confusion...like that's new

[bi_weird]

MMm tonight we had some people over for drinking and dancing. After a while it became clear that no one I was interested in was coming, and I hated the girl clothes I was wearing so I changed into boy clothes. For the first time, I was trying to dance in boy mode, attempting to figure out how to dance boyish and act boyish while drunk...and suddenly it was really confusing. I was thinking about how it'd be if there was someone about I did want to dance with, because I had no idea how to do anything like that.
I guess the point of this is more to ask if you can relate. Like, I have some idea of how to be a boy...alone. But I really have no idea how to be around someone I like if I'm in boy mode. I guess part of it stems from the fact that I don't feel at all attractive in boy clothes...which stems from the fact that I don't pass and don't try that hard. Does anyone else have issues like that? Am I totally crazy? Does this make any sense at all?
Btw, any errors or nonsense in this are due to me being tired and probably not totally sober yet.

[AllieSF]

Go Wolverines!! I was born and raised 20 minutes fom you. First, I am not sure if you are a FtM or MtF. Sorry. Maybe the confusion, besides on an alcohol high, is a reflection of how you really think. I have only been dressing for 2-3 months at home alone and know one knows. I am dressed now, at home listening to good dancing music and missing someone, or ones, to dance and have fun with. I think I would dance the same o matter how dressed, but my smile will be much bigger when I am wearing my short skirt and low heels. Just a matter of defining what you are looking for. For me, it is to have fun and try to stay away from gender issues, deep thought and decisions. Live for the moment and just enjoy.

[kerrianna]

Hi Bi, I hope you don't mind me answering here.

Sounds perfectly normal and expected that you would feel awkward when trying to be in boy mode in front of others, esp if you like them. The only thing I can suggest is practice. Watch them when they dance . Everyone is different, but there are certain things both genders do that are social signifiers. I wish I could tell you what it is boys do but I was never very good at it myself. :heehee: (oh, except boys never move their hips enough it seems. :p )

I find myself watching and mimicking female behaviour patterns more, but I'm like you. I don't make much of an effort to pass and I haven't convinced myself I do make an attractive girl. Speaking of dancing...about 2 months ago Carol and I were dancing as a prelude to a date, and I was dressed, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to move. I just stood there and thought, "This is all wrong" and got changed. I can dance fine and femme home alone, but couldn't in front of Carol. I think a lot of it has to do with just getting comfortable with yourself in that mode. Keep working on it. Try little things each time. It'll come. :hugs:

[Felix]

Hi Bi well I feel for ya Hun especially if there is someone around that ya like! Try not to think about what ya should be doing or not doing if ya dancin with someone follow them, just try to relax. I know when I'm dancing I don't think OMG! I need to be dancing like a man for example I just enjpy myself and let myself go. If I started thinking should I be doing this or that it would make the night a bad one cos too much thinkin instead of enjoyin myself. At the staff christmas party my friend who is a gay male got me up to dance it was obvious he was leading from the start lol we was the only two on the dance floor but it was really nice he's a very good dancer. If we are out I usually follow his lead anyway if we are dancing. Gay men are just great to dance with :heehee: So Hun just chill and enjoy go with the flow and I'm sure it will just come naturally.
xx Felix :hugs:

[pocoyo]

Hey Bi!

Awwww poor thing feeling all confused :hugs:

You know what I think? I think you are thinking about it too hard!

I reckon you just need to relax and go with the flow.
Just be the natural you and it will all be cool my friend.

Dont think... just do.... ;)

[Tristan]

Dancing is just about relaxing and chilling to the music I don't think you need to think a great deal about it. My dad dances with this lil bob side to side and kicks his ass with alternating legs. But that's just him. So it's ok men can be bad dancers too or goofy looking, it's still just about having fun.

[Kieron Andrew]

Hey Bi!

Awwww poor thing feeling all confused :hugs:

You know what I think? I think you are thinking about it too hard!

I reckon you just need to relax and go with the flow.
Just be the natural you and it will all be cool my friend.

Dont think... just do.... ;)
i totally agree with everything Poc's just said!! wow i think i need a drink now im in shock lol

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Felix Bi. Just be yourself, go with the flow and it will come naturally. That's what I do when I dance.:happy: Sal

[pocoyo]

i totally agree with everything Poc's just said!! wow i think i need a drink now im in shock lol

He he he you cheeky bugger!

[Kieron Andrew]

He he he you cheeky bugger!
:tongueout .......sowwy, in a cheeky mood!

[kerrianna]

Yeah, I was thinking about this :rolleyes: this morning and thought the real answer is dancing is a means to lose yourself and have fun like Tristan says. Let yourself go. :dancing: :twirl:

:heehee: Poc telling someone ELSE they're thinking too much. :happy:

[CaptLex]

Now you've got me wondering if I dance like a boy or a girl. I've never thought about it - I just move any way the music moves me. I'm a dancing fool, and I just want to have fun with other people who are also having fun when we're on the dance floor. I think the only time it makes a difference to me is when there's slow dancing - I realize now that the last time I slow danced (with a male friend), I automatically took the "girl" position (hands on his shoulders) while he put his hands around my waist - but that's because it's what I've done for years, so I didn't even think about it.

And you're right, Felix, gay men are great to dance with. :D

[Felix]

Right on Lex that dance we had the floor to ourselves was a slow dance and he was a great leader xx Felix :hugs:

[Taylor105]

I can't dance to save my life. Boy, girl, or alien. lol I usually sit at the bar and talk to people and leave the dance floor to the people who like to dance. :)

[Kate Simmons]

The main thing is getting on the floor and cutting loose and having fun. Who gives a rat's whisker what we look like? I have to confess though, I dance like a girl, even when I'm Rich.:heehee:

[Question Mark]

*nod* Yeah, it's a fairly normal thing. I had that problem a week or so ago. The key is to just relax and not worry so much about how "male" you're acting. Dancingwise, though, I find that men tend not to dance as... uh... gyratingly as the womenfolk. I dunno. I don't dance very often anyways.

[false_dichotomy]

I agree, the point of dancing (drunken dancing especially) is just to have fun! No reason to dance if you're gonna stress out about whether you pass or not. Chances are... there's someone sitting on the sidelines wishing he had what it takes to just get out there and dance what he feels, jealous/admiring even of another guy who perhaps dances a little bit like a girl.

Obviously, girls dance in a more "slinky" way than guys do... So if your'e concentrating so hard on passing that your dancing looks a little forced, that might actually be more "passable." If you're worried, take your cues from the other men there, as in anything. Or watch for telltale things that girls tend to do more than guys and avoid those. I wish I were more helpful, but I don't really try to act masculine on the dance floor... I might end up getting the attention of girls! :p

[kerrianna]

I wish I were more helpful, but I don't really try to act masculine on the dance floor... I might end up getting the attention of girls! :p

You don't have to be on the dance floor to do that Neil. :battingeyelashes: :daydreaming:

[bi_weird]

Gah, it's funny how when I go through weird peroids like this I get really antisocial. Lately I just don't want to reply to anything. Thanks for the replies though. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has silly issues like not knowing how to dance. So does anyone else have issues being around people they're attracted to? It always feels more confusing to me when I'm around someone I like, because I want them to like me also and I don't know how to do that as a boy. I don't even think about it anymore when I'm around my friends, but then there'll be someone interesting and suddenly I'm wigging out.

[kerrianna]

Gah, it's funny how when I go through weird peroids like this I get really antisocial. Lately I just don't want to reply to anything. Thanks for the replies though. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has silly issues like not knowing how to dance. So does anyone else have issues being around people they're attracted to? It always feels more confusing to me when I'm around someone I like, because I want them to like me also and I don't know how to do that as a boy. I don't even think about it anymore when I'm around my friends, but then there'll be someone interesting and suddenly I'm wigging out.

Not in the context of TG because I'm only out to Carol, but what you describe Bi is familar to me through my whole life. I see with me that it comes from not being comfortable in my own body, not being confident, not having great self esteem, not being able to hear the message that maybe, just maybe they might like me too, just for who I am. The more at stake the more nervous I am.

Dealing with this crp (which is not just TG related and is fairly common) is an ongoing process. At least you can start now. I've barely started and I'm 48! One thing I've learned lately (besides all the TG issues) is that I am an Introvert (I knew that) but that there is nothing wrong with that. My therapist told me about an interesting book called "The Introvert Advantage" which validates how 'innies' view and deal with an extrovert world. Innie and outies regain energy in opposite ways. Your feeling antisocial may be partly recharging your energy battery.

Anyway I encourage you to look at how you see yourself (not just gender wise), and try to keep making postive changes in your self-opinion. It's an ongoing process and adventure. A lot of what you are feeling is just you coming of age and growing. You'll get better at it. You sound like an interesting compassionate person who would be great to know. Your self-confidence will improve as you move further out in the world, in what ever way you chose.
:hugs: :love: