TS without cding

[Joanne f]

I have an odd question to ask ,can you want to be a TS without wanting to crossdress all the time , as in just being you as you are but a TS.

[Toyah]

I dont really see how if you transition you are the other sex all the time

[Sharon]

Crossdressing is really a secondary result of being a transsexual -- more a need to see the physical self represent what is in your heart and brain than anything else. What I see in the mirror is important to me, as I don't really identify with a more male appearance, but clothing isn't quite as important to me as it may be for others.

[Shelly R]

I don't see how either.
I think this is a matter of meanings, TS (transsexual) usually has something to do with the act of transitioning, changing from your natal gender to your own gender identity, the journey of change is for the most part permanent. The idea of presenting as your original physical gender is not a happening thing. What would be the point of transitioning, and all the work associated with it? Check out the "Dr. Harry Benjamin Standards of Care" That should give you an idea of what happens during transition. It's not just all about the surgery.
I suppose so, there are CD'ers in every walk of life.
More is to the point of being TG (transgendered). Having a physical gender that does not necessarily match up with your own gender identity, nor feeling the severe need to make your body more congruent with the way you feel about yourself. Though there is a lot of room in the SOC's (Standards of Care) for those who do not wish to under go surgery.
There is nothing basically wrong with with not wanting to "CD" every day. Job, family in general, just plain too tired, no need, and probably lot of other reasons. I am sure that a lot of people here don't "CD" all the time either, nothing wrong with that at all!
Think carefully about the TS and Transitioning route. It is a long and not so easy path to undertake, and means upsetting a lot of things in your life.
If you have questions about your gender identity, this is a good place to start. More importantly, is to seek out a qualified Gender Therapist to help you to decide what it is you want for yourself in the long run. Another good place to look is at tsroadmap.com for information.
:hugs:

[AmberTG]

There is a pretty wide spectrum between all male feeling and all female feeling. I'm actually closer to the middle than I am to one side or the other, so I have my days when I don't want to bother with anything, I just live the way I am. I'm not trying to present as female at this time so it's a bit easier for me. I'm still working on my appearance, it takes time to erase 40 years of testosterone poisoning on a body.

[Stephenie S]

Most people will say you can't "want" to be TS. You either are TS or you aren't TS.

If you are, you can wear whatever you want. There are no rules, and there is no rulebook. And, of course, if you aren't, you can wear whatever you want. You don't ever HAVE to CD.

Steph

[Lisa Golightly]

It is possible to be the other sex inside without feeling the need to display the signs and signifiers of that sex in dress and behaviour. To deny such a fact is to believe in fixed gender stereotypes... and who here would dream of such a thing?

[Joanne f]

Thank you for all your help so far, i find it difficult to explain but i will try, i am to manly looking to pass as a woman,and i do enjoy wearing female cloths some time's, i have always had this feeling that i am half male and half female so some times i do not mind being a male, yet other times i want to be a female and i mean "want to be a female" i do not want my male bit`s it is like being in a constant battle with 2 me`s, but lately i cannot stop thinking that i would be happier if i could be the real me under my cloths if that makes any sort of sense, i think that i might be frightened that i am more than half and half.
joanne f

[Teresa Amina]

Well, think of all the time people bury themselves deep in denial. The "logic" being that if it isn't expressed through dressing then it really isn't there. Pure bs, we all know. If you are then you are, expressed or not. Sometimes dressing can be a pain, a real chore. But most the time I get a strong need to not just feel but see. When I can look in the mirror and see a very close approximation to what I want (and have always wanted) to Be looking back at me it satisfies, for a while, that inner trans-something which is always there regardless.

[Just Plain Kay]

Years ago, it was all about the clothes.

Now, having come to terms with my real self, clothes don't matter to me so much.

I pay attention to grooming: hairstyle, unwanted hair removal, nails, eyebrows, skin care, etc. And I like the changes hormones have wrought. Those are things that please me and have little to do with presentation to the outside world.

It feels good to dress nicely once in a while - even if it's in male mode. But most of the time, I'm dressed in a casual, almost gender-neutral way.

In fact, nearly every item of clothing I have that was made for a woman was bought for me or given to me by my wife, who likes to encourage my feminine side.

[melissaK]

Most people will say you can't "want" to be TS. You either are TS or you aren't TS. If you are, you can wear whatever you want. There are no rules, and there is no rulebook. And, of course, if you aren't, you can wear whatever you want. You don't ever HAVE to CD.
Steph

LOL. Joseph Heller would be proud of your mastery of logic . . .


To deny such a fact is to believe in fixed gender stereotypes... and who here would dream of such a thing?

Well said. We MTF's spend a lot of time dealing with trying to conform to female stereotypes. Take a page from the women's lib movement, (you there Calliope?) and you can achieve a life that is your own. You can view it as being a TS lifestyle as there are no fixed genders.

If you think TS has by definition an "action" aspect to it as Shelly suggests in her comments, then labelling yourself TS without "doing" more would be bending that definition.

Me, I think of myself as a TS. I do not pursue SRS or full time cross dressing for all the myriad of complicated reasons that there are. Foremost among those reasons though is that I think stereotyping gender roles is a problem; it is wrong. With my apologies to June and Ward Cleaver, all women don't wear dresses and cook, nor do all men wear ties and work in an office.

I don't fit any stereotypical label - and once you are outside the scientific chromosonal definitions of M or F and into sociologic definitions, I don't fit in the M or F labels. So when I am in need of a stereotypical label, I'm bending Shelly's definition of the word TS and stretching the penumbra of its meaning to cover me and everyone else stuck not fitting a stereotypical M or F categorization.

hugs,
'lissa

[Just Plain Kay]

I don't fit any stereotypical label - and once you are outside the scientific chromosonal definitions of M or F and into sociologic definitions, I don't fit in the M or F labels.

I define my condition thusly: "Living, breathing proof that God has a sense of humor."


http://kentraco.blogspot.com/

[Natasha Anne]

I think it's possible.

Although I had some pretty momentous occassions when I crossdressed, I actually crossdressed extremely rarely. In the years leading up to my transition I can count 5 times in 9 years!

Crossdressing was simply not enough for me.

I used to shop for clothes a lot, and window shop, but I didn't dress up regularly at all.

Before I decided to transition I had started incorporating more and more feminine things into my life. That included dressing fairly androgynously i.e. womens clothes but no noticeably so, buying more feminine things for my home and allowing myself to partake in conversations and activities I'd run from previously. As I started to transition that became more and more pronounced, until the announcements went out about RLT, and then I finally dressed full time never to return. By that stage it was enough, because I was living as a woman all the time, not just dreaming I was one.

We're all different and we all go about this in our own way. Don't let other's opinions deter you. Only you know what is right for you.

I'll bet many people would have said I'm no candidate, but I've sailed through and am very comfortable with my new life.

[janedoe311]

Some of us are not passable. We are just men in a dress. So CDing will not work. So if one like me was to go the TS route I would get the "treatments" first, hormones, facial feminization surgery, hair transplants, breast implants etc.

Then when I am passable I would cd in public. But officially that is not the way.

So you would be on your own, you would have to find doctors that would give you the hormones without going through "channels". They require you to live as a woman after a short time on hormones at least in the US. You can self treat if you have the money but hormones are hard to get a doctor to prescribe without going through the "traditional" Gender personality disorder treatment steps.

[Kimberley]

I think this is more a question of what it is about to be TS than crossdressing so I have to take sides with Sharon and Natasha (Nice ears hon). Being TS is a feeling not a want or desire. Dressing has nothing to do with feelings but it can help to assuage any negatives that might arise. It is what we see in the mirror that counts plus how we relate to the world around us.

Trying to make a definition by dressing is not accomplishing anything, it is only confusing you further.

I dress as I feel when I can and rarely does that mean skirts and dresses and makeup etc. I dress to be comfortable both physically and mentally. Those are what count.

As to a mix of gender let me say this. Many people have a tendancy to confuse life experience with true gender. We are experienced as males (for M2F's) so that is often our perspective. Still there are many GG's who hold very male traits. Again, these are learned through experience. We learn female mannerisms and traits but those dont make us female. Our feelings do.

Hope this is of some help.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[melissaK]

I define my condition thusly: "Living, breathing proof that God has a sense of humor."

ROFL. :rofl: Oh yes, and thank God he has instilled that sense of humor in us or as Jimmy Buffet put it "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

hugs,
'lissa

[Tina_Someday]

Back when I questioning myself. I was told all the time on other boards that people who womans clothes were just crossdressers. I actually was told that many many time by many different people. Which I didn't question because I never Crossdressed. However I have met a few who in fact did Crossdress. I just felt the need to post this even though the others have given alot better and thought out posts then my couple of words. Good Luck

[Danielle Renee]

If dressing up like a girl was requirement to be a woman, a lot of GGs I know wouldn't qualify. I've spent a lot of time watching and pondering this and I realize that a woman can wear whatever she wants to as often or as seldom as she wants to. She can wear jeans and a sweatshirt every day, and dress down from that at home. She's still a woman. It's the self-identity that determines, not the identity others see. I also think if a person feels like she's a woman, it generally projects to others, even if she's not trying to.

[Stephenie S]

So, to add another point of view to Kehleyr's excellent post above:

I have been on HRT for about 7 months. There was no requirement that I live full time as a woman and there still is no such requirement. I have been getting electrolysis for the same length of time. There was no requirement of any kind to start that process. Now that I have begun to grow quite nicely in the breast department, I see no reason to get BA surgery. Many women are flatter than I am right now. I do know that there is no requirement of any kind to obtain BA surgery. Only to find a surgeon who will do the work. A very easy task as there are sooo many plastic surgeons just waiting to take your money.

The SOC has reared it's ugly little head on one occasion, however. My first therapist had discharged me when he recomended me for HRT. My endocrinologist required me to be seen on a regular basis in order to protect himself. He said he didn't care how often I saw the therapist, I just HAD to be in a therapy program to satisfy the SOC. So I had to find another therapist.

I would like to mention that cost is rarely a factor in HRT. The medications involved, a testosterone blocker, and estrogen, are very common drugs taken by thousands of patients around the world. They are therefore quite inexpensive compared to OTC supliments from the health food store or the internet. My HRT costs a bit more than $60 for a three month suply. Just about $5 a week.

Electrolysis, however, is expensive and time consuming. But electrolysis is perhaps the single most important program you will need to do. Facing the world as a woman with a beard is a daunting task. If you are contemplating transition, start beard removal yesterday.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Joanne f]

I would like to thank you all for your advise and help, you have given me a lot to think about, at least i do not feel odd about not wanting to dress girlie all the time even thou i know that i am a woman in side, just wish that i could change things over night but i can`t ,it is good to have you all to chat to for help so i would like to say a big thank you again,
joanne f :love:

[Ally Lynn]

I do not see the problem of transitioning with out ever being a Crossdresser, (I only did a few times in my teens, and did enjoy it),but I am in the middle of doing it know. I was diagnosed with GID and have always felt more female in the brain and want to have a body to match. But I am not into all the dressing up and trouble of living way the world perceives a female to look.

I am happy living analogously and living in unisex type clothing and hair. I have having trouble understanding the need to put on makeup everyday to make the world more comfortable with me. I am just doing what I feel I need to to make myself feel better. I alway had long hair and loved simple earrings in each ear.

I just can not stand presenting my self as a male anymore and it was making me sick as can be.

I will dress up when needed and maybe more after the hormones change my body. But for know I plan on getting rid of the testosterone in me and the estrogen makes me feel better, both mentally and physically.

I think everyone should do what they think is best for them selves.

Have a Great Day, Ally :happy:

[Scotty]

I rarely dress in anything FULL blown anymore. Mainly just around hte house in whatever is comfy - shorts, tank top (all femme however but not necessarily pink).

I believe you can, it's a state of mind and phsyical transition for me....but I'll never fully transition either and I accept that and my limitations...

:)

[false_dichotomy]

Thank you for all your help so far, i find it difficult to explain but i will try, i am to manly looking to pass as a woman,and i do enjoy wearing female cloths some time's, i have always had this feeling that i am half male and half female so some times i do not mind being a male, yet other times i want to be a female and i mean "want to be a female" i do not want my male bit`s it is like being in a constant battle with 2 me`s, but lately i cannot stop thinking that i would be happier if i could be the real me under my cloths if that makes any sort of sense, i think that i might be frightened that i am more than half and half.
joanne f

Coming from the other side, I don't think that that looking hypermasculine is necessary for FTMs either-- I'm a guy in whatever clothes I wear. And really, in the event I get "read" people just assume I'm a butch lesbian and don't really harass me most of the time, so the issue of not being able to pass isn't necessarily as big for me. I understand what you mean about wanting to be the real you under your clothes; as I wrote elsewhere, I don't mind wearing a dress so long as I am percieved as a man in a dress. Here's my take on it:

I don't think of myself as butch at all, in fact I think of myself as a bit femme. There is SUCH a difference between being a masculine woman and being a feminine man, but most people are pretty clueless when it comes to what gender means. I get really frustrated when someone judges me by my clothes and assumes I must be "butch"-- like when lesbians hit on me, my GAWD. I don't play sports or ride motorcycles or "top" sexually or despise girly things. I don't understand why I have to hate the color pink, or why I can't wear a dress for Halloween. The only thing in this world that keeps me from wearing tight shirts every damn day is that I have crappy binders at the moment. And yet I know I am a man. Society can't tell me otherwise. My "friends" can't convince me that I'm not masculine enough to be a "real man". I'm oddly more secure in my masculinity than many GM's are. And I am damn happy this way. I hope you can find the balance that works best for you. :hugs:

[Siobhan Marie]

For me, its how I feel inside and that has to be matched up on the outside so that I can feel complete. I don't crossdress a lot in fact to be honest its very rare that I do. But it doesn't diminish from how I feel on the inside. Just my :2c: on this.

huge :hugs: and *cuddles*

Anna Marie x

[samantha6]

I have an odd question to ask ,can you want to be a TS without wanting to crossdress all the time , as in just being you as you are but a TS.
yes if you are transexual then thats who you are crossdressing is completly different to being transexual who eva told you this they are wrong you have tobe yourself nomatter how you dress samantha6 xx

[CaptLex]

I don't think of myself as butch at all, in fact I think of myself as a bit femme. There is SUCH a difference between being a masculine woman and being a feminine man, but most people are pretty clueless when it comes to what gender means.
I can totally relate to this, Neil, and that's the reason that I want to be seen as male as possible. It's amazing how easily people will mistake a feminine man for a masculine woman. I'm really tired of being seen as a butch woman (because it's the outside that others want to see) instead of as a man (albeit a feminine one). On the other end of it, I'm also tired of all the unrequested suggestions I get about how to appear more masculine. I don't want to appear more masculine, I just want to be me, and the only steps I take in expressing my real self are to stop people from seeing me as a butch female and to help them see me as male.

[princessmichelle]

I've wanted to be a woman for almost as long as I knew the difference between the genders. But since I don't have much practice at looking female, I look like a guy in a dress. I'd rather look like a _gal_ in a dress or, better yet, a gal in blue jeans and a tshirt.

But because I look ridiculous en-femme, I don't do it. Which is probably a mistake, because, well, how else am I going to get better at it?

But to respond to the question, yes, I want to be the opposite gender but don't crossdress that much.

Michelle Elizabeth

[Kristen Kelly]

The Rules are Still Being Written
Clothes do not make the woman. I have been crossdressing all my live much in denial, I accepted myself 2 years ago and my life changed. I am happy with myself, what I wear is not as important as how I feel, I am always Kristen on the inside, no matter how I dress. I have made changes in my apperance had the best laugh when out to dinner and waiter came up behind me and said, "Hello ladies what can I get for you tonight to drink". All he saw was my long hair earrings and my GG gf sitting, there felt great, for I was in Drab :idontknow: The more I take this serious the less I want to be around Guys in dresses when I started going out used to bug me that those that were TS would snub the Cd's and now I find myself wanting to have less to do with that scene and be more in mainstream. I made a promice not to forget where it started for me, and those that did take the time to allow me to find myself, I feel the need to "give back" hope a few after they are post-op do the same and not say now I am a woman.

[sandyz]

I have an odd question to ask ,can you want to be a TS without wanting to crossdress all the time , as in just being you as you are but a TS.

Hi Joanne....Just thinking about it is enough for me sometimes..however, actually wearing panties etc is better...sandyz

[cindianna_jones]

I wear clothes that men or women could wear most of the time. Tees and jeans. But I am always a woman.

In the beginning, I was fascinated with going out dressed up nice. I enjoyed dresses, heels, and showing my legs. I had no idea what I was. I knew nothing and thought I was the only one in the whole world. But after living alone and moving into the role as a woman, I discovered that the clothes were not what gave me solace and comfort.

You just have to find your space and make your peg hole the right size to fit yourself.

Cindi

[geri]

i like the way you think. i'm there. i want to transition but want to look the part too.
to much is put on the gender therapist. i think if WE want to become women ie. srs, ffs, breast and butt augmentation, leave us alone. why the need for a freaking letter?
geri

[laura.lapinski]

I think I will always be trying to figure out what it all means. I can look back at certain things in life and say, "wow, I sure am a women on the inside; look at the way I look in that photo. I look femine." I'm talking about photos taken of me where I wasn't posing. I was just living as my usual self, a male. I never felt I looked fem when the photo was taken, only after I saw it much later. I don't look fem in all photos, but there are some where you can really see the female in me. Every time I am in fem, I imaging myself with a man. More so, many times when I masturbate or make love with my wife I also imagine that. But I don't look at men as sexual objects outside of those situations. I look at women. They really excite me. As someone else said, it may be 50% envy. I get excited looking a womens clothes in the store. I think I look pretty good dressed en feme, and it makes me want to go for it and look completely passable. Perhaps that's why I get excited seeing the clothes in the store--I want to dress in them and look like a women. I used to think it was because those items are associated with women, and I like women. I think this is true, so why do I always think of men in those cases mentioned above? Life's circumstances don't allow me much opportunity to dress up, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it. I have a very good imagination (scary at times). If a CD doesn't look fem enough, I'm not aroused by them. Does this make me a TS lesbian? Or just a plain TS because of the guy fantasies? Like I said, I think I will be in eternal analysis on it. I used to think that since I looked at girls when I was all "jacked up" that that meant I was heterosexual (maybe this is how I dismissed the "being with a man fantasies"). Now I think its much more complicated than that, but I'm not sure what it all means. I'd love to hear anyones analysis of my situation. Thanks
Laura