That went over like a lead balloon (long story)

[michelleupnorth]

So here is a little background. I’ve always wanted to be a woman but I’ve always felt that I had to be a man because of the way I was born. Last September I was single again after a 7 year relationship and was free to do what I wanted again, dress up in woman’s clothes and feel like a woman. I met someone 2 weeks after my break-up and started dating her on a casual basis. She has always wanted more from me. I told her from the very beginning that I was bisexual and even though she wasn’t she was ok with it. I also told her that I like to dress in woman’s clothes and she was ok with that as long as if we ever moved in together I would be dressed as a man when she got home from work. I did tell her that that was not what I wanted and she kept telling me that relationships are about compromise.

I felt like I was stuck, having to hide and pretend that I was someone else again.

Shortly after that conversation I told her that what I really wanted was to transition. She kept telling me it was a phase, and no matter how much I told her that it wasn’t she just didn’t want to accept that I’ve wanted this since being a little child. I finally sent her to a web site that showed someone who has had FFS and told her that’s what I want to do. Since then she keeps trying to tell me that I’m a man because I was born a man, and that I eat like a man, and that I drive a truck, therefore I must be a man, I look like a man, etc,etc,etc.

We did go to Toronto last weekend and that was her first time seeing me dressed as a woman. We went out together and I think that she was ok with it as long as it was a part time thing. She did keep saying that she wished that she could flip a switch and make me not want to do this permanently. She also admitted that she was in denial.

Tonight she asks me if I’ll have sex with her and I told her “no, I’m not what you are looking for and I can’t understand why you are wasting your time with me?” I told her that I had my first electrolysis session today and that I’ll be going again on Monday. I told her that in six months to a year I’m going to look a lot different and that is not what she is looking for.

Well the response I got was why did you ask me out for diner? Why didn’t you tell me this from the start? (It’s not something that was easy for me to tell her in the first place but I did mention it about 2 months after seeing her. I think that at the time I met her I wasn’t 100% sure that I was going to finally have the opportunity to do what I wanted to do all my life.)

I think she understands now but that sucked. To have someone who would do just about anything for me crying and just cannot understand why.

Sorry that it was so long I just had to get this off my chest, and this is truly the only place where people understand me.

Michelle

[AllieSF]

Michelle,

Congratulations on standing firm for what you want. You have a lot more to go through and times may be even harder as each step becomes more permanent. You will need support and having someone close would be great for you. Also, I think that any relationship starting out at the same time that you also starting myour big changes will be very difficult to maintan. She needs to understand that and be ready to provide with support when needed. Maybe she needs to have time for it to sink in, and then again maybe she will be one who thinks she can change you. Good luck

Keep strong and go for it.

[Sharon]

It really sucks that you have to go through this, Michelle, and only time will help you feel better. You have nothing to feel guilty about, in my opinion. You were as honest as you could be with her, even though the feelings you were experiencing(or acknowledging) evolved during your relationship. It's not unusual for people to try to change their partners, or to simply try to dismiss what you say when it doesn't fit their own needs or desires -- it's just natural. However, you can not live a lie just to try to make another person happy, especially when you know the resulting conflicts, resentment, doubts, etc. would just get worse over time and seriously threaten the relationship regardless of your best efforts.

Good luck to you and lotsa :hugs:

[Katrina]

It sounds like you were very honest with her and she was in denial - big time. Kudos to you for being so up front with her.

[Scotty]

This is why I do not want to date anyone.
I met a gal but then I stopped short after coffee because, well, what's going to happen if she takes my shirt off...she's going to freak....:D

I suppose if I met a lesbian girl or bi girl it might work but I'm content with being single.

Sorry I haven't been around much girrrllss....I've had a lot going on here, not all bad or anything just a LOT going on :)

[joanlynn28]

Similiar cercumstances for me I was married for just over nine years and I spent the last three of those thinking of what I would exactly do it my wife was out of the picture. Eventutally the feelings inside me took control of my life and I could not deny who and what I was, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Like many of us who have had relationships lost because of what we are when my ex knew the truth she couldn't leave fast enough. We talk a bit the other night and she tells me that she always knew that I was a bit different from other men she knew, all I could say to her is now you know what the difference is. Anyway I just finished my first full week at work as Joan and it has been the best thing to happen to me. Now I don't have to dread going to work being forced to be the be the person that I wasn't . It has been enjoyable at work despite the reaction from myh coworkers.

[Danielle_oc_ca]

In 13 years of marraige, that ended in 1999, compromise means that you accept whatever the woman wants in the relationship. That you be the person she wants you to be. And that she can be the person she wants to be.

Unfair. Yes, but that's the game in 90%+ or relationships.

Danielle

[kerrianna]

:hugs: :love: Yeah, times like that suck don't they Michelle? You are trying to be honest and up front and looking out for her too because it sounds like you like her a lot. But you can't really change the way she feels or thinks, that's up to her. And if it's hard enough for us to understand stuff, imagine for people who don't live there. You have given her tools to help her understand who you are and where your journey is taking you, but she's got a dream that she's trying to keep alive in the face of everything so she just keeps hurting you both, even if she doesn't mean too. Maybe this is part of her learning process, maybe she's still on her way to truly understanding your truth, and when she does she might walk away or she might decide it will work.

Good for you for holding your ground and keeping everything out in the open. It's actually the kindest thing you can do for her, even though she may not understand that yet. The worst thing would be for you to start trying to please her and pretending to be something you are not. That would get very messy.

But it does sound like one of those 'this sucks' moments. Just don't blame yourself. :hugs: :love:

[Stlalice]

Sounds like one girl I knew awhile back who was convinced she could "change" me. Being honest about who and what you are and standing your ground is the only sane way to deal with it. Anything else will merely result in an even bigger hurt for both of you. :2c: