tips for telling my girlfriend about my dressing?

[christiecd]

Hey everyone,

I really think it's almost time for me to come out to my girlfriend and tell her that I occasionally like to wear girls clothes. I was just wondering what tips people have on what to say, what not to say when doing so. I basically just want to reassure her that I'm the same person she's always known, and I just want her to know so she doesn't think I'm hiding something from her. Feel free to post to this thread, or PM me if that works better for you. Thanks everyone!

Christie

[Sedona]

Ahhhh, the age old "how do I tell?" question. Most of us have had to deal with this at some point or another. You'll get lots of opinions on this, but a few things that come to my mind right off are:

Don't show up in a dress. Be dressed like a guy, and be gentle when you tell her (if you both drink, a big glass of wine helps). Resist the urge to show her pictures immediately, or girly things like makeup or your clothes.

Be honest with your sexuality. She's almost certain to think you have gay tendencies. If you do, you should let her know. If you don't (most CDers are straight), then tell her this, but just know that if you're straight as an arrow, it'll probably take a while before she believes you 100%. If you are an occasional dresser, this will help you, because many women think immediately that their SOs want a sex change and to parade around like RuPaul 24/7.

Go slow. Telling your SO is a delicate process. She's bound to go through a huge range of emotions about it. Some women, even after many years, have a "don't show, don't tell," policy about their CDing SOs. A few dive right in, accept completely, and want to spend the next day getting makeovers and trying on pumps.

Best of luck! We'll be rooting for you!

[JeanneF]

A huge part of it depends on the girl. How long have you been dating? Is she generally openminded when it comes to alternative lifestyles?

[SherriePall]

Just don't blurt it out as I did. Make sure you are well-armed with answers or places to go to find those answers for her. Be ready for the big ones: Are you gay? Do you want to become a woman? Do you want to dress all the time?
Give her time and take it slow. Assure her that you love her.

[SandyR]

My wife figured it out before I could tell her. Things are working out good, but don't go there. Some how some way I would like to have the first draw, trust is so important.

Good luck.

Hugs.

SandyR

[Carin's Wife GG]

it hurts so much when the CDer pushes already agreed to limits (through really no fault of their own, the CDer is learing as she goes along too). As an SO I was always hurt and felt betrayed when the envelope was pushed yet AGAIN and usually in a direction I was not right then comfortable with.


Louise.

[Angie G]

Christie go slow tell the truth have answers for her and let her know you love her :hugs:
Angie

[Kerry Owens]

Take it easy, and as Angie said; slowly. However, be honest and answer questions up front and straight if she asks. Honesty in the long run always works best.

[kathy gg]

Hi Christi

I always find threads on *should* one come out to a gf a bit hard to post to...because giving someone advice on another person who we all dont' know is next to impossible....but since you specifically said you have already made up your mind...

here goes

I think the first thing to think about is "when". Pick a time when she is not stressed out, or you both are rushed or have to get up and go to work early. Pick a time when you know you wont' be interupted or have other distractions. Although I agree with Sedona, a glass of wine is okay...an entire bottle...not so good.

Secondly don't show pictures or clothing or make up or wigs or anything that first time. Some women do request to see these items, but try to hold off, even if asked. Sometimes seeing them changes the tone from *thinking* about this and taking time to absorb it to ..."holly cow...here it is...right in front of me!". Unless she really pushes dont' even cross that part till a little while.

Also, when you begin talking, dont' talk about statisics or what other people do or any of that. Start of with your story and how this started and what made you feel this was time to share it with her {getting serious, moving into together..what ever}. Dont' make your coming out to her something that sounds like "well if I tell you, it makes it easy for me not to hide". Keep all things about it upbeat, positive, how it helps you deal with stress, or how it has helped you see things from a different persepective. Use things to desribe this coming out positive to liek "I really want you to know all of me, I want you to be a complete part of my life". I know you trust me with everything, now it is time for me to show you how much I trust you. Try to stay away from words like shame or denial or embarrassed. Women can sense uneasiness, if they sense that you are not comfortable, she will fed of that discomfort and make it her own. If you expect this to work out well..it will, but dont' go into looking like you got caught with you hand in the cookie jar.

If she express interest in joining a forum or talking to others...well you have alot of gg's and cd's here, give you the opportunity to have support, just like you do.

One thing so many forget....you have had x many years to figure this out....she most likely does not know much about crossdressing or transgender stuff, give her some time to get used to the idea.

Also, although I think being hopefull for the best is the ultimate way to enter any new situation...always be prepared for the worst if things dont' go like you had hoped. She might be angry or confused, be ready for those typical questions "are you gay, do you want to be a woman?" Some guys get all defensive when asked those things, but really they are not off base questions for someone with no prior knowledge of the situation.

And last but not least: don't make promises that are highly unlikely for you to keep. Stay away from any demands or rules or anything that is too heavy for the first converstaion. Dont' agree to something right off the bat that you are not sure you can live up to. I have heard about guys promsing never to leave the house, only to have always dream about it, and then they now have backed themself in a corner. I would not worry about talking boundaries or requests till she has had some time after the first discussion.
Best of luck



Hey everyone,

I really think it's almost time for me to come out to my girlfriend and tell her that I occasionally like to wear girls clothes. I was just wondering what tips people have on what to say, what not to say when doing so. I basically just want to reassure her that I'm the same person she's always known, and I just want her to know so she doesn't think I'm hiding something from her. Feel free to post to this thread, or PM me if that works better for you. Thanks everyone!

Christie