I just want . . . . (a place to hang out)

[Ammdi]

I just want a place to hang out where I can wear a skirt and heels in guy mode, and have a good time.
I don't completely cross dress, but would love to wear a skirt and heels (and PANTYHOSE!) in public.
Unfortunately, I live in an area that's small town, and not tolerant.

I'd love to go for a drink, or something, dressed in my comfy clothes, and just have a good time.

Anyone else not completely cross dress, but want a place to hang out, and have a good time in whatever mode they like?
How do you feel about wanting to be able to relax when you are out? Or at work? Or the grocery store?

[natasha]

That would be the nicest thing on the planet, but society wont allow it. Its a total shame but it is what it is.

[Missy]

ok this may sound kind of old but have you ever tred going to a gay bar dressed like you what just to have a beer

Missy

you can always say no to any man who might try to pick you up

[Billijo49504]

I never relax my mind or body. I have been out dressed, but I still wasn't real comfortable. but I'm always on guard. Just my way....BJ

[TracyH]

I'm with you, Ammdi, I love just wearing skirts, tops, and heels, and not worry about the rest. I've gone out a few times in female tops with only a few looks, but only a couple times in a skirt. I just didn't feel comfortable. However, I find that the longer I spend outside, and dressed, the more the anxiety fades. It doesn't go all the way away, though.

[Byllie]

I just want a place to hang out where I can wear a skirt and heels in guy mode, and have a good time.
I don't completely cross dress, but would love to wear a skirt and heels (and PANTYHOSE!) in public.
Amen!

But alas I know of no place like this. If only, if only ... I'd be there every day.

[sandra-leigh]

I just want a place to hang out where I can wear a skirt and heels in guy mode, and have a good time.
I don't completely cross dress, but would love to wear a skirt and heels (and PANTYHOSE!) in public.

This evening, I went out for supper to a cafe. I had on womens' stretch denim jeans (complete with fly on "the other side"), and a brown/black stretch top that I had custom made last year. Under the stretch top was my bra and size 6 (small C cup) forms. With the stretch top, the bulge of the forms was noticable -- anyone who actually looked at my front would have seen "breasts". Not so big as to attract attention from their sheer protrubance, but at the same time large enough tnat anyone who saw would not be able to dismiss it as "pecs" or "stout". A moderate bust, but unquestionably a bust to anyone who saw it. My bust was visible above the table as I was eating, and the place was moderately well lit and I sat in the middle of the cafe, in a place where more than half the customers would pass. I also moved around the cafe a little, going to the washroom twice and getting and putting back a newspaper, each time acting as if it was completely normal and not trying to hide anything.

I received no comments, saw no stares, didn't catch anyone giving me the eye. True, I was reading the paper most of the time and might not have noticed, but no-one stopped near me and I didn't pick out any conversation about me and the other tables that people sat at were in places where people would not have been able to stare on the sly.

But then I was fairly sure ahead of time that the people who worked at the cafe would be cool about my outfit -- I've done some dressing in their other locations before and had been treated fine all around. The customers at that (small, local) chain tend to be fairly laid back -- it's not a pretentious kind of place.

If I recall correctly, I -have- gone into one of their branches wearing a skirt once or twice. No-one cared. I don't think I've worn high-heels there, but my only real pair of heels are lacking in the comfort department so I don't wear them much.

So grab a passport and come for a visit :D

[Melinda G]

Unfortunatly if you want to go out in public, then you have to go the whole thing. Wig, makup, etc. Night time works best.
However, I go way out in the woods, during the day, and go for long walks down some little two track roads, where nobody goes, except during hunting season. Then I can put on a nice short dress, pantyhose, and heels, and not bother with the wig, makeup, etc. I have several places way out in state forest territory, where I do this from time to time.

[Sejd]

It takes a lot of work to pass as a female if you were put into this world as a man for most of us. It takes plucking your dark beard hairs out for weeks. It takes carefull shaving and it is important that you don't overdo your dress up. The more cassual, the more likely you will pass. I constantly get addressd as Mam, at the stores now, and that's just because I look so adrogenous that they have no clue as to what I am. What they see is how they address me, and that's just fine. If you in general look like a man, have you tried to pose in a Utilikilt? Those fantastic (Macho) skirts which any male can wear and be both. I like to wear a kilt because I can do it at work, and the UPS man (or woman) won't freak out on me. Again, I know, I live in the Pacific North West and the Utilikilt is big up here. I would say, go for the adrogenous look, it is the most relaxing approach and you will feel prety safe, and who knows, maybe it will be a good stepping stone into total femme. You make your choices.
hugs
Sejd

[sandra-leigh]

Unfortunatly if you want to go out in public, then you have to go the whole thing. Wig, makup, etc.

Which sense of "have to" is that?

Although I see now on review that I didn't make it clear in my earlier posting on this thread, when I went out to the cafe tonight, I had no wig or makeup on, and although my hair is longer than most, nearly everyone would quickly identify me as "male" from my facial features. I didn't "have to" put on "wig, makeup, etc." in order to go out with observable and unexpected "secondary sexual characteristics"; I had a quiet "public" meal and no-one bothered me at all.

At least two of the four notable times that someone did "bother me" were when I was wearing one of my wigs; I think it was 3 of the 4 times. I've been hastled less when "gender-bending" than when trying to pass.

Seriously. When I was pretty new to crossdressing, I went downtown at Christmas time early one shopping evening (still quite a bit of traffic), with no wig and no makeup, wearing a short (male) jacket showing off my red-and-white short skirt with festive green tights fairly visible below -- and no-one said a thing. I cringe now at the bad fashion, but it becomes part of the point: I was wearing definite "look at me!" womens clothes while in male mode, and there was no trouble at all.
A few days later, I went to one of the largest shopping malls a day or two before Christmas, put all my male clothes (and jacket) in a locker, and walked around and shopped clearly wearing a womans' top and skirt; it was not "packed", but it was busy. Only one person had an obvious reaction: one older man who walked across my path said to his wife a few seconds later, "Those were women's clothes?!". It wasn't intended as a negative comment: he was just startled.

So if you meant "have to" in the sense of "in order to go out and enjoy yourself and be very widely tolerated", my experience is that in the place I live, wig and makeup are not necessary: one can go out here in clear womens' clothes and male face and be quite tolerated. Especially if you've chosen your clothes to blend with typical female garb -- a miniskirt is going to get you much more notice than a nice but not "girly" below-the-knee skirt.

[noname]

I never try to pass or wear a wig. It can and does work. They key is confidence. You've probably read this much, but I can't stress how true this is. Obviously there are places I wouldn't go even half dressed.

As far as wearing a skirt somewhere and hanging out, just think, if you were a GG it would be encouraged and everone would tell you how fabulous you look.

[skirt_guy]

This is exactly my desire as well. Been out a few times in skirts with/without hose. Gotten a few looks but never had anything said to me. Been to gas stations and grocery stores. Had conversations with those in line next to me and no one ever said anything. Went to a gas station one night with my daughter. She waited while I went in wearing a black knee length skirt, black hose and heels. I didn't think the guy behind the counter even noticed but my daughter said he looked pretty shocked as I returned to the truck and she drove away. We just laughed about it.

Bottom line is that it's just clothing. The key is acting like you aren't doing anything wrong, because you aren't. If you can't be confident, act confident. Take baby steps like pumping gas, going out at night, etc. Go to the grocery and get a cart from the lot and push it into the store and walk around a little. The people you walk past won't notice anything because the cart is in the way. A knee length denim skirt with a center slit will work fine.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.
SG

[Emma England]

Like everyone says, no one else cares about how you are dressed
(or at least they stay quiet when noticing you).

Confidence is difficult for the first time. Just do it.

Think of a knee-length denim skirt the same as jeans.
Think of a long skirt the same as pants.

Your attitude must tell yourself that the clothes are nice to make you feel good.
Learn this and you will go out even as a guy in skirt and heels.

Please don't stay in the closet for life.

Best to go to somewhere where no one knows you at first.

[Marcie Sexton]

Ah what a pleasure it would be...I don't think your plight could be much worse than here where tar and feathers are the rule of the day to teach a valuable lesson...( just kidding) although the Hatfields & McCoys would do a 2 1/2 gainer in the pike position if they knew I, we girls existed...

[Butterfly Bill]

All of the things that Ammdi wants to do I do myself in a small town that has a reputation for non-tolerance celebrated in a record that was released 38 years ago, and which I found upon actual inspection of the real thing to be 99% percent untrue. And I have also driven thru Minnesota in a dress and a beard and had store clerks say "thank you, sir", and nobody threatening to tar and feather me.

I would also say that simply wearing so-called women's clothes while being unashamedly a man will be tolerated far more likely than doing the whole hog passing routine.

I'm not going to say that you will never have some dude yell "fagot" at you thru the window of a passing car, but you will also have women giving you compliments on the street, and one of them can make up for 20 of those other bungholes. Try it, you'll like it.

[AllyM]

I am with you and would love it!

[Karren H]

We'll. Butterfly Bill's my hero.... Heroine... And I don't partially dress because I love hair and makeup and all the fem trappings plus it does hide my true identity... So I can go out where I want without having to worry much....

So what do you say?? Let's all move in with Bill!! They mine coal in OK??

:D

Karren

[Brianna Lovely]

I never try to pass or wear a wig. It can and does work. They key is confidence. You've probably read this much, but I can't stress how true this is. Obviously there are places I wouldn't go even half dressed.
Giggle, although I do go out with a wig and full makeup, I'm just as likely to go out semi-dressed.

Since I love skirts, my semi-dressed mode is usually, a skirt, fem top, #7 forms (42C on me)[or no forms, depending on my mood],sandals, purse, earrings, necklace, lipstick, face powder, mascara and parfume.



As far as wearing a skirt somewhere and hanging out, just think, if you were a GG it would be encouraged and everone would tell you how fabulous you look.

Hee, hee, honey, I'm the only girl wearing a skirt around here. But I go everywhere, in the daylight, anyway, giggle.

[Diana West]

I would love a place like that with a slight twist.
For me, it would be where I could wear makeup and jewelry but not necessarily a wig or skirt.

[silkybillie]

Its fun to go out dressed!

[MFStoo]

All I can say is do what you want to do..

First, consider the consequences if any and then decide....

Each of us has our own "shade" of motivation and comfort level..

Me I love the makeup the wig, heels, skirt and all the trappings :love:
I am also glad I don't have to go to all trouble every day :rolleyes:

Just try to make every day your best day ever..

Gina

[cindychan]

Well you could always say you lost a bet or something. :hugs:

[Amy07]

Been there and done this and that with going out dressed. Real satisfaction is chilling out at home doing whatever you want to do. No worries.

[Colleentg]

I know what you're feeling. I, too, always wanted that, up to the time I came out of that dark closet. But it was many years before I did. Now that I'm out and about, I wish I could open a special place for all CDs to spend a weekend as they want to dress. It would be like a retreat, a place where no one tells you what to wear or how to wear it or how much to wear. It would feature a clothing store, lingerie shop, salon and more. It would probably also have a 2nd-hand store and a 'free' area. There would be people to assist you in every part of dressing. But if it were my place, there would be no intimacy allowed - you have to get a room for that - in a motel! Now, what should I call this new place?

[melissacd]

That would be the nicest thing on the planet, but society wont allow it. Its a total shame but it is what it is.

It is not that society won't allow it, it is whether you are prepared to deal with the consequences of openly dressing as a male in female clothing. It is a choice that must be made cognizant of the consequences of that choice.

Part of the reason that many of us want to dress to the point of passing is to minimize the risk of discovery. If you are successful enough at dressing, there will be some confusion as to your real gender. People will doubt their senses and bite their tongue because they do not want to risk their own embarassment if they are wrong. If there is no doubt (such as being in male mode but in a skirt and blouse) then the risk of a negative reaction increases.

[Brianna Lovely]

Part of the reason that many of us want to dress to the point of passing is to minimize the risk of discovery.

I suppose you're right, in a way.

So I've chosen to go out dressed as ME.

Of course, today I may be semi-fem and tomorrow I may be fully-fem.
Although I may be read, when I'm in full fem mode, I have had people who know me well, not recognize me.

When I'm out semi-fem I wear fem shorts, jeans, pants, above the knee skirts or down to the ankle skirts, depending on the weather. I don't think that I've worn a male shirt in the last three months. I wear fem sandals all the time. But save my low-heels for full dress, semi formal affairs.

[Tina Dixon]

We'll. Butterfly Bill's my hero.... Heroine... And I don't partially dress because I love hair and makeup and all the fem trappings plus it does hide my true identity... So I can go out where I want without having to worry much....

So what do you say?? Let's all move in with Bill!! They mine coal in OK??

:D

Karren
I'm sure theres a tire sales job I could get there, think Bill will care if we have our pantyhose hanging all over the place drying:heehee:

[Butterfly Bill]

I'm sure theres a tire sales job I could get there, think Bill will care if we have our pantyhose hanging all over the place drying:heehee:

Use the clothesline I've got in the back yard.

[Ammdi]

Thanks for making this a good thread gals!

I know I'm not alone.

Butterfly Bill, Karen, and all the rest of you are MY heroes!
Thanks for doing what you do.

:love:

[Raychel]

I'll bet they have air conditioning in the cars there too. I have to start packing now. :thumbsup:

[jjjjohanne]

There are a lot of us partial CDs speaking up recently. I'm glad I'm not alone!!! I would love to have some setting in which I could dress without fear/stress. I have thought about doing volunteer work and working my clothing interests into it...

Joe

[sandra-leigh]

I'm not going to say that you will never have some dude yell "fagot" at you thru the window of a passing car,

I've had more than my share of those here, on days that I was wearing completely male clothes and had just had my hair cut short. That was before I crossdressed, so it wasn't that I'd accidently slipped into my femme walk or forgot to take off my lipstick or whatever -- I was never even considering those things in those days.

