Did you ever ask anyone if you pass?

[Sally2005]

After getting out, taking the big step in daylight --- not caring what people I never met and will never see again will say or think...

does this carry over to, if I will never see them again...can I ask them?

For example, you see a woman in the parking lot of a large mall, you wave her over and ask, 'do I pass as a woman?'

Or you intentionaly seek out a pack of teenaged girls to see what they say?

Anyone had the nerve to try this?

[ArleneRaquel]

I let all the whistles and car honks that I receive do the talking if I pass. :love: & :hugs: Trina - Dangerous When Dressed

[MJ]

hi sally you don't have to ask a pack of teenaged girls to see what they say?

trust me they can read you from a 100 yards away they have that radar thing going on and they will folow you around everywear and why should you want to ask ?
if you get " the look" then you have been read and don't pass
i think you look very good in your avatar to me you pass :love:

[Sally2005]

Thanks! Maybe its just a self improvement thought... grab the bull by the horns and take the upper hand assuming they are going to charge at you anyway. Maybe the pack of teenagers is a bit exagerated...I guess.

[ArleneRaquel]

Are my number 1 worry, when I see a group of them walking towards me I turn and walk away - FAST !. They can be so mean and hateful. :love: & :hugs: Trina - A Wee Bit Older Than a Teen

[Angie G]

No need I know I don't :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

When all the villagers were carrying torches and surrounded my house I took it as a sign that I don't pass.

[Girlieboy]

Hi Sally,

Don't worry about it, hun. With your gorgeous looks you'll pass 110%!!!

Luv,

Diane
XX:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Not really Hon. I don't particularly care about it anyway. Most people don't care one way or the other, except for the occassional "Dodo" who usually has an issue with most other people no matter who they are.:happy:

[Deidra Cowen]

If ya gotta ask if ya pass .....you don't pass! :tongueout

Teenager girls are always the ones that seem to spot me for the most part when at a mall or someplace public.

But to be serious we have a very small handful of Tgirls in Atlanta that do pass. The secret is that they are on hormones, have had laser to remove facial hair, diet like crazy for that thin look and they don't wear wigs. The rest of us just gotta go for the blend in look! :devil:

[Rebecca-L]

During my first trip into a Dress Barn, I asked the SA if I looked OK (while she was helping me). Her reply was something like "You look fine."

Later, when I called her on the phone to thank her for making me feel comfortable, she commented that she did not think any of the other customers even noticed that I was not a woman.

I think it has a lot to do with attitude (not appearing too nervous, smiling, standing up straight, not hurrying... all things that we learn during our "guy training").

[Nikki Dee]

Never felt the need to ask....I prefer to "believe" I do..whether that's true or not.!!.LOL

[Sally2005]

Very interesting comments. Mostly try to avoid the pain and that's okay. Rebecca-L's is more what I was thinking about when I asked. Its not so much that we pass or not (probably we don't many times and want to avoid being singled out). I was thinking more about when you think you -are- passing did you ever ask that person? Then wait for their reaction.

[Lisa Thorne]

I get a lot of guys honking their horns at me. I guess that is their sign of approval.

[Karren H]

Nope, never did.... and don't really care what they think.... Got a right to wear what I want where I want and as long as no one gets overly upset or aggressive.... I'm happy

Karren

[TxKimberly]

That's like asking "does this make me look fat"? Even if it does, you can't tell her that. If you ask another TG, it will be a very rare person indeed that would tell you "Sorry hun, but no". Most are going to smile, pat you on the head, and say "Sure, your passable".
As for stopping someone on the street, I couldn't imagine why I would want to do that.
Kim

[Holly]

I don't really care what the lady across the parking or the pack of teenage girls, or anyone else thinks of my passability. I'm just not willing to surrender my happiness to someone else's control... and becoming dependent on some strangers acceptance does just that. Sally, you're a lovely young lady but I don't have to tell you that... you already know that in your heart.

[Rebecca-L]

That's like asking "does this make me look fat"? Even if it does, you can't tell her that. If you ask another TG, it will be a very rare person indeed that would tell you "Sorry hun, but no". Most are going to smile, pat you on the head, and say "Sure, your passable".
As for stopping someone on the street, I couldn't imagine why I would want to do that.
Kim


I agree with Kim's comment. In my case, I asked because I wanted to make sure I did not look outrageous. The SA seemed like the type of person who would provide some kind of feedback (I know, every customer looks great, but I needed to get my confidence up). It helped make me feel better that she did not have a negative reaction.

[Kerrie Sifton]

Knowing I would not pass,(yet) but also admiring girls who do pass , I would suggest not asking but instead just be yourself.
The girls I have run into often look very feminine, the only distraction is that they are dressed in the top 10% of the women in the store.
Yesterday I did a mini poll to see where I would fit if I dressed as I wished - skirt, boots, blouse, jewellry, and how the rest of the women were dressed. Of the 30 women in the grocery store, just two were in heels, and skirts. And they did look very cute. too, even the slightly pregnant one. The rest were primarily in jeans and some type of sneaker. :2c:

[Noel Chimes]

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket, but to ask a total stranger is asking to out yourself. I know that there have been times when I have been out enfemme and got read by everyone that got within 10 feet of me.(traffic lanes are very close here) Other times I have gotten honks, whistles, the "hey sugar", and a couple other comments.
I've got to be me and that's all there is to it. I guess, "sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't.:2c:

[veronicag48]

When you look in the mirror after doing the best you have done and you like what you see then go for it. These days other people have much more on their minds than hmmmmmm is she passable. The only thing holding "us" back from entering the real world is ourselves. So we're all passable :thumbsup:

[Mitzi]

Other t-girls used to tell me I easily passed, so I'd get overconfident and sometimes embarrassed myself.

Nowadays, I get too many looks when out to do it anymore.

Mitzi

[Lilith Moon]

Are my number 1 worry, when I see a group of them walking towards me I turn and walk away - FAST !. They can be so mean and hateful. :love: & :hugs: Trina - A Wee Bit Older Than a Teen

Most of my bad experiences have been with groups of teenage girls. Not sure why they seem so spiteful...

[Rachel Morley]

I think it has a lot to do with attitude (not appearing too nervous, smiling, standing up straight, not hurrying... all things that we learn during our "guy training").
What Rebecca has written here "hits the nail on the head" for me. Although there are obvious visual basics that have to be achieved, it's attitude, the way you carry yourself, and how you are thinking about it all that will carry you through.

For me personally, of all the times, in all the places that I have ever been, only twice did someone indicate to me that they read me. In reality though, of course I'll never know as people are far too polite. I'm think I get read quite often, it's just that they never tell me, so I'm blissfully unaware ...... except for one time recently in a restaurant. I was having dinner with my wife and one of our friends and when the waiter took our orders he said to me "and what can I get you sir?" Ooops!! :eek:

[Rhonda Jean]

About 25 years ago I went through a phase where I did just that. Keep in mind, 25 years ago I was totally ignorant and uninformed on the subject of crossdressing or any other cross-gender expression. Those of you who've come along since just can't imagine what it was like then. I doubt that I even had heard the term "crossdresser" before.

25 years ago I was 5'9-1/2", 125 pounds, hair down to the middle of my back, long fingernails. After I got married and moved away from home I became quite comfortable going out as a girl. As far as I knew, no one ever knew I wasn't a girl, unti that fateful day...

I meticulously prepared. Rolled my hair, carefully did my makeup, wore one of my wife's best skirt suits and matching heels. I headed out to the mall only a few miles from my house. Stoopped by McDonalds on the way, and that's where it happened. For the first time, I knew I'd been read! It scared me to death! I didn't go to the mall that day. I went home. I wondered if I'd ever dress again! I couldn't imagine what gave me away. I had to find out.

I started deliberately outing myself to find out how well I had passed. I used as many variations on this theme as there were opportunities, but typically I'd approach a sales associate or clerk after they'd had a good chance to see me for a while, and then in my normal male voice, place my order or ask a question. I'd gauge their reaction and then say something like, " I bet you don't get many guys in here dressed like this!" On a few occasions I'd try my best to pass, say, at a convenience store, and then days later go in as a male and make a comment like, " Last time I was in here there was a guy dressed as a woman. Does that happen very often around here?" It was very interesting to hear some of those descriptions of me!" Even better were those that said, "No, I've never seen that."

Haven't really done that since, but at the time it was the only way to get feedback and even constructive criticism. We've come a long way!

[Sally2005]

Rhonda, That's great! That's what I was wondering about. For entertainment purposes, can you share any of the comments you got way back then and what you changed or how you reacted?

[Rhonda Jean]

Should have mentioned also that Halloween is a good time to do this. People aren't shy about letting you know you don't pass then. They think they're just commenting on your "costume".

As far as the comments from back then, One of the convenience store clerks that I went back to in drab said, "Oh yeah! We have one who comes in all the time! (Not me). Then said "There was one in here the other day. Drove up here in a little red sports car (me!). She (Might have said he. I don't remember) really looked great! Litttle short skirt and heels, long hair and nails done. She really looked like a woman!" I wanted to ask "what made you think it wasn't a woman, but I didn't.

Most commonly, clerks would say, "I thought you were a woman, 'till you said something". Some said, "I could just tell". One said, " I can still see some beard." Another said " I could tell by your hands". I never understood that one. My hands are not large, even for a woman.

I think the give away the first time at McDonalds was beard shadow. I had a really light beard up until about that time in my life. I wore regular foundation, and had never given a thought to doing anything extra to cover my beard.

It was kind of an interesting experiment, but not one I'm likely to repeat.

[Kelsy]

When all the villagers were carrying torches and surrounded my house I took it as a sign that I don't pass.

Were the Villagers Teenagers???:heehee:

Jennifer!

[Karen S]

I agree with Rachel. It is all about attitude. The way that you present yourself.

I just posted a thread about my experience at Lenscrafters. I usually don't worry about what people think. However when I was finished paying for my glasses, I asked the woman that helped me if she spotted me right away. She said no not until I started talking. She said "I thought that your voice was a little too deep".

[Lisa Golightly]

No never asked anyone anything of the like... I may ask 'Do I look fat in this?' but that's yer lot :)

[MsJanessa]

I don't worry about it---I'm sure I have "passed" on lots of occasions and have not "passed" on others----to those out there in public who have a problem with Me they can kiss My leather covered derierre---all others I would be happy to chat with and be friends.

[jjjjohanne]

I only partially dress. I have gone out in shorts and hose. I figured everyone could tell, but I have found that people normally didn't notice. Even when I was trying on strappy ladies heels, and the clerk was giving me advice, looking at my feet... she didn't notice the hose. I said something about them and she said I couldn't tell you had hose on. I have gone out in dark hose and noticed that some people didn't notice. There is quite a difference when they do versus when they don't!

Joe

[Fab Karen]

Imagining in a ladies restroom:
"excuse me, do you think I look like a woman?"
Woman runs screaming.

[Eva Diva]

It's a natural subject of curiousity, but I don't think it's a good idea. The people you're asking didn't volunteer to be a part of your experiment, so you're imposing on them. I suspect it wouldn't take long to generate extreme hostility doing a thing like that.

I good idea in theory, but not so much in practice.

[Melanie R]

Whenever I am ready to go out in public I always ask my wife if I pass. 90% of the time she says yes. Thats about the percentage I usually experience passing in public. This past Saturday at a hotel where there were many TG's present in the elavator a woman with her teenage daughter asked if I had seen the men dressed as women in the hotel. I said I had and then educated them about transgendered persons. They had not read me. On another occassion I did have a teenage girl ask if I was a man or a woman. I beleive passing is about attitude and dressing appropriate for the time and place.

[Sally2005]

Eva, You are probably right about eventually hitting someone with hostility. You would have to be tactful and pick someone who looks friendly. Not in the bathroom!

Melanie, how did they react to the education? I'm curious if they talked to you about it and did they then clue in that you were one of the men they were talking about?

[joann07]

I've gotten comments from other CDers, as well as their spouses, that I'm totally passable. It was reasurring to me when I heard that and it made me feel confident in myself. When went out for the first time, I wasn't used to people looking at me and feared that I was being spotted, but then my CD mentor reassured me that I'm passable and put things into perspective. He said that when I'm in guy mode if I see an attractive woman I'm definitely going to look and check her out, but now that the roles are reversed, people are looking at me because I appear to them as an attractive Asian woman. He mentioned, again, that I'm doing fine and that I shouldn't have anything to worry about, but its going to take time for me to get used to it. I told him that its definitely a new experience for me, but if I can just remember to do what I've been practicing (i.e. walking, mannerisms, etc.) then I'll be relaxed and enjoying being out.

[Jennaie]

No need to ask, when you pass, you will know.

[Melanie R]

Melanie, how did they react to the education? I'm curious if they talked to you about it and did they then clue in that you were one of the men they were talking about?

I did tell them that I was transgendered. They said they would not have kinown but sometimes people say what they think you want to hear. They seemed to be positve about transgendered persons.

[Lanore]

I've never been one in to public opinion. How I feel about myself is all that really matters. I accepted myself a long, long time ago and as I get older, I just seem to fit in. If I had to ask someone, 'do I pass', that would tell me I need some work. My outside is in tune with my inside and I like that.

Lanore

[Scottey1]

Ok, did ask for feedback. Was in Cinti yesterday and stopped at a recommended bridal shop. Was told hair, makeup and"top" passed well, but my hips werent big enough! The SA was VERY nice and sincere, and I appreciated her comments. She suggested I wear a pencil skirt with some padded panties. She gave so much confidence that stopped in at Fredericks (dressed in a skirt), and bought a new pair of padded panties. Again, the SA was great, thought I passed, (said i was dressesd well - black skirt, balck top, gold chains and earrings)but migth need some more concealer. Spent the next 1 1/2 hours at the mall window shopping. My feet ache from 3 hrs in heels - but biy what a feeling! So i think there are good sources of information out there - just need to be selective...
What a day!!!

[Sally2005]

Scottey1, Wow, that's great. It means a lot to get direct feedback. Sounds like you had fun!

[Sallee]

I don't think I ever have asked. I think I pass alot of the time but like alot are saying people just want to be nice. I do know that I have been read on more than one occasion I also know I have passed one more than one occasion. I agree that some positive feed back would be kind of fun. Even negative for that matter. People usually see what they expect to see and don't think about it.

[faltenrock]

Interesting - no I never asked - I just don't care, as long as I don't meet someone who knows me.

Yes teenagers are different. On one occasion I walked trough a shopping area.
Some teenage boys spotted me and started talking to me: " are you a transsexual...." I didn't look at them, but they kept following on their bikes.
I walked up some staires, so they could follow on the bikes. Then I came down again, and they came towards me again. But a teenage girl came close to me and saked the boys if they didn't have anything better to do than to follow and bother me. I thought that was very brave and nice of her.

I went to my car and left this village.

Doreen

[Stephenie S]

Silly Rabbit, asking outs you right there. How can you get an honest answer? And the answer is no, anyway. You are never going to "pass" until you don't feel the need to ask anyway. It's a state of mind, not a state of dress. Stop worrying and you might "pass" more often. We would all say that Karren passes. Ask her if she worries about it.

Steph

[Kate Simmons]

You know you "pass" when......a lesbian hits on you even after talking in your normal voice and you have to prove who you are by showing them your license.:p

[Becky Moore]

Never felt the need to ask....I prefer to "believe" I do..whether that's true or not.!!.LOL

I agree with Nikki, I believe that passing is a mental state as well as a physical one. I believe, therefore I am hehe

[TerriM]

I guess it was about 10 or 15 years ago that I was shopping in JC Penney and a salesgirl was helping me with a blazer. They didnt have the size in the color I wanted and she offered to call another store to see if they had it. I said no that was ok, and thanked her and walked away. I went back a few minutes later and asked her "if she knew ?" As soon as I asked her I was sorry I did. She responded " knew what?" i said that I was a man? The look on her face was like a fear/bewilderment look. She had been very nice to me and I had upset her by the question. I never did that again.

Yours Terri

[Emma England]

Terri,

You must look convincing then?

[Linda-x]

I have seen more than a few "GG's", that didn't really pass. I wonder if they ask themself if they pass, before going out?..:happy: I worry, not so much about passing, as blending in enough not to stand out, and embaress myself. I was always afraid of malls, or places that I could'nt easily run away from, spending my time worrying what others were thinking. Then one evening I was at a mall, and had something on my mind other than those around me. That time I passed!

[Mitch23]

Hi,

funny you should say that but today I did find myself heading towards large groups of people and getting into line of sight rather than steering away - i dont think i got any reaction except for one group of young lads who made some ribald comment. plenty of groups of young teenage girls but they seemed too wrapped up in their own thing to notice. i think a lot of the glances i got were admiring ones (well so i like to think!)

Perhaps when i get bolder i'll start outing myself - but not yet!

mitch