Passing? What does it mean?

[yingyang]

Hi. It's me again with philosophical thoughts intended to make you think.

For me, I can see three different levels of the holy grail "passing".

The ultimate are those who are actually attractive en fem. Lucky ladies they are.

The next categorie is those who don't care, those who have the courage to do "it", and walk with their heads held high. More power to you.

The third categorie is those of us, myself included, who want to be accepted, who are never going to be attractive, but do our thing well enough to not attract attention, or for people to think that "maybe", but it's good enough to make them not take a second glance.

I can't help but think about the meaning of things.

I'm not good at the day to day discussion of things that matter to sisters out there. I'm alone, with only my twisted thoughts to torment me.

I need all the support I can get. Tell me what you think.
Mary

I do truly love my breasts.

[Karren H]

Passing is highly over-rated in my opinion.... and it's not looks but mainly attitude.... like you belong there as much as any other female..... Superior....

Attitude will get you through the mall where as looks alone won't....

BTW... I hate to think... hurts my hair!! hehe

Karren

[az_azeel]

Well Mary....
I agree with you on the... fair play to those that can pass... ME... I would never pass as a female, but that does not bother me in the slightest.. I just enjoy being who i am... Yes i am still in the closet but so what? It's a very big closet when the back of it opens up to crossdressers.com. I'm new to this site....and so far by reading I have found joy,regret,openess,anger.....and too many emotions to say.. all i can say is be yourself no matter what...and be true


Take care

Az

[joann07]

Unless a person is an idiot, no self-respecting citizen would make a scene if they spot a man dressed as a woman. They may look at you strangely, but thats about it.
To me, passing is about being confident and comfortable with yourself and not caring what other people think. If you can do that, then you'll be able to relax, act natural, and blend in.

[Kate Simmons]

Do I pass? I guess so. Do I care? Not really, just me being myself and enjoying it.:happy:

[MJ]

even some of us ts have a hard time passing, now after $100.000.00 bucks i might get lucky , but just be you, accept yourself or who you are

[Josephine 1941]

Let me see,I can pass for a female neck up I think I have master the art of make up. I also with the help of my girlfriend have learned how to comb out my wigs to fit my face. Very inportant to get the right wig for your face and combine your make up with it. I have great legs an look good in heels an have master that too. My upper body well I am losing weight and hope to trim down my shoulders. So do I pass 1/2 way for now

[Billijo49504]

At 60 yrs old, I'll never be a raving beauty, but I do get by at the mall or in the grocery store. And as Karen said thinking hurts and attitude will get you by. At least it has in the past...BJ
ps... When my wifes boss says "can I help you Mammmm?"

[SandyR]

Looks are over rated. I think its about having fun, presentation, and walking the walk. Its all good.

Kissess....

SandyR

[MsJanessa]

"The ultimate are those who are actually attractive en fem. Lucky ladies they are." .......

Actually Mary, the people I know who are the most "passable" are not the most attractive---I know one T-Girl who could pass anywhere---unfortunately for her she could pass as My 70 year old, overweight maiden aunt-----If you saw her you would not suspect she was male---however there is no way you would say she is attractive either---On the other hand one of the most attractive T-girls I know is a willowy 6'2"--and loves to wear 4'--6" heels--the height---6'6" in heels usually gives her away but luckily she is one of the most beautiful girls I know---just very tall. She is also very confident which is the real key---what your holy grail should be is not "passing" ie successfully pretending to be a GG--but acceptance by people for what you are, a beautiful, confident T-Girl---treated with respect and dignity.

[Emma England]

When you learn not to care what others think, you have passed the test of cding.

No good looking great if your manner is going to embarrass you.

Be proud, and have fun!!

[AERIN]

Passing is dilusional.

[Michelle 51]

Passing is dilusional.

I think so to.Like Joann07 said most people don't go up to people and insult them for no reason and most men need a lot of make-up to pass and most women in particular can spot too much make-up a 100 yds away so i think cder's get noticed more than they think but who going to insult someone for no good reason Justabit

[JoAnnDallas]

I don't know if I pass or not, but of all the times I have been out since 2005, I have never had a negitive reaction from anyone. I have gotten a couple of "Love your dress" or "Where did you get those heels" questions. Otherwise, no one seems to pay much attention to me when I'm out en fem. This has made me more relaxed going out and boosted my confidence a lot.

[Jenna1561]

Well, I guess that I am somewhat egocentric because when I dress and go out, I want to be perceived as a woman. A woman in Mary's third category - that is - I know I am not attractive but I WANT (need?) to be seen as a woman.

I try to blend in when I'm out and pass for a woman in her forties, even though my attire is a little younger (thirties?) it is conservative, most of you have seen my photos and know what I'm speaking of.

I'm sure that I get read, but hope that those who read me, go about their business and leave me to myself. Most people that I interact with, don't give a clue that they know that I am a CD and that keeps me happy. But I ALWAYS wonder if they know and are being polite or if they just saw me as another woman.


Jenna

[Toyah]

To be honest there is no such thing as passing you will always be read no matter what you look like. If you want to go out there and enjoy yourself

[janedoe311]

but need a face transplant!
I suppose if I could pass cding might help. Because I just look like a ugly guy in a dress I do not CD even in private.

[TxKimberly]

. . . with the vast majority of posts on this thread. More important than passing is having enough confidence in yourself that others will accept you.
This week I was in Indianapolis and was leaving the hotel. On the way out I found about half a dozen folks completly blocking the exit as they were grouped around each other talking. Once upon a time this would have just about terrified me, but I just held my head high and kept walking. One woman in her mid 50s or early 60s looked at me, gave me a genuine smile, and said "those are CUTE shoes"! I smiled back and told her "Thank you" and kept walking. Did I pass or did she read me? Here's the point - it DIDN'T MATTER!
I've been shopping about half a dozen times now and as soon as I open my mouth to talk to a SA, the cat is outta the bag and you know what - IT DIDN'T MATTER! They still treated me with respect, treated me like a lady, and generally bent over backwards to be helpful. Don't get TOO hung up on passing. If you are enjoying yourself, smile at the world, most will smile back.
Kim

[Kenix]

I never seem to have the confidence...

I also wonder is "being attractive" a good thing since it may draw more attention? Being average and not get noticed is probably better. :2c:

[Alice Torn]

At sis foot six, and six foot nine, in my lowest heels, I am an easy read. One asked about being too attractive being a problem, more than being just average looking. I would imagine, that you would also get more looks, and reads, like I do, being so tall.

[windycissy]

To be honest there is no such thing as passing you will always be read no matter what you look like. If you want to go out there and enjoy yourself


That's just not so....like everything in life, there are exceptions to the norm, and some of us are able to present ourselves convincingly as women most of the time. Of course, you can't fool all of the people all of the time, and every once in a while I'll catch a funny look, but today I spent six hours shopping, even grabbed a bit to eat, and I was treated like the person I looked to be: a well dressed, mature woman. You don't have to be attractive to pass - a lot of the real women out there are slobs and have no fashion sense.

[Richelle]

I agree with Windy. There are many CDers that are very presentable as women. I think the key is not only attitude but age and place appropriate attire. Middle age women do not wear mini-skirts and 5 inch heels when shopping at Target.

Most people will see a person in a skirt and automatically think female and react accordingly. Yes, some people will notice but will just go on they way. They have to many other things to do than hassle a crossdresser

Richelle

[Lissa Stevens]

To me passing simple means going out enfemme and nobody laughs, points or ridicules you. I know that probably happens less than we think it does but the fear is still there.

[Sejd]

You raise a good question. Here is my thought on that one. In the BIG question about relligion I always say with the Persian poet Rumi : Once you find God, relligion becomes irellevant. End quote.
Just like that in the question of "Passing"
If you know who you are. - Who cares, and why would you spend hours in agony thinking about this or that?????
If you know you are a male person who resonates as a female - just do it and forget about passing or pleasing anyone. For God's sake, muster up some courage and face the lion of life right on!
good luck
hugs :hugs:
Sejd

[Felix]

Great question! For me passing mean looking like and being accepted as a guy. It is enough most of the time to look male and have the comments ya know 'mate' and such. But now more than ever I want to be called Felix I love this name it's me more than C****. I think there this term is also used when the full transition occur ppl call it passing when they have had surgery, might be wrong and got me terms mixed up sorry if I have.

[Victoria Anne]

I dont know if I have the right to reply to this or not but as they say,here it goes.I have never really been out dressed were in I would have to interact with people or to be near anyone for that matter. That said,I must agree that it would be more about feeling comfortable with one's self and have the attitude of "I belong". Just have fun and enjoy yourself, I will be putting this to the test myself very soon and believe me I'm scared to death and so excited I can hardly stand it. Victoria Anne

[Kate Simmons]

Felix's comment got me thinking a little. I find it harder to "pass" as a guy, even though I am one. I'm not talking about appearance, rather manner. I'm very intertested in people and interpersonal relationships. I tend to go with co-operation and valuing people and their contributions rather than independent thinking and keeping to myself. A lot of other guys are puzzled that I operate this way. The women, on the other hand, love it and love working with me. I guess those are some of the benefits from being in touch with these feelings.:happy: Sal

[Butterfly Bill]

Strange as it might seem, it is possible to look attractive as a man while wearing well fitted female clothes that bring out the good parts of your male body. (Most men can start with their legs and behind.) And it also helps to be in good physical shape, not overweight, and have well formed muscles.

[Melinda G]

To me, "passing" means someone thinking I'm probably a woman, and leaving me alone.