These days, I do go out wearing obvious womens clothes, and no-one seems to be calling me "faggot" anymore. True, I was verbally abused on two different occasions at exactly the same place, but it wasn't anything that "stuck" -- it was just noise, just ignorant young mouths flapping to all convince each other that they were tough.

[sandra-leigh]

I never try to pass or wear a wig. It can and does work. They key is confidence.

I had to go out this evening and put a bunch of clothes in my offsite lockers. So I gathered everything together, and called a taxi. Went out and dropped some bags on the curb, came back in and grabbed my other things and waited (unusually long too!). So off I went to the cab right in the front yard in clear sunshine, with a handfull of dresses folded over my arm, and me wearing a long blue jeans skirt. Had to fold the dresses onto the taxi seat, which munged them all up -- it would have been pretty clear that they were dresses. And the driver wouldn't not likely have missed my skirt. At the other end, it was pile things out on the curb, grab the dresses in two hands, out onto a main street, somehow manage to grab all my bags, and off a few feet to the store with the lockers.

After I was finished with the lockers, I went across the street to a local grocery store, did some shopping (still clearly in my jeans skirt). Not a word of comment nor stare from anyone in the store. Then over to the bus stop on the main street; I was fortunate that a bus was along about two minutes later. It wasn't a busy bus, but I just walked in carrying my groceries, dropped my fare, and went and sat down. I think a boy (eight, maybe) gave me a little puzzled regard, but he quickly lost interest without staring and without saying anything -- not a look you would call even close to negative. Off at my stop, walked to the back door, in full view of the high school-age kids there; I expected to hear them laugh behind me, but I didn't (hear it, anyhow.) Off was in front of a 7/11 with a few people, then a block walk along the busy street (and I know a young woman was walking about 20 feet behind me, with a clear view of my skirt); crossed the busy street, and walked about a kilometer through residential neighbourhood. Another busy street to cross, then into our back alley (where I'm -most- likely to meet my neighbours at their garages or back yards), and in.

Total negative tally: one trio of young teen girls laughing nearby, not looking toward me, and far enough away from me that they might not have noticed me at all.

People who saw clearly and said nothing: one taxi driver, 3 passers-by while I was getting out of the taxi, at least 5 grocery customers, 3 cashiers, 4 passers by while I was heading to the grocery store, 6 passers by while I was waiting for the bus, one child and four youths in the bus, three passers by on the streets post-bus. Plus an unknown number who saw from their cars. So that's 30 or more.


I don't always have the courage to go out in a skirt while in male-mode. Usually when I do, it's with some limited objective, such as going to some particular place on the bus. I am a bit sensitive still about going out to the bus-stops near my house while wearing a skirt: neighbours do sometimes pass by while I'm waiting. Sometimes I put the skirt on underneath and walk over to a park and slip off the pants and go from there, but more common is for me to wear the skirt starting somewhere else and ending up at home. I guess I haven't lately, but in the past I have (maybe half a dozen times) worn a skirt in male-mode to one of the larger busier shopping malls around; it's never been a problem, but I'm not always completely relaxed about it.

In public: I would have to agree, if you move like you belong, few people around take note. Especially if you can get to the point of pretty much ignoring what you are wearing, just like you do your normal clothes. You're just there to shop/ eat/ post a letter/ drop off your drycleaning/ whatever. You're wearing a skirt? "Oh, yes, I guess I am. Do you like it?"

[sandra-leigh]

If there is no doubt (such as being in male mode but in a skirt and blouse) then the risk of a negative reaction increases.

I dunno, that's a complex point.

I've had more people annoy me (not always loudly) when I was trying to pass, then when I've been gender-bending. Getting caught trying to pass is sometimes treated like getting caught in a lie: people feel obliged to point it out to everyone in hearing range. But if you are wearing a skirt while looking like a guy, then you are just strange, and strange dressing is tolerated to some extent (e.g., Goth). You might get called a fag, but there isn't the same drive these days to exposing homosexuals who aren't even hiding: other people don't have to be alerted to your (supposed) true nature because other people can see it for themselves.

One bit that surprises me is that I haven't had any young children point and say, "Mommie, why is that man wearing a skirt?". Very very few of them seem to notice anything odd, even when I'm sitting in a bus facing the isle so my skirt is visible during the trip.

Sometimes my public gender-bending bothers me for a few minutes, because I don't want to "force" it onto children. Adults are fair game for having their gender assumptions questioned, but I don't want to be trouble for children. If I found that children were paying attention to me and being upset, I would rethink. But with them not reacting... well, I don't mind being a role model for them to see that men can wear skirts or blouses too. I'm a bit uneasy about short skirts in public, though, at least until I really start to "pass".

[Angie G]

I would lovea place like that most likely bev thear alot :hugs:
Angie