Catharsis

[melissacd]

I just shredded the binder that I created for my wife. It was a binder that I spent many months in 2006 pulling together, organized by subject area, with many documents, experiences, pro's and con's, happy and sad stories, photos and guidelines on how to work through cross dressing with your spouse.

It was a document I prepared with loving care and with a hope that it would help my wife (ex-wife) understand and hopefully come to terms with this part of me.

Of course that never happened. She never even read it. I have reached acceptance with that now, I am okay with where the relationship went and I am okay with her stance on things. We are still good friends.

My break up has been a sad process and yet it has been a process full of growth and has become very liberating. As a symbol of that liberation, I shredded and discarded the contents. To me it was like a mortgage burning, a chance to say to myself, I tried the best that I could, the best that I knew how and in the end it was not enough, it was symbolic of closing a chapter in a book, a symbol for of letting go and it felt good. It was done with respect and love, much in the same way that one pays their respects at a funeral, full of bittersweet remembrances.

[Jenna1561]

Melissa,

I'm saddened by the end of your relationship. As you stated. a new chapter in your book of life is just beginning; you may write that chapter in the way that best makes you happy. I wish you the best and am glad to hear that you and your wife(ex-wife) are still good friends.


Jenna

[Vanessa Sheridan]

Melissa,

Your words convey a sense of heartbreak and regret--and yet, at the same time, an acceptance of reality and hope for a better future. I am moved by your sharing of your journey. I wish you every good thing as you move forward in your life. Who knows what wonderful experiences may await? Take heart, sister--the best of life is still ahead, I'm certain.

Vanessa

[sissystephanie]

Melissa,

As a widower, I am sad to see an end to any relationship. I only wish I could have my dear wife back. But I think you obviously tried to keep yours going, and at least you are still friends.

It apparently was good for you to shred all the papers, and now you can move ahead. If you do find another GG that you love, please tell her about your being a CD up front. I did, and we got married wearing matching white silk lingerie!:love: Only way to go.

Bless you, and have a very Happy Easter and a long enjoyable life. We are always here for you!!

Sissy

More Girl than man

[AllieSF]

I can understand the feeling of getting rid of that part of your relationship. I have always had a hard time removing those last vestiges of past loves. However, when I finally did, that part was further erased from my mixed feelings about it. Good luck and now is the time to enjoy and have fun.

[Butterfly Bill]

At least you didn't burn it and set something else on fire.

[Helen H. Heels]

Hey Melissa,

What you have is a personal purge. I have used the cottage bonfire for that as well. The energy from the fire can bring warmth and passage.

Good for you.
Even your avatar looks happy.

Nice going,
Love, Helen

[Dasein9]

Having gone through a divorce myself, I offer my heartfelt bittersweet condolances/congratulations.

It's confusing and difficult. It does get better, with time.

[RobertaFermina]

Ouch! and Oh Well!

At the very least, Sadness and Heartache proves that the Heart is still in working order.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Wenda]

Hey Melissa, we cannot turn our backs on the past, but, we have to learn from our experience and move forward. We divorced before I rediscovered dressing, but it would most certainly have been an issue. You did what you could. Look forward to the future with optimism. w. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes we try to hold onto things, hoping against hope that they will work out but we finally get to the point where we realize and admit to ourselves that when it's over, it's over. Looks like you have accomplished this in a healthy way and will now continue to move forward. It's tough when you have a lot of memories of the good times, believe me, I know. You also have to accept the fact, however, that that person you were no longer exists, if they ever truely existed at all. Maybe as an intermediate stage in your development as an overall person. The farther we move forward, though, the less we hear the echos of the past and the more we feel the beckoning of the future. You made the decision to cut the tether, Melissa and I am happy for you. It shows you have courage and faith in yourself and that you will follow the journey through to it's end. All my best to you Melissa, you are a good friend.:hugs: Sal

[Kristen Kelly]

Daring to be Me, says a lot, many of us have an inner drive we must follow, go with it.
I went through a 3-year messy divorce and parted with me handing her the check and her saying, “No need to hear from you again now.” She did exactly what she wanted to do, hurt me, but if tomorrow she needed something I would still be there it my nature, and I think from what you wrote you are the same don’t change.

[Angie G]

Melissa sorry about you & your wife I hope you are truly OK and wish you luck in moving on with you life :hugs:
Angie

[Raychel]

It is always a very sad thing to see the end of a relationship. It is sometimes just as hard to actually accept that is is the end. But it sound like you have accepted that it is over and are ready to move on to the next chapter of your live. Now you just have to make sure that this chapter ends with a smile on your face.

[pocoyo]

Awww I'm sorry that she didn't even bother to read it :(

Yes it sounds like you tried hard, preparing the binder with love.

But very well done to you, for this symbolic "letting go" of the sadness & frustration.

Good for you.
I hope you start feeling happy and content and free now.
And it's really cool that you're still friends with her
:hugs:

[uknowhoo]

Melissa, although bittersweet, it is helpful and healing to have an event such as this to mark the passage from the past into the next chapter of your life. I wish you all the best on your continuing path of self-discovery. Yours, Tammi

[Wendy me]

sometimes just ridding your self of something from the past is a cleansing process that we need ......

[Rikkicn]

Something very similar happened with my marriage of 27 years.
7 year ago I took a week vacation by myself so I could sit and think about my life and marriage. As I result I realized three things that changed everything.
My wife had quit even trying.
She had never been loving and intimate, in all ways, with me as I craved.
I had to leave her to find out who I was without the emotional and physical constraints of a marriage.
It was the hardest decision in my life and also the best. It's 5 years latter, we are both well beyond the trauma and the financial problems it created. Life moves on...she finding her way alone and I've remarried...to a dyke...Now that's something I had never even considered! Life can be a real hoot!

Now is the time for to spread your wings or should I say boa, and play, play play! This is the beginning of a new life for you but....only if your willing to embrace it, meet new people, do new things, live in totally new ways.

I move to San Francisco from Maine. What a ride it has been.