sandra-leigh
04-15-2007, 09:24 PM
I was cuddling my wife this morning in bed, when she asked, "Why do you have some fake boobs? There are some downstairs?". I, not really being awake, didn't really know what to say. It's not a good time to drop anything heavy on my wife, as one of her parents is ill. But she did ask directly, so what I replied was, "Ah, so that's where they got to."
She asked what I did with the forms; did I wear them? I made some confirming noise. She asked, "Is that all you wear?" and I answered "No". I said something about that it was complex and would take a while to explain, and she said "Yes?" in that "Well, start talking" tone; I said again that it would take a while to explain, and she said roughly "Go ahead and start; we don't get to talk much otherwise" {we've both been busy.}
I've been telling myself for awhile that if she ever asked me about my dressing directly, that I wasn't going to lie about it. And I was telling someone just a couple of weeks ago that I'm really starting to feel like I should tell her... but you know how it is, there's never a "good time" to put your relationship on the line.
So anyhow, we proceeded to have The Talk, wherein I told her that Yes, I dress up in women's clothes. Dresses and makeup and bras and wigs were mentioned. Either then or later in the day she asked about my female name.
She said, lightheartedly, "Don't wear my things"; I replied that I had lots of things of my own. She asked about where I kept it; when I mentioned work, she asked if that was safe, and said that I should put them in the (empty) wardrobe downstairs, and that I could clean out a bunch of my old clothes in the closet under the stair and use that. When I mentioned foundation, she laughed and said that she doesn't even wear foundation, and offered me her old foundation.
She joked about my dressing a couple of times during the day, suggesting for example that I had seen too much Monty Python.
I told her some things about the local crossdressing club, so she knows that there's a social aspect for me. She has been concerned about my not having many friends here, so I think she won't mind my going to the meetings and some of the events.
The key messages of the day from her: (1) she wasn't sure that she wanted to see me dressed; (2) my dressing up was acceptable, but if I wanted to start to live as a woman then she would have to think about it more; (3) that I should be careful to only go to safe places, as she was concerned about the possibility of the equivilent of gay-bashing; and (4) don't spend too much money (I'm consistantly debt-free, so it was more a way of saying "Don't go overboard.") Additionally, I infer that she has some concerns about the degree to which I behave like a woman, which links back to (2).
Thus, at the moment, I don't have permission to dress at home (when she's there), but I do have permission (at least in theory) to dress. The issue of preparing myself at home (while she is there) for me to go out, is one that we have not touched upon yet.
My assessment, based upon her reactions today, is that: a) bringing all my clothes home at once might be a bit overwhelming; b) that likely I'll be able to get permission relatively soon to wear a simple skirt (e.g., my long denim skirt) around the house; c) probably I'll be okay to wear some of my tops as well -- I have a bunch of tops that are not male colours or patterns but are not obviously feminine cut; and d) I don't think she's ready yet for me wearing a bra and forms in front of her, especially not my big forms. (More specifically, I think she might be able to handle me wearing my smaller forms with clothes that don't make them too obvious, but I don't think she'd be ready to actually see the bra on me -- there's a psychological difference between seeing the effect and seeing the bra itself.)
And of course I'm a bit concerned about delayed reactions.
She took it all better than I thought. I did have some clues along the way to suggest she didn't mind some specific aspects involved in dressing, such as wearing some makeup, but "It's okay, guys wear makeup these days" is a somewhat different proposition than, "I wear makeup in order to dress up as a woman."
It is too early yet to tell where she is going to end up on the axis of "What you do in your spare time is your business; I don't want to know the details, and don't tell me about it!" versus being "accepting" versus being "supportive". She did not freak out, and she did not get upset, and she did not go into "Why didn't you tell me years ago?!?!?". I think she's currently at the stage of "it's just clothes and it's just makeup"; I think she might be a bit troubled yet by seeing me "become" a woman.
{By the way, I was right: she did not realize that the underwear I've been wearing in her presence for a couple of years (and which she now prefers to see on me) are women's panties.}
She asked what I did with the forms; did I wear them? I made some confirming noise. She asked, "Is that all you wear?" and I answered "No". I said something about that it was complex and would take a while to explain, and she said "Yes?" in that "Well, start talking" tone; I said again that it would take a while to explain, and she said roughly "Go ahead and start; we don't get to talk much otherwise" {we've both been busy.}
I've been telling myself for awhile that if she ever asked me about my dressing directly, that I wasn't going to lie about it. And I was telling someone just a couple of weeks ago that I'm really starting to feel like I should tell her... but you know how it is, there's never a "good time" to put your relationship on the line.
So anyhow, we proceeded to have The Talk, wherein I told her that Yes, I dress up in women's clothes. Dresses and makeup and bras and wigs were mentioned. Either then or later in the day she asked about my female name.
She said, lightheartedly, "Don't wear my things"; I replied that I had lots of things of my own. She asked about where I kept it; when I mentioned work, she asked if that was safe, and said that I should put them in the (empty) wardrobe downstairs, and that I could clean out a bunch of my old clothes in the closet under the stair and use that. When I mentioned foundation, she laughed and said that she doesn't even wear foundation, and offered me her old foundation.
She joked about my dressing a couple of times during the day, suggesting for example that I had seen too much Monty Python.
I told her some things about the local crossdressing club, so she knows that there's a social aspect for me. She has been concerned about my not having many friends here, so I think she won't mind my going to the meetings and some of the events.
The key messages of the day from her: (1) she wasn't sure that she wanted to see me dressed; (2) my dressing up was acceptable, but if I wanted to start to live as a woman then she would have to think about it more; (3) that I should be careful to only go to safe places, as she was concerned about the possibility of the equivilent of gay-bashing; and (4) don't spend too much money (I'm consistantly debt-free, so it was more a way of saying "Don't go overboard.") Additionally, I infer that she has some concerns about the degree to which I behave like a woman, which links back to (2).
Thus, at the moment, I don't have permission to dress at home (when she's there), but I do have permission (at least in theory) to dress. The issue of preparing myself at home (while she is there) for me to go out, is one that we have not touched upon yet.
My assessment, based upon her reactions today, is that: a) bringing all my clothes home at once might be a bit overwhelming; b) that likely I'll be able to get permission relatively soon to wear a simple skirt (e.g., my long denim skirt) around the house; c) probably I'll be okay to wear some of my tops as well -- I have a bunch of tops that are not male colours or patterns but are not obviously feminine cut; and d) I don't think she's ready yet for me wearing a bra and forms in front of her, especially not my big forms. (More specifically, I think she might be able to handle me wearing my smaller forms with clothes that don't make them too obvious, but I don't think she'd be ready to actually see the bra on me -- there's a psychological difference between seeing the effect and seeing the bra itself.)
And of course I'm a bit concerned about delayed reactions.
She took it all better than I thought. I did have some clues along the way to suggest she didn't mind some specific aspects involved in dressing, such as wearing some makeup, but "It's okay, guys wear makeup these days" is a somewhat different proposition than, "I wear makeup in order to dress up as a woman."
It is too early yet to tell where she is going to end up on the axis of "What you do in your spare time is your business; I don't want to know the details, and don't tell me about it!" versus being "accepting" versus being "supportive". She did not freak out, and she did not get upset, and she did not go into "Why didn't you tell me years ago?!?!?". I think she's currently at the stage of "it's just clothes and it's just makeup"; I think she might be a bit troubled yet by seeing me "become" a woman.
{By the way, I was right: she did not realize that the underwear I've been wearing in her presence for a couple of years (and which she now prefers to see on me) are women's panties.}