Don't Ask, Don't Tell ?

[Nikki A.]

For the umpteenth time I tried to lay some ground rules where we both could be comfortable with my CDing. I asked, what are you cool with and when do I cross the line?
The answer was that underware is okay in that she doesn't see it, but outerware bothers her. She knows that I wear panties 90 % of the time, hose lots of times. She also said that it does bother her in that I should have the right to wear what I want in the privacy of the house. Also she still feels that all this new activity in my cding is a reflection on her not satisfying me.
Understand, we've been married 16 years and she knew that I liked to dress up before we were married (yes I do want to do it more often now), two great kids, I've been employed steady all this time. She has had health issues and does suffer from depression and is a stay at home wife, so there is no time that that I am ever alone at home. I want to keep her cool and yet I do want to be able to express that which is me. Expressing myself is why I joined this great forum and I do enjoy reading about your successes, feeling etc. I guess I alsotend to talk alot too, but only if I have something to add constructively.
Anyway, I wander, any ideas how to go about and make her more supportive?

[Tristen Cox]

First support her too, she has to realise this is not because she isn't doing something for you, it's about you having to express yourself. Try to get her a bit more educated on the reasons behind crossdressing if she is not already. Make it something encouraging not doubtful in her eyes, if you know what I mean. If all you saw was problems and thought you had done something wrong you would feel the same way as she does. Out of sorts. Look at this through her heart and eyes and you will gain the insight you need to say and do the right things to convince her that things are not changing. You simply want more time to be yourself around her. Hope that helps. I'm sure the other ladies can advise you here as well.


Love
Tristen

[ChristineRenee]

Hi Searching,

My lil' sis Tristen covered things well I thought. Those of us who don't have overly accepting GG wives or SO's struggle with this everyday. You just have to keeping communicating with her, which it sounds like you are doing, and reassure her that it is not about her not satisfying you. Many GG's see this as almost an unfair competition...the woman in you competing with her for your attention, so make sure that you recognize that and give her the attention that she needs too. The more she understands this, CD'ing I mean now, the easier it will be for both of you to work out an equitable solution.

Hope I've helped you somewhat here too.


Love,
Chrissie:)

[Holly]

Hi Searching,

Sisters Tristen and Christine took the words right out of my mouth. Continue to reaffirm her role as wife in your life and her desirability as a woman. Utilize the femenine skills you have developed as a CD and try to understand he rpoint of view. Finally, have realistic expectations. The change in her will not happen overnight. Give it time and nurture the changes along the way.

Let us know how things go.

[Wendy me]

as a long time crossdresser (sounds funny when you say it like that) my wfe has had clues that i dress and now knows that i do ....just she dose not want to talk or deal with it now thats ok the rest of the marrage is more than fine .so for now ok as time goes on we will inch in a little more of wendy........she is far from being shut off or shut up..................for now small steps are better than slaming doors and locking them..............and every day i make shure that she knows that i love her and what she means to me .........one day slowly things will change..........so just keep as i am makeing small steps forward thats a lot better than huge steps back wards

[ToniB]

Wendy,
I've been in that state of limbo for more years than I can remember. If you find the key that unlocks the secret door, please let me (and many others on this site) know.

Good luck,
Toni