Our Shocking Captain

[Dasein9]

So there we were, walking through the Village last night, when the Cap'n wanted me to smell a new cologne he was trying out. (On his wrist! Kieron, get your mind out of the gutter!) So, I leant down to smell it, and just then a siren went off, and I jumped, grazing his wrist with my lip. He shocked me, right on the lip!

The suffering was terrible, so I need to know who the ship's Sea Lawyer is.
Do I have a case for electrical harassment?

[Kieron Andrew]

(On his wrist! Kieron, get your mind out of the gutter!) would i ever???:heehee:




The suffering was terrible, so I need to know who the ship's Sea Lawyer is.
Do I have a case for electrical harassment?
hmmmm! Ship lawyer eh? i think its that Monkey over there?>>>>>

[Dasein9]

would i ever???:heehee:

Yes.




hmmmm! Ship lawyer eh? i think its that Monkey over there?>>>>>

This one?

http://www.bocatinta.com/bt/wp-content/apsm.jpg

[Kieron Andrew]

No! this one!

[pocoyo]

Do I have a case for electrical harassment?

Hahaha!!

Aww .. you got to smell the cap's cologne :(

Was it nice?

[Dasein9]

It was okay. Didn't give me an allergic reaction, which is always a plus.

Then I'd really have a case!

[Dasein9]

Now, Kieron...

Are you sure it's not this one?

[Kieron Andrew]

Now, Kieron...

Are you sure it's not this one?


now you mention it he did have a certain likeness :heehee:

[Dasein9]

now you mention it he did have a certain likeness :heehee:


I guess I won't have a case, then. I don't work for Haliburton. :(

[Kieron Andrew]

I guess I won't have a case, then. I don't work for Haliburton. :(
lol....case thrown out of court springs to mind!

[Dasein9]

Can I get this monkey instead? He looks much smarter!

Bigger -- ahem! -- packy too. ;)

http://i.pbase.com/g3/04/511304/2/54433350.15electricmonkey.jpg

[Kieron Andrew]

Can I get this monkey instead? He looks much smarter!

Bigger -- ahem! -- packy too. ;)

http://i.pbase.com/g3/04/511304/2/54433350.15electricmonkey.jpg
cant see the pic dude?

[Dasein9]

Really? You reproduced it. Here's the link: http://i.pbase.com/g3/04/511304/2/54433350.15electricmonkey.jpg

[Kieron Andrew]

Really? You reproduced it. Here's the link: http://i.pbase.com/g3/04/511304/2/54433350.15electricmonkey.jpg
Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /g3/04/511304/2/54433350.15electricmonkey.jpg on this server.
Apache/2.0.58 (Unix) Server at i.pbase.com Port 80

[Dasein9]

I'm going to go grab lunch. Back in a bit, eh? :)

[Kieron Andrew]

I'm going to go grab lunch. Back in a bit, eh? :)
i see it now :)

[Dasein9]

How very odd that you can't see it. It's a monkey chewing on an electric cord. (Hence being smarter than that other monkey.) There's a partial view of his -- ahem! -- packy, and it's, well... not small...

[Catherine Hopkins]

The bald faced monkey looks the dimmest of the four - I'd stick with Kieron's gorilla - at least if you lose, nobody will dare to come after you for damages.

Mind you, last time someone tried this, it was deemed mutiny and the mutineer was given 40 lashes.

[CaptLex]

The suffering was terrible, so I need to know who the ship's Sea Lawyer is. Do I have a case for electrical harassment?
Ha, ha . . . friends suing friends, what's next? You're just trying to get even with me for something else. ;) Yes, it's true, I'm shocking - I should come with a warning label, you may need to use rubber gloves to touch me. :devil: But no, there are no lawyers on a pirate ship - unless we need to use them for ballast. :lol2:

BTW, it smelled very nice, Poc - very sexy. :D

[Kieron Andrew]

BTW, it smelled very nice, Poc - very sexy. :D
Uhh ohhh hide boys, Lex is horny again!

[CaptLex]

Uhh ohhh hide boys, Lex is horny again!
Again? :devil:

But, yeah . . . in my condition nobody should be touching me unexpectedly - not even Das.

[Megan72]

You shouldn't be offended it's called the fire of St. Elmo, It is a good omen for Sailors. The electrical discharge from the masts of a ship that dance on the mast or yard arm. It is really cool and means really good things.

[CaptLex]

You shouldn't be offended it's called the fire of St. Elmo, It is a good omen for Sailors. The electrical discharge from the masts of a ship that dance on the mast or yard arm. It is really cool and means really good things.

Oh yeah . . . I forgot about St. Elmo's Fire :doh: I've only seen it in movies, but it's very cool - would love to see it in person. Thanks, Kelliann. Just don't call me Elmo now, people. :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Oh yeah . . . I forgot about St. Elmo's Fire :doh: I've only seen it in movies, but it's very cool - would love to see it in person. Thanks, Kelliann. Just don't call me Elmo now, people. :heehee:
Captain Elmo does have a certain ring to it :lol2:

[Megan72]

it's all about the tickling isn't it.

I would never disrespect my Capitan. Maybe and Admiral or two but not a Capt.

[Kieron Andrew]

it's all about the tickling isn't it.

I would never disrespect my Capitan. Maybe and Admiral or two but not a Capt.
oooh Admiral Kieron??/ hmmmm

[CaptLex]

Captain Elmo does have a certain ring to it :lol2:
On a side note: at the bar last night Das and I overheard some guy introduce another guy as Captain [something or other] and Das said something like, "you're not the only captain". :p Yes, I am . . . I'm the ONLY captain!


I would never disrespect my Capitan. Maybe and Admiral or two but not a Capt.
Awww, thanks Kelliann . . . you get a special pass to the captain's quarters whenever you want. :love:

[bi_weird]

I'm going to take this moment to interject some wonderful facts about primate boys and their toys. Chips have some of the biggest testicals relative to body size, being about the size of an orange. (picture here: https://mfile.umich.edu/?path=/afs/umich.edu/user/m/v/mvanstav/Public/html/chimpballs.jpg That's a chimp brain in the far hand and the testical in the near one)
At the other end of the spectrum are gorillas, which have very very tiny packages all around, so small that they're hidden by the fur most of the time.
In the middle of the spectrum we have humans. While relative to body mass we have quite large peniseseses (peni? what's the plural?), probably due to the fact that we shag for fun, we rank down near gorillas for the size of our testicals. The moral of the story? When you get the new equipment installed, don't say "make me a man", say "make me a chimp"!
(As for how I know this. I audited a class on primate social behavoir, and to keep us interested the prof had a lot of random facts about sex and related bits. Randomly during lecture there'd be a pic of baboons shagging or something like that)
Anyway that has been my random lecture of the day.

[Megan72]

ooooooo!! A special pass. The only time I was ever in the Capt. quarters int he Navy was when I was in deep deep doo doo, and it was often enough. Thank Capi:hugs: tian.

[Kieron Andrew]

Awww, thanks Kelliann . . . you get a special pass to the captain's quarters whenever you want. :love:*waits for fur to fly with all the jealous boys and girls...that reminds me where is poc:heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

I'm going to take this moment to interject some wonderful facts about primate boys and their toys. Chips have some of the biggest testicals relative to body size, being about the size of an orange. (picture here: https://mfile.umich.edu/?path=/afs/umich.edu/user/m/v/mvanstav/Public/html/chimpballs.jpg That's a chimp brain in the far hand and the testical in the near one)
At the other end of the spectrum are gorillas, which have very very tiny packages all around, so small that they're hidden by the fur most of the time.
In the middle of the spectrum we have humans. While relative to body mass we have quite large peniseseses (peni? what's the plural?), probably due to the fact that we shag for fun, we rank down near gorillas for the size of our testicals. The moral of the story? When you get the new equipment installed, don't say "make me a man", say "make me a chimp"!
(As for how I know this. I audited a class on primate social behavoir, and to keep us interested the prof had a lot of random facts about sex and related bits. Randomly during lecture there'd be a pic of baboons shagging or something like that)
Anyway that has been my random lecture of the day.

need a log in for that site

[CaptLex]

The moral of the story? When you get the new equipment installed, don't say "make me a man", say "make me a chimp"!
Thanks, Professor Bi - good to know. :heehee:


Anyway that has been my random lecture of the day.
And this concludes the public service portion of our program. :lol2:

Oh this thread is getting goofier - I love it. I've been in a goofy mood for two days (much better than my rotten mood of late.)

BTW, Vance, you may not know this but Kieron did try to mutiny and take over our ship once. He was unsuccessful, but we let him stay 'cause we love him anyway (how could we not?). :D

[CaptLex]

...that reminds me where is poc:heehee:
I think he's got his mind elsewhere these days and is probably otherwise occupied. ;)

[Kieron Andrew]

BTW, Vance, you may not know this but Kieron did try to mutiny and take over our ship once. He was unsuccessful, but we let him stay 'cause we love him anyway (how could we not?). :D
lol......nope i didnt tell him that! god that was another goofy thread! we're getting famous for em i think?

[Dasein9]

Notice how the Cap'n doesn't show up until I've left for lunch? I think he's worried I might have a case... ;)

[pocoyo]

I think he's got his mind elsewhere these days and is probably otherwise occupied. ;)

Excuuuse me! I am working out I'll have you know!

Unlike SOME people I could mention *looks at the other guys*
Come on lads... hop to it!!!

*sings*
I don't know but I've been told.....

*jogs off thinking the other guys are following him but actually they are still lounging about...* :heehee:

Yeah.... how very dare Kellian get a special pass :eek:

MY cap....!

[CaptLex]

Notice how the Cap'n doesn't show up until I've left for lunch? I think he's worried I might have a case... ;)

I think it's the other way around . . . I think you waited till I left for lunch to start talking about me. :tongueout

Hey, I just thought of something: maybe this "shocking" business is related to what I wrote in my Captain Log today about "an electrical current". Check it out: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=804399&posted=1#post804399 (Post #221)

:eek:

[CaptLex]

Yeah.... how very dare Kellian get a special pass :eek:

MY cap....!
That's better! *capt loves a jealous purser* :tongueout

[Dasein9]

Yeh, maybe you're carrying a charge.

2 years, eh? I think I just changed my mind about T again. Cripes! I've done my time in puberty/hell, earned my stripes, and really don't want a repeat of the experience.

[Dasein9]

I think it's the other way around . . . I think you waited till I left for lunch to start talking about me. :tongueout


Hey! At least I didn't tell the guys about that bald spot you're getting. Or the missing tooth.

So there! :tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

Hey! At least I didn't tell the guys about that bald spot you're getting. Or the missing tooth.

So there! :tongueout:hiding: is it safe to come out yet?

[kerrianna]

Hey! At least I didn't tell the guys about that bald spot you're getting. Or the missing tooth.

So there! :tongueout

Hey a pirate captain SHOULD have a missing tooth!

And bald spots are a sign of high intelligence. :heehee:

I'm just jealous Das that you got to kiss the Captain's wrist. Ooooh, electricity! :battingeyelashes: ...I knew our Captain was a live wire! :daydreaming:

*refrains from saying anything further which may embarass herself and others...but thinks it :heehee: * :blushing:

[Dasein9]

Hey a pirate captain SHOULD have a missing tooth!

And bald spots are a sign of high intelligence. :heehee:

You do have a point...
So I should threaten to tell people about the acne and the funny smell instead? :undecided

[Megan72]

Gosh I get sent home from work because of snow and between work and the house I get drug into a cat fight (meow). every Capt. needs a boat load of sailors.

[CaptLex]

Hey! At least I didn't tell the guys about that bald spot you're getting. Or the missing tooth. So there! :tongueout
You know, dude, I think that electric shock went to your brain and did some damage. The guys (and some of the girls) have seen my hair and they know I'm not losing any of it (yet) - and you know I'm so vain there's no way in hell I'd walk around with a missing tooth. This pirate is a real dandy (like Calico Jack). :battingeyelashes:


You do have a point... So I should threaten to tell people about the acne and the funny smell instead?
Not me, honey (and I mean "honey" in the gay way), you know I always smell good. :p Hmmm . . . I think what we smell is another mutiny brewing . . . *hauls the pre-mutinous professor off to the brig and confiscates his books* :spank:

Thanks for sticking up for me Kerrianna - you know how to show a captain the proper respect.


is it safe to come out yet?
Mmmmm . . . what are you afraid of - you're the ship's bouncer? :tongueout

[Dasein9]

In order to get his books back before commuting, Das makes the following announcement:

Now Hear This! Now Hear This!

The Cap'n, despite some recent rumours, has no bald spot, no combover, no missing tooth, no gold tooth, no stye, no goiter, no halitosis, no acne, no funny smell, no sweaty armpits, no athlete's foot.

Now, gimme my books!

[CaptLex]

In order to get his books back before commuting, Das makes the following announcement:

Now Hear This! Now Hear This!

The Cap'n, despite some recent rumours, has no bald spot, no combover, no missing tooth, no gold tooth, no stye, no goiter, no halitosis, no acne, no funny smell, no sweaty armpits, no athlete's foot.

Now, gimme my books!

Well, that was good for a start - telling people what I don't have. That probably entitles you to some grub and grog again, but if you want your books you'll have to do a bit better than that - you have to say some nice things about me too. Here, I'll start you off: the captain is handsome . . . (you can take it from there). :heehee:

[Dasein9]

The Cap'n is handsome, but not so bright... He forgets that all the ship's charts are in the ship's Library. He forgets that he told the ship's Librarian that everyone else on the ship is illiterate.

Therefore, without the Librarian to help the Navigator read the charts, the ship ain't goin' nowhere!

[Gotta commute now... ;)]

[Megan72]

Yeah.... how very dare Kellian get a special pass :eek:

MY cap....!

Sorry pocoyo, its a Navy thing, just showing proper respect to the head of the boat.

Good for brownie points too!:tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

Mmmmm . . . what are you afraid of - you're the ship's bouncer? :tongueout
puppy dawg me!!

[Catherine Hopkins]

Oh yeah . . . I forgot about St. Elmo's Fire :doh: I've only seen it in movies, but it's very cool - would love to see it in person. Thanks, Kelliann. Just don't call me Elmo now, people. :heehee:


Get to see St Elmo's Fire pretty regularly. It plays across the windscreens of airliners if the clouds we're passing through are electrically charged. If you touch the screens, you can attract the fire to your fingertips kinda like those discharge balls they sell in Sharper Image.

And this isn't an attempt to claim pre-eminence, CaptLex, but I too am a captain - of an airliner as the anecdote may have made you guess - the pirate ship's all yours ;)

[Kieron Andrew]

Get to see St Elmo's Fire pretty regularly. It plays across the windscreens of airliners if the clouds we're passing through are electrically charged. If you touch the screens, you can attract the fire to your fingertips kinda like those discharge balls they sell in Sharper Image.

And this isn't an attempt to claim pre-eminence, CaptLex, but I too am a captain - of an airliner as the anecdote may have made you guess - the pirate ship's all yours ;)
watch it Vance....Lex likes a man in uniform :heehee:

[Catherine Hopkins]

watch it Vance....Lex likes a man in uniform :heehee:


Hey Muscles. Lex might be an old softie but it's not too late to roll out the plank and roll a certain lad along it ;)

[kerrianna]

Hmmm . . . I think what we smell is another mutiny brewing . . . *hauls the pre-mutinous professor off to the brig and confiscates his books* :spank:

Thanks for sticking up for me Kerrianna - you know how to show a captain the proper respect.


:battingeyelashes: :daydreaming: anytime mon capitain.

Uh...do you want me go and...er...torture...Das in the brig? I don't mind. It does have comfy pillows and I'm sure I have a few techniques that will work with even a bookish type like him. :devil: ...oops, how unladylike...I mean :heehee:
:D

[Megan72]

uh oh do we have a challenge on the ship's bouncer?:beatup:

[Tiffany Tuesday]

watch it Vance....Lex likes a man in uniform :heehee:


Phew.. you're safe for now Vance! When he likes to get you out of your uniform .. run!!! :)

[Kieron Andrew]

Hey Muscles. Lex might be an old softie but it's not too late to roll out the plank and roll a certain lad along it ;)
lol........im so hiding the next time i know your coming to my door!


oooh and ur using my nickname cool!!!

[kerrianna]

lol........im so hiding the next time i know your coming to my door!


oooh and ur using my nickname cool!!!

Muscles? ooo, I like that. :daydreaming:

[Kieron Andrew]

Muscles? ooo, I like that. :daydreaming:
thought from posting this pic Kez on another site

http://crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=23678&d=1145990931

[CaptLex]

Get to see St Elmo's Fire pretty regularly.
Oooh, I'm jealous.


And this isn't an attempt to claim pre-eminence, CaptLex, but I too am a captain - of an airliner as the anecdote may have made you guess - the pirate ship's all yours ;)
Hey, we captains have to stick together. :D


watch it Vance....Lex likes a man in uniform


Phew.. you're safe for now Vance! When he likes to get you out of your uniform .. run!!!
That's right, you know what they say . . . the only thing better than a man in uniform, is a man out of uniform. ;)

[kerrianna]

thought from posting this pic Kez on another site

http://crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=23678&d=1145990931

oooooooooo.....nice! :happy:

Now, I definitely need to go lie down.

*swoons*

[CaptLex]

The Cap'n is handsome, but not so bright... He forgets that all the ship's charts are in the ship's Library. He forgets that he told the ship's Librarian that everyone else on the ship is illiterate. Therefore, without the Librarian to help the Navigator read the charts, the ship ain't goin' nowhere!


:battingeyelashes: :daydreaming: anytime mon capitain.

Uh...do you want me go and...er...torture...Das in the brig? I don't mind. It does have comfy pillows and I'm sure I have a few techniques that will work with even a bookish type like him. :devil: ...oops, how unladylike...I mean :heehee:
:D
You read my mind, Kerri. Apparently confiscating Professor Das' beloved books wasn't enough - he's still dissing the captain ("not so bright"? :eek:) and he still thinks this is a cruise ship not a pirate ship - in fact, I don't know how we ended up with a librarian on a ship with no library.

Just make sure he doesn't enjoy it too much. :dom: :devil:

[Dasein9]

*tippity toe, tippity toe*

Das, after a pleasant nap on the brig's soft cushions, recalls that all the books on lockpicking were in the library. He uses what he's learnt to escape quietly from the brig, find all his books in lockup, and *tippity toe, tippity toe* replaces them in shipshape order upon their shelves. In the morning, the crew will find that everything has returned to normal -- from the handsome, bald-spot-free Captain (who has all his teeth, no goiter, and a forgiving heart) to the cabin boys. The only detectable difference will be the unusual, but short-lived lack of dust on the books and charts. Smiling with satisfaction, Das settles down with The Second Sex.

[Evert]

God, did I miss this? :eek:

*runs around the ship*

[Dasein9]

God, did I miss this? :eek:

*runs around the ship*



It's okay. Stop by the library, and we'll sit in leather chairs, drinking tea, and discussing literature. Like the age-old question: Who ate the strawberries?

[Kieron Andrew]

Like the age-old question: Who ate the strawberries?
:whistling:

[Dasein9]

Nearly forgot: Hiya, Vance. Welcome if you're new, welcome back if you're not. Fancy a cuppa? (Did I say that last bit right?)

[CaptLex]

God, did I miss this? *runs around the ship*


It's okay. Stop by the library, and we'll sit in leather chairs, drinking tea, and discussing literature. Like the age-old question: Who ate the strawberries?

You know, Evert . . . I don't know what was in Das' strawberries, but there is still no library on this ship. We'll humor the poor, delusional lad, though. :hypnotized: Yesterday he started the thread with a threatened lawsuit which quickly became a mutinous plot (complete with lies about the captain) and it all ended with him breaking out of the brig and . . . dusting books . . . ? :eek:. If the professor wasn't the captain's drinking buddy, we would have probably tied him to the mast already. :heehee:

Maybe we should get Dr. Abraxas to take a look at him. He may have scurvy . . . or maybe it's a case of too much hot sun and not enough rum. :p

[Dasein9]

See? I told you the Cap'n wouldn't mind our having a Ship's Library -- he doesn't even believe there is such a thing.

Now, you poor lads. I know he's been keeping you illiterate all these years. C'mon down to the Library, and we'll have reading lessons.

[Dasein9]

(complete with lies about the captain)


Does this mean the Cap'n does have a bald spot, a missing front tooth, halitosis, a combover, a goiter, a stye, athlete's foot, and an odd smell?

How odd; I'd never noticed.

[Kieron Andrew]

Nearly forgot: Hiya, Vance. Welcome if you're new, welcome back if you're not. Fancy a cuppa? (Did I say that last bit right?)
yup he's the new GM around the place....hey maybe we can ask him tips lol

[CaptLex]

Now, you poor lads. I know he's been keeping you illiterate all these years. C'mon down to the Library, and we'll have reading lessons.
Okay, Professor, how about a truce? You can teach the boys to read if we get to give you lessons in fencing, navigation, sailing, tying knots and loading/firing cannons (I know you don't need lessons in drinking and chasing boys ;)).

[Dasein9]

Okay, Professor, how about a truce? You can teach the boys to read if we get to give you lessons in fencing, navigation, sailing, tying knots and loading/firing cannons (I know you don't need lessons in drinking and chasing boys ;)).


I've built my own sword, was raised on Naval bases, worked as a rigger (knot-tying is key) and the one time I've fired a gun, did uncannily well.

Just because I'm a librarian doesn't mean I'm not a pirate!

So, yeh, I'd love to learn navigation! :D

[CaptLex]

Just because I'm a librarian doesn't mean I'm not a pirate!
That's better . . . :koc: Hmmm . . . The Nerdy Pirate - I think they should make a movie about that. Maybe starring Tobey Maguire - he's nerdy, but in a sexy way.

[Kieron Andrew]

That's better . . . :koc: Hmmm . . . The Nerdy Pirate - I think they should make a movie about that. Maybe starring Tobey Maguire - he's nerdy, but in a sexy way.
way off topic but someone said i look liked him once

[CaptLex]

way off topic but someone said i look liked him once
Hmmm . . . I can kind of see that - maybe with glasses on. Well, I think he's a cutie, so I would take that as a compliment. :^5:

[MJ]

hey we set out to sea again ? :eek: why did someone not tell me !!!

[Kieron Andrew]

hey we set out to sea again ? :eek: why did someone not tell me !!!
lol did you only just wake up?

[kerrianna]

hey we set out to sea again ? :eek: why did someone not tell me !!!

LOL, I think it was more like someone let the line go and we've drifted out to sea.

But now the wind is picking up, the sails are full....

[MJ]

not my fault the last thing i remember was poc asking me were did you get that nasty bump from on you head ? i said what bump whack(*#@*) and when i woke up
what do you know he was right :eek:

[kerrianna]

not my fault the last thing i remember was poc asking me were did you get that nasty bump from on you head ? i said what bump whack(*#@*) and when i woke up
what do you know he was right :eek:

:lol: :lol2:
awww poor girl...you'd better go see the Dr. about that, if you can find him.

For now, I'll kiss it better :koc: ...oh, okay, I guess one of the guys should do that. :p

[pocoyo]

not my fault the last thing i remember was poc asking me were did you get that nasty bump from on you head ? i said what bump whack(*#@*) and when i woke up
what do you know he was right :eek:

..... :eek: ...... he doesn't sound like a very nice chap!

Oh.. wait.... :worried:

[kerrianna]

..... :eek: ...... he doesn't sound like a very nice chap!

Oh.. wait.... :worried:

Yeah, maybe YOU should kiss it better.

Or...um...did you already? :heehee:

[MJ]

well that one way to get more crew members lol ,Wait i already am a member , guess i have to do the cooking and laundry again :rolleyes:

[MJ]

Yeah, maybe YOU should kiss it better.

Or...um...did you already? :heehee:

yes poc you should , I'll come you your quarters later :heehee:

[pocoyo]

Hehe :koc: there... sorry about the koshing...

How's that video coming along?

[MJ]

problems installed a new hard drive after installing windows. no usb ports
LOL the video is done i will up load it Monday or Tuesday and sorry stole an idea from you , so very soon

[pocoyo]

problems installed a new hard drive after installing windows. no usb ports
LOL the video is done i will up load it Monday or Tuesday and sorry stole an idea from you , so very soon

Sorry you've been having trouble.
Can't wait to see it!
Stole an idea from me? hehe Oooh....
(You did mention something about that before in a pm I think....)