Semantics: The Meaning of the Word "Passing"

[Valerie Nicole]

I know there have been a lot of other threads on this topic, but I don't think there have ever been any definitive conclusions reached. So here's what I want to know, what is passing?

I have seen many people say that passing is when people can't tell you're really a man. It seems to me like this would mean that there's a lot of people out there who could never truly pass. So I think that maybe passing is more a state of mind than it is dependent on other people. Maybe passing is just going out en femme and not caring if people know you're not really a woman. I like the sound of this definition, because it can be accomplished by all, and also because it provides a more real and personal challenge to us all.

I choose this meaning of the word for myself because I want to reach the point of being without shame or fear of being who I am, and while it might be fun to be a believable woman, that still doesn't strike me as truly being myself. That would be as much a disguise as just being Phil. The fact is that I'm not Phil or Jessica, I am the whole that comes from the two of them. To truly express who I am, I would have to go out into the world knowing that some people would know that I am not really a woman. Pretending to be a woman is one thing, because being a woman is not abnormal. Admitting to the world (and in some cases, yourself) that you are a man in women's clothing is a much harder step to take, and I think, it is also the most important step that any CDer can take. This is passing, in my view. The holy grail that most of us hope to attain one day.

There's my philosophical rant for the day! :hugs: to all.

[Karren H]

Passing threads rival pantie threads of late... And passing is over rated anyway... Its a mental thing... 90% attitude.. 10 looks.. If you go out dressed how ever but your attitude broadcasts female them no one will give your presentation a second more close inspection..

It is not the opposite of Fail!!! Its surviving... In your mind.. If you live through the ordeal I guess you can say you passed!! If you die.. You didn't pass.. Hehe

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

"Passing" is what you make of it, Jess. Like Karren said, it's mostly attitude and mindset. If you are determined to pass and have convinced yourself, you most likely will. If you are not sure, you may have problems.:happy:

[JoAnnDallas]

I agree..........I have seen some GG whos facial features and/or voice gave me doubts, but they presented themselves as a GG, their attitude was that of a GG, and their behaivor was that of a GG. They just oozed Feminity. I am discovering that if your dressed as a GG, you act like a GG, you behave like a GG, that most people will overlook the masculain facial and/or voice part. One of my Tri-Ess sisters told that she found that most people even if they suppect will not say or do anything, just in case they are wrong and don't want the embaresment and/or don't want to make a sience. She went on to say, it does take practice to get everything right, but that is true in anything activity.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I agree with Karen, it's all a state of mind. If you are comfortable with who you are than what does anything else matter as to what other people think!
I will never be able to be a woman but when I dress as one I feel like one and that's all that really matters to me, I don't let anyone give me grief about what I am wearing and I don't give anyone any grief about what they are wearing.

[Shelly R]

I agree with Karen and Salandra. It is all mind set, more than looks. Most people get "read" because of because of their lack of confidence and general attitude. It's the mind set and how you feel about yourself that really shows, sometimes you will get that second look, or maybe more. You know what is the real you, so what they think or say should not matter to you, they are temporary, you are not. The rest of passing is based on looks, their first assessment of how you look, and how you react. Remember not all women are young, pretty, thin, or know how to dress, it's mostly attitude, they are... that's all. Attire, makeup and nails, deportment (feminine movements, and walk), and voice all play a part in "gender presentation" which is only part of "passing", it compleats the whole picture.
Hope this helps!

[Rikkicn]

Lots of threads on this because it's such an important subject.
I strive to pass for two reasons.
I don't like being noticed and stared out when I'm out and living my life. Daily chores, getting gas or shopping for anything. I don't feel comfortable with unwanted attention. For the most part, that is how thing are for me now. I am still read from time to time but I've come to not be as concerned about. It takes time and getting used too.
Safety, I feel much better going into the womens restroom knowing that I pass. Stopping to eat or get gas in a rural conservative area feels much better knowing that I pass.

[Kate Simmons]

The honest truth is that I don't give people much of an opportunity to challenge me. If they seem to have a problem with me, I tend to want to deal with it right away and see what their thinking is and where they stand on things. I can be in someone's face sometimes, not ladylike, I know but I prefer to get things settled quickly. I wouldn't recommend that for most but that is just the way I am and I don't like playing "games" really.I need to let them know that up front. The point is that the reason I go out is to have a good time and enjoy being myself, not to be the butt of someone's amusement, judgement or frustrations.:happy:

[Fab Karen]

Very few literally pass, as in NO suspicion of "that person could be a man." One time on a bus in boy-mode, I saw a T-girl get on & sit in the front ( I was towards the back ). I watched people to see if there'd be any idiotic remarks( & think of something to say to defend her), but there weren't any. The only thing said after she got off was one guy mentioning some pro golfer that used to be a man.
I agree our focus should be on becoming comfortable with our femme selves out in the world- just as men in a fancy suit don't go around thinking "I'm in a suit, I'm in a suit, everyone's looking at me because of it"- and if people do notice, it's one second of, "a guy in a fancy suit. Anyway, back to thinking about ME."

[Kerrie Sifton]

I find I am looking at all girls/women these days and determining what is passable vs not. Many women are dressed in a more drab fashion, thus when a gurl shows up in a skirt, pumps, more makeup, they become more visible in the crowd. They have elevated themselves into the minority of well dressed women. Thats when the attitude kicks in: be the part and look the part. And good luck with it too... the prettier the girls/gurls out there the happier I would be too.:2c: I would flash a smile in encouragement.

[Gina_darling]

I think we are beginning to reach a time where transgendered people are more accepted in society, at least in larger populated areas. I was out en femme for the first time yesterday expecting at least sideways looks and second glances but got none that I could perceive. Did I pass in that everyone thought I was GG? I doubt it, but my attitude and the confidence I gained with each "pass" improved my next encounter and so on. I think I came off as a positive, pretty, polite tgirl rather than fooling everyone into thinking i was a GG. It isn't like the films where no-one ever suspects :heehee:

[janedoe311]

We are considerably more “picky” about our own appearance. So I for one can not pass. But for most people you make a reasonable attempt and you will pass.
Have you not seen masculine women? I work with students and have seen them all. Some I am not sure, of.

There are tall women, there are women with big hands and feet, deep voices, long boney masculine faces. But when you look in the mirror you see you a man in makeup.

Passing is in attitude, looks, walk, talk, body language, gestures and confidence, not necessarily in that order.

There will always be rude people. People that come up to you and say “are you a girl or a boy”. We have all got that, (I because of my Gynecomastia and a T shirt). Even women will have that happen to them. So you can not pass in all eyes. Do not try!

To answer your question what is passing?

Passing is in the eyes of the beholder!

[joann07]

I agree with everyone's comments.
Its about being comfortable and confident with yourself knowing that you can blend in and not worry about drawing suspicion from anyone. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
I'm always people watching, meaning, I'm constantly observing what women are wearing, how they walk, how they talk, their mannerisms, etc. These things I have to learn because women have done this all their life and so I've been practicing as much as I can.
I think I'm doing pretty good job from the comments I've been getting, but I know I still need to pratice.

[Eva Diva]

Here's a dissenting voice: passing is exactly what you think it is. The fact that it's very difficult to pass in all circumstances, or you may not care whether anyone reads you doesn't mean the definition of the word should change.

That reflects in no way on the opinions expressed above - if you're happy being dressed in public and don't care what people think, good for you. Whether it's dress, or makeup or mannerisms, they all refer back to the same idea - the feminine pattern. Take it or leave it, but I think it's better that we don't all redefine words to suit our purposes - it makes it kind of hard to carry on a conversation if everyone has their own personal dictionary.

No biggie, just my :2c:

[Robin_1616]

I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I was out and didn't "pass" (at least at "first" glance.) But I do think it is attitude because when I'm out with my wife ..I'm a bit concerned but my wife says "Silly I look just fine" and we then just blend in. BUT if I'm out ALONE I get more concerned and uncomfortable and feel it's really a psychological state of mind or fear?

[kathy gg]

Want to throw in a few cents to this discussion.

I think in this community that *passing* itself is very hard to judge, knowing what we all know in here. I mean there will always be the starry eyed cd who says everyone who posts a picture passes. Then there are those with very critical eyes for only perfection who would say "no one passes". So the people to whom you are guaging reactions from on forums to me are always going to give a skewed answer , myself included.

Also my other thought on passing in the MTF scope is that...alot of times passing is not really passing, it is the kindness of strangers or people being polite and going along with what you are presenting as. People assessing what they see in that few seconds as you pass them by and deciding that they will buy what was presented because that was the desired intention. Or longer interactions where they realize that you want to be seen or treated or called by female terms so the polite person will do as they assume is wished...even though their brain starts calculating all the gender clues that don't quiet add up. The kindness wins over the logic of gender in this scenario.

Now as for the comfortable and confident thing...well yes, people who look liek they have every right being in the ladies restroom or shopping in the stores or being where ever they are will not get noticed or payed extra attention to. But that still I think does not necessarily indicate passing. Again, hopefully most people will not worry about logic and choose kindness over any reaction or confrontation.

[KimberlyS]

Kathy, I very much so agree with what you said. For some the term "Passing" applies. But IMO Passing is a bad term to use for many of us CDers. That is why I like to use the term "Blending" and/or "Presenting a Feminine image that is acceptable to the general society". My goal when I am out is not to look like a woman, but to have a decent generally accepted feminine presentation of myself and to keep my male self not know. Coming out as a guy who wears a skirt and other femme clothes where I live would not be pretty. It is still a mean world and I want protect my family and my job.

Kathy since you started it, I will throw something else in to think about. When I am shopping for femme clothing, if I am in femme mode or male mode I am basically treated the same. That includes the shopping, interaction with the sa's and being allowed to try things on. So which part of me is "Passing"?