The Wife Excepts Me But Out Of Sight

[vicky lee]

hi girls
not to long ago i done a thread on the end of vicky .
and had a choice to make about stopping c/d and going back to my wife.
how i have to say that i can continue with my c/ding long as i keep it away from her and dont talk about it .
these are better terms i must admit, but still dont know what to do
would you go back with your wife/so under them terms if you still loved them?
i would like ur views on this to help me deside
thanks vicky

[britney ann]

I think that you should question how big of a part of dressing is in your life. If it is something that is important to you then ask yourself this if someone can not totally accept you for who you are can they totally love you?If it is not a big part of your life and you are content to keep it hidden then be with the one you love.The feelings of dressing do not go away for most of us so trying to hide aspects of yourself from her can eventually lead to trust issues among other things.If you hide long enough can she say really knows you?I know this is a hard decision to make and i hope everything works out for you and your wife this is really something rather petty.As long as you both love each other what does it matter what you wear?

[Wanda.cd.northern.NH]

If you love her, absolutely. Just don't discuss it with her. She knows and if that is her acceptence I certainly would. If fact I do. My wife and I are exactly the same. She knows and says as long as she doen't have ot see or participate to go ahead. She does not want me to wear a wig or t go out, but I think all that goes with not wanting to know. It is working for me. I know I would not want to lose my wife. We have been married for almost 40 years and I can not imagine life without her. So if you feel the same way go for it. If not I would say do not go back. Do not go back just because you know her and you know what you have. Only go back if you really really miss and love her and have trouble being without her. Thats my 2 cents worth. No matter what you do Good Luck!

[Tree GG]

I think you're going to get the full range of response to this. All the way from "Hell, no it's your life..." to "Absolutely, a wife is a wonderful thing."

But it all boils down to what you feel. When you are with your wife, does your relationship/partnership make you feel happy/loved/content more than 80% of the time? That's a strong B rating that's pretty darn hard to come by in the relationship market. If CDing is the only thing that makes that grade slip, then perhaps you should compromise (as she should as well which appears that she has at least started the negotiation which means she really don't want you to go, either).

Regardless what I think, your call on this one. Certainly a tough spot to be in, but have faith in yourself and your wife.

[SissyJackie]

:thumbsup: What Tree said but you could ask her to give you some room to dress. Like let her go shopping for the whole day put on a cute little outfit and you clean the house. Being a woman or even dressing like one should not be a free ride. My wife doesn't go for this at all but she only had to come home once and see my undies lying there when I was in the shower. She has never come home without calling first since.

[Julie York]

Why did you and your wife really split up?

Your post suggests that you aren't together BECAUSE of the dressing and it is so important to you that you would rather be without your wife than give it up.

The only way I can see that situation is if you were transexual. If not, then it is all about compromise and that includes you too.

[TerriM]

Hi
I told my wife 25yrs ago after 10 yrs of marriage. I purged a couple times. But I knew I would always dress again. My wife is the same as yours. She doesnt want to see me dressed. Our conversations are very limited about crossdressing. I hang some of my clothes in our closet, the rest is in the attic. I go out about 1x a month. We love each other, but I dont think she will ever accept this part of me. I would love for her to meet my femme side. But I think it might upset things in our marriage. It is hard at times, but I have learned to accept it

Yours Terri

[Bev06 GG]

Well Vicky,

I think one of the things you have to consider here is that for some women, not being able to accept a CD is as big a problem for them, as a CD not being able to give up dressing.
To be honest I admire any woman who really hates it but is still prepared to stand by her man. We who are accepting often get the pats on the back and the admiration from CDs but in my eyes it is those ladies who really dont like it that deserve the praise because they are the ones who are supporting despite their own personal feelings. Your wife obviously loves you and is most probably having a real battle over this. She's a star and deserves just as much love and support as you do with this issue. So why not give it a go. You support her and she supports you.
Take care and I really hope that things work out for you.
Love Bev

[Elle1946]

You are you are, give it a chance and see if things change. If they do or don't then go from there.

[Eugenie]

i can continue with my c/ding long as i keep it away from her and dont talk about it .
.....
would you go back with your wife/so under them terms if you still loved them?


I've been in that situation with my wife for the past 35 years... It is a livable solution, even though not very comfortable...

It is important that you manage to keep the communication link between you and your wife/SO, even outside the subject of x-dressing.

It took several crisis, and especially a very severe one a couple of month ago, to get her to finaly talk with me about the subject in depth.

This crisis has proven to be more beneficial to both of us than any attempts I had made earlier to make my wife understand my point of view. And vice-versa, for me to understand a lot more about my wife's feelings about my x-dressing...

As a result, things have vastly improved between us on that matter and even in apparently unrelated others...

It all proves that it is never too late to sort out things... But I sure wish I had had the opportunity to do it earlier... :o
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Toyah]

I think as long as she knows you do it and she does not want to see that really should not be a problem for anyone . If you want to talk about it come here

[Elaine Lynn]

When I first came out to my wife a few weeks after we were married she was great about it . She taught me to do my own hair my own makeup and how to dress. After a while she got bored with it and made me quit for a while SO SHE THOUGHT so I kept a low profile about it. A while later in life I told her that I still crossdressed and needed to stop hiding all my clothes and be able to do what I wanted. She agreed as long as I kept it out of her sight. Well I still do as she she asks and don't talk about it to her alot and quess what? She has become my shopping partner and if she is in a good mood will even ask about it once in a while. She has bought me a lot of clothes and things since our agrement and itwas the best thing I ever aggreed on. Give it a chance and I hope it works out just as well for you.:happy:

[uknowhoo]

Well, first off, Vicky, congrats on the good news regarding your marriage. :thumbsup: I wish you both the best in making it work, if that's what y'all decide to do. Kudos to your wife for overcoming and reconsidering her initial reaction. Don't ask don't tell, while not ideal, is prolly a whole lot better than throwing away an otherwise good marriage (IMHO).


...in my eyes it is those ladies who really dont like it that deserve the praise because they are the ones who are supporting despite their own personal feelings.

Wow, thanks Bev. I had never really considered that point of view before... definitely food for thought.

[Holly]

Here's what it boils down to Vicki... if you can live with those terms, then by all means get back together. If you can't, then do the two of you a favor and part ways now. There's no point in prolonging the relationship unless BOTH parties are willing to work it out together,

[Tammietoo]

My wife knows and tolerates my dressing, but doesn't want to see me dress or to participate. It's alot better than sneaking around and hiding everything. She knows that this is part of me. We talk about it, but only occasionally. She doesn't really want to know, and I can respect that, I don't want to force this on her or make her any more uncomfortable. I really do appreciate that she is willing to deal with me doing this even on a limited basis. Do what you want/need to do, but for me it's a fair compromise. I love her so much and would hate for our relationship to end because I wasn't willing to consider her side. Good luck, life doesn't often give second chances. :hugs:

[AERIN]

Put the shoe on the other foot. If she wanted dress like a biker bitch (no offense) then how owuld you respond.

Often I asked myself that question in all fairness to my own wifes unreluctant response t seeing me dressed enfemme. We learned to live with acceptance at a distance.

Works for us both too.

[JennaKnots]

hi girls
not to long ago i done a thread on the end of vicky .
and had a choice to make about stopping c/d and going back to my wife.
how i have to say that i can continue with my c/ding long as i keep it away from her and dont talk about it .
these are better terms i must admit, but still dont know what to do
would you go back with your wife/so under them terms if you still loved them?
i would like ur views on this to help me deside
thanks vicky

I've been with my wife over 10 years. I told her in the first month of our dating and even tried it with her a few times. She either was never into it and went along with it in the beginning to please me or her feelings changed...either way she's kinda freaked by it now but accepts that I do it on my own.

I love her and I'm happy in the marriage, but it wasn't until I really started doing it on the level I am now that I realized how much it means to me. I've often thought that if I had it to do again, I'd make sure the woman I was with was into the same stuff I am sexually.

[Joy Carter]

It's like a broken record here girls. The same song that never stops till you put some action into it. I was totally hidden just because of how she felt about it. I pushed the envelope and bought several outfits and have been out with friends. I know I upset her greatly. But I was so down about myself and how I have felt all my life, that I had to start being who I am. It's like Tami said, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". At least I have some freedom to be me.:o

[CDTiffany]

Tough? Is she all, that you have, ever wanted? Or do you want more????
Good? What do you want?, Not, that, that, is the only ? I know, for a fact, that I need to Dress as a woman. DO YOU? Dont put it on her. Let her put, it on you!!! I wish, nothing but the best, for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOXO Tiffany

[ReginaS]

My long time s/o and I have tried that one...she told me just to keep it hidden from her but how could I do that???? She would obviously know if I shaved my legs. Much more than that was that I grew up with deep internalized shame over this part of me; a part that I realized over time was not going away no matter how much I wished it would. The message I got from her in "just keep it out of my sight" just added to my learned shame. When I did that I found myself lying, hiding, minimizing, and at the same time growing resentful...if she loves me why can't she accecpt and embrace and love [I]all of me? [I] I found myself angry and finding all sorts of faults with her, I think almost to purposely pick fights, no consciously mind you, but then after a fight we could separate and I could dress and let me out! I do understand that she has her beliefs and "wants a an who is a man." We are friends but have not lived together nor acted like a couple for nearly 2 years now. All the other things we have had are resolved but her not liking the CD and me coming more and more to realize and accept that it is who I am seem, sadly because we are so great together in so many ways, incompatable. I wish I had an answer for this one!

[terrinoble]

Well, at least it is better than the wife banning it outright.

I certainly hope your wife doesn't "except" you. That would be horrid, as "except" means to exclude. But if you meant "accept," that's much better! I'd rather be accepted than excepted any day!

[cd300]

well vicky
i had the same problem my wife left with our kid while i was at work. she would only come back if i killed off jessica.. i told her i d try but in the near future i knew we would need to revisit the subject.. well 4 months of nothing but mental dressing i finally started to show my bi--chy side and we talked about why i was like that.. well i was allowed to purchase a few "my time things". for a while it was dont ask don't tell or don't mention it. now slowly but surely she seems to live with it better and now i have purchased thing in front of her, and got a favorable opinion and now i even order mkup from her sales brochures with little or no bad looks. she doesn't seem interested so i am alone for my time but i have a few hours a week.. and as much as i enjoy dressing i really love my family more.. so all i can advise is to go slow take baby steps and do your thing but remeber you and her should always be the main thing.. good luck hon !!!

jessica

[Di]

Only you know what you can live with....no one else can really answer this for you....and if you love each other, I think you can work it out. Is this the only issue? If not are those worked out too? If this is the only thing standing in your way...then give it a try. There are many couples that do this and arrange times where the partner can dress alone.

[Rikkicn]

If you feel that she's an important part of your life now and in the future and you live with being in the closet then get back together.
If you feel that cding is becoming important part of your life's expression then maybe it's time to move on
It's going to be a lot to deal with either way

[sissystephanie]

Vicky,

Why did you marry her in the first place? If you loved her then, do you still love her as much? She must love you, to be accepting your being a CD even with conditions. You must examine your own conscience, and detirmine whether your CD activites are more important than being married.

This thread speaks strongly to why I tell everyone to tell your fiance before you get married. It will save a lot of heartaches!:2c:

Sissy

More Girl than man

[Mary Jane]

My wife has the same acceptance level as yours. It is not the way I woul dlike things to be but if it is the only way I can dress and keep her happy I will continue to do it this way. It is not the actual dressing I wish she would accept, it not being able to share feelings the way I woul dlike. If you love your wife, work out something that will make you both happy. Maybe she could give you one night a month or so to explore your fem side as you wish.

[Stephenie S]

I agree with most all the posts here on this subject. Being acepted is a huge step. One that you can live with sucessfully for the rest of your life.

To make an analogy, my wife smokes. I hate it. I don't want it around me, I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to see it. And I wish to God she would stop. But she's not likely to stop, it's something she wants to do, and she has absolutely no interest in stopping. So she keeps it away from me. I don't see it, or talk about it, or participate in it in any way. But I still love her, and she still loves me

She accepts my genderbending. She would really like the whole thing to just go away. I accept her smoking. I really wish she would just quit.

Marriage is a union of two different people. There will always be compromises and adjustments. So just leave her out if your CDing. Things may change, things may not, but for now, it seems you have an arrangement that a good many of us would like to live with.

Stephenie