Gender Identified By Others?

[RobertaFermina]

Tonight, for the 4th or 7th time, someone said to me, as I was EnFemme:

"You are coming into focus for me. As Roberta, I get you. Before, as Bob, I just didn't."

When I hear this I feel seen and so warm and accepted. I also feel fear!

I Crossdress because I love how I feel, and experience life EnFemme.
I also love how I feel as a Man EnHomme.
When I hear that others see me "better" as a woman, I begin to feel like "who wouldn't PREFER to see me as a woman when they see me BETTER as a woman?"
I think "Am I letting them down to spend time NOT as a woman?"; "Am I letting myself down?"

I begin to wonder if I am downplaying any possibility of Gender Identity Issues. At best, I am confronted by Gender Identity Opportunities.

Anyone else been confronted by people PREFERRING their EnFemme, or for TransMen: EnHomme personalities? How do you reflect on this, or deal with it?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Lisa Golightly]

All the time :) It doesn't worry me as I just project how I feel inside.

[Carin's Wife GG]

from an outsider's viewpoint as an SO I think it is about finding balance. I am currently really enjoying being with Carin. Doesn't mean I like or love Pat any more or less. I do think Carin is probably the stronger of the identities my partner relates to. I am now begining to really enjoy her too.



Louise.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes when I go out en homme, someone will ask me:"Hey, how come you're not dressed?" I tell them I am and then they say not as a woman. I usually ask them what their point is. Most have seen that I'm myself with or without the "glitter" and that is what I want them to see. I want them to identify with me as a person and not as a "man" or "woman". Most of my close friends do and that makes me happy.:happy:

[Michelia]

That would be so nice. To be seen enfemme and fit. When I went out enfemme (once only), I felt right. But upon seeing my pictures later, I asked myself how I could have possibly gone out like that? Bottom line is I hope one day to be able to confront issues like this one.

I have not seen you enhomme too much but you sure are a hell of a lady.

Michelia

[MJ]

from an outsider's viewpoint as an SO I think it is about finding balance. I am currently really enjoying being with Carin. Doesn't mean I like or love Pat any more or less. I do think Carin is probably the stronger of the identities my partner relates to.
I am now begining to really enjoy her too.


Louise.

i had the same problem as my friends thats "friends" say mj is a better person to be around because Paul was an ass.... and a few have known me for 10 years so i take this as a complement ..

Roberta if your friends relate to you better as a woman then your male side i feel you have two choices one become Roberta more often or two find out why they don't like interacting with your male side

quote :- I begin to wonder if I am downplaying any possibility of Gender Identity Issues. At best, I am confronted by Gender Identity Opportunities.

OK so How do you feel ?

[RobertaFermina]

MJ,

I feel blessed and beautiful for who I am. I know that the person I project as Roberta is within me no matter what or whom I wear.

I am also on a roller coaster alternately feeling joy ("Whopee!") and dread ("What was I thinking?") !!!

I feel fear because I am in the process discovering a truth that might spur me to change my life radically, and I am not in control of that truth, and cannot hurry its revelation. I acted to begin this process, and it has a life of its own. In some "roller coaster moments" I am tempted to hit the brakes, and slow down, or end the process. Being true to myself means letting the process unfold naturally, trusting my instincts and impulses, even when their implications may be a recasting of my foundations.

I realize that I can also choose joy, instead of fear. Whatever develops, it will be me! ....though as joys go, it aches a little !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Sally24]

I can identify with this a little. Recently I was changing back (the whole clark kent phone booth thing) at a T-girls house. Some others there that had not seen me in boy mode before wanted to get a look. Most thought that they liked Sally's appearance better. Sometimes even I think that the girl mode me is much more attractive than the boy mode me. Then there is my wife. She obviously likes both modes but does have a soft spot for Sally. Sally is much less pushy, isn't a back seat driver, and listens a bit better than that "guy". Both are parts of my personality but I think the Sally bits are more me and the male bits are more the mold that I had allowed myself to be pushed into. It is very freeing to engage in the T-girl thing but you have to be prepared to reevaluate many things that you thought you knew about yourself. Sometimes I think that maybe I've gone too far and that this was just a game I was playing. Then I go shopping and see outfits that I just fall in love with! What I am really seeing in my mind is how good Sally (me!) would look in those outfits. Even after years it is sometimes hard to wrap your mind around the whole thing. And sometimes you don't need to! Just be yourself, go out with your friends, talk to people, and have a good time! I try to enjoy every minute that I can manage en femme, because you never know how much longer you can do this. Will my knees hold up? Will my skin keep looking good or just go to wrinkles? Will I even be alive 10 years from now? We don't know, so enjoy the life now.

Sally

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Roberta,

I can relate ... sort of. My life today is such that I don't really have any friends other than friends that only know me as Rachel. Apart from spending time with my wife "just the two of us" my entire social life is an en femme one.

However, the part I can relate to is one time many years ago before I met my wife, I was at a costume party at someone's house that started in the late afternoon and it went on for a reasonably long time to about midnight. I was dressed as a woman (I almost always dressed as a female at costume parties.) When the party finished everyone was either already out of their costumes or was getting changed to go home. A group of friends decided that we should "go on" to a club. When I took off my wig off two of the GGs in our group said "oh no, put it back on, you look so much better with hair, you should come clubbing with us still dressed up, you're much more fun as a woman". :eek: