aj_gg
03-26-2007, 08:42 PM
I first want to thank you all for your support thus far about trying to accept CDing and all of it's little intricacies. Before I get into my story that I'm just burning to share, I want to tell you all a little something about me first, a back story to say.
I grew up and am still living in Northern Minnesota. I lived in a small mining town where biasness, discrimination and zero tolerance for anything out of the normal runs rampant. If you have seen the movie North Country it would give you a pretty accurate description of where I'm from about twenty years in the past. I won't lie to you, there are many times when it is still like that and other times when you can really see change. My father was a miner and mechanic and his father a railroad engineer. Within my life time I am proud to say I followed suit, but it was not without feeling some of that biasness and discrimination for myself. When I was nineteen, I worked on the same railroad my grandfather helped create, and my father and uncles helped maintain, this was the summer of 2005. Until I was able to show the men I worked with that I could work as well as them, they wouldn't accept me. This really hurt because I would baby sit their children, I was babysat by some of their children and some of them were like family. (You can tell I really grew up in a small town, 2500 people)
By the end of my summer work period I had earned the respect of all of my co-workers as an equal and not the little woman they saw running around town or hiking in the area, this was true for all except my supervisor. To my breaking heart I was refused a job the following summer, I realized like my father before me I too had been blacklisted and there was nothing I could do about it. I also grew up with an innate sense of faith and desire to live that faith out.
Because of this upbringing and such, I find it hard to call you ladies, my mind yells at me saying that I know you are physically men, but I know in my heart that all of you at heart are ladies. Please, forgive me for this. Also in the past and to a lesser degree now, I become very uncomfortable with anything "different." This had to do with the no tolerance attitude which runs rampant in the area where I live. I feel I need to apologize for this attitude that I have. I am working on lessening this and becoming more accepting.
After saying all this, I can now tell you my story. Thanks for bearing with me thus far.
This weekend Nathan/Natasha came to my apartment at school and surprised me at my apartment at school. I knew we had some serious talking to do but I was just happy to see him again. We started talking again and of course CDing came up and we just spoke and listened to each other until about 3:00 in the morning. It was quite the wonderful conversation. I felt like I had come to a better point about CDing but I knew my journey was still at the point of baby steps.
The next day we made an agreement so that we would go out together to go shopping, dinner and coffee, the only condition was that Nathan was to go out partially en femme. I didn't think that I was ready but I could tell by his eyes that Natasha to an extent was. I knew it had to be time for me too.
Natasha got ready and we headed to Wallmart. One pair of jeans a couple of purses (including one for me, which makes my first real purse), a lot of make up, nail polish and other goodies we made it through. No odd looks, a few uneasy feelings on both of our parts, but we made it. Following we decided to make a quick jewelry stop at Claire's and it was off to dinner. Dinner was great and the feelings of insecurity and such just kept melting away. Once we made it to our favorite coffee shop all feelings of being outsiders and being uncomfortable had melted away. We had made it. Our first outing together with him being in partial en femme.
We had a few trying moments with a few people I knew from home running into me, but it didn't seem that anyone noticed or if they did they didn't say a word. It was a good feeling. I guess that's just the beginning. I thank you all for dealing with my round about talking but we made it back to my apartment a little bit more confidant and a little more understanding.
Hope you all enjoyed.
I grew up and am still living in Northern Minnesota. I lived in a small mining town where biasness, discrimination and zero tolerance for anything out of the normal runs rampant. If you have seen the movie North Country it would give you a pretty accurate description of where I'm from about twenty years in the past. I won't lie to you, there are many times when it is still like that and other times when you can really see change. My father was a miner and mechanic and his father a railroad engineer. Within my life time I am proud to say I followed suit, but it was not without feeling some of that biasness and discrimination for myself. When I was nineteen, I worked on the same railroad my grandfather helped create, and my father and uncles helped maintain, this was the summer of 2005. Until I was able to show the men I worked with that I could work as well as them, they wouldn't accept me. This really hurt because I would baby sit their children, I was babysat by some of their children and some of them were like family. (You can tell I really grew up in a small town, 2500 people)
By the end of my summer work period I had earned the respect of all of my co-workers as an equal and not the little woman they saw running around town or hiking in the area, this was true for all except my supervisor. To my breaking heart I was refused a job the following summer, I realized like my father before me I too had been blacklisted and there was nothing I could do about it. I also grew up with an innate sense of faith and desire to live that faith out.
Because of this upbringing and such, I find it hard to call you ladies, my mind yells at me saying that I know you are physically men, but I know in my heart that all of you at heart are ladies. Please, forgive me for this. Also in the past and to a lesser degree now, I become very uncomfortable with anything "different." This had to do with the no tolerance attitude which runs rampant in the area where I live. I feel I need to apologize for this attitude that I have. I am working on lessening this and becoming more accepting.
After saying all this, I can now tell you my story. Thanks for bearing with me thus far.
This weekend Nathan/Natasha came to my apartment at school and surprised me at my apartment at school. I knew we had some serious talking to do but I was just happy to see him again. We started talking again and of course CDing came up and we just spoke and listened to each other until about 3:00 in the morning. It was quite the wonderful conversation. I felt like I had come to a better point about CDing but I knew my journey was still at the point of baby steps.
The next day we made an agreement so that we would go out together to go shopping, dinner and coffee, the only condition was that Nathan was to go out partially en femme. I didn't think that I was ready but I could tell by his eyes that Natasha to an extent was. I knew it had to be time for me too.
Natasha got ready and we headed to Wallmart. One pair of jeans a couple of purses (including one for me, which makes my first real purse), a lot of make up, nail polish and other goodies we made it through. No odd looks, a few uneasy feelings on both of our parts, but we made it. Following we decided to make a quick jewelry stop at Claire's and it was off to dinner. Dinner was great and the feelings of insecurity and such just kept melting away. Once we made it to our favorite coffee shop all feelings of being outsiders and being uncomfortable had melted away. We had made it. Our first outing together with him being in partial en femme.
We had a few trying moments with a few people I knew from home running into me, but it didn't seem that anyone noticed or if they did they didn't say a word. It was a good feeling. I guess that's just the beginning. I thank you all for dealing with my round about talking but we made it back to my apartment a little bit more confidant and a little more understanding.
Hope you all enjoyed.