Creating Emotional Distance, Getting In The Zone, Moving On In Life

[melissacd]

It has been almost a year since I evolved from talking about dressing in public to dressing in public. Much has happened in that year. I have gone out many times and each time it feels more and more natural, like I am getting into the femme zone. My dressing, hair, style choice and make up skills have dramatically improved and my confidence builds.

During that same year my marital relationship died (not for lack of trying to make it work - read previous threads for details if interested). But I have accepted the end of one journey and the start of another.

Last night I went out with some friends for another wonderful evening out en femme. As I was driving home I went back over my last 25 years of my marriage, remembering with fondness all of the wonderful things that have happened, meeting my wife, our first years together, raising her children, the birth and raising of our children, buying our first home, building a new home - all of the things that make a life together. It was a bittersweet memory in the context of what is going on now. It made me feel good that in spite of all of the anguish and pain there were still a lot of good things that happened. Reflecting in this way helps me create the right amount of emotional distance to appreciate what I had, deal with the loss and move on with my life. I guess that it is the normal process that we have to go through of dis-belief, anger, mourning and eventually acceptance and moving on. It is a form of death and re-birth.

In this same period, I have grown as a feminine person, met many wonderful TG persons, created many new and wonderful friendships and realize that through connecting with my feminine spirit I am beginning to feel much happier. I am starting to think about where my life will go next and I am becoming hopeful and excited about where the journey will lead to next.

I find myself thinking about how once I am completely on my own that I will be in a position to create the world that best suits who I am now and this gets me thinking about wearing femme clothes more often, piercing my ears, growing my hair long so I don't have to wear a wig, getting laser treatments on my facial hair so I don't have to shave anymore and possibly even taking some hormones to soften up the features a bit. I really don't know how far I will go with this, however, I do know that for the first time in a long time I am no longer angry with the world, I feel happier and more at peace with myself and feel that there is hope, hope that I will finally mature into the person I was always meant to be if only I had allowed myself.

For those of you who have gone through this same sort of process, I am curious as to how that journey has/is happening for you.

Huggs
Melissa

[Brianna Lovely]

I'm on a similar journey myself and I guess I've been on the fast track.

I've fully accepted myself, both my fem. and masc. parts, and live my life as a person.

I just happen to wear fem. clothing, giggle.

[Joy Carter]

Sweet Malissa. I think about the same things myself. I'm determined to stay married to the wonderful woman who loves me. She is so wonderful to me. But she can't accept but doesn't reject me. I also have two fine kids to think about. So J-- is here to stay as long as he's needed.
I truly think I should have been female. Not that my male life has been that bad. Just that I can't ever remember feeling just not right being male. If I where eighteen again at the present and know what I know now. I would be opting for hormones just to see how I felt about going that route.
So for now I'm satisfied to be who I am. Dressing when I can and hopefully meeting new friends.


Your Sister In Arms Joy Carter :hugs:

[Angie G]

Milissa I glade you are happier with you life now good luck in whatever comes your way :hugs:
Angie

[sandra-leigh]

I really don't know how far I will go with this, however, I do know that for the first time in a long time I am no longer angry with the world, I feel happier and more at peace with myself

I've never one to be angry with the world. A bit disappointed, perhaps. Over the years I made a lot of choices that tended to put a distance between other people and myself -- someone who continually volunteers for the hard jobs and does them well, ends up not thanked but rather blamed for not having done the impossible. The knowledge that one has done good is a reward, but it's not the same as friends calling up because they want your company.

How I did end up was: often angry at my wife, over myriad things -- oh say, "Is it too much to ask to keep your things off of the stairs so that I don't risk tripping and breaking my neck all the time??!" I developed lots of "triggers" and could go from happy to angry in a fraction of a second. In a number of different ways, I grew to feel that she owed me more. (Pardon me for leaving that underspecified.)

In the time that I have been crossdressing, I have calmed down enourmously, and have met many interesting people, and I am reconnecting with the world. My wife doesn't owe me happiness: I am finding ways towards happiness myself. In some ways this required some distancing from my wife: I rely on her less and she isn't part of my crossdressing (I've never told her.) In other ways, our relationship is now closer: it's easier for two people to find ways to be content together when one of them is no longer on a hair trigger.


I don't know what the future will bring; I don't have a vision or grand plan. I believe I'll tell my wife eventually, and I think she'll be genuinely pleased that I've found a way to develop new friendships... but I don't know how tolerant she'll be to my dressing at home. My hypothesis is that she'd accept non-"girly" tops and blouses relatively readily, and that she would tolerate occasional skirts, but that she might feel uncomfortable about dresses.

[Joy Carter]

I've never one to be angry with the world. A bit disappointed, perhaps. Over the years I made a lot of choices that tended to put a distance between other people and myself -- someone who continually volunteers for the hard jobs and does them well, ends up not thanked but rather blamed for not having done the impossible. The knowledge that one has done good is a reward, but it's not the same as friends calling up because they want your company.

How I did end up was: often angry at my wife, over myriad things -- oh say, "Is it too much to ask to keep your things off of the stairs so that I don't risk tripping and breaking my neck all the time??!" I developed lots of "triggers" and could go from happy to angry in a fraction of a second. In a number of different ways, I grew to feel that she owed me more. (Pardon me for leaving that underspecified.)

In the time that I have been crossdressing, I have calmed down enourmously, and have met many interesting people, and I am reconnecting with the world. My wife doesn't owe me happiness: I am finding ways towards happiness myself. In some ways this required some distancing from my wife: I rely on her less and she isn't part of my crossdressing (I've never told her.) In other ways, our relationship is now closer: it's easier for two people to find ways to be content together when one of them is no longer on a hair trigger.


I don't know what the future will bring; I don't have a vision or grand plan. I believe I'll tell my wife eventually, and I think she'll be genuinely pleased that I've found a way to develop new friendships... but I don't know how tolerant she'll be to my dressing at home. My hypothesis is that she'd accept non-"girly" tops and blouses relatively readily, and that she would tolerate occasional skirts, but that she might feel uncomfortable about dresses.

I can relate to the unhappyness you did Tess. I has been such a relief to finaly be who I am. No more anger, no more doubts and no more being unhappy with myself.

[Suzzie]

Here Here

Suzzie

[kerrianna]

:happy: ...I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this.

I get a little worried sometimes because this seems to be a very sharp turn in direction in my life, but I know it's the right path...finally. Like I've said on another thread just now, I've never been happier in my life. And others have noticed too. I'm kinder, more generous and giving, calmer...in short more beautiful than I have ever been. People tell me all the time now I look great - the male me they all know - they just can see I've changed for the better and am happier. My SO really likes it too - we were getting into a serious rut and my male side was being a pretty closed-down careless jerk. I think she is afraid of where it might lead, but we talk all the time. And I will not allow my journey to supercede her health. I will, and have, used it to help her heal. Kerrianna has been amazingly helpful and I am so happy that I found her right when I needed her. I will never let her go again.

I don't know if I'll ever be where you are Melissa. I envy you in some ways, but am sorry you had to go through so much to get there. I would love to be at the place you are today though. I guess we all make our own journeys there. While I'm still a long ways from living out loud, I do share your thoughts: "I feel happier and more at peace with myself and feel that there is hope, hope that I will finally mature into the person I was always meant to be if only I had allowed myself." :happy:

:hugs: :love:

[Satrana]

however, I do know that for the first time in a long time I am no longer angry with the world, I feel happier and more at peace with myself and feel that there is hope, hope that I will finally mature into the person I was always meant to be if only I had allowed myself.


Melissa

It is good to hear that you are moving ahead with your life. In particular the above quote makes it clear that you have taken control and do not blame anyone else. You have recognized that only you are responsible for how your life has progressed up to now, that is was you who was holding yourself back, and it is you who will decide how to proceed. That is real self acceptance which of course leads to the happiness and peace of mind you are now experiencing.:hugs: