Blast from the Past

[CaptLex]

Geez, I never anticipated this . . . :eek: As some of you know, I work in a law firm and I've been at the same firm for ten years. Everyone here knows I'm transitioning, everyone calls me Lex, everyone has been cool about it and those that aren't . . . well, I never hear from them, so I don't care.

Well, today I checked the firm's electronic newsletter to see what's new (announcements, upcoming events, etc.) and I learned that they've hired a new partner with the same name as an attorney I used to work for - 17 years ago. Same first name, same last name, same middle initial, same field of law. Hmmm . . . then I checked her profile pic and sure enough, it's her! The thing is, when I worked with her she knew me as a female.

So now I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. I know I shouldn't. It shouldn't matter, but I find myself wondering if I'll run into her - it's a different department several floors away, but I may see her in the elevator or the cafeteria, or it could happen that one of the attorneys I work for may work with her on some project and then I'll have to deal with her.

So what would I say . . . "Hi, K________, how's it going? Welcome to the firm. Oh by the way, I'm a guy now"? Maybe I'll tell her new secretary to break it to her so it won't be such a shock if she happens to run into me. Am I being silly? :p

[Kieron Andrew]

Am I being silly? :p
Probably! but have a word with that excellent boss of yours. he'll know whats what

[Dasein9]

Chances are, if you can avoid her for a while, she'll hear it through the grapevine. Trannies are great gossip fodder.

[Kieron Andrew]

Trannies are great gossip fodder.
too true!!....... if it was me though id want her to be told by someone i trusted, or by myself

[CaptLex]

Probably! but have a word with that excellent boss of yours. he'll know whats what
Well, I'll have to wait till he comes back tomorrow, but yeah I'm sure he'll say something like, "No big deal, Lex. You want me to talk to her?"


Chances are, if you can avoid her for a while, she'll hear it through the grapevine. Trannies are great gossip fodder.
Maybe, maybe not. I know they automatically tell anyone they hire for my department, but I don't think anyone will bother telling her unless my name specifically comes up for some reason (it's a big firm). I know I'm a big subject of gossip among the staff, but the attorneys learn things on a need-to-know basis, usually.

Oh well . . . what's the worse that could happen? So she'll keel over . . . :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Oh well . . . what's the worse that could happen? So she'll keel over . . . :heehee:
or you might find yourself a drinking/lunchtime buddy

[CaptLex]

or you might find yourself a drinking/lunchtime buddy
LOL . . . nah, she's not the type. I worked with her for about 7 years and we got along okay, but she was always very formal with me - very old school, the type that thinks staff and professionals should never socialize. She didn't cross that line when I was a girl, so she certainly wouldn't do it with a guy (proprieties must be observed, you know). Thank goodness my current boss is not like that. :happy:

[Felix]

Hi Lex I can understand your anxiety Hun and I too would rather it came from me or someone I trusted and ya boss sound cool so he would be a good bet. Hey Kieron might be right about the chance of a lunch time drinking partner lol! Good luck with this one Hun ya never know ya might be pleasantly surprised xx Felix :hugs:

[CaptLex]

Good luck with this one Hun ya never know ya might be pleasantly surprised xx Felix :hugs:
You could be right, Felix, knowing her nature, I'm sure she'd be polite about it at least.

Thanks guys, I'll let you know if anything happens. :nailbiting:

[pocoyo]

Oh well . . . what's the worse that could happen? So she'll keel over . . . :heehee:

Hehe, yup :happy:

Awww poor Lex. I'm sure it will turn out ok.. these things have a funny way of doing that. And anyway, if she's a snobby "I don't socialise with those 'lower' than me" type person... do we really care what she thinks anyway?

:tongueout to her!

Haha.. It would be funny if you bumped into her, and just said hi hows it going and didn't even mention your transition he he he.
Just carried on totally normally.
:heehee:

[kerrianna]

Haha.. It would be funny if you bumped into her, and just said hi hows it going and didn't even mention your transition he he he.
Just carried on totally normally.
:heehee:

Yeah, that would be good. She'd be scratching her head all day thinking "where do I know that guy from?" :devil:

Actually the more naturally you treat yourself the more people will get that that is the way you are. The past and future only exist in our imaginations. You are who you are here and now, and that is who people will see. If she's curious or wants to catch up she can. If you run into her you could say something like,
"Oh hi K---- It's so nice to see you again. (pause as she looks puzzled) It's ----- from ----. You might not recognize me. I have changed a bit over the years. But you look wonderful. How ya doing? Great to have you onboard."

That way, you've acknowledged you remember her (number one priority to making people :happy: ), you acknowledge you have changed - but you don't elaborate - if she wants to talk about that then she has to bring it up, and you can answer honestly and happily like it's no big deal (let her deal with HER reaction to it, that's got nothing to do with you, you're just being you). And you carry on talking about her and acknowledging her, just as you would if you HADN'T begun transitioning (assuming you got along in the first place - and if you didn't, professionalism would probably keep the tone polite anyway).

17 years is a long time. She may have changed a lot too.

Can't say you don't lead an interesting life Capt. Lex. :hugs: :love:

[Lisa Golightly]

I'd personally seek her out, but then I'm like that... a bit... what's the word... innocent :)

[Kieron Andrew]

17 years is a long time. She may have changed a lot too.
exactly what i was thinking.....she might be a bit more relaxed than back then, you dont know what shes gone through herself in 17years......she might be more openminded these days....

hey she might even fancy you :devil: :heehee:

[CaptLex]

Haha.. It would be funny if you bumped into her, and just said hi hows it going and didn't even mention your transition he he he.
Just carried on totally normally. :heehee:


If you run into her you could say something like, "Oh hi K---- It's so nice to see you again. (pause as she looks puzzled) It's ----- from ----. You might not recognize me. I have changed a bit over the years. But you look wonderful. How ya doing? Great to have you onboard." That way, you've acknowledged you remember her (number one priority to making people :happy:), you acknowledge you have changed - but you don't elaborate - if she wants to talk about that then she has to bring it up, and you can answer honestly and happily like it's no big deal (let her deal with HER reaction to it, that's got nothing to do with you, you're just being you).
Good responses, guys . . . someone else suggested this too. I just don't want her blurting out my female name in public if she happens to run into me, so I'd like to state (or have it stated for me) that my name has changed, which will probably require an explanation. :rolleyes:


Can't say you don't lead an interesting life Capt. Lex. LOL - not quite as interesting as Capt. Jack, but life is stranger than fiction . . . my life, anyway. You can't make this stuff up. :heehee:


I'd personally seek her out, but then I'm like that... a bit... what's the word... innocent
Thanks, Lisa, I've thought about that . . . but I haven't decided anything yet.


hey she might even fancy you :devil: :heehee:
Well yeah, I'm a handsome devil, but it's never gonna happen. :tongueout

Update: I talked with my friend, Phil, who is also a partner at the firm. He's in the unique position of being both upper management and my real friend (I don't know how he can handle both, but he does). He was my boss for about 5 years and now he comes by my desk every afternoon at 3:00 to chat with me on his coffee break (makes my current boss jealous). :heehee:

So (with perfect Vulcan logic) Phil said that it would only be a problem for me if I were keeping a "low profile" (translation: if nobody knew about it), but since I'm out in the firm and management doesn't have a problem with it, I should just say hello if I see her, casually mention that I have a new name and that I'm transitioning and then go on my way. Sounds easy, doesn't it? :doh: I should make him do it. :devil:

[Kieron Andrew]

So (with perfect Vulcan logic) Phil said that it would only be a problem for me if I were keeping a "low profile" (translation: if nobody knew about it), but since I'm out in the firm and management doesn't have a problem with it, I should just say hello if I see her, casually mention that I have a new name and that I'm transitioning and then go on my way. Sounds easy, doesn't it? :doh: I should make him do it. :devil:
yeah make him do it! lol

seriously though i hope when the situation arises, IF it arises i hope it goes well, but like i said she might surprise you after all these years.....plus someone might get to her before you or your colleagues do anyway!, theres gossip mongers everywhere these days

[CaptLex]

theres gossip mongers everywhere these days
I hope so . . . I rely on them to do half the work for me. :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

I hope so . . . I rely on them to do half the work for me. :heehee:
lazy sod!:devil:

[Question Mark]

Sounds easy enough. I don't think there's really anywhere you can go wrong with this. Doesn't sounds like this woman was particularly close to you, so it shouldn't really be much concern if she gets shocked or not. :P

[Kate Simmons]

No worries Cap. After fighting skeletons, keel hauling people and dealing with a crew of drunken pirate lads, this should be a cinch for you.:happy: Sal

[Tristan]

I would just act introduce yourself with your new name and make her wonder. She may not be able to place you being all cool and manly now but it might always be like that Lex looks vaguely familiar. I bet she doesn't have the guts to ever ask you straight forward either if you used to be.....

[CaptLex]

No worries Cap. After fighting skeletons, keel hauling people and dealing with a crew of drunken pirate lads, this should be a cinch for you.:happy: Sal
Ha, ha, you're so right - what was I thinking? :heehee:

Actually, you're all right . . . I guess I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I now realize why this is causing me some nervousness. I've been thinking about it since yesterday and I realize that, even though I never really think about living stealth, that kind of is what I'm doing - not as far as people I continue to associate with since coming out, but as far as people I used to know ages ago (make any sense? I don't know if I worded that right).

Of course, it makes no sense to go back to people I no longer have anything to do with and inform them, but in the back of my mind I suppose it's been a relief that I never have to, and it never really occurred to me that a situation could come up where someone from the past would emerge and take me out of my comfort zone. And I also realized that I've been taking this journey with people that know me because . . . well, they know me, so it has to be done that way. But if I'm going to be honest with my self, I suppose that I'd rather transition by myself and just emerge from the cocoon as Lex - a brand new person that doesn't look back.

Okay, now I've gone and confused myself. Maybe after more coffee this will make sense. :p Thank you all for your clarity and common sense.

[Kate Simmons]

Captlex, Listen, I accept you as the man you are plain and simple. I respect your decision to finally become yourself. No need to "sugar coat" this for anyone. You don't need to explain yoursef to everyone or feel you owe it to them. If they ask, that's different. Mature and professional people should act just that way, especially when there is a job to do or mission to accomplish. This is why I prefer working with professionals because they are focused, dedicated and not easily side tracked. Oh sure there is office "gossip" but the professional person will overlook that and only be concerned with a person doing their job and that is the only time I ever pulled rank when I was in management, when the work was in danger of being compromised because of personal issues.
You've earned the right to be yourself Lex. Enjoy it hon.:hugs: Sal

[CaptLex]

It was much ado about nothing, really. I mentioned the situation to her current secretary (who has known me forever) and she said she'd be glad to tell my former boss about it. The next day she told me she had done so and that my old boss took it very well and would love for me to drop by her office and say hello.

So, last night after working hours I went up to see her and we chatted for about half an hour. She was really wonderful about the whole thing. She's definitely become much more relaxed and less conservative since I knew her and it turns out that she has a friend who was considering transitioning from male to female (but it's not going to happen now), so she knows ALOT about this stuff. Blew my mind!

Man, I do worry too much, don't I? Let that be a lesson to me. :p

[Kieron Andrew]

It was much ado about nothing, really. I mentioned the situation to her current secretary (who has known me forever) and she said she'd be glad to tell my former boss about it. The next day she told me she had done so and that my old boss took it very well and would love for me to drop by her office and say hello.

So, last night after working hours I went up to see her and we chatted for about half an hour. She was really wonderful about the whole thing. She's definitely become much more relaxed and less conservative since I knew her and it turns out that she has a friend who was considering transitioning from male to female (but it's not going to happen now), so she knows ALOT about this stuff. Blew my mind!

Man, I do worry too much, don't I? Let that be a lesson to me. :p
Hate to say it but i told you so!!! people change and grow into different people than we once knew them......Trans people are a prime example of that.....im glad shes cool.....

[Dasein9]

And then there are the ones you think won't be much of a problem and are.

I'm guessing the worrying wasn't fruitless, because it gave you a chance to figure out what to do and say with people who do have a problem later on.

[Dasein9]

Hate to say it but i told you so!!!

Why do I suspect you don't really hate saying that? :D (Especially since it was a good outcome!)

[Kieron Andrew]

Why do I suspect you don't really hate saying that? :D (Especially since it was a good outcome!)
cos i hate telling ppl i was right on something.....im not bigheaded or a boaster!......but i did say that she would have changed over the years

[Dasein9]

.....im not bigheaded or a boaster!......


Not saying you are. Only that since it turned out well, I'm pretty sure you're happy to be right. Was only turning that into a tease.

Still friends? :love:

[Kieron Andrew]

Not saying you are. Only that since it turned out well, I'm pretty sure you're happy to be right. Was only turning that into a tease.

Still friends? :love:
always friends....never wasnt :tongueout :hugs: .......oooooh a guy gave me flowers :heehee:

besides we gotta be on side to pick on Lex when i come over!

[Dasein9]

besides we gotta be on side to pick on Lex when i come over!

Oh, yeh! He's so... so... unflappable sometimes, it'll take both of us ganging up on him.

[Felix]

Hi Lex glad things worked well Hun it's a weight off ya mind xx Felix :hugs:

[CaptLex]

Oh, yeh! He's so... so... unflappable sometimes,
Moi, unflappable? Oh, thank you . . . :bow:


it'll take both of us ganging up on him.
I smell mutiny in the air again . . . :rolleyes:

[Di]

Glad it all worked out.:hugs:

[kerrianna]

cos i hate telling ppl i was right on something.....im not bigheaded or a boaster!......but i did say that she would have changed over the years

Ha! I said it first Kieron. :tongueout Told you I told you so...or something like that....



I smell mutiny in the air again . . . :rolleyes:

Don't worry Captain. I'll distract them so they won't even know what ship they're on. :D :battingeyelashes:

That is so cool how that turned out. It's funny how sometimes people are sent our way to help us along. Maybe that was another stepping stone for you. To help you learn not to worry and know that there are lots of people out there who love and like you for who you are and will be an ally rather than a foe. :hugs: :love:

If you have any trouble with those two pirates throw them in the brig and I will be happy to torture them. :p :D