local (non- Tri-Ess) club, we'd lose half the active members; by our very nature, we each tend to slop over the edges of any categories.

Affilate member is a non voting member who attends up to 4 meetings annually. The TS goes from being a regular member to affilate status - if they want to remain in the chapter. We find in Houston where we have 6 TG groups that the CD's and wives (those that have wives or partners) find they are more comfotable in the Tri-Ess chapter. The TS's and CD party girls want to be with those who are like themselves. Here all the TG groups work very closely together which is not found in many areas.

[DebbieThomas]

ok sorry if I made it sound like I was putting Triess down, they do a great job of helping cds and so. Im a active member and Librarain of the Orlando Triess chapter. thinking back I should have kept my mouth shut :hiding:

[JoAnnDallas]

Talking about Tri-Ess going public, last year "holiday En Fem 2006" was held here in Dallas, TX. This is a National Tri-Ess event. It was held at a Public Hotel and right in front, for all the guest to see was a sign, telling all that Tri-Ess was holding a four day event there. The sign did mention that it was a "Crossdresser Even" and there were a few eyebrows raised when I noticed guest reading the sign. Two Ladies restrooms had signs on the door, saying that Tri-Ess members were allowed to use these restrooms. I also noticed some GG guests going into these restrooms did read the sign, but went in anyway. The whole time I was there, I did not see any negitive reaction from any of the other guests except for one person in the bar that did make a negitive remark. The bartender who was a GG then asked the person to please reframe from making any more remarks. She then turned to us an appoliged. Tri-Ess does try to get crossdressing into the public, as they had an infomation booth in the hallway. I noticed many guest stopping and asking questions. My chapture does have a great outreach program and talk to police departments, colleges, churchs, healthcare, and other groups. We do not restrict anyone from joining other than they do require each new member to be interviewed first before being allowed to come to a meeting.