How would you react?

[Barb Valentine]

My wife and I went out for dinner with three other
Couples and after dinner back to our place for a few drinks
We’re sitting around talking and joking

When out of nowhere one of the other wife’s started
Talking about crossdressing :eek: nothing bad or directed at anyone
In general I just froze like a deer in the headlights look
Now being a closet crossdresser myself I had no idea
On what to say or to say nothing at all without outing myself

So I took the chicken way out and got up and got
Myself another drink but made sure the subject
Was change by the time I got back

So my question what would you do ?

[Sweet Susan]

I'd do nothing. What would be the point. The same thing happened to me about ten years ago. I was sitting around with my sisters in law when one of them mentioned how weird it is that some men are crossdressers. There were three women and three men in the room. The other two men pulled up their pant legs, showing their hairy legs, and said, "Not me." They all looked at me. I smiled and said, "you'll just have to guess." I was freaking out inside.

When we left, my wife asked me what was going through my mind. I told her that I was damn sure not going to let them see my shaved legs and wonder and talk about me like that. I even asked her if it was a set up. She laughed. She told me that she would never do that to me. We drove home, and I changed into my nightie. We had a good laugh over that one.

[AllieSF]

Good question. I think it depends on how comfortable one is with their dressing and how experienced they are. I am new to this, so I would probably freak out and start blushing. Hopefully, I would have had a couple of drinks by then and could have a good excuse for my embarrassment!

[deniedtoo]

Someone starts talking CD in the room... ok lemme think.. is it me, or is it them...?

Well. I 've been very closed door... except that 1 time... but no? you think? no! .. reallly?.. um.. ok .. breathe,... breathe.. ok, how would a "straight" person react? how would I react, if I didn't ever hear of such a thing.. [total time elapsed so far... 1.64321 seconds]

Ok...what do I do?

Get a drink.. Good call :thumbsup:. Now, composure.

"Huh? Cross dressing, you mean "Tim" in female clothes? Or, do you mean you in male clothes?" "I got to tell you, a woman in man clothes does look hot! A man in women's clothes? Hmmm. Hmm... well, you know there are some men out there that pull it off, but in general.. no it's not done well. Honey? Have you ever given thought to such?" ***wipes brow, sips drink, avoids eye contact, did I mention sips drink?***

denied

[Dixie]

I don't know how I would react, maybe I better think about it so as not to be caught off guard.

[Eugenie]

It happened to me a few times and I just closed my big mouth... The last time it happened, it was a person for whom I had great respect who said some ridiculus things about x-dressers, So I felt hurt, but since I was with my wife and my daughter, I just sut up again.

However, since then I've made a coming out to my daughter (36) and my son (35). My wife has known for more than 35 years and her fears were that the children would not accept. But now she feels relieved that they know and reacted well.

As a result, if such a situation where someone says silly things about men who dress "en femme" would happen again, I would probably not sut up and on the contrary gently point out that there is nothing wrong with x-dressing.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Suzie S.]

Barb, I think you did the right thing. If you are completely in the closet, best to leave the subject alone, and hope no one saw your blushing face. :heehee: I would be afraid I'd say something the wrong way and let the cat out of the bag. Getting a drink was probably the best idea!

[Lisa Golightly]

Being open, I'm used to the topic and the questions being broached and everyone is sweet about it... What they say when I'm not there I neither know nor care.

[Paulacder]

I would definately not change the subject, I would spark the conversation on in some " Dumb " way. It's always interesting to me to find out what non C.D.ers thinks about our world. But then are they really saying what the feel or are they too just sparking the conversation to see where it goes. Who Knows...:love: By the way Sweet Susan you have great Leggs

[Kate Simmons]

I've been known to redirect conversations when things got too close to "home", especially years ago when I was in the closet. Nowadays, the subject is open game, since I don't care. I was a prime topic of conversation at the club last night but that is an entirely different situation as I was among my "sisters". I was explaining myself to them as to why I wasn't dressed and still having a good time. Kind of a reverse situation, really but funny when you think about it that I had to "defend" my actions to them about this.:happy:

[Kelly,R]

That has happened to me also,proably to all of us at one time or another.I work in construction and one day on the radio some DJ was commenting on a crossdresser.Everyone started makeing all kinds of jokes about it,and comments like "they all should be hung from the highest tree".I never commented on it until one person asked my opinion,then I told him that I served for 3 years in the U.S. Army so that we all could be free.Freedom to express ourselves,live where we want and however we want.So to make a negitive comment like that DJ did,for me would be like throwing the 3 best years in my life out the window.( you see you can defend it...without admitting it). Now they all just think I'm this super patriot,Gi-joe gung-ho but they can't see my dress:D hehehe:hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

This happened to me at work

I ended up in a discussion at work on the percentage of gay people and crossdressers

Then it took a turn for the worst as who do you think it could be :eek: ???

Thankfully no one in the small group targets anyone else talking, Phew !!!!

But there was no way to avoid making comment.:(

So all I could add was well its there choice how they live not mine:D

[Kimberly]

Well, I'm out, so I'd be correcting everything she said. ;)

[Angie G]

A friend told of some local official nobody got stoped while driving derssed Then I did not say anything I think now I'd say so what But I know I could never come out to this friend or that family :hugs:
Angie

[Babette]

It happened to us too. Some friends of ours were over and brought up the subject. They had been travelling and encountered a group of crossdressers at a small event. It was hard to tell if they were altogether shocked or really courious. At any rate, they have no idea about me, so my wife and I took liberties to have fun and run with the subject. We are so rotten but it was such a hoot. :devil:

Babette

[Raychel]

I would have done exactly what you did.
Get another drink. and just let my wife run the conversation. If she happened to let the cat out of the bag, then so be it. Total chickens way out, I know. But my wife is more concerned about the world finding out about my CDing than I am at this point. So it would be her ball game.

Why did this other lady bring it up. Does she know something? Maybe her husband is a CD also. And she was trying to get other people to admit it? All curios things to think about.
:hugs:

[Glenda]

Girls are so lucky. Years ago a woman would put on her man's shirt to feel that comfort and security that she felt when she was with him. Now more women dress in pants than dresses. Wouldn't it be nice if boys had the same freedom?

I probably would have gone to get myself and the person who made the statement another drink, walked back into the room, handed her/him the drink and said, "I'm a crossdresser."

[Melinda G]

"I got to tell you, a woman in man clothes does look hot!

You've got to be kidding.

[Marissa_Black]

I would have handled it the same way. Some things are safer left unsaid.

[Dixie]

Ok I have thought about it, and safe is never fun, I've made up my mind. since I can be extremly Butch (ie: big bald biker) and scarey I would say something like; Have you tried it? I have and it's fun,... You want to make something of it!:Angry3: Oh Hell, who am I kidding I would just change the subject tactfully:heehee:

[Daintre]

Barb. I would have done something similar, excused myself and waited until the topic changed, safe call

[Cheryl T]

Crossdressers? you mean all those women wearing men's shirts and slacks with those ugly flat shoes....yeah, they have a lot of nerve going out in public like that... :heehee:

That's my reaction...turn it back on the speaker....oh..you mean you dress like a man? Funny how fast the subject changes...

[Dixie]

My wife suggested that I should say something like "Watch what you say or I'll have to hit you with my Purse!":heehee: :be:

[Wendy me]

easy i would say if it's not hurting anyone than who cares what someone wears ???

[Jenny Wilson]

I've been in situations where the topic of crossdressing has come up and I've noted that women crossdress all the time and no one makes an issue it. Most of the time no comment is made in response to my statement. Sometimes I go on to say clothes are just clothes and in some places in the world men wear kilts or robe-like garnments and no big deal is made of it. If the conversation continues, which is rare, I'll comment on how masculine things are venerated in our society while feminine things are devalued, and that while aggressive behavior by men is frowned upon, sissy behavior is ridiculed. I ask, "so how exactly is a guy supposed to act? He's got to tread a fine line, being macho, but not too macho, and definitely not acting like a sissy. A man is supposed to be in touch with his feminine side, but he's not supposed to actually act feminine. Femininity is devalued in our society. Why? And why can't people just be themselves instead of having to fit into roles." How far I go depends on how silent the conversation gets. Usually people don't have the integrity to stand up for their beliefs and voice what they feel.

If someone states crossdressers are gay I mention according to what I've read and seen on the internet, 90% of crossdressers are straight and that the remaining 10% are gay, which coincides with the proprtion of straight vs. gay people in general.

My goal is to set the facts straight and encourage discussion. I don't tell them that I crossdress because that's my business, not theirs.

Jenny

[franvonceder]

I would have done exactly the same. On a slightly different tack, since I've been shaving my chest it's amazing how many times the topic of chest hair has been raised at the pub!

Fran.

[Barb Valentine]

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions

But it seams totally different when talking in a group of guys
Then in mixed company

[cdmich]

The topic of crossdressing comes up often at work with the women in the office over morning coffee. Never a bad comment given by anyone so I suspect they have some level of acceptance. I just sit quitely until one woman stated she would love to dress me up saying, "I think you would be lovely". If they/she only knew! Just said yae right.

[NatieBe]

A few months ago a friend of my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. So me being the good husband I am, was supporting her by going to her first "chemo" session. Well all the gals decided to have a get-together before and we met them at a coffee house; as we were sitting at the table one of my wife's coworkers saw my shaved legs and asked if I'ld ever done a "little CDing" ..well I almost chocked on my coffee and muster a "ya right" (voice cracking and turning a few shades of red). Then she proceeded to tell me that her and her husband play and that I should give it a try...LOL...that it's alot of fun... "I said... OH sure, I'll have to try it some time" Needless to say I went for another cup of coffee.... Oh well... missed my chance!

[Dixie]

NatieBe that sounds like an interesting story, I would have died from embrassment, my wife on the other hand would have taken the oppertunity to have a little fun making me sweat.

[Rachel Morley]

This is a tricky situation. If I was notin the life I have now (accepting, participating, and encouraging wife who likes it, plus accepting of myself and not feeling guilty about it) I would not say anything .... I would just listen to what others were saying, and not "get into it" if people were being derogatory.

If it was me with my current wife in this situation, but with people we don't know, then I feel sure we would try to defend the cding position but being (somewhat) non committal.

However, to be totally honest with you, and in total reality, anyone who we socialize with in real life today would already know where we are on this subject and what we think because I would already be in front of them....and I would be dressed en femme. Yes, that's right, what I am saying is I have no social life unless I am Rachel..... and that's the way I like it.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I understand exactly how you feel. When other topics come up I'm as talkative as ever. Be it gay marraige, politics, etc. I often will shoot my mouth off in defense of unpopular stances for the area I live in ex. pro gay marriage. Let the conversation gear towards cross dressing I become immediately silent or will try and change the topic. Jocelyn

[susie evans]

i would kind of roll with the flow and if the opertunity came up i would ask if they new some one like that at see what the results would be :hugs:

susie

[Sally2005]

One time I was with some buddies of mine and I actually brought up the topic. I asked them if they ever saw the show called He's a lady where they took a bunch of guys and made them over. They said no and I had to explain what it was about. They both know I dressed up on a halloween so there was some joking about that and I said I wanted to try it again some day just for fun because I found the responses of people towards me to be different when I look different. One responded with the question is it because they treat you like a woman? I think I just said, we'll just different and the subject changed. Now, based on that informed question, I wonder if my friend ever had the experience.

[KELLYANN]

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH CHERYLT. all these girls, thinking they are men. wearing jeans, tee's, sweats. do they not now that is not appropite attire. only men wear jeans and that stuff. turn the table, then, show em yur legs!! hehe i.e. women can wear mens clothes, but not vice-versa :2c:

[psion128]

Wow this is a hot topic. If that were me, I would go with the flow. More that likely the topic would get changed eventually. If the topic started bashing men CDs, I might be willing to make comments about women CD just to throw them off. More likely than not, the topic is prolly about male CDs. My understanding is that women CDs are more socially acceptable then men that are CD. Yes, if that topic came up, I'd be worried in the back of my mind.

[Dixie]

It's a double standard (in my best Forest Gump impresion)

[kerrianna]

Three other couples is too many people and variables to feel safe with IMO. It would depend on how well you knew the people I guess, but I would have done either the same thing or try to change the topic.

I agree in situations like this it is your wife who must also be considered. This just sounds like it could have been a recipe for disaster so I don't think you were chicken, I think you were prudent.

Now I would be curious about the one couple, the wife who brought it up. Maybe that is a conversation you could have as just TWO couples in a more intimate setting where there's only the four of you. :happy:

[Barb Valentine]

Well I do like the idea of turning around on them
And see how they react :happy:

[nataliecd77]

Well if they were people that I even slightly knew they would already now that many times I'll tkae the oppsoing side of an arguement just to be spiteful LOL, not really but I do enjoy a good debate and can usually be counted on to play the devil's advocate position. So if I was in that position and have been severaltimes usually more lrealted to homo/bi sexuality, most expect me to reply counter to normal people. Ie If someone says "Hey who would have ever thought He'd be a queer, he never seemed "limp wristed to me" I usually reply "hey man, I met some when I was in the service, Man! You'd never tohught these guys were sissies they were some macho hombres you know?"
Natalie

[linnea]

Barb, I think you did the right thing. If you are completely in the closet, best to leave the subject alone, and hope no one saw your blushing face. :heehee: I would be afraid I'd say something the wrong way and let the cat out of the bag. Getting a drink was probably the best idea!

In your circumstances (and mine), I think that you did the appropriate thing.

[stellatoo]

This has come up a couple of times in my life and I've sometimes come out and declared for the side or kept quiet! Hence some people know and some don't! I always think its up to me, however I have a rule that if some one asks a direct question of me I will answer truthfully. The interpretation of direct is up to me though!:heehee:

[Di]

Barb. I would have done something similar, excused myself and waited until the topic changed, safe call

Sorry I missed this Barb.....I think you handled it right for your situation:thumbsup:

[phoebe61]

Crossdressers? you mean all those women wearing men's shirts and slacks quote


when the subject comes up freinds or at work i also turn the subject round which in most cases p***** on there fire
and if worse comes to worse i say everyone to there own and leave it at that, not saying eather way

[DonnaT]

I reckon it would have depended on the direction the conversation was going.

If the conversation was bad mouthing us, then I would have had to make correcting statements. I wouldn't want my wife to get any more wrong ideas.

[veronicag48]

I also have been in this situation and have said nothing. But there have been times while swimming and on the beach, the subject of my hairless legs has been brought up. Ijust say yes to shaving(actually I use hair remover)my legs and mention that I don't like body hair. Lots of body builders' bodies are hairless and they sure don't get any grief about it

[SherriePall]

Barb -- Glad I found this thread today. An almost exact thing happened to my wife and me at a wedding reception a year or so after I told her about me CDing.
A neighbor whose yard abuts part of our backyard said something about seeing a group of CD's at a buffet style restaurant in the area. She called them old and said, "Can you imagine right in our own backyard?" Now that last statement was scary even though I pulled the curtains, etc., I did venture out to our attached garage once and I was concerned that she literally meant in her backyard.

Our next door neighbor's wife then brought up a CDer they knew at college in Tennessee who would dress on weekends. Another couple and ourselves were basically quiet during this.

When we got home that evening, my wife asked, "How did that make you feel?" I told her I wanted to say something, but let it ride because I was totally caught off guard and I knew she doesn't want anyone to know that I dress.

So, Barb, I, too, took the easy route that night. Good thing it was early in the evening and I only had one beer. Otherwise, who knows what may have happened.

[MJ]

well Barb we have met so i have to be honest here, as you know me , i would say some of us look good and some of us need help , if it's what they want to do let them..

[Alice Torn]

It has become, the official UNIFORM OF GIRLS, AND GG'S, the t-shirt, sweats, or jeans, and runing shoes. I don't think gg's are trying to look like men. This topic, has been run through the ringer, but, I DO believe, that SUBCONCSIOUSLY, gg's have a little part in them, that says, "See, I can wear anything men can wear, and you can't do nothin about it. I WEAR THE PANTS, NOW, Jack!! Yes, to be FAIR, bring up most gg's "wearing the pants", today.