Sexuality and your body....

[pocoyo]

Mmm what a lovely name for a thread.... :daydreaming:

Bi's thread where he mentioned his bisexuality, & Caps thread on who us trans people fancy, got me thinking.....

(I realise very much that gender and sexuality are 2 seperate things!
But the two things can be related and overlap in some ways.)

Does your transness/body dysphoria affect your sexuality?

Trying to put it simply:

As a boy I know I am bisexual.

If I was expected to live as a girl though... I could only be with men... albeit in a very strained, false, uncomfortable way...
but with nice bits (kissing, and enjoying his body).

The only way I could be with a girl, as a girl, is if I had a girlfriend that never ever touched me and I never had sex with and who secretly knew a big part of me is a boy!

But... then I'd be a lesbian.. and... I'm just not.
If I was one... I'd be proud and embrace it!... I'm just... not.

I suppose that's because I'm a boy with a girl's body... which is something different altogether.
(WELL DERR!... sorry I am very tired and bit poorly so am a bit thick and can't make things make sense tonight..!)


Ok I have thought of a better way to phrase the question:

Even though I know I'm a bisexual boy.
I find it very hard/wrong to be bisexual with a female body.
(Apart from with certain people that totally respect I am a boy... but that's different.. because they are not expecting me to be female....)

I think/know this is because of my body dysphoria...

Anyone else feel similar? (That the discomfort they feel about their body affects who they get close to).

.

[MJ]

i hope it's ok to reply to this thread..
god yes, i find it so hard to deal with this issue to myself be true well if i could find a gg that accepts me just as i am i would be very happy that said

on one side of the coin always been with women so i know what to do but thanks to hormones i cant do the woman thing busted equipment not fair

and on the other side of the coin thanks to hormones i have feeling for men ??? but since i don't have the right equipment for them i just can't ...i am not gay ... and i cant be with them until i am fixed.. at this rate in a hundred years or so

and i have great female friends but it is times like this life sucks * and not that way *
life is just not fair

[bi_weird]

Hehe I get excited when I'm the first person to reply to a thread (though with my luck someone will reply while I'm typing this)
Anyway
Yeah I know what you mean, I think. I don't know if this makes any sense, but sometimes I'll look at a girl and want to be in a lesbian relationship with her, and sometimes I'll want a straight relationship, where I'm definitely the boy. Same thing with guys, so at least I'm consistant in being odd. Like, sometimes I find someone or feel a certain way so that I want to be the guy in a relationship, whereas sometimes I want to be the girl. It's all really fluid, though in the past year it's definitely shifted so that much more often than before I want to be the guy.

[bi_weird]

Hah I KNEW someone would beat me to it!

[Tristan]

Wow tough questions this weekend, Poc. This was something I was actually thinking a lot about especially after my mom trying to understand transgender solely through my sexual orientation this weekend. I honestly believe if I been born male I would bisexual. I've always noticed both genders even as a kid of course never vocalized the girls as much cuz I knew even then it wasn't something very acceptable. As I've gotten older though my own discomfort with my own body has turned me away from women. Though I will totally check out a really hot butchy type woman. A bi friend's of a friend once told him that men are ok but nine out of ten times the women is going to get her attention I guess I feel that way but the other way around. Nine out of ten times the guy is going to win. Especially since I have this strong feeling against female parts. Though in time after I transition that may not be such an issue.

For me I can't be with either gender unless they see me as a man. I just see myself too much as a man to feel comfortable with anyone who does not see me in that same way. It can get hard cuz I'd like to just have a casual hook up I guess just cuz god it's been over ten yrs since I've even snogged a guy! Though maybe I'll get lucky this summer. I do think I've found a pretty decent mate... hopefully the real life chemistry follows.

Anyway I am just rambling on. Hyped up on coffee and baileys and lack of sleep.

[MJ]

Hah I KNEW someone would beat me to it!
i get to be on top he he he

[CaptLex]

Ok I have thought of a better way to phrase the question:
Oh, thank goodness you rephrased it 'cause I got lost somewhere (sorry, long day). :confused:


Anyone else feel similar? (That the discomfort they feel about their body affects who they get close to).
Yes, but not the same way as you. Because of my discomfort, I don't get (physically) close to anyone, but it doesn't affect who I'm attracted to.

[happyfish]

I sort of get what you're asking there. When I feel more like a guy I feel sort of gay guy and then when I feel like a girl, I'm more of a lesbian girl. I don't know. I'm sort of halfway on each of the continuums, so I just call myself bi and (for the moment) genderqueer. I'm not really attracted to a lot of people, so for me it doesn't really matter. Though I have an issue with people touching me, but I don't think it's from my gender issues. It's just...I don't like people touching me sometimes. It's weird.

[Question Mark]

Hmm.

Well, according to my track record, I'm mostly attracted to males, with a few exceptions. I don't consider myself a gay guy, but I've never really thought of myself as a straight woman. More often than not, there's no chemistry, per se. I think my problem most of the time is differentiating between admiration and attraction.

[Laurie909]

I suppose that's because I'm a boy with a girl's body... which is something different altogether.

So I guess that means you could either change your body with surgery or just "live with it" the way it is.

[bi_weird]

i get to be on top he he he

Hehe I can go for the woman being on top....:devil:

Happyfish: Eh, that's not so weird. Everyone's different in their levels of comfort. I have a friend who goes through stretches where she won't let her (very serious long-term) boyfriend touch her. The part that weirds me out the most is that she's worse about that when she's been drinking...everyone else I've ever met has gotten looser when drinking. But then again, she's asexual, so it works for her.

[false_dichotomy]

I'm kind of the opposite of Poc... as a girl I could only ever do anything with girls. I don't think I could even kiss a man "as a woman". But as a guy... I like boys. I have fun with what I can do with men. And as a guy, I still like women verrry much. But either way, I don't consider myself bisexual. I identify as gay.

I am very physically attracted to females. Much more so than to males. But as a man, I enjoy sleeping with other men at least as much as I like sleeping with women. It doesn't make sense, even to me, but that's the way I am. I'm glad to know that other people find differences in that regard too...

[Evert]

A few threads ago I learned I'm a gynophile, and I'll stay that way!

No matter what gender I am; girls only! :D

[Kieron Andrew]

No matter what gender I am; girls only! :D
:yt: .........what he said lol, but i consider myself a straight male not lesbian

[MJ]

:yt: .........what he said lol, but i consider myself a straight male not lesbian

i feel that if you find someone that loves you for who you are does it matter what label we use , i for one would just be happy

[Dasein9]

Heh, heh... Yeh. Mostly, I'm a man's man. Guys are where it's at, and male genitals are where my interest lies.

But lately... there have been a couple of women, one trans and another lesbian who've sort of peaked my interest... Both are pretty masculine women, though, so I'm not sure it's enough for a label change.

[John]

No matter what gender I am; girls only! :D

Know what you mean Evert! Even back beffor I was out even as gay, I was in a 6 moths relationship with this guy. Looking back there was no rell physical atraction, and I can say I felt that much when we... *ahem*... fooled around (not deniying it was fun, just would have been more fun with a girl ;) ). Even in that relationship I was playing the man's part, I realise, whether out and about or... otherwise.

But as for being a lezbian, even befor I was dealing with gender issues, I didn't like the term; not as in 'didn't like the word at all', just didn't applie it to me. I was a gay girl; it took me a little while to ajust to 'strate male', but I knew that's what I was even if I wasn't ust to the words.


I don't consider myself a gay guy, but I've never really thought of myself as a straight woman.

Could be you've got the same thing going on Mark (actually, never applied the word 'woman' to myself in my life)

[Felix]

Just kinda answered this in the transsexual forum but I will try to answer here too. Ok here goes I have always prefered women from I was young really. when I tried to fit the picture everybody wanted me to fit I said I was Bi cos new I liked women, more than men. I don't really fancy men, I can see their attractiveness but wouldn't want one sexually. Probably knew that from a young age too but in denial lol. So as a genderqueer person who definitely leans more towards the masculine side of things, I would still and do still love women never men. Inside I still feel I am a butch lesbian or maybe can't accept the inevitable and say heterosexual male. My psyche says male and I have experiences and more often now when I feel strong urges to be male. Then I would therefore be heterosexual cos I would still only want women :o Na one woman Yachica :love: xx Felix :hugs:

[Adam]

i only like girls

that said i have never had a partner because untill i am happy with my body i do not want to be in a relastionship thats why i never have been

[Dasein9]

Eh, I have been in a relationship, do want sex, and don't want to date anyone. Since I'm a child of the '80's, and terrified of casual sex, it makes for quite the quandary.

But the notion of being in a relationship just makes me so tired.

[Question Mark]

Yeah, relationships are complicated things, and can get quite messy. I recently had a very bad breakup, and it made me almost feel like I never wanted another relationship again (this was my first relationship, to boot). Definitely not something you go into without knowing what both you and your partner want out of it.