Trouble After My Big Night

[Toni]

Hi Girls,

After my night out at the pub I was on a real high but everything has blown up in my face. When I got home my wife was asleep in bed as she has to be up at 4.50am for work so I didn't see her until later in the afternoon and she was crying her eyes out. She told me she had convinced herself that I wouldn't go through with it but of coarse I did, and now she reckons she is "Losing me" and had spent all day crying at work. I have tried to convince her that I love her and only her, after all we've been married for 39yrs and that she has nothing to worry about but it's all in vain, she just keeps going on about it being private and nothing to do with anyone else and the fact that I have been out fully dressed in a public house is doing her head in. I have to say that I am all mixed up myself now as I was so certain of her love and support and regularly bragged about it to myself. Surely she couldn't have been kidding me all this time, after all when you tell friends you wear womens clothes the usual response is "It doesn't bother me" and then you never see them again. I have asked her to come to the meetings with me but that idea seems to be falling on deaf ears, now I just don't know - what do I do? maybe some of you girls have an answer.

[Alayna]

I'm so sorry to hear about your trouble:( Here's some links I think might help you. I hope she can overcome her fear enough to explore and learn what crossdressing is about and that you are still you.

http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/

This site really helped me a lot personally
http://www.jenellerose.com/

http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Parc/1472/rainbowtrail.html

[Maddie Knight]

Its sad to learn things have gone wrong.
I hope you and your wife can sort tings out soon.
My heart goes out to you.

[Sandra H]

Hi Toni.

I am so sorry to hear your news. If you are anything like me you will be more upset to think that you are the cause of making your wife so sad, worried and upset. The only thing I can say is to take your time. Just keep reassuring her that you made a mistake in going out to the pub dressed and if you thought for on second that it would her her so much you would never have done it as she means more to you than anything.

From her point of view she thinks that your need to cross dress has progressed to another level, one which could lead to her losing you to another CD. So by asking her to come with you to meetings are just adding to her concern. Looking at things from here point of view you now know that going that stage further is upsetting her, yet you still don’t take the hint and instead ask if she will enter the lions den with you.

After having a quite chat reassuring her that you would not have done it if you knew how it would have effected her. Give it a day or two looking after her and not dressing or talking about it. Then when the dust settles have a short chat with her and start by saying how upset you have been since you made your mistake and going out dressed. Say you were so afraid that you would lose her and if that should ever happen that would be the end of your life. Tell her you would not want to lose 39 years of love and happiness for something as silly as a misunderstanding.

She will most likely be more at ease and then you can add that dressing is a major part of your life, but it is not as big as the thought of losing her. So ask her if you can set out some ground rules which you will stick to. It could very well be that once she sees that you are prepared to abide with her rules she will feel more comfortable with knowing that cross dressing will not lead to losing you and may be prepared to move onto another level.

I hope you can pick something out of this to help with your situation. Take care and I do hope everything turns out all right.

[Tristen Cox]

I agree totally with her advice. This must be difficult for you both. Best of luck to you Toni.



Love
Tristen

[ChristineRenee]

I totally agree with Sandra too. Nothing more I could add to that really. I just wanted to lend my support here hon. I hope you two can get this resolved soon. Anything I can do to help you just let me know. Hang in there sweetie!


Love,
Chrissie:)

[Priscilla1018]

I totally agree with Sandra too. Nothing more I could add to that really. I just wanted to lend my support here hon. I hope you two can get this resolved soon. Anything I can do to help you just let me know. Hang in there sweetie!


Love,
Chrissie:)

Hi Toni,

Sandra's advice is great. I also could not add anything to it. Just know that your sisters are with you and want only what's best for you and your wife.

Love and BIG HUGS,
Priscilla

[racquel]

Nothing to add just want you to know i'm praying for you and her to have a happy resoulition(sp)soon.huggs

[Richelle]

Toni,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. After, my first time cross dressing with my wife's "blessing" she had the same reaction.

Since then we have come to the agreement that I can corss dress when she is not around and for her not to be told about it.

I do not now of this same agreement will work for you and your wife, but I thought I offer the idea to you.

Regards,

Richelle

[Rikki]

Toni,

I am truley sorry to hear about your day. I do hope that the two of you can resolve this very quickly and all turns out good with you both. My heart goes out to the both of you.


Rikki

[Helana]

Toni,
I have one of the most supportive SOs here but even she struggles with the issue of where does this all lead to. Does this mean I will eventually have grs or I will eventually seek out a male lover?

No matter how much reassurance you offer, the doubt will always remain in her head. It is a reality which we must face and the only solution is frank, honest talks which recognize her fears and confronts them head-on, but she will never be 100% convinced.

Eventually the best solution may be to bring her along so that she participates in your public outings, but that is probably a long way off.

In the meantime realize her reaction is based on fear - fear of what you will become, fear of your marriage, fear of ridicule and social/financial standing. Fear leads to paranoia so it needs to be brought out into the open.

I would recommend a weekend break away from home to work through these issues with her.