Well I did it - told the girlfriend

[christiecd]

Last night after we were going home from a barbeque, I told the girlfriend that I like to wear women's clothes - I probably could have picked a better time, she was upset about something else and my "revelation" didn't help. At first, she didn't believe me, thought I was playing some mean joke and then she asked the standard "so do you dress like a girl all the time" and the dreaded "are you gay"... anyway as soon as we got home I showed her one of my dresses and I explained to her that this was something I had done off and on since I was a kid and that she was the first person I told about it. All and all, she took it "okay" - I don't think she's really ever going to encourage it. It's probably going to be a "don't ask, don't tell" thing with my dressing, but I'm totally fine with that. And I must add: "why I dress" is a d amn hard question to answer! Anyway, thanks everyone for the support.

Christie

[Joy Carter]

I'm glad ya did. But be prepared, for after she thinks about it for a while, she will have another reaction up another reaction. Most wives do.

[JC]

it is time to support her... you dropped a bomb shell. ask her permission and be willing to set limits - then llive by them.

js

good luck

[Wendy me]

lol timing is everything ...... good luck .....

[Raychel]

I aggree with Wendy. Timing is everything. But if you keep looking for the right it never seems to get here. You did the right thing by telling her. Now you have to give her some time to think it over and let her call the shots. If she is OK with it you will know. If she is not, trust me you will know that too. But no matter what you have done the right thing.

Good luck.
Raychel

[Stephanie Scott]

You might be surprised. If you chose a bad time to tell her, and she didn't lose her mind, then her attitude might even improve when she gets in a better mood.

[Angie G]

Christie it is a dame hard question I don't really know why I dress maybe I got it from my dad who dressed or maybe it just in me no one knows why
It's just something we have little control over I don't think that most of us can't stop for long :hugs:
Angie

[nicoleazcd]

I'm sure the timing might not have been right but at least the door is somewhat open. Prepare yourself for a beavy of questions. Good luck .

[Teresa Amina]

It will take time for her to "get it". That Gay question is standard, as is "why don't you dress all the time, then?" Expect a very "conditional" acceptance at best unless you've got someone very exceptional.

[Glenda]

Trust is crucial in a relationship. I will never enter another one without being honest and letting her (or him???) know the whole me. I can't imagine being five years into a relationship and saying, "Oh, by the way........." If you can do it during the girlfriend stage it just seems so much better to me.

[paulaN]

It has only just begun, the tuffest part is on it's way. She is gona come up with lots more questions. Do the best you can, and be honest. Good luck.

[Sharoncd]

Well now you need to show her that she is the woman in the relationship. I had missed this when my SO was enjoying my CD. So don't be dressed all the thime when having sex. Buy her something sexy and tell her how sexy she looks in it. Make a big deal of it.

[Dixie]

My wife "introduced" me to the crossdressing, she knows being a crossdresser doesn't make you gay, Heck she is the one who told me that! I had always hid it and was ashamed of it, know I accept it.

[Sandra]

I am sure given time she will have more questions to ask, just try to answer them as honestly as you can. Let her know she is not the only GG whos SO does this and that there is people out there willing to support.

[Rene]

Good for you. Being honest about who you are is always the best. Even with that it is not an easy road. All you can do is continue being open and honest. I wish you all the best.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

:clap: Good for you! I'm so happy for you, Christie! Telling the girlfriend (or boyfriend, I'd imagine...?) is probably one of the hardest things to do. I told mine about my cross-dressing when I WASN'T actively dressing. She took it okay then. It wasn't too hard for her to take because I wasn't doing it at the time.

However, when it came to telling her about how I wanted to start again...that was a REAL challange. I was nervous for weeks, and kept telling myself 'I don't really want to start this again!' 'I don't want to lose her! She'll leave me for sure!' and stuff like that.
*Deep breath* It was hard; it's still hard thinking about it. She's done awesomely accepting it, but I know it can still be hard for her and hurt sometimes. (By the way, you'll know my lovely fiance as 'aj_gg' on the board here). She's learning though. I'm sooo blessed that she's so supportive. I hope your girlfriend can be, too.

But yeah, congrats on telling your girlfriend. I hope you two can have a chance to talk it all over and maybe she'll become okay with it if she's not already. Is she accepting? Do you think her attitude could change? I hope she's willing to love you for who you are - if you guys (girls?) are at that stage yet. Good luck, for sure.

Well hey, if it means anything you have your local Catholic cross-dresser prayin' for you - as is probably true from the other local Christains, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Wicca, and other religions I can't think of right now in this community, right girls?
And I'm certain you have the best wishes from any non-religous members here as well. We're all hoping for the best, Christie!

Just keep talking to your girlfriend and hopefully everything will work out.

Whatever happens, remember not to deny who you are. Girlfriends can come and go - such is life - but a part of yourself, you must live with forever.

Update us as things develop! Love ya, girl! Be strong (*Grrrrr*, strong, ya know?)!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

My wife "introduced" me to the crossdressing, she knows being a crossdresser doesn't make you gay, Heck she is the one who told me that! I had always hid it and was ashamed of it, know I accept it.

You don't know how lucky you are, Dixie! (Well, you probably do, but still...).

To Christie: I hope your girlfriend can help you grow as a cross-dresser and maybe help you get to know a little more about yourself as well, like Dixie's wife has for her.
But don't think for a second that you'll find a clear answer to the infamous and inevitable "Why do you cross-dress?" question. It's not just damn hard to answer, it's damn impossible!

[Dixie]

Hard to answer because I do not believe that there is one answer, the answer is made up of many reasons/ answers

[loriannetucson]

I was expecting this response from others but haven't seen it yet...

You said "You totally fine with that" in a don't ask don't tell way of dressing. I seriously wonder if later on you might find that you are NOT fine with the don't ask don't tell way. I used to think I was okay with keeping these desires away from the public spotlight, especially my wife's eye. It gets increasingly more difficult when you realize it's more a part of you than you realized. Then to have someone you care about not want to be a part of your life, there can be problems.
I sincerely hope you two do work through things, and I hope now that the cat's out of the bag she looks into it and realizes that you're not weird or abnormal. If she loves you and cares about you, she'll see the truth,but I'm sure she's going to need some time to process it first.
Good luck!
Lori Anen

[Di]

Not sure of your timing on telling her...but glad you did tell her. Just know she prob will for some time have more questions, answer her honestly ...just keep on talking...best wishes.

[krisla]

Christie

I also told my girlfriend who is now my wife of 25 years. She was not wild about it at the time, and although she doesn't participate, she has never discouraged me from going to meetings or making cd or gg accepting freinds. If I had not told her I would feel terribly guilty, you did the right thing

Krisla

[Carin's Wife GG]

I was expecting this response from others but haven't seen it yet...

You said "You totally fine with that" in a don't ask don't tell way of dressing. I seriously wonder if later on you might find that you are NOT fine with the don't ask don't tell way. I used to think I was okay with keeping these desires away from the public spotlight, especially my wife's eye. It gets increasingly more difficult when you realize it's more a part of you than you realized. Then to have someone you care about not want to be a part of your life, there can be problems.
I sincerely hope you two do work through things, and I hope now that the cat's out of the bag she looks into it and realizes that you're not weird or abnormal. If she loves you and cares about you, she'll see the truth,but I'm sure she's going to need some time to process it first.
Good luck!
Lori Anen

Looking back there was probably not another way to do it but I will say there was much hurt and sadness on this bumpy road toward complete acceptance. And complete unconditional acceptance is what each one of us deserves. My SO, Carin didn't expect me to have MS. I do and she accepted THAT bombshell a good number of years ago.

What is so clear to me now is that Carin herself did not know Carin. She was in the formative years so to speak. How could she make promises and keep them when the very essence of who she was to become would change over the years?

I don't mean to sound unsupportive. I am just sharing from my own experiences along the journey.


Louise

[cindychan]

"are you gay?" Why is that always the first or second thing everybody asks? I guess I get tired of how uneducated people are of CD's

[JulieC]

"are you gay?" Why is that always the first or second thing everybody asks? I guess I get tired of how uneducated people are of CD's

The reality is that not matter how accepting society every becomes of crossdressers and other transgendered types of people, we will always be a minority. Result; most people will simply lack any framework of understanding and knowledge to readily incorporate this into their lives.

Their questions are legitimate and probing. Given that you (all TGs), in most cases, are the only person they've ever known to be transgendered you make a very logical choice as the person to start asking questions of.

My wife, thankfully, knew better already. It didn't faze her when we had the first discussion (after dating a few months). I was never asked the "Are you gay?" question from her. But, there's been plenty of other questions and bumps in the road. It's natural.

It's sad to me that it's natural. Just today I saw a picture of a woman in a man's formal shirt and pantyhose. That's sexy, in our current society. If a man does the exact same thing, he's a freak.

[christiecd]

Thanks everyone. It was a tough decision to finally tell her, but I'm glad I did. She hasn't brought it up since I showed her my "stash" of clothes, and I'm not really that interested in pushing it.

Mainly, I don't want her to find some of my clothes someday and think t hat there were some other woman's clothes. I'd rather be able to have my girl clothes in the same closet as my guy clothes without her blinking an eye. Also, she is the first person I've ever told about my dressing. I must admit it feels pretty good to get it off my chest.

Christie

[christiecd]

An addendum to the previous post: It's NOT that I don't want her to take a part in it, I just will let her go at her own pace. I would LOVE IT if she could help me put on my makeup and picked clothes out together. Just wanted to make that clear!

Christie

[cocopuff]

you dropped a bomb on her... you need to take it slow ( go at her speed ).
if you go out all at once ..you could push her right out the door. a little at a time. you need to let her come to terms with it.