Coming out is not an "info dump"

[Casey Morgan]

Until very recently (say, two or three hours ago) I had this idea that coming out meant that I told someone I was transgendered and then we would have this long conversation about everything. And that worked (sort of) when I came out to my parents and my sister. But m yexperience was totally different when I came out to a friend at work earlier today.

Thursday or Friday (it's hard to remember after having the weekend off) I said that I was pretty sure based on the packages I get at work and the catelogs I get that he had figured some things out. I also said that there was more to the story than that. He gave me this sort of puzzled look that I still can't figure out. Maybe he didn't quite get that I get that he gets me. (Got it? :D ) But I segued into something related but slightly different.

Well, this afternoon after I got back from my therapy session, I closed his office door and joked that my therapist was probably glad about my session today. (I don't think I've quite come out and said it was therapy, but he knows.) I said that the last three times I really got into transgender issues and he should have seen my therapist's face. I told M (my friend) that Dr. R gets this look like "OK, I think I get you but let me just make sure". This time I didn't really get into transgender issues. (That was the second time in that short span that I said "transgender".) I joked about how interesting it was to educate Dr. R a little. We just laughed.

So now M knows straight out that I'm transgendered. All he really knows right now is that I wear women's clothes, I walk a little funny, and I have some unmasculine gestures. We didn't get into me being intergendered or feeling different when I was young or any of that. And that's alright. Because that's something we can talk about later or not, as we see fit. Coming out doesn't have to be an "info dump" where I tell people everything all at once.

But life is exactly like that. I've been here for eight years and we're still finding out things about each other. This really isn't any different. In fact, this is really more in keeping with the style of our relationship. One of us will share something, or we'll ask about something, and things come out naturally.

I'm actually looking forward to that. Sharing things, a bit at a time. It just feels right, you know? It seems more personal that way.

So, I've finally told the person at the top of my "to tell at work" list. And he seemed to take it in stride. I've always said that of everybody here, he'd probably be like "that's just Mike being Mike" and that some things might make more sense now. It looks like that's exactly what's happened. :)

[Julie York]

With respect.....:D

You're doing that thing where people avoid saying anything specific so that "you" are always in the wrong later....just incase you decide to back out and tell them they got it all wrong.


"Well I TOLD you!"

Confused bloke: "You did?.....When?"

"When I nearly said something........but didn't....actually say it."

"What thing?"




You're being so damned obtuse you could mean anything, which gives him the ideal opportunity to completely misunderstand you.
Who is transgendered? You? The therapist? Is it a subject you studied at college? etc etc etc.

Does he really know you wear women's clothing or did you imply that in a sideways maybe sort of told him way?




"He gave me this sort of puzzled look that I still can't figure out." I bet he did.

"I don't think I've quite come out and said it was therapy, but he knows." Here's hoping eh?

:eek:

[Casey Morgan]

You're right Julie. Just going by that post it sounds like things could be taken any number of ways. There is more to it than just what I've posted, but it's definitely worth taking a step back and having another look at things. Thanks.

[CandyDarling]

Juli is spot on - a lesson for all of us. Say what it is. I'm a transvestite.

I hate the word and never use it but thats what the straight world will say so we might as well just say it.