Having problems acting like I think!

[nataliecd77]

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Ok I'm going to try and ask this question, although it my not come out making as much sense on paper as in my head. If it doesn't please ask for clarification and I'll try!

When Natalie actually dresses as Natalie there is very little difference in the way her and him act, Yet when I think of Natalie, her expectations are to be more feminine acting. For some reason I can think of what I need to be doing to be more fmeinine but I can't actually manage to accomplish it. I think like a diva yet act like a "guy in a dress". I know when I'm male mode I can sit with my legs spread, I know when I'm Natalie I need to cross my legs. Yet when I dress for the first few moments I act like Natalie, yet after 15 minutes and a distraction or 2 I'm back to a redneck in a skirt. Any ideas how I can overcome this mental block and actually act more feminine? Any advice would be welcome.
Natalie

[MJ]

go out in to the real world... you will be on guard all the time, makeing sure you say and do the right thing , it's pratice and lots of it
does your S.O know she could help you

[GACountrygal]

I'm the SO, cant help much, since I cant figure out what *mental block* is keeping the thoughts from being actions..
So we need all yalls help PLEASE!!!
Nic

[claireswife-gg]

Go out in public, that'll keep you on your toes. :D

Perhaps wear a ring, something bright and visible that you'll see and remember?

A heavy anklet?

[GACountrygal]

just for clarification, going out in public is not an option for now.

Nic

[claireswife-gg]

Hmm... okay then, scratch that. I think that visual cues like an anklet and/or ring might really help. When you cross your legs guy style, a hand normally goes on the knee. I'm a die-hard tomboy and I do that. Since you'll be at home, stick a BIG gaudy ring on the finger of that hand as a reminder.

Well timed "ahem"s from the SO will help get in the right frame of mind too.

That's what Claire does to me anyway. Or the raised eyebrow. I look and realize that I'm definately in tomboy mode ;)

[marie354]

How about the simple.... Practice, practice, practice. Practice makes perfect. I don't think that there is any faster way.
:hugs:

[SandyR]

I think it does take alot of practice, practice. It took me a year to get the voice right just in case, when what I really should have been working on was my big old "boy smile". On the flip side of the coin, I am always cathing myself in guy mode crossing my legs like a real pretty Girl dressed in a nice skirt with cool heels on.....heheh....

Hugs....

SandyR

[GACountrygal]

Ok,
Maybe I can add some clarification here since SO is busy at the moment.
When en femme, the actions are no different then when en drab. Theres no difference between the two.
We're tryin to figure out a way to bring out the femme in the en femme (so to speak) instead of just havin the *guy in a dress* thing that seems to have been happenin.

claireswifegg, that sounds like a good suggestion, and we will definetaly try that!!!

Keep it comin yall!
We need all the help we can get!
I'm a tomboy, so I guess this would be something we both could work on lol

Nic

[nataliecd77]

Thnaks for the replies! I like the idea of the ring that might be a good reminder, I'll efintely have to try that out. I think I may have stumbled upon the "block" so to speak a lil while ago and am going to try something out and see if it rectifies the situation. I'll keep updated on sucess or failure, although am rela=uctant to mention my "solution" as of this time. Maybe in the near future:o
Luv,
Natalie

[Eva Diva]

It's an interesting problem. It made me think about the teenage girls who pull their hands into their long sleeves out of habit. I assume that they pick it up from each other in school. I see these "handless" girls all the time at the mall, and they don't look like the kind of girls who end up in medical school. It's like they are leaving to boys the ability to reach out and control the world around themselves.
Anyway....I'm guessing that "reprogramming" yourself to internalize female mannerisms will take a lot of doing. Maybe try doing what actors sometimes do. When they are going to play a cop, they go hang out with cops for a week. So just observe women - closely. What is it that they do to make themselves recognizably female? How do they hold their hands while they talk? How do they handle forks? When they listen to each other talk, how do they acknowledge the speaker? Do they nod, turn their heads, repeat what they hear?
After that, it's like someone said: practice.

There's an old joke from the fifties. A tourist asks a New Yorker how to get to Carnegie Hall. The New Yorker thinks a second and says "Practice, man, practice". :D

It takes girls years to learn it all - don't be in too much of a hurry.

[claireswife-gg]

Yeah, you can always tell when I've been hanging out with cops or at the fire dept... I get very much into my boy mode.

I tease Claire (and vice versa) that she sure got a crappy role model for womanly mannerisms. Can't tell you how many times we go somewhere and I'll have one ankle over a knee (in jeans though) while Claire has ankles daintily crossed!

[MJ]

I'm the SO, cant help much, since I cant figure out what *mental block* is keeping the thoughts from being actions..
So we need all yalls help PLEASE!!!Nic

WHAT :eek: how come i did not get the memo !!!!! why am i the last to know

[GACountrygal]

WHAT :eek: how come i did not get the memo !!!!! why am i the last to know
:heehee: :heehee: :heehee: :tongueout

[MJ]

OK well Natalie may i say you look very passable , come up here for a week i can teach you , oh your S.O has a gun right, lol well i think you have to get in the frame of mind you need to dress very feminine everything nails toes the works , as you are house bound i think that old movies with women in them would work and you must copy there style and actions , you see it takes time to build your female persona i too was a guy in a dress for a while but i watch all the woman around me and do what they do , and keep doing that until it became my first nature , like the way they smile head movements hands there face the way the girls smile how they eat , the best way to walk in heels is go to a mall find a woman with the same size heels and follow her and do what she does.. again you can't do that but maybe on the television you copy them ? , just come here to Toronto for the weekend I'll fix you up lol , you will find this is hard but you can do this, i hope this helps

[Fallen Angel]

If your forgeting that your in fem mode while dressed sounds like your comferteble in either with your self.and your just being you.the femininities come in time as a few have said thats with going out alittle or picking up some movements from our genetic sisters but in the mean time just enjoy Hugs Angel

[Lori SC]

Hi Natalie,

How long are you dresed at any one time, and what do you do while dressed?

I find that the longer I am dressed, the more feminine I think I act. Now I am talking more than four hours here.

I noticed this just last Sunday. I was dressed for 7 hours and then started making dinner (that took over an hour). I was alone, but when I was walking around, I just felt like swinging my hips when I walked - it seemed to come natural. I was also wearing 2" heels the entire time.

I've noticed this before, this is just the most recent example.

I also think a lot has to do with comfort level. If I am nervous, I don't feel feminine, and probably don't act it. Since I was at home alone, and spent so much time enfemme, maybe I was more comfortable with the clothes, the situation etc. Doing more "feminine" tasks probably helps. Changing oil on the car would not.

If you have limited time for dressing, this may not help you.

Another thing which might help is the clothing you wear. If you choose a very short, tight skirt, and a tight fitting blouse, and 3-4" heels, you just have to move differently and posture differently, or you will show things you don't want shown. This might be an excuse to dress ****ty! :heehee: You can't cross your legs (ankle to knee) in a pencil skirt!

After that - hmmmm hypnosis? I've often wondered what a post hyponotic suggestion would do :hypnotized:

Hugs, Lori

[Alice Torn]

Tell him to put on jeans, t-shirt, and running shoes! And a wig. That is the modern uniform, the vast majority of gg's wear, anyway. He will be "cross dressing". It seems more men, are interested in wearing dresses, and skirts, now, than gg's!!

[crusadergirl]

I too have had that problem acting like i think. Both in guy mode and girl mode. I mite pass in looks as a girl but my actions are more of a guy most of the time. unless i go out alone. If i go out with friends i always act the part wrong don't way as of yet.

[Kate Simmons]

Gee Natilie, I think you look great and I know you have a great partner. I know what you are talking about though and you are NOT a redneck in a dress, Dear. You are yourself. I used to worry about this stuff as well but finally decided not to fret about it and just be myself. I'm not talking about giving up, no way but sometimes "acting the part" will come to you naturally if you just let go of thinking about the "I'm a guy" mindset and just feel free to be yourself. There is no "mystery" involved really and that little gal is like the ingredient in the spagetti sauce, "It's in there" and you just have to let her out.
What seemed to help me was when I finally decided to let go and started to dance. That gives you so much freedom that the "moves" and "mannerisms" will come out naturally but you have to let yourself go. I'm not sure how much opportunity you and Nic have to do this but if you do, practice at home and the two of you just dance. I'm talking about either disco, modern country, club or anything that has a beat to it really where you can move around and swing those hips. I love all this kind of music really, which helps.
I also got tips from girls on what to do and how to dance. Move those hips, move those arms. As a result, I got the moves down and guess what? It not only improved my dancing but improved everything else.You may want to practice in flats if you are not sure about heels. I dance in flats most of the time. I now don't even think about the way I act when in Salandra mode. I walk like a girl, I sit like a girl with the hand gestures and everything else. People who have seen me in both modes ask how I can do that and act so differently. My answer to them is that I really don't think about it and that is the God's honest truth. So, my answer is just be yourself, feel free and forget about the preconceived ideas. I guarantee the two of you will have a lot of fun if nothing else.:happy: Sal

[Angie G]

Marie has it PRACTICE give it a try :hugs:
Angie

[Diana West]

There's a hypnotic file that I listen to to increase my feminine mannerisms.
I don't really go intio a trance but the hypnotist really describes som ekeys things like women take up less space then men. It is more of a motivational file than a hypnotic induction for me.

[Dixie]

"All yall's" that's plural right, Joking, anyway, whenever you are out and about watch how the GGs act, then when at home enfemme try to remember and act accordingly. Hope it helps, I have alot of family in the "somewhat south" (Arkansas) so I joke alot about the lingo. It took me years to lose it, but it comes back instantly when I am around southerners.

[sandra-leigh]

Can't tell you how many times we go somewhere and I'll have one ankle over a knee (in jeans though) while Claire has ankles daintily crossed!

I've had jeans wear out at the knees, from sitting cross-legged. I sit with my ankle up on my knee so much that I literally do not feel comfortable sitting with my legs straight. It is literally as if the muscles are the wrong lengths to keep my legs straight -- I have to extend the muscles to straighten the legs, and the relaxed muscle position for me is legs crossed. And legs together with ankles crossed bothers me for some reason which I find hard to articulate -- some reason, that is, beyond having tree-trunk thighs that don't allow my knees to meet without consciously pushing them together (endangering any tucked parts).

I don't think my legs would be very "feminine" even if I shaved them (there isn't a great deal of fur on them as is.) And these thighs are pretty solid, so exercising to lose weight would only tend to firm them up! :(

[Karren H]

Well your conditioned to act that way and its your fall back position.. Takes lots of practice to act fem... You weren't raised that way so you really have to work at it to stay in fem mode.... Practice.. Practice... Practice... And you'll get there

Love Karren

[MsJanessa]

just for clarification, going out in public is not an option for now.

Nic

well then Darling just buy yourself a whip and whenever your cutie acts the least bit butch, snap her with it. you'll be suprised how quickly she will remember to act like a lady.:dom:

[Audra Sinclair]

Diana West hit one it but did not go with it. Buy some books on self Hypnosis. You and your SO could read them and begin to practice it.
I have been using self Hypnosis for years. Some of the books have a transcript and you fill in the blanks.

I tape recorded what I wanted to hear and replayed using headphones and relaxed. Now....whenever I start puttinng on my make-up the self hypnosis kicks in. My trigger is the make-up. I tell myself I am becoming Audra. After I have completely dressed and ready to go out the door I look in the mirror and tell myself I am "Audra". I am female and will walk, talk, and act female because I am.

Most of this will make sense to you if you read as much as you can about hypnosis. Hopes this helps.

Hugs

Audra:2c:

[TxKimberly]

just for clarification, going out in public is not an option for now.

Nic

Wow CG,

You were FAST to put the brakes on that one! Sorry, but something about that post just struck me as funny. :-)

Kim

[GACountrygal]

Wow CG,

You were FAST to put the brakes on that one! Sorry, but something about that post just struck me as funny. :-)

Kim

The environment in which we live is not condusive to public outings. And my comfort level, at this point, is only going with SO dressed to CD friendly bars.
(and goin out is just not an option due to other circumstances.)
Nic

[Shannon CD]

I have not seen any posts here regarding video tapes. I know there are some out there that can give pointers. I have not looked into them myself, but may in the future. I am trying to get the look down first. Until then, I find that I just act a bit more subdued and introverted, not that that is a feminine trait. It is more out of nerves than anything, but also helps to keep them guessing.

I guess I look at it like this, to para-phrase a quote, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a boy, then to speak and remove all doubt." :heehee:

[TxKimberly]

The environment in which we live is not condusive to public outings. And my comfort level, at this point, is only going with SO dressed to CD friendly bars.
(and goin out is just not an option due to other circumstances.)
Nic

No problem at all CG, I didn't mean to imply anything by the comment. No question that there are times and places where it just isn't a good idea. Been there, done that.

Kim

[veronicag48]

Fortunately you have a supporting SO. I do agree though practice is a key part of being enfemme. I have found that jewelry and colognes and body sprays help with feeling feminine and feeling leads to the acting. I love the smell of a women's cologne and I use a moisturizing body wash.:2c:

[Trisha]

as for walking in heels like a lady you know the hips and the wiggle thing i spent meny an hour im heels on a treadmill got it down to a tee now also can now where heels for hours and hours :D

[GACountrygal]

well then Darling just buy yourself a whip and whenever your cutie acts the least bit butch, snap her with it. you'll be suprised how quickly she will remember to act like a lady.:dom:

:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:
good advice I'll hafta remember that :devil: :devil:
:thumbsup: :heehee:
Nic

[nataliecd77]

Thanks for everyones input, I'm actually amazed at the number of them.
I liked Salandra's idea about dancing, exercise, practices feminity(sp) and works on some dance moves all around good idea.
I also think that being dressed for a longer time might help, but that will prolly take some arranging I'll try to work that out.
I keep pracricing pratcing and practicing and I'll keep doing so til I ge tit "right" or least until I'm happy with it.
Haven't ever even thought of hypnosis, might have to look into that some more?


Wishes I could go out more in Fem, used to do so when we lived in TX, but were we are presently it just inn't an option the only friendly clubs are over an hour away, and society here wouldn't be just less than accepting especially as I am originally from here.

Oh well, guess I keep at wish me luck!

Thanks for everyone's compliment too, I really appreciate them and they make me feel better :D
Love,
Natalie

[Stephenie S]

It is really unrealistic of you to think that you can put on a dress and act feminine. You have YEARS of male conditioning to get over.

GGs have YEARS of conditioning to help them. Years of mother saying, "Sit up straight!", "Keep your legs together!", "Shoulders back!", "Don't slouch!" I watched my two daughters grow up and go through this. Plus HOURS and HOURS of practice in front of the mirror.

This will all come, but not easily. As ALL have said, practice, practice, practice. There's no easy answer.

Lovies,
Stephie

[Stephenie S]

Dear Natalie,

After reading your last post I have a few sugestions. Since you can't go out dressed, you can do many of these things in drab. You may get a reputation for being a slightly feminine guy, but isn't that what you are after in the long run? You can sit, stand, walk, and gesture in a feminine manner no matter what you are wearing. Make it a point to bring as much of the feminine "out" in your daily life as you possibly can. This will increase your practice time greatly.

After all, you are trying to "explore your feminine side" aren't you?

Lovies,
Stephie

[nataliecd77]

Well I do realize Rome wasn't built in a day, I was looking for any tips or suggestions that might make it a little easier to accomplish, not an overnight transformation. As for being a lot more "fem" in my everyday acts, I don't particularly care to do that. I happen to value my time as my Male self as much as I value my time as my fem self. I want to improve my fem side but not at a detriment to my masucline side. I feel less like its "exploring my fem side" than it is expressing my fem side. All these sides to me, each and everyone has its place and time. At work I'm what I am, A pretty good Diesel equip mechainc who actually cares about doing a good job and taking care of my customers! When I'm at home with Wife and kids I try to be the best Father and Husband that I konw how to be! Etc etc. I just want my fem side to be as good as I can make it also.
Natalie

[Stephenie S]

But Nat sweetie,

You did say you were having trouble expressing your feminine side. I don't want you to be a poorer diesel mechanic or a poorer father, or for that matter a poorer male. Bringing your feminine side "out" in your daily life will only enrich it. I think you can do all the things I mentioned without threatening you mechanical abilities, customer service abilities, or fatherhood skills. Yes, you might get a rep for being a bit of a feminine man. Is that a bad thing? The automatic assumption on society's part that if you are feminine you must be gay (and the associated rabid homophobia that we have all been raised with) may be getting in the way of your becoming the whole person you really are underneath your male facade. Are you gay? Probably not, with a loving wife and children. And what a masculine profession! Diesel mechanic. What more proof do you want? Are you threatened by someone thinking you are gay? Examine your own homophobia then.

Do you envision a life in which you can switch from ultra macho to ultra feminine at the drop of a slip? Or one in which your masculine and feminine lives are more harmoniously blended? Perhaps I misunderstood. My apologies. Personally I have found that it was difficult for me to deal with what you mentioned (expressing my feminine persona) untill I was able to remove those macho aspects of my personality (my uber macho act) from my daily life.

Why are you trying to express the feminine aspects of your personality only in private? Are they so shamefull? Then why express them at all? As long as they remain private and hidden, you will have difficulty bringing them out on a moments notice.

No one likes a "flameing" whatever. Gay, straight, or whatever. Flaming hets are just as offensive as flaming gays. I am not suggesting that you go mincing into work with all your tools painted pink, or that you suddenly insist that your boys take ballet. Just bring more of your feminine "out" in your daily life. If you are secure in your sexuality (and, as I said, I am sure you are, with a wife and children, and your profession), becoming more feminine in your daily life can only enrich it. And also make expressing your feminine persona much easier when you decide to do that, either in private or in public.

I guess I ran on a bit here. Perhaps more than you needed. Sorry. I can get carried away if I'm not carefull. This was all said with good intention. However you choose to live your life is, of course, only your decision, and absolutely none of my business.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Sally24]

Obviously practice, practice, practice is right on the money. One of the things I did when starting out was my "Fashion Show". When I got dressed in each outfit I was trying that day, I would walk back and forth up and down the hallway. I have put a full length mirror at both ends so I can watch the walk and the movement. Do a sort of "Runway Walk, Turn, and Pose" for the camera. Models aren't born knowing how to do this. They practice where they can look at themselves. Why do you think dance studios have mirrors everywhere? You have to see when you are putting your body in the right stance. Eventually your body will be able to "know" when it is in the right positions to look right. I still practice like this alot and it really does help. I go "out" about once a month and have found this to be a great help. If that is not an option right now then just plan a night every so often at home where you dress for 2-3 hours. Have GACountrygal GG watch you and let you know when you start straying toward boy mode again.

[Kate Simmons]

Natalie, It's obvious from reading all of your replies that you just need some confidence. I feel that it's 95% mental and attitude and 5% appearance. I mean you can be the sweetest looking gal on two legs and still come off as a linebacker, so convincing yourself is all important. As a former member of a TG Org., I watched videos on comportment and the stuff they told you to do to "act" like a woman. I said: "Get real" as it certainly wasn't me. I mean walking with a broom? Get the F*** out of here! What I had to do was come up with an inimitable style that worked for me. I just started walking from the hips instead of the shoulders. Then when I started dancing and learning more of the moves, the rest just seemed to fall into place, like the gestures, hand movements and such.It isn't rocket science, really. Pretty soon you don't even have to consciously think about it in femme mode. Another thing you need to consider is the way you talk. I'm not talking about your voice but women talk about things differently than guys do. Just listen to a bunch of gals talking and you will see what I mean. Gals can talk about sports and cars but the way they talk about them is different. I only have my last 6 years of "hands on" experience since I've been officially "out". Hope it helps some. Above all whatever you do or learn, make it a fun experience and Nic will love it too.;) :battingeyelashes:

[nataliecd77]

Thanks again for the suggestions, I have been trying to be more ladylike in my deportment. I'll keep practicing under watchful eyes and continue to strive for imrovement.
Natalie

[Tamera]

Practice, observing, and communication.
I beleive these to be the keys to your situation.

Practice being a girl.
The WALK
The TALK, etc.

Observe
Watch how other girls carry themselves, how their present themselves when talking, shopping, etc.

Be observant of your makeup, and dress. Remember you must LOOK! the part to DO! the part.

Communication
Talking with other girls(whether GG or CD).
Girls talk about girl stuff all the time, get involved in those conversations.

LOL
Tamera