Secretive or lack of trust?

[Rikkicn]

I had seen this before but when I came across this time I was especially interested in the her saying the following.
"appreciate that after 30 years of marriage, your husband finally trusted you enough to show you who he really is"

What do you think?
Do some of us not tell because we don't trust our spouses to treat us lovingly and kindly. We don't trust them to read and gain knowledge about TG's. We don't trust them to break through their rigid moral training and upbring and passionately devote themselves learning to love us. We don't trust them to be on our side and support us no matter. We don't trust them to embrace and support our sexual needs and desires?



DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if I'm going crazy. My husband of 30 years recently admitted that he enjoys wearing my undergarments! At first I was shocked, but now I am over it. We went shopping together and bought him several pairs of panties. He was in seventh heaven.

Our sex life has never been better, and we really are enjoying each other — but still I wonder. — Mixed-Up in Florida

DEAR MIXED-UP: You are not the first wife who has helped her husband cross-dress. He is a transvestite — someone who enjoys wearing clothing that is traditionally worn by the opposite sex. Because your sex life has "never been better" and you are "really enjoying each other," my advice is to stop "wondering" and appreciate that after 30 years of marriage, your husband finally trusted you enough to show you who he really is.


Here's where it took me.

Did I take so long to tell her because I didn't trust her or because I felt shameful and embarrassed?
I've been away from that marriage for 6 years now. Time and a tiny bit of wisdom helps me to understand that I didn't trust her enough to tell her because I was afraid that she might not love me enough to lovingly embrace all of who I am.
That really is the reason why I divorced her. I wanted to find someone that I could share my deepest, most authentic self with. Someone that would see me as loving and kind and got hot seeing me in a garterbelt!

What do you think?

[linnea]

" . . . I didn't trust her or because I felt shameful and embarrassed?"

I believe that it's some of both. I feel that I trust my SO, but I haven't disclosed my crossdressing to her yet. I'm closer now than I ever have been before, but I still resist because I'm afraid of the possible consequences and impacts on our marriage and on others who might become aware of me as a CD.

[Holly]

Quite a thought provoking question, Rikki. I think part of the answer lies ion the fact that we ourselves may not truly understand what we are for some time. How often do we read that there is a hope that marriage or a steady relationship will cause our needs to dress to wain. Rarely does it work out that way. If we don't grasp in our own minds that we are, in fact, cross dressers, what is it exactly we would tell our SO's? I am in no way trying to justify the behavior, but you did ask for some possible explanations :D .

[kittypw GG]

Quite a thought provoking question, Rikki. I think part of the answer lies ion the fact that we ourselves may not truly understand what we are for some time. How often do we read that there is a hope that marriage or a steady relationship will cause our needs to dress to wain. Rarely does it work out that way. If we don't grasp in our own minds that we are, in fact, cross dressers, what is it exactly we would tell our SO's? I am in no way trying to justify the behavior, but you did ask for some possible explanations :D .

I agree with Holly. Is is that CD's don't trust themselves to have the answers to the questions that they know will be asked? A lot of cd's grew up in an era before the internet and when you were scared to be different from your neighbors for fear of being accused of being a comunist. Most were isolated and thought they were themselves afflicted with some sort of perversion. I always found my hubby's cding very errotic and before I knew that there were other women who loved and participated in their hubby cd'ing I too felt there might be something wrong with me. I have to admit that I still have that "what will people think of me?'" question nagging in the back of my brain. It also stops me from letting people know that I am ok with cd's when the topic comes up. So do I not trust myself or do I not trust others to accept me? Again it is both. I don't trust that I have the answers to the question because I don't love it all of the time. There are certain things about it that are not acceptable to me in large or frequent doses. There is also the aspect that cd'ing comes in many varieties so it is hard to really pinpoint what cd'ing really is.

Good question but not one good answer.
Kitty