Shopping Partner Advice

[kenasbarbie]

My background: I'm a straight male CD, who could NEVER pass as a woman. I've been spending quite a bit of time on-line looking for GG's to go shoping with.

To date, I have been unsuccessful, with one exception. There is a GG in my area who offers a "Shopping Service" for CD's. She charges $50/hr, minimum of 3 hours.

My questions are:

1) If I pay for the service, does show desperation?

2) Will I get honest advice and assistance, or just someone putting in time to get their money?

And for the GG's in the forum . . .

3) Any advice on how to make a GG feel more comfortable in going shopping with a CD? (Even if not dressed 'en femme')

[Sedona]

Well, my questions are: What do you want the gg shopping buddy for? If it's for advice on what looks good on you, proper sizing and fit, then a consultant can be a good idea, if you can afford one. But don't rule out research on your own to answer most of these questions. You'd be amazed at what you can learn online, including from the girls on this site.

But, are you looking for a gg buddy to pal around with at the mall? If so, I hate to say it, but that's not something to pay for.

Most members on this site are straight males, and those who are lucky, get their girlfriend or wife to go with them. Me, mine isn't so accepting, so I go solo. Someday. . .

Good luck!

[kenasbarbie]

I am looking for a bit of both worlds. Advice on what looks good on me, proper sizing and fit, and a GG buddy to pal around with at the mall.

[veronicagurl85]

Hey there. I was once like you and had nobody to help me with shopping and such. My advice to you is to find a really cose friend a gg who has your back and can talk about anything. Kinda break a little hints to her and then slowly but not right away bring it up somehow. That's what I did now my gf and a close gg friend of mine go shopping with me. Good luck

Love
Vero

[Billijo49504]

As for a buddy, you're on your own. BUT, for the shopping part, why not go by your self. Most Sales Associates will help you pick out clothes that go together. But be honest, as in "I'm shopping for me." Go to places like Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Avenue or Dress Barn. I've shopped at those stores in several cities, and was never treated bad. Another thing, go in right after the store opens, If you can, they are a lot less busy, so they can show you more attention. Just remember to be polite and treat them with the same respect you would like to recieve...BJ

[Deborah_UK]

hey for $50 per hour I'd consider flying in from the UK to go shopping with you - ok so I'm not a GG, but that's merely detail!

:D :D

[Shelly Preston]

Why pay for something that you can do on your own

If you choose the right store the sales assistants will be only to happy to help if your spending money

Besides that you just saved $150 to buy something nice :)

[kenasbarbie]

Just to clarify, I do shop for myself now, I just feel like something is missing. The companionship.

[LindaTS]

That seems like very expensive companionship to me.

[Leslie Foxx]

I know a gg who provides that type of service as an adjucnt to her transformation business. I've always muddled along on my own pretty well, so never availed myself of it.

If you can afford it, and it will help you gain shopping confidence, then it may be money well spent. I easily have $150 worth of mistakes in my closet.

She may be able to introduce you to store personel and set you straight on sizes and styles that become you.

I suggest you interview her long enough to judge for yourself if her advice is worth it.

[AllieSF]

I also would like to go shopping with a GG for help, moral support and as friends. Keep looking. Check out any local GGs here on this site, maybe they would like to help, even with their CD friends coming along if she has one. As usual the search goes on! Good luck

[insearchofme]

Call Karren, she'll shop with you.

[kathy gg]

HI Toni..

Nice to see you on this site.

I am Kathy of KA Consulting....and many of the forum members know me quiet well here.

I will say this....most of the people who I have taken shopping over the years did not just want a person who was just looking for style help ....because let's be honest, you can get style help from any good Sales associate at better quality stores.

And yes...if you take other people's advice about coming *out* to a gg friend...well it is a 50/50 gamble. Some gg friends will be understanding and may even offer to help. The other half...well that is where you get to see how trustworthy they are. Not everyone has gg friends who could even begin to understand cding.

I have had people say..."well if you are so supporitve of the community ...why dont' you offer help for free?"

The answer is....I do...every day ....well let me re-phrase that....at least 5 days a week or more I come on this forum and talk to cd's and their so's. I have helped over half a dozen cd's come out to their so's. I have ran an SO support group for almost 7 years. I have met countless people in our local community and befriended them, given people my time and my support. And let's be honest, we can all be helpful and nice online...but how many are really able to devote several hours out of their day and drive around a complete stranger to stores, give them confidence and friendship, without laying your days problems out? What about spend the entire time you are with this other person...only focused on them? Most I bet could not do such a thing, why? Because you want the experience to be about you as well. When I take a client out for the day, the day is all about giving that cleint respect and making this time all about them.....not about me and my day or blah-blha.

Someone said...just ask ____...

so you think _____ is going to come up to Toronto and take Toni shopping? And _____ if you read this....I am not picking on you, specifically, but your name came up. But hey if I am wrong and you have busines up here I think it would be wonderfully kind of you to offer up to spend a day with Toni.

I think alot of people would like to help, but either dont' have the time or the energy or the ability or the patience.

Saying you can help and actually following through are two different things.

ANd that is where paying for a service comes into play.

You asked for input Toni and as a member of this forum and a gg...I want to ansewr yoru questions.

1) If I pay for the service, does show desperation?


Anytime a person pays another person for a service they have expections for their money. If you pay a man to mow your lawn you want to see grass mowed. I don't think many people would look at someone hiring out services such as that desperate...why feel negative feelings about hiring someone for this service.

For a person who is alone in their cd life and wishes to have company which will provide discreation and companionship and help in cd issues ...no, it does not show desperation.


2) Will I get honest advice and assistance, or just someone putting in time to get their money?

I don't do this to make money on a full time basis. If I did, I would be like the many *TG businesses* online who charge triple the amount for what the real time price of items are. I won't even get into stores in our very local area which charge upwards of $20 for drugstore pantyhose. That is a true cash grab....... spending one-on-one time with another person. I do this first and foremost because I think alot of people have spent $1000's on mistakes...clothing.make up./wigs ect. Also....getting back to the heart of things...this is not jsut about clothing. As said, you can go it alone. Anytime you wish.

And for the GG's in the forum . . .

3) Any advice on how to make a GG feel more comfortable in going shopping with a CD? (Even if not dressed 'en femm

I take it you are looking in your circle of friends then..? Be yourself, be the person they have always known and trusted. If you have a gg friend who you believe you can trust more than your wife {I know you are married and she is not aware, as you have stated that in other posts} with this part of your life, then by all means I think you should go that route. Why hire out when you have someone like that, who knows you and you trust. Keep in midn ocne you tell...you can't take it back though. And that is where the gamble begins.

Toni, I debated replying to your post.

Ultimately I am not independatly wealthy and I cannot just drive every person I have never met before around the city of Toronto and hire a sitter to watch my daughter and spend time away from my husband and invest all this in somone who I don't know personally. And that is why I charge money for my service.

Sedona is right...I don't charge my best friends to hang aroudn with me. But what I do provide is respite and fun and for the time spent with me to be catered to your specific cd needs.

Actually I have had alot of cd's who have taken the time to build a repore with me and my husband, who I have met online , people who built a friendship with me from the ground up...people who I eventually did go shopping with. And no, not as customers, but as friends. Of course the day was not all about *them.* And as with friendships comes time and effort, a slow building of trusts and all the building blocks required to meet a complete stranger and begin a serious and real time friendship.

Most of the clients I have taken shopping did not have *time* to build those friendships. They had specific needs regardings their crossdressing....needs which no gg or wife or SO in their life could understand or who was ready to be trusted. And for those cd's they used my service and seemed to quiet enjoy their day. Their shopping or dining or night out clubbing was all about them, making sure they had the experience which they were seeking.

And my last comment is not at Tonie, but to those with some dispearing comments...

Some have been fortunate to be able to share this with gg's or go shopping with other cd's or never feel compelled to buddy around the mall with anyone other then themself....to those people....I think that is great. But I think it is very judgemental to wag your finger at someone needing the types of services I offer.

sincerely
kathy in Canada
also of
KA Consulting

[DanaJ]

Listen to Kathy, she is one of the best GGs on this forum, and the most understanding, coolest GG when it comes to CDing I have ever met! She gets the 100% DanaJ approval rating :thumbsup: Her post above lays it all out better than most of us could describe, she is not just posting to up her post count here - she really cares and has helped many CDs in person.

Now, I think many of you are missing the point. I can polish my own nails, yet I go see a nail tech every two weeks. I can do my own makeup, but I go get a makeover every month. It is very cool to hang out with GGs that are totally accepting and helpful with beauty and dressing advice, the experience of sharing the event is what makes it worth it all. Sure, I could sit home all alone, get all made up, dressed and then pose in front of my camera - but it is much more fun to share it with others (even if you are paying them) who also help out. And guess what? Sometimes you can make a new good friend, and also help further the perception of CDs as not being some sort of sick weirdo.

Like many have said, yes you can do all this by yourself, and if it is only fashion/sizing advice you are after, a good SA can help. But - many of us do not have a good GG friend to share this side of us with, or want to take precautions to keep this side secret. So - in my opinion kenasbarbie - if the GG that is offering to go shopping with you is good at what she does, $50/hr is well worth it. It wouldn't hurt to try it once and see what it is like. YOu may even ask this GG if you could correspond a bit to get to know each other better so you will at least have a feel for each other when the shopping date arrives.

Good luck! :)

[kittypw GG]

Toni,
I agree it could be money well spent. A phone screening conversation could ease your mind as well as asking for a reference list of people who have participated in the service and are willing to give their opinion of their sastifaction with the service.

I don't think that it would make you seem desparate. It might be a good way for you to gain the confidence in yoursef to attract gg's to be shopping friends with you or maybe the confidence to move forward with your own so.

If I had the money I would consider doing this for my hubby so that he could go shopping en femme one time (I'm not confortable shopping with him dressed). It would make a great gift for any occasion. In fact I just may start looking for such a person, it is getting harder and harder to find a gift that would knock his socks off. :D

Maybe you should consider giving Kathy a jingle and use her service if you live in her area?

Good luck to you. Kitty

[dancinginthedark]

My questions are:


1) If I pay for the service, does show desperation?
Nope. I think it is a realistic solution to a unique situation.



2) Will I get honest advice and assistance, or just someone putting in time to get their money?
Depends on who is offering the service. Like anything else you are willing to lay down money for it is wise to do a bit of research on the individual/business. You generally ask around before making an investment of time and money…this should be seen in the same light.



And for the GG's in the forum . . .
3) Any advice on how to make a GG feel more comfortable in going shopping with a CD? (Even if not dressed 'en femme')

This depends on the situation. IF it’s a friend ideally they know you well enough that you could/would talk frankly before hand. Assurance that it’s just a day of casual shopping and no weirdness would occur. Having shopped with hubby I know it’s easy for the CD [at least mine] to get into the whole fog thing and for things to quickly get out of hand or become all about him alone. [ie I select a dress for myself and he is not interested in discussing how it’d look on me..and he/she would quickly dismiss anything not directly linked to what is going to look good on him/her. PERIOD] If shopping “with” a friend shop with them so it’s not all just you.

It’s not easy to set aside our wants/needs for another if we have no idea that is what the day is supposed to be all about if it wasn’t said. If the day is to be all about you make sure your friend knows that IN ADVANCE. DH and I don’t have any problems now but man oh man we hit some rough patches at first because I thought it was a day of shopping for us both and he thought it was a day of shopping for only him/her. Communication is key. Make your needs/desires/ect very clear.

See those services [As Kathy does PT and Bev used to] are to assure you that no one is going to get their feelings trampled by a CD’s excitement in being able to finally go shopping etc… like may happen with the wife or even a close friend. [Not trying to be harsh just honest, no offense is meant by that.] So if you’ve no one to go with you this service would be ideal. Lots of personal attention and from someone in the know: someone who knows style, sizing, color, the TG friendly stores and clubs etc etc I see this kind of service as no different than a GG who goes to an imagine consultant IMO.

[JoAnnDallas]

Have you looked to see if there are any CD support groups in your area. If so, you might want to see if you can join one. I bet there are other CD's that would love to go shopping with you and maybe even thier SO's. I joined the local Tri-Ess chapter and have been told from 3-4 of the members, that anytime I wanted companionship when going out shopping to give them a call.

[Karren H]

Call Karren, she'll shop with you.

Ohh thanks a lot Dana!!! Your too sweat!! Hehehe. Just when I was going to meet your at the Outlet Shops at Birch Run too!!

:tongueout

Sounds more like you need a girlfriend.. Might be cheaper!! Hmmmm maybe not! Lol. But for $50/hr...... You could get a "Lady of the Evening" cheaper.... And take her shopping instead of you know what!! Probably be a refreshing change for her but then again her taste in clothes may be a bit on the trampy side....

That's $50 canadian?? That would buy a bunch of hockey sticks!!!

Love Karren

[Emma England]

That's $50 canadian?? That would buy a bunch of hockey sticks!!!

Love Karren

What's more important? Dressing or hockey? Do you combine the two Karren